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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006-2007 Getting to Know Ya Posts >> I guess misery does love company
        
(Message started by: MathenyMan on Feb 27^th, 2007, 4:06pm)

Title: I guess misery does love company
Post by MathenyMan on Feb 27^th, 2007, 4:06pm

I'll try to make this post as, to the point, and, original as possible. Hello everyone, my name is Adam Matheny. Since yesterday, I've been roaming around this site and I've found more than ever before how much alike I am, in reguards to the CH's of course, to so many people. It's eye opening. I had no idea there was so many of us. Reading about all these terms I've never used before but somehow knew what they meant, medications, symptoms, hinderinces...Anyway...I'm in cycle right now. It's pretty bad. Maybe worse than its ever been. I've got a 24 hour phantom that dares me to try and sleep, and one imitrex shot left. As one of the guys/girls said in one of the intro stories, I wouldnt wish this pain upon ANYone. Somehow though, knowing and reading that I'm not the only one makes me feel a bit better. As a lot of you know, a lot of times releif is not an option, so comfort is the next best thing. Thanks to you all for that. You see, I've been having them since I was about 7 years old so its been ruining my life for a long time now. The thing is, up until this point its only been screwing me in the educational department. Now that I'm 21 its drove me not only insane, and into depression, but now into debt. Working is not an option for me right now. I cant hack it. Luckily, I stay at home still, well, I dont see that I could have it any other way, but my mom works, my father died from an aneurism when I was 3 and my brothers and sisters are moved out so...home alone(most of the time when my mom cant stand me calling anymore) essentially dying and now close to $3000 in debt. What do I do? God forbid anything happen to my mother, but if it did that would be the end of me. What do I do? I more than likely have no job now, I've never had a job long enough to have my own insurance. She is my angel. Only not. Angels live forever.

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by Linda_Howell on Feb 27^th, 2007, 5:18pm

Hi Adam,

You sound very depressed. May I ask you if you have any other medical problem going on besides CH ? Most of us who are chronic have figured out a way around the work situation.

Please stick around here and ask questions or even ask for help. I would hate to see someone so young and at the beginning of his life, give up before he's even started. Cluster Headaches are a MoFo for sure...but they should make you stronger, and more willing to fight for the right to lead a productive happy life.

I can direct you to a site to get your meds free or at a low cost as well as several other places that might help you.

Linda Howell

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by MathenyMan on Feb 27^th, 2007, 6:11pm

The thing is, I just "[/i]really[i]" got into the whole work thing. I guess you can say I was forced into it. I was a full time student until a bad cycle put me into debt. Then I decided it was time to put education on hold so I can take care of some financial obligations. Got a job, didnt bother to tell them, (at my grimey retail job that practically wants you to still limp into work if you've broken your leg) that at any random time I might need to leave work for anywhere between a few weeks or a few months because of headaches. I kinda got the feeling that wouldnt understand/didnt really care anyway. I really hoping I wouldnt have to deal with it. Kinda irresposible, I know. But now I'm having them. Bills are due and I've explained as much as I can to them. Even if I do have a job when I get back I currently cant work and I currently have bills due. Savings is running out and soon. I'll be worse off than I was before. From my experience in the past, its very hard to find an employer, or a job even thats suitable for this condition. What are your occupations?

BTW...I have suffered from depression before.

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by Mattrf on Feb 27^th, 2007, 6:37pm

MathenyMan
I feel for you and wish you better days soon. I am an IT manager and have been doing this for over 20 years, my HA’s started about 4 years ago but I have been able to maintain a job and fight them at the same time. The depression was the worst thing for me but once I got angry enough at myself to fight my way out of it, it has been much more tolerable. There are a lot of people here who can help and who truly understand what you are going through, you just have to hang in there and keep fighting and even as hard as it is to work it can be the best therapy, if you can figure out your HA cycle and when they hit maybe you can find a job that you can work the hours that you are more likely to not have any hits?

PF wishes and vibes coming your way, and welcome to our little funny farm pull up a chair and sit a spell.

Matt

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by MathenyMan on Feb 27^th, 2007, 7:28pm

I guess the last thing for me to do is start my headache journal. I've always gotten over my headaches and never looked back. My recent relapse in hope has been due to the timing and intensity. Its nowhere near when my headaches usually come. Like clockwork I was always absent from the first few months of the new school year but now I have no idea whats going on. Not only that, they appear to be worse. I assumed that as a child it only seemed to be bad because I couldnt take it and as I got older the pain would become more bearable. Not at all the case. Im positively convinced that they are worse now than they have ever been! Its so bad now that in order to open the eye of the effected side it has to be manually pryed. I lose function of my eyelids. Not only that, my hands begin to tingle as though im losing circulation, my legs become weak, I hyperventilate(before I got O2), my jaw stiffins, and well, you guys get the picture...My newest addition, however, to this hellish maddness is....drumroll....My CH's are now abidextreous. They used to be 98.99% of the time on the right. Now, with this cycle its VERY common for me to get one behind the right eye, treat that, and it moves left instead. I've been fighting for a long time now and the fight just got harder. I really dont know how much longer I can do this. Tonight is going to suck. I havent seen my friends(OR family) for weeks now, cause Im stuck to this bed. Im afraid to leave my house. I cant drive while in cycle, cant walk. These normal things are all too dangerous now. What to do...? This cant last forever. What high enough paying job can I get with NO experience, little college, and a bleak future?

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by TonyG1 on Feb 27^th, 2007, 7:35pm

Hi Adam - Welcome aboard! You're mother sounds like a wonderful lady! http://www.websmileys.com/sm/angels/teu35.gif So sorry you're having such a rough time of it! I've had CH close to 20 years and totally understand; however, it will get better! Many ppl here understand and this is the perfect forum to vent !! We've all been there and done that at one point in time and where better than a place where we share your condition and you're among friends !!

Wishing you PFDANs !!

T.

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by MathenyMan on Feb 27^th, 2007, 8:07pm

My limited. yet, reassurring knowledge of the world and the way it works keeps me from looking at this in such a way that can be called optimistic. If this is to make me stronger, why then do I feel weaker with every CH I have? Not just physically. Where does the strength show? Where can I use it? I know I post like this is the last thing this site needs but I good answer to this just may change my life. I am not a hero. I didnt ask for this. Im not doing it for anyone. Not even myself. If I cold quit, right now, I WOULD. No questions asked. I cant see in any way how this has been any good to me. In fact it has been exactly the opposite. A curse. And if Im right, the shits gonna hit the fan real bad at some point. It may not be today or tomorrow. But I it will. Id better eat all the pills and suck all the oxygen I can now. Cause when its time to "be strong" on my own. Its not gonna happen. It has nothing to do with will power, personal strenghth or any of that. I cant just go to work anyway and "fight it". It will literally look like a fist fight. Rediculous. I dont know how bad everyone else's is but, when mine are at their worst, I'll just pass out. Strong or not. I'm very lucky to be where I am right now. Still luck doesn't last forever. I'll try my best, while I'm out of cycle but if I grow to know and love lots of you and randomly you dont hear from me anymore. Luck ran out. Pray for me. Cause there already have been times where I haven't been as lucky as this.

At one point in my life I said to myself 'Adam, this is the best day of your life. Not because of anything in particular that happened today, but because today you are still here' So in essence, everyday you wake is the best day of your life. I wasn't in cycle when I said that. I still do beleive it, now I just found myself at a point of duality. Waking up to a CH can really make you re-evaluate things. Sorry that was so depressing guys...you know how it is...

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by MJ on Feb 28^th, 2007, 12:35am

welcome Adam

So what about your hits how often do they come?
how long do they last?
What do you do about them when you get hit?
Are you taking any meds for CH?
Anything help much?

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by MathenyMan on Feb 28^th, 2007, 1:57am

on 02/28/07 at 00:35:46, MJ wrote:

welcome Adam

So what about your hits how often do they come?
how long do they last?
What do you do about them when you get hit?
Are you taking any meds for CH?
Anything help much?

Now that I'm in cycle, I get about 3-5 a day. They last anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour, with all day "sleep phantoms" (meaning phantoms all day so I wont sleep. If I do try and sleep its an automatic wake-me-up CH. Almost as if its my conscious that keeps it at bay{either that or the CH is an not a very nice person and just doesnt want to let me sleep OR let me acheive 0 on the kip scale}) Right now, I take advil, prednisone, imitrex shots(one more),verapamil, I have some lidocaine drops I dont use, and hours of oxygen tanks (concentrater coming soon). For some reason, things are getting better. Only, I cant tell what portion of the motley gets credit for the eleviation of the pain. I just know somethings working so I continue the routine.

Title: Re: I guess misery does love company
Post by MathenyMan on Feb 28^th, 2007, 5:16pm

hahahahha...im reading that now thinkin...I didnt write that. Sorry DJ. I'll note the bad language usage.