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Title: Wondering... Post by Jill on Dec 2nd, 2007, 12:31pm Hey all... I don't usually post on this part of the board or at least not that much but I hope that no one minds that right now. I am just wondering right now what has happened to human decency and respect. How can you go from helping someone (support, some money, more support) to having them stab you in the back? Right now I am hurt and I feel like an utter fool for devoting so much time and energy in helping and worrying about this person when they seemed to just be using me. I know that this is the internet so you cannot trust people a hundred percent and I am probably crazy for trusting this person as much as I did but still it was not right. I am not sure why I am posting this here but I am, I really hope that you all don't mind. On a side note, if anyone feels that I have done this to them than I am deeply sorry. I would never have done this on purpose and I hope that no one would ever feel like I have. Thanks for listening guys. Jill |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Jonny on Dec 2nd, 2007, 1:08pm Some people just suck, Kid.....you live and you learn. Just keep walking the road of life, but remember what you have learned! ;) |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by kayarr on Dec 2nd, 2007, 2:10pm Don't let something like this harden your heart either. It all works out in the end. The reason for helping another should be pure and with no strings attached. That way we are all responsible for our own attitude. You did the right thing. You are not responsible for someone elses actions. You can hold your head up and be proud of yourself. (((Jill))) |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by DennisM1045 on Dec 2nd, 2007, 2:14pm Don't change who you are Jill. Just learn to trust that inner voice a little more - you know, the one that kept telling you something was up. If it don't feel right it ain't right. Jonny's right, people do suck. Just don't let them make you jaded. -Dennis- |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by kayarr on Dec 2nd, 2007, 2:18pm on 12/02/07 at 14:14:18, DennisM1045 wrote:
Yes, trust your gut. |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by BarbaraD on Dec 2nd, 2007, 3:17pm HOney, don't let it get you down. You did what YOU thought was right. The guilt should be on the other person - let it go.... it probably won't be the last time it happens. You just follow YOUR conscience and do what you think is right and you'll come out best in the end with no regrets. And there aren't that many really BAD people out there - they just move around a lot. ;;D (and we've all been right where you are - trust me). Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Charlotte on Dec 2nd, 2007, 3:22pm don't become jaded. there are good friendships here, and not all your friends will like each other. If you have been used, don't let that harden your heart and make you pass on the next person who may really need you. Charlotte |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Callico on Dec 2nd, 2007, 7:37pm Hi Jill, Remember the lyrics to "The Rose" by Amanda McBride (I think) ... "It's the dream afaid of waking, that never takes a chance. It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot learn to give. And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live. Don't get to the point of being afraid of being taken by someone else. Do what you think is right regardless of what another's actions are. Once you have seen that they are not what they pretend to be you have no obligation to continue to help, but don't turn someone away because you are afraid they will be like someone else who hurt you. Jerry |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by kimh on Dec 2nd, 2007, 9:01pm I used to jok'ingly say "everyone takes a beatin"..... it's how you come out that is up to you*** The old saying that "it builds character" is true. Things happen to us in life and people let us down. We always have a choice when the day is done as to who we'll be when the sun comes up each morning no matter what. When ya look in the mirror, you know the truth. :) Well wishes from stinko ;;D |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Ray on Dec 2nd, 2007, 9:12pm Mean people suck... I'm sorry that you've been hurt Jill, I really am. Don't let that one spoil the kinship you have here. With best wishes, Ray |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by LindaM on Dec 2nd, 2007, 9:55pm To avoid being ripped off by "friends" in the future, limit you generousity to friends that you have known most of your life and who have proven to be reliabe; even with such people, ask them to allow you to look into whatever situaltion if is that they want you to invest your money in. Make sure that they have tried getting a loan from a bank...if tht is turned down, then it might well be unwise to invest any money. If you still choose to help, give only a small amount of money and no more that $100. Have them give you an IOU which should state the ammount borrowed and when it is expected to be paid-with this you can take them to court. When you present such a package to someone wanting to borrow your money and they moan and groan, they may try to soften you up by sayting things like: I though that you were my friend! "I shouldn't have to sigh a loan agreement to get money from a friend!", etc., etc. I would tell them that borrowing money and being a frilend are two differetnt matters. If they don't like it, and want the money but not the repayment agreement, well, you haven't lost a friend, just a leech. Even with friends, you should only loan what you can affored and never more than $100-200 and if that doesn't get paid back when due, never loan money out to anyone again-believe me, they will find a way to get the money from someone else. Good luck in the future and it is my hope that you will not suffer much fiancially from |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Annette on Dec 2nd, 2007, 10:02pm [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by cootie on Dec 2nd, 2007, 10:43pm I'm not sure what happen'd.....but.......we have been generous in the past to help people in need......and it's sort of backfired on us. It's taught us to be very cautious and it does ruin the mood of helping when asked......but guess we have to learn from our mistakes but it doesn't make it HURT less nor is it any more fair. We supported a poker run for a friend that had hospital bills from a back injury. They had a good turnout and we went on the run. Know what the guy did with the money they raised ? Got all the custom chrome he'd been wanting for his custom bike !! He bragged to Brad about it......he didn't apply it to bills or anything and we found out he had insurence that paid sum of it anyhow !! Then the guy had the BALLS to expect US to do it again for him not long ago when his debt and bad doings caught up with him !! We did NOT do any fund raisers for him.....he ended up pissed at us and moved south to mooch of family telling people he was so dissapointed our group didn't try and help him. He lost his house but he KEPT HIS BIKES !!! We've given money to other families too in the past and found out later they had good insurence and were doin ok.....so now days we have to really THINK about it. Sum people learn how to be career 'manipulaters' !! We just passed the hat for a friends family last nite at our groups Xmas party.....HOPEIN we did the rite thing !!! Betray'd by trust Pam |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Callico on Dec 2nd, 2007, 11:09pm I never lend money to anyone for any reason. If I feel it is a worthy cause or a need and I have it available I will give it freely. Then if it comes back I am blessed, but if it does not I don't have any reason to hold a grudge because it was given. That does not mean that I just give it out without considering the circumstances, but I weigh them out before hand and then leave the results to them. It takes away any expectation from the friendship, and it also makes it much easier to say no if they come back a second time after wasting it the first. Jerry |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Charlie on Dec 2nd, 2007, 11:32pm Quote:
Nicely put Jonny. You never get a break....you'll get around this Jill. Rant some more. It's good therapy. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by sandie99 on Dec 3rd, 2007, 6:05am Jill, I'm so sorry that you've got hurt. Don't let it change how you feel about life and other people in general; then the one who hurted "won". There are much more people who are worth your trust and caring. Don't forget that. And don't let that bad experience poison your mind, either, because that will hurt only you and that is not worth it! Lots of hugs, Sanna |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by Jill on Dec 3rd, 2007, 6:46am Hey Guys... Thanks so much for the kind words and for understanding. You guys are great! I have learned a very valuable lesson here and it is one that I will definitely remember! And not to worry, it won't harden my heart or cause me to not help others. I am stronger than that but I will be more careful. I was not so upset about the money aspect as it was not that much, it was more of the taking the time to help this person out, worry about them and so forth. It takes a lot of energy to do that all of that... you know? And to have that person just take advantage of that, well that burns. I did not go into this expecting anything, so when it popped up it was a pleasant surprise. I think that I just put too much trust into people sometimes and that is something that I have to work on. So lesson learned and life goes on I suppose. Thanks again for the kind words.. Oh and mean people do suck. ;) Jill |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by BarbaraD on Dec 3rd, 2007, 6:59am But there is another side of the coin Jill -- let me tell you a little (true) story. Some years back a classmate of mine got into a big bind. Her son had AIDS and she had all kinds of problems, not the least of which was trying to work 12 hours a day and take care of him at the same time. She needed help and wouldn't ask for it. Some of our classmates got wind of it and went to work. We gathered enough money to build a bathroom on her house (she was having to "carry" her son down a hall at the time) and some of the guys built it (without her consent I might add). Anyhow we "helped" her thru the ordeal until after her son died. A few years later, at a reunion, one of the guys came up to me with tears in his eyes and showed me a check written by her. She'd given it to him and told him she was back on her feet and wanted to give something back now. It was a "large" check. We keep a class fund to help classmates who need help and it went to help someone else. It's things like this that keep you helping others. Just wanted to share that one with you. There are "good" folks around. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Wondering... Post by sandie99 on Dec 3rd, 2007, 11:21am Barb, that was a lovely story! Thank you so much for sharing it. :) Hugs, Sanna |
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