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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> Heres a fun little tutorial
        
(Message started by: Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:11pm)
Title: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:11pm
I like #'s 10 & 17 best  ;;D

http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee223/assaultu2/housewife.jpg
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Jonny on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:13pm
[smiley=headbanger.gif] [smiley=bigguns.gif] [smiley=bigguns.gif] [smiley=bigguns.gif] [smiley=headbanger.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:23pm
Get over yourself dicksplat -  ::)

THE GOOD HUSBANDS GUIDE

* Always make getting and keeping a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, bonuses and the potential for prestigious advancement your number one priority in life. Remember always that you have a wife and children who need your financial support, and that it is your responsibility to provide for them to the best of your ability.

* Always arrive home refreshed and happy - put your bad day or your confrontation with your boss, the traffic, the crowds or the physical exhaustion you might feel aside and try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you possibly can. Your wife has been struggling with the children and the housework all day, she does not need to hear about how bad your day was.

* Be prepared to help with household chores when you get home - let your wife relax or talk on the phone since she has been dealing with these problems all day. Make supper for her often, and offer to clean up afterwards so that she may rest and feel appreciated.

* Do not bore your wife with stories of the troubles you faced at work today. Remember that you are lucky to have a job and that many other men would be happy to trade places with you. Remember that it is not masculine to complain or let worries trouble you. Your job is to provide, and whatever you must go through to achieve this is part of your lot in life. A good husband knows that he is lucky to have a wife at all, and that a woman wants a strong, silent man she can depend on.

* Never expect your wife to have contributed to the smooth operation of the household. She has had a busy day and cannot be expected to provide meals or clean clothes for you. Never insult her by asking her to do such things while you're out earning money. Be mindful always that your wife may think you are being sexist if you ask her to help make a home for your family as part of your partnership.

* Be prepared to account for your whereabouts every minute of the day, including an explanation as to why you were away from the phone when she tried to call or why you were unable to chat with her for twenty minutes when she did get through to you. You must always put her interests first, and be mindful of her natural suspicion about her husband's activities. A good husband knows that men can't be trusted, and that a wife has every reason to believe you will hurt and humiliate her.

* Do not grumble or gripe about handing over your paycheque to her - she is in control of your finances and knows better than you how to spend or invest your money. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you will - you have a family to think about now, and their needs must always come before your own.

* Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. She leads a hectic life and needs to feel listened to and appreciated. Never suggest ways in which she might solve whatever problem is vexing her. You need only listen; your suggestions are likely insensitive and unfeeling anyway. And do not counter with complaints of your own. She would love to have the chance to leave the house and work, she does not need to hear about how difficult your job is.

* Be prepared to give up your weeknights or weekends to whatever projects or socializing your wife has in mind. If she has determined that cleaning out the garage or painting the upstairs bathroom would be the best use of your time, never complain that you would like to relax or pursue personal interests instead. She has every right to expect that you will make repairs to the house or help her redecorate during your time off. Do not be so selfish as to ask for personal time. You are a family man now, you do not have the luxury of personal time.

* Always be prepared to take over in caring for the children when you get home from work. Your wife has been busy all day and deserves some quiet time. Allow her to watch television or chat with her friends on the phone, go shopping or simply relax. They are your children too, and it is unfair of you to expect to come home from a twelve hour day and simply put your feet up.

*  You are just a man. A good husband knows his place.

Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:29pm
Somehow I knew the old battle ax would retort  [smiley=laugh.gif]

CHen's 12 O'clock Cap'n ...fire the anti-estrogen missiles  [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Linda_Howell on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:31pm

  "A good wife always knows her place"

 Yep.  At the head of the House,  AND the Senate.

Most likely as the head of the household too,  seeing's that the husband has probably run off with a bimbo he  met on-line and can't be bothered to help out with mundane things like supporting the family.   >:(
 
 
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:36pm
Remember Helen: "men are hungry after work" You MUST have dinner ready.

Even something simple like Prime rib, baby carrots with garlic butter and twice baked potato...don't put too much cheddar... a man doesn't like his potato too cheesy. And always put a garnishment on the side.
We don't like to come home to a hastily prepared meal.

 Also, if you could get his slippers and pipe ready, that will be all for now.  [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:43pm
Just remember to keep your fork Dave - SO YOU CAN BLEEDIN FORK OFF YOU DIM- WITTED NEANDERTHAL!  :P

Oh-  and drink your coffee sweetheart *smiling sweetly*
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 5:45pm
Why does this coffee taste like curry? hmmmm.....
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Jimi on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:01pm
How did my generation go so wrong. It changed under my watch. For you younger guys, I am sooo sorry we let it get to where it is today. ...sigh... ;)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:02pm
I want to know the web address to the site where you can get a bimbo to run off with.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by George_J on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:06pm

Quote:
Be a little gay, and a little more interesting for him.


I find that slightly troubling.

Best,

George
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:08pm

on 11/22/07 at 18:02:55, Groov wrote:
I want to know the web address to the site where you can get a bimbo to run off with.



Here you go honeybun - this is where YOU belong  :-*

http://www.myspace.com/the_ex_daves_club
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by artonio7 on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:13pm

on 11/22/07 at 17:31:28, Linda_Howell wrote:
  "A good wife always knows her place"

 Yep.  At the head of the House,  AND the Senate.

Most likely as the head of the household too,  seeing's that the husband has probably run off with a bimbo he  met on-line and can't be bothered to help out with mundane things like supporting the family.   >:(
 
 

and maybe even the presidency in 2008
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:48pm
http://sk2.saugus.k12.ca.us/animations/retired_woman_shaking_head_md_clr.gif

Oh Dave...you really stepped in it this time.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Linda_Howell on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:54pm

 
Quote:
I want to know the web address to the site where you can get a bimbo



    sometimes it's right under your nose, other times you have to search for about 2 seconds.  They're everywhere Dave.  Unfortunetly   :-/
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:58pm

on 11/22/07 at 18:48:24, Redd wrote:
http://sk2.saugus.k12.ca.us/animations/retired_woman_shaking_head_md_clr.gif

Oh Dave...you really stepped in it this time.

Doing what I do best  [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 6:59pm

on 11/22/07 at 18:08:57, LeLimey wrote:
Here you go honeybun - this is where YOU belong  :-*

http://www.myspace.com/the_ex_daves_club

Yawn, I thought you would send me to the  "dominatrix lesbian biker chic" site.....
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 22nd, 2007, 7:03pm
Redd that pic is effin hilarious!

Dave - I'm not sending you to a site you go to all the time silly arse!  ::)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Linda_Howell on Nov 22nd, 2007, 7:10pm

 
Quote:
Redd that pic is effin hilarious


It really is.... [smiley=laugh.gif]  I can't tell you how many times I've sat at my computer and did just exactly THAT.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by HeadhurtinMama on Nov 22nd, 2007, 7:26pm
May I take a moment to point out that Dave is single, so perhaps he needs to rethink this a bit...   ;)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 22nd, 2007, 7:28pm
Sheesh Bridget!! What are you doing?!!

What have other women done to you that you'd want to inflict a bloody "Dave" on them?!!  :o  ;)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by brewcrew on Nov 22nd, 2007, 8:17pm

on 11/22/07 at 17:23:20, LeLimey wrote:
* Do not grumble or gripe about handing over your paycheque to her - she is in control of your finances and knows better than you how to spend or invest your money. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you will - you have a family to think about now, and their needs must always come before your own.

Because it's the man's job to earn the money and the woman's job to spend it - she's just better at her job than we are at ours.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by brewcrew on Nov 22nd, 2007, 8:18pm

on 11/22/07 at 18:13:16, artonio7 wrote:
and maybe even the presidency in 2008

Because she is, after all, the smartest woman in America.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Linda_Howell on Nov 22nd, 2007, 8:29pm


    THIS:



Quote:
"men are hungry after work" You MUST have dinner ready.  

Even something simple like Prime rib, baby carrots with garlic butter and twice baked potato...don't put too much cheddar... a man doesn't like his potato too cheesy. And always put a garnishment on the side.  
We don't like to come home to a hastily prepared meal.

 Also, if you could get his slippers and pipe ready, that will be all for now.      



 Could be a REALLY big deciding factor in why Dave is single.  Methinks he'll be getting his own dinner, slippers and pipe for a looong time to come.   [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 22nd, 2007, 8:30pm
I found that gif a while ago and knew it would come in handy someday.  

I feel that way alot of the time 'round these parts.   [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 22nd, 2007, 8:32pm

on 11/22/07 at 20:29:09, Linda_Howell wrote:
    THIS:



 Could be a REALLY big deciding factor in why Dave is single.  Methinks he'll be getting his own dinner, slippers and pipe for a looong time to come.   [smiley=laugh.gif]


Me thinks you are right Linda.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 10:14pm

on 11/22/07 at 19:28:27, LeLimey wrote:
Sheesh Bridget!! What are you doing?!!

What have other women done to you that you'd want to inflict a bloody "Dave" on them?!!  :o  ;)

Take it easy there girls. Theres enough me to go around. Now go get me a beer Edith [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 10:17pm

on 11/22/07 at 20:32:38, Redd wrote:
Me thinks you are right Linda.

PFFFFT, quit thinking so much, you got laundry to do  [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 22nd, 2007, 10:23pm

on 11/22/07 at 20:29:09, Linda_Howell wrote:
    THIS:



 Could be a REALLY big deciding factor in why Dave is single.  Methinks he'll be getting his own dinner, slippers and pipe for a looong time to come.   [smiley=laugh.gif]



CHens gone wild  [smiley=laugh.gif]
You girls are gonna have ta settle down or I'll give y'all a spanking and a strawberry jelly lube  [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 23rd, 2007, 4:04am
Dave my precious - we only want you as a lesson to others who may err in a similar fashion  ::)

You have been a huge help to Redd and me for a start though hasn't he Redd? Suddenly - single seems the best option there is!  ;;D
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 23rd, 2007, 7:14am
Single is a very nice thing to be Helen dear.  Very nice indeed.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 23rd, 2007, 7:33am
BTW Redd - if ever you see me being nice to the above-mentioned pillock please arange to have a full blood screening done for me won't you? I'm afraid I'd be REALLY sick and in need of medicating  ::)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 23rd, 2007, 8:00am
You got it Sis.  These men need to know THEIR place.   ;;D
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by PollyPocket on Nov 23rd, 2007, 9:16am
http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/angry021.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

that lil tutorial made my head explode
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 10:33am

on 11/23/07 at 09:16:18, PollyPocket wrote:
http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/angry021.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

that lil tutorial made my head explode

loosen up Jen, it's for fun you know.  It gives Helen & Redd a chance to sharpen their CHen skills  ;)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 10:34am
Stop using British stuff Helen...pillock...what the hell is a pillock?
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 23rd, 2007, 10:45am
My skills are quite sharp, thank you very much.  It your meer male brain that is dull.   ;;D
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:01am

on 11/23/07 at 10:45:57, Redd wrote:
My skills are quite sharp, thank you very much.  It your meer male brain that is dull.   ;;D


Whatever, at least you didn't call me a pilliock or a wanker or a bleeding bloody wassock....sigh
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Jonny on Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:20am
Ladies, just keep dancing so we know where you are (Tremors ;;D )

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=0181130adc
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:31am

on 11/23/07 at 11:01:49, Groov wrote:

Whatever, at least you didn't call me a pilliock or a wanker or a bleeding bloody wassock....sigh


Thats because Helen corners the market on those wonderful phrases.  An American just can't do justice to that sort of honest humor.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:47am
Look here you blithering idiot - just be grateful I didn't call you a big girls blouse or a shirt-lifting, brown nosed steamin' great NELLY!

You know what? You almost make our Ting Tong look attractive to me - shit I need a drink!  ::) ... and now you've made me say SHIT! Oh fuckit!  :P
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 11:58am
I think y'all DO need a ting tong....or a wing wang or ding dong...oh bloody hell  [smiley=laugh.gif]

Nothing wrong with a little shirt lifting
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:05pm
Blinkin' bloody hellfire!

NO WOMAN NEEDS A SODDING TING TONG! EVER!!! HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?! He ALMOST makes you look appealing - ALMOST! Yewwwwww!!!

Bloody chutney ferret  ::)
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by LeLimey on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:07pm
IKE!!!! If he asks you - explain NOTHING!

I know where you live!  ;;D
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:26pm
ting tong, Mr. tinky winky, chutney pie, you talk like a man with a paper ass, wanking ruddy vacuous twit... y'all are speaking French  [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:30pm
Well, here is Helens dream man...Ting Tong. He looks like our "meatloaf" the musician:

http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee223/assaultu2/tingtong.jpg
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:41pm
British urban slang for a male homosexual who lifts his shirt to enable sexual access to another of the same sex anal intercourse.

 Well not being gay, I don't know all the tricks.

But if you think lifting someones shirt gives access to the prize you seek....huh, I guess y'all's shirts are different than ours. You would have to remove the pants too. Simply lifting a shirt alone would not allow you to reach your goal.
 

 But hey, ya might as well say: "sing to the Vicar" about as common here.

 Here is one "blumkinku" go look it up...it's a dandy [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:52pm
http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee223/assaultu2/tingtong.jpg

Looks like you accidently posted your first date photo Davey.   Looks like the secret didn't stay in Vegas this time.
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 12:55pm
Yeah Redd, but I thought you wanted to keep our date a secret [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Redd on Nov 23rd, 2007, 1:33pm
Go ahead and think it was me dDave.  It's your fantasy you make it as good as you want to.  Just don't let that gal of yours hear about it.  She looks like she could whoop your ass. ;;D
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Groov on Nov 23rd, 2007, 1:47pm
It was you. You attacked the buffet...killing three & injuring 12  [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Heres a fun little tutorial
Post by Charlie on Nov 23rd, 2007, 9:44pm

on 11/22/07 at 17:23:20, LeLimey wrote:
 ::)
You are just a man. A good husband knows his place.


Beer me. http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/crazy.gif

Charlie


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