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Title: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:21pm Today I received 4 2nd quarter reports from Lily's teachers. She's failing 3 subjects and has a D- in another. All of them say she's not doing/turning in her work. It's strange, she'll have A's and F's all on the same page. I began to Google about 13 yr old daughter & not turning in schoolwork and I think I hit on the problem. You see, Lily is constantly off in never-never land. You can tell her to do something, or talk to her, and she doesn't acknowledge it. At first I thought it was your typical teenage selective hearing, but this is happening a LOT. She is so very capable of good grades, but I'm noticing she's not very attentive. Anyway, I ran across this page and the part about the "daydreamer" with ADD describes her to a T. http://www.pregnancy.org/article.php?sid=1099 And I bet you every single thing on that checklist would be checked off. Does anyone have experience with a child and ADD? I'm not sure how to go about getting her diagnosed or checked out. Mel...who's feeling like a failure as a mother right now. :'( |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by DennisM1045 on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:28pm Hi Mel, I'm sorry to hear your daughter's grades are slipping. How old is she? Is this a recent thing? Or have her grades always been spotty like this? If it is recent then there is no way this is ADD. ADD is something that shows up early. It's more likely that she's just loosing interest. That's not uncommon with teenagers. I've had to kick a few in the butt myself. My most recent grad, Casey, would get A's in any class where he like the teacher. Classes he didn't like the teacher he was just as likely to fail. Good luck hon... -Dennis- |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Rosybabe on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:28pm Mel you will never be a failure, you are there for her and you are ready to help her , that makes you a wonderful and caring mother. Obviously She is going to need a professional evaluation before you can tell for sure if she has ADD. If she is good in some subjets but is falling behind on others it could also be that she is not understanding what she is being taught. Maybe a tutorial will help her. She has the potencial, maybe she just needs the right approach on those subjets. Remember sometimes the teacher is responsible for the child's grades if the child is not understanding the subjet, she could be needing more time on those subjets or perhaps a different teacher. And again you are NOT A FAILURE!!! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by DennisM1045 on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:30pm on 12/14/07 at 16:28:27, Rosybabe wrote:
on 12/14/07 at 16:28:27, Rosybabe wrote:
And what Rosy said!!! -Dennis- |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Dape on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:31pm Quote:
Dont you dare feel like that mel, the fact that you are trying to figure out what is going on makes you a wonderful mother. The only thing i could sugest would be to talk to the school and find out if they can help in anyway. Hope you get the help you need. Dape :-* |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:33pm Her grades have been spotty like this for the past couple years. Ok, for example, for Literature this year, 1st Quarter grade was an A! Now she's getting an F? She's 13 yrs old and has always had an attention problem. Her mind wanders a ton and it frustrates me to no end. It's like she can't concentrate, only when there is 0 distraction. George- I've read that ADD can also show up in the teenage and adult years too. ADD is commonly disregarded when it comes to girls too. Rosy- the thing is, she understands, she's gotten A's in those classes. She GETS it, she just doesn't remember to hand in her work, is very disorganized and scatterbrained. *sigh* I suppose I'll just call our physician and see if he can refer me to someone to give her an evaluation. Thanks everyone. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:38pm Take a deep breath, Melly and don't you dare question your abilities as a parent. It's more than obvious that you're a wonderful Mom. She's a teenager hon - I'm not sure what happens to them at that stage - but both my girls went through that and they were just fine. There's a ton of stuff on a young girl's mind - and school work just doesn't rank up there with all the other things they fret over. Get her checked out for your own peace of mind - but don't you ever think this has anything to do with your parenting skills. It may be that she's not understanding or simply that she's a teenager and her head is in the clouds right now. Hang in there kiddo. Hugs Carol |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by brewcrew on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:39pm We found the majority of the distraction in school for our son was other students. If you should decide - and this isn't for everyone - check out Monroe Virtual Charter Schools: High School - http://www.virtualdiploma.net/ Middle School - http://www.monroevirtualmiddleschool.com/ They can be at your fingertips too, through Wisconsin Open Enrollment, which takes place once a year, every February. I'm sure Pat will weigh in here soon. She's an expert in this stuff. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Rosybabe on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:43pm Is she getting enough sleep? is she skipping breakfast? if she is tired and maybe a little anemic, all can bring up those problems. IMHO not everything is caused by a disorder but it would be a good idea if she gets that evaluation and also a good medical exam. In the mean time talk to her maybe a journal and a cute agenda can do the trick ;). She will remember to give the teacher her homework if she has a nice agenda to write off of her list :). |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Jonny on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:45pm My Mother would have checked every one of those on that check list when I was a kid. I bet most Mothers today could. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Mosaicwench on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:48pm Mel - welcome to the roller coaster ride of your life . . . . !! She's too old to be tested for IQ (8 and under is optimal) but my guess is she's bored with her studies because they don't challenge her. Dennis is right that ADD would have shown up earlier. By 13 - 16 they usually outgrow it. If she's capable of A's and not getting them then there is something else going on. Don't immediately assume ADD and don't, whatever you do, DON'T let a TEACHER diagnose and label your daughter. They are NOT doctors and shouldn't be doing things like this. I speak from experience when I say the public schools are dumbed down for this kind of student. If they let her fly at her ability level she'd be very involved and the grades would show it. Talk to all her teachers (email is a good way to start) and get them to tell you how she is acting in class. Is she tuning out? talking with friends? eyeing up the hunk next to her? Drawing? She's also 13 and SOAKED in hormones which can cause hearing loss until the age of 22 (or so I'm told).;) This could be a factor. You might observe how she processes YOUR instructions to her. If you write them down does she do them without fail? If you speak them to her does she fail at the task? You might be dealing with an auditory processing disorder - can't make (much/any) sense of spoken directions. And all of it may come down to being 13 and testing her limits and trying on hats (hats like underachiever, misfit, etc.,) Teenagers are a breed unto themselves and unfortunately don't come with a manual . . . . And I can't tell you how many times I questioned my fitness as a mother - Brew can attest to that. It's when your KID tells you you're a lousy mother that really strikes bone . . . . teenagers can be evil! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by echo on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:52pm I've had three that were on various doses. You are not the problem Mel. You are her adult mind to the solution. My experience and challenge was to find a doc who did not have the knee jerk "med em" response. You will be able to find a way to help her keep her attention to task when it is required. I have one who only needs a med when cramming for a test, or needs to stay on task for a special project over a weekend. (I'm sure I would have been a Ritilin poster child in the 60's). |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:56pm Rosy, she's eating breakfast, getting 9.5 hours of sleep every night, she's happy, healthy, etc. We've tried having a planner but she filled in things for like 2 days and then forgot about it. She's always forgetting!! It isn't until I take every single thing away from her, Gameboy, TV, computer, not letting her go to friends houses, etc., that she brings her grades up a notch, but as soon as I give a little bit of leash, they start to slowly slip again. :( She's a good kid, very bright, happy, well adjusted. I just want to help my baby!! :'( |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Karla on Dec 14th, 2007, 5:08pm Mel, you can go to a phycologist or neurolgist for ADD diagnosis I believe. Two of my three kids saw a pediatric neurologist and were diagnosed when they were five with ADD. They basically say do you think she has it. Do the teachers think she has it. If so then here is a pill. Take this. It is hard to diagnose unless you have good teachers input. I would talk to them and get their feedback first. Second, my youngest son who definetly does not have ADD would not turn his homework in for nothing from the time he was 13 to 18. He went from straight A's in middle school to A's and F's in High school. He just would not hand in his work. He would do most of it just not hand it in and miss deadlines. He flunked his freshman year and had to take summer school all four years in order to graduate in the summer of last year. When he came home from boot camp he appologized for putting us through hell and wasting so much time in his life by not getting things done and handed it. He realizes now how stupid it was. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Rosybabe on Dec 14th, 2007, 5:09pm and you are helping her by loving her :-*, you know that.. but she is also 13...you may need to tight the leash a little bit again...until you get the Doctor results back and stick to a routine. I am saying all this because my Mom had the same problem with my little brother. He kept missing things at school, not writing down the homework and forgetting his stuff and of course next day he could not find it. I lost count how many times he lost his jacket ::) and notebooks. Has was around the same age as Lily, he is 16 now and he is getting a lot better, he only lost 2 jackets this year, that is a record! and his grades are great! . Sometimes the kids need a little firm push. But if the push is given with love and care it will work a lot better than medicine. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Jonny on Dec 14th, 2007, 5:15pm on 12/14/07 at 17:08:10, Karla wrote:
Then they jack the kid up on ritilan? That is so fucked up its beyond belief!!!!! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Karla on Dec 14th, 2007, 5:19pm I couldn't agree with you more Jonny! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Tiannia on Dec 14th, 2007, 7:46pm on 12/14/07 at 16:21:01, Melissa wrote:
Mel I had the same problem with my daughter while I was preg and up to 2 years after my son was born. I had the schools try and get me to put her on Meds and I refused to do that because I knew that she really did not need it. I went over her home work with her everynight but she would not turn it in, and then she would hide it in her desk or back pack or room, so she knew that she was doing something that was not acceptable. My daughter is 10 now and still has the same issue at times. She just zones off and really does not think about anything. Even to the point tat she will look right at me sometimes and answer me but it is like it does not connect in the brain that she is even talking. It took us sitting down with her teachers, her dad and I and Shara in the same room and confronting the issue. Talking to Shara and explaining that we knew that she was smarter then this. That she knew that she was smarter then this. and taking the time to set up a plan with the teacher that we had a nightly progess report that said if she turned in her homework and paid attention. The teacher signed it and I signed it every night. One of those cheat 50 page 1/3 sheet journals. If I had questions or concerns then I could write them in the jounral and it got Shara to start paying attention to the little details. Honestly I would try that with her first. Work with her and her teacher / school staff to come up with ha plan before you end up sticking a label on her that she might not really need. If they will not work with you, then you and Libby come up with a plan. Make her be responsible for her actions. Set up everything. What she loses if she does not get this this and this done, what she gains if she does it all week long right. But if she has a decent teacher, then they should be willing to meet with you. /huggs Tia I know the feeling of being a horrible mom. But you are not. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Karla on Dec 14th, 2007, 8:21pm Those daily correspondance forms from the teachers where they have to sign off on if the homework is handed in really does help. It is an effort on the teacher and parent. Mostly the parent to follow up and get on the child if the work was not handed in. Bottom line is that is what helped Chris to graduate. I was just bumbed out that they waited until his Jr. year to activate it. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 14th, 2007, 10:05pm on 12/14/07 at 17:08:10, Karla wrote:
OMG Karla, THIS is Lily!!! When she got home from school today, I had a talk with her. She is just either not doing her work because she forgets to bring it home, or she does her work and forgets to hand it in. Tia, same thing! Where can I get those sign off sheets from? I am seeing that Lily has a problem with organization and remembering. What can I do for her, other than the sign off sheets, to help her memory?? Right now she is grounded from her gameboy and computer for a month. I also explained to her that there is always a chance she'll have to repeat the 7th grade or we'll have to homeschool her. She did NOT like those prospects to say the least, lol. Anyway, I am going to try and grill it into her head every morning that after each class, she is to put her homework into her backpack so it'll be in there for when she comes home. She was completely honest with me about the homework thing, and that she doesn't remember she has any until just before getting of the bus. We now really know the problem, and need to work on a solution! I've already emailed her teachers to get some feedback, so hopefully this is a step in the right direction. The LAST thing I want to do is put my daughter on meds. I was too quick to judge about the whole ADD thing because I felt at a loss and didn't know what to contribute her actions to. Now that I've had time to calm down and think things through, I see things more clearly. Thank you ALL for being here for me!!! You don't know how much I appreciate your input and care. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by DennisM1045 on Dec 14th, 2007, 10:07pm on 12/14/07 at 16:48:16, Mosaicwench wrote:
This is some great advice and is pretty much what I was going to write after you answered my original questions. Nice job MW. Sounds like the voice of experience to me ;) If she responds to restrictions then you have to be consistent and keep applying them. My 16 y/o has spent more time without the computer and a cell phone than she has with it. If she delivers the grades she gets rewarded. If not, she goes without. It isn't easy being a parent. Especially when you are still having little ones. Our oldest is 26 and our youngest is 5 so we're there with you. So, talk to her teachers, talk to her Dr but it sounds to me like she's just being a 13 y/o. I said somewhere here that with teenage girls I begin to loose IQ points when they turn 13 and don't regain my former genious status till they turn 21 ;;D Good luck Mel. It sould like she's a normal teenager to me. -Dennis- |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Jonny on Dec 14th, 2007, 10:09pm Your a great Mom, Melly......never forget that! You hear me?......I hear me! :-* |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by nani on Dec 14th, 2007, 11:19pm Yes, melly, you are a wonderful Mom. From my experience: ADD and ADHD are 2 different issues. ADD kids are spacey, forgetful and disorganized. They are not hyperactive nor do they exhibit behavior problems. Ritalin, and other stimulants really help kids (and adults) with both ADD and ADHD. If she has it, she should find life getting easier on the meds. Teachers are not qualified to diagnose, but their years in the classroom can help them identify kids at risk. Ask Lily's dr for feedback forms (there's a name for them that I can't remember, LOL) Her teachers will fill them out, and so will you. The dr will look at them and it can help him decide if she may have ADD. If she doesn't, Ritalin will not help at all. Generally you can tell whether it's helping within a few days. It's possible that she's bored, but I think she's the kind of kid who wants to please... so she may be struggling instead. Not with the content, but with the follow through. Let me know if I can help in anyway. hugs, nani |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Charlie on Dec 14th, 2007, 11:31pm You do fine Mel. She's a kid. Give her some time to find something else to bug you. I'm with Jonny too. No pills. Charlie |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Jonny on Dec 14th, 2007, 11:50pm Rating scales, surveys, questionnaires, checklists, and profiles are all being given to children, and even adults, today by teachers, mental health providers, doctors, and parent’s. These are sadly being marketed misleadingly to the public as valid tests in determining a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. BTW: Theres no more "ADD"....The new term is "ADHD" Its the same thing but they add a twist to sell more drugs......Google it! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by nani on Dec 14th, 2007, 11:58pm I think it's unfair to not research all the potential treatments, should a child have this. Trust me, if you give a kid who doesn't have ADD (which is attention deficit without hyperactivity) or ADHD (attention deficit with hyperactivity) the results are disastrous. Imagine giving amphetamines to an already active or difficult kid. Meds are not meant to replace structure, good parenting or good teaching... they just help the kids conform to it. I got my ADD diagnosis at 43 years old. Had I been diagnosed as a child, it would have saved me years of feeling like (and often being told I was) an airhead, space cadet, flake, waste of potential, etc. I still struggle to function without meds, as I don't take them regularly, just when I have to function well for an extended period. Have her evaluated, do your homework, and include her in any decisions that have to be made. Often, ADD kids get "special ed" status. Not the short bus kind, but the kind that will have her, her teachers and her parents designing a plan for her success. love ya, nani |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Jonny on Dec 15th, 2007, 12:01am Look at this check list.....is there any kid you know that dont fit that? http://www.pregnancy.org/article.php?sid=1099 ADD.....ADHD was made up so the docs and drug companies could make more money.....shit, the teachers could get rid of the trouble makers out of their class. Who the fuck in their right mind would jack a fucking 8 year old up with ritilan? Who? The drug companies......get it? Docs make money for pushing it and the teachers get rid of bored children I know, its rocket science to some of you. ::) |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by midwestbeth on Dec 15th, 2007, 12:48am Mel, I'm going through the same thing with my daughter Katie right now. She has mandatory tutoring (provided free by the school) everyday after school. If she misses a day she will get detention. I get weekly lessons emailed to me by her teachers so I can remind her what is due and when. It's frustrating..............I can help her and support her, but she must do the work herself. I would also have your daughters hearing checked by an audiologist and her eyes checked by an opthomologist. Kaite has mild to moderate hearing loss. If there is background noise or she is not looking at you when you speak, she will not hear and can completely tune out. I had no idea of the hearing loss and niether did Katie, because that was all she ever knew. Katie was reading lips and I didn't really ever notice until the Dr. pointed that out. IMHO ADD is overdiagnosed, especially in boys. Kids shouldn't be drugged into submission. Changes in habits, routines and even counsoling by someone qualified should be considered before I would put any kid on Ritilan. Finally, you are not a failure as a mother. It cannot be more obvious that you love your daughter and care about her success in school. This is just one part of the joys of motherhood ;) Plus, your preggers and thats just the hormones talking :P Beth |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by George_J on Dec 15th, 2007, 1:39am on 12/14/07 at 22:05:15, Melissa wrote:
Mel, for what it's worth, Ellen did the same sorts of things from time to time--particularly in middle school. One of her counselors wanted to put her on Ritalin, and suggested that she might have ADD. That kid has the longest attention span of any human being I've ever seen. ::) Sometimes it's absolutely creepy. ADD my foot. We refused. Bottom line is, she just didn't want to do the work as assigned. She always had plenty of time for the things she wanted to do, though. Wasn't ADD, or ODD or ADHD, or CB&Q and the Lackawanna too, it was just plain mulishness. Somewhere along the way, she outgrew it--although being a regular person, she is still sometimes unenthusiastic about particular things she has to do. Keep after Lily, remind her of the homework she has to do, and keep in close touch with her teachers--let them know that you want to know right away if she has any missing assignments. Sometimes, I think, they just need a little extra monitoring for a while. JMO. Best wishes, George |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by purpleydog on Dec 15th, 2007, 4:55am on 12/14/07 at 19:46:55, Tiannia wrote:
Mel, It sounds like she knows exactly what she is doing. I believe you are right to take away her computer, and games, because she improves when you do. Tia is right, this needs to be her responsibility. That is something we all have to learn, for some people it is harder. It sounds like she knows she has to turn in her homework, and just chooses not to. When I was watching my nieces and nephew after school, my nephew had the same book the teacher signed off on, and his mother too. I would pick the kids up from school, and he would"forget" to bring his book home to sign, and "forget" his backpack with homework in it. But he never forgot where his games were, and he never forgot where the books were that he was reading for enjoyment. I would not wait for him when he forgot his homework, he knew he was supposed to have it, but since it was his responsibility, I couldn't waste my time waiting for him to go run to get it. So, he got in trouble as soon as he got home, and was grounded (per his mom). No priveleges, no book reading, and had to clean the entire house, which he sorely complained about, but did. He only forgot his books twice, those first two times. It could be that she does need more challenging work. I had that problem in school, I would work ahead of my class, and take the classes, but I was bored silly in most of my subjects. I even took some college courses when I was a junior and senior in high school. It's all up to her. But it sure wouldn't hurt to have her checked out by a doctor. And you are a great mom!! Of course you are. :) |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by sandie99 on Dec 15th, 2007, 6:26am Mel, you're a great mom, don't worry about that part! :) I think it's a great idea to have both school and the parents involved. And check each evening what homework is due the next day, check if its been done and if the books/notebooks/whatever are in the bag. Back in here there has been a lot of discussion if the teachers are too busy to notice if one student is falling behind. I was lucky; I had plenty of "old school" teachers teaching me; they believed in making sure that everyone was following and if they didn't, that pupil got extra help right there and then. I can relate a bit to the part about good teachers and good grades: one great English teacher inspired me to fall for this language for life, whereas scary math teachers (and never forget, my mother) made me hate math for life. But I loved history so much that I really didn't care that I had two very odd teachers teaching it back in junior high and high school. Sanna |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by BarbaraD on Dec 15th, 2007, 7:47am Mel, Right before a kid hits 13, the lobotomey (sp) fairy visits and I'm not sure when things go back to normal, but with hormones raging and all the stuff that goes on in a teen's head -- things just CHANGE! It's NORMAL! Any parent who's lived thru a teen has experienced it to some extent. I'm with Jonny on the drugs -- my Buddy just lost interest in Literature (if he ever had any). If he happen to like a subject or the teacher we got A's - if not - well... whatever. He stayed grounded from most things until he was grown, but passing was about all he managed - unless he decided to make an A to show me how smart he was (and the bad part was - he WAS smart). To date, no one has really gotten in to the teenage psyche, so we're not sure what motivates them, but they just dance to their own drummer. I spent a lot of time with teachers (one on one - not by e-mail). And although my hair is gray and my fingernails were bitten to the quicks - Buddy managed to graduate (and even got a couple of scholarships) from high school and graduated from college and has become a productive member of society, pays taxes and has produced an heir. SO THERE IS HOPE OUT THERE -- DO NOT DISPARE! Seriously, honey, this is a "phase" and it will get better. Kids are just kids. Just stay calm and keep the communication open. She's probably just trying to get some attention because of the new baby. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by deltadarlin on Dec 15th, 2007, 9:56am She may or may not have ADD, BUT if you don't at least look into it, you could be setting her and yourself up for many long years of frustration. Maybe Sarah was a different child than most of those on here, but we never went through the *spacy/not paying attention stage". Doesn't Lily take karate? I would talk to her karate teacher too. And another thought, rather than *punish* Lily, have you tried rewarding her for doing *right*? As parents, sometimes we're quick to punish when other forms of behavior modification would work much better. I have used punishment. However, when Sarah was much younger, she had a good bit of difficulty with math. Rather than punish her when she was struggling (and we did work on math year round), I set up a reward system where she earned *points* for doing things like she was supposed to. It actually worked better than punishing her because there was something tangible that she was working toward. As to overlabeling of ADHD/ADD, that is true, BUT, for those kids who are truly affected by this disorder, when they are diagnosed, it can be a lifesaver for everyone involved. 'darlin |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 15th, 2007, 12:22pm I appreciate everyone's advice. Really I do! I think what has happened, is that I have become too lax in structure with my daughter. Because she IS such a good kid, she gets privilages and I have got to realize that she still IS a child and does need guidance and structure in her life. She gets rewarded for doing good and things taken away for shirking her responsibilites. I talked to her this morning again about a sign off sheet, and she's like, "mom, I'll put my homework in my bag RIGHT AWAY after each class!". Made me laugh inside really, as she doesn't like to seem "needy", especially in front of her friends. She's got a reputation to uphold ya know. ::) [smiley=laugh.gif] Anyway, I'm going to become a human memo for my daughter and also give her lots of jobs to do at home, hehe. I understand now why my mother was a pain in my ass for those teenage years. It's cause we have to be. BTW, as for Karate, that's a whole nuther story, but let me say that she grads to black belt in May '08. Then she's DONE! edited to add: right now I am feeling like the evil mother this morning because I made Lily do the dishes. Cripes. Why do I always feel guilty for making her do stuff that I used to, usually do?? This sucks! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by deltadarlin on Dec 15th, 2007, 2:25pm I'm really surprised that her sensei isn't taking note of her grades. Most if not all of the dojos around here require school kids to keep their grades up and quite a few require that the kids bring their grades in (not just by their own words). *I* might have a talk with her sensei and get him on your side with this. 'darlin |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by E-Double on Dec 15th, 2007, 2:54pm First of all hugs ! You start off looking at motivation Then organization If there winds up being difficulty after modifications have been made then we look at the distinct possibility. Even if, meds may give the edge where one can attend but then they need to be taught the skills so that meds may be decreased and eventually eliminated. Good luck and be consistent :-* |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 15th, 2007, 4:33pm E2, thank you hon. A plan of action sounds good and I will be consistent. :) 'darlin- Her Master is not getting this report. Her last report card she had one D- in Social Studies. The rest were mostly A's & B's with 1 C. Since we do not live in the area where she goes to class, it isn't like he can work with her consistantly as he has a LOT of kids he's training. I put her in the class to begin with to help her confidence, self esteem and to learn how to defend herself. It has accomplished those 3 things. As for the Master, well, there are things about him that I will not get into. Lily is almost done and we're counting down the days. Then she gets to be a kid/teen again!! We are already talking about having her join the swimming team at the high school aquatic center as swimming has always been her 1st love. Her problems with the constant forgetting is because I've dropped the ball. If I get back on it, she does better. I've seen this happen before. She just needs that motivation. I was panicking and wanted some help and a sense of family. I got that and thank everyone. I hope I do the same for everyone else. I don't know what else to say anymore. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by lionsound on Dec 15th, 2007, 6:58pm on 12/15/07 at 16:33:48, Melissa wrote:
Yes, you do mel :) [smiley=hug.gif] P.S. This week I gave my oldest two a talk(they'd call it a lecture..lol) on being responsible for themselves and paying attention. And how it's a skill they learn now to use their whole life. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Jonny on Dec 15th, 2007, 8:19pm on 12/15/07 at 04:55:49, purpleydog wrote:
Do you have children? |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by catlind on Dec 17th, 2007, 8:26am Mel I went through this for years with Andrea, who is also 13. She is a very intelligent student, and when in grade 1 they said they wanted to test her for ADD/ADHD I said ok, but I want an IQ test as well. Needless to say, I was blacklisted by the school because her IQ was gifted and her ADD was borderline. Andrea learns in a different way than other students. Her mind is 10 thoughts ahead of her mouth (or her pencil). We finally did go ahead and go with ADHD dx and meds in 5th grade - Strattera - the only non stimulant drug available that I'm aware of. Andrea is a high activity kid, there is no pill in the world that will make her sit down and shut up - period. So I won't try. A big part of all this was her teachers. Some teachers did fine with her, others couldn't handle the high maintenance. We are now going through it with Ayden, and again, I said sure, we'll fill in the paper work, and I want an IQ test. Again, the school psychologist was hesitant. I made it a requirement. Either way, Clark and I both have to fill out forms, then there's the BASC-2 (behavioural) form and then the teacher and a counsellor has to fill out a form THEN I take it all to my pediatrician and talk to her. If you are interested, I can give you a list of things you can do that can help her that do not include meds. Low sugar diet, limiting red dye 41, caffeine - some principals will take highly suspicious ADD children and have them drink a mountain dew and it will settle them right down, vitamin b complex - not just a multivitamin and magnesium at bedtime. There are more if you are interested. Let me know. Don't beat yourself up over this, the key here is to teach her coping skills for the best opportunity for success in school. There are many ways to do that without drugs. Cat |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Monty on Dec 17th, 2007, 10:25am on 12/14/07 at 16:48:16, Mosaicwench wrote:
That was my first thought - my daughter hit a patch of academic difficulties shortly after puberty. She out-grew it. Keep reading, keep looking for possibilities and strategies to help her. But give the ADD a lot more thought before buying into it. It may just be growing pains. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by brewcrew on Dec 17th, 2007, 11:26am on 12/15/07 at 16:33:48, Melissa wrote:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I think Mel might be trying to say here is that we've kind of done this one to death, and that it's probably best to let it go. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Tiannia on Dec 17th, 2007, 1:38pm Sorry Mel was away from the house all weekend. I got my daughter a simple Day Planner. One that shows the days of the week on 2 pages. And she had to write out what her homework assignment was and when she completed it she had to let me see the work and I signed off that she did it, then when she turned the homework in she get her teachers signature. At first the teacher did not want to do it, but she began to see that by taking that little extra time, how much it was helping Shara to stay focused on her job. When we moved here to OR, I did not set up something like that for Shara right away because she had asked me if she could start fresh here without people knowing that she had issues before. About 2 months after being here there was a Parent Teacher Conference. In the class, for kids that needed it, she had set up a point system and part of that system was for turning in homework, it being legible and neat, etc. Shara had asked her if she could go on the point system because "I do better when I can see what it is that I am working towards." So something must have helped after 3 years or just feeling like I was beating my head into a wall. Maybe what Lily needs is something a bit more tangible, rather then this is you grade that you will get 6 months from now. Make it about today only. If she can see her goals and the rewards / consequences right away, not something that is in the future like summer school. Eventually you can get her thinking a week ahead and so on. /huggs Tia |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by aprilbee on Dec 17th, 2007, 1:55pm on 12/15/07 at 00:01:01, Jonny wrote:
I agree 1000%.... Mel, check you PMs... :) |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by brewcrew on Dec 17th, 2007, 2:03pm Or, maybe I'm just completely out in left field. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Tiannia on Dec 17th, 2007, 2:04pm Brew Mel had asked me a questions earlier in the thread and I was not on the Internet to answer her, so I wanted to let her know what it is that I used to help my daughter. |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Melissa on Dec 17th, 2007, 2:08pm Brew, it's OK, lol. I just said that because I had no more explanations. ;) Tia- NOW I understand how the sign off thing works! I had gotten Lily a planner, but 2 days later it was left on the floor of my car and completely forgotten about. I see though how it can be used as a "sign off". Thanks for the tip! This is what we're going to do if my hounding her doesn't work. :) April- Thanks hon! |
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Title: Re: I think Lily may have ADD... Post by Tiannia on Dec 17th, 2007, 3:25pm For Shara and I hounded worked for a little bit but then it god bad again. So the planner with her having to go to me or her dad and her teacher, then as a pattern started to show where she was being consistent in turning in her work, then she was getting bonuses in class. Teacher saying how great it was that she was getting everything in on time or before it was due, and at home with reinforcement from dad and I. So she really finds that she wants to keep this up. I hope it helps you all. Takes a lot of work to get her started, and a lot of reinforcement, positive. If she forgets a day, then you have her get both days signed. Until is starts becoming second nature. /hugs Mel. You are a great mom. Tia |
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