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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> 20 Years? WTF???
        
(Message started by: B14CK5H33P on Sep 16^th, 2007, 6:06am)

Title: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by B14CK5H33P on Sep 16^th, 2007, 6:06am

September of 1987 I began having clusters. I never envisioned it ruling what I would become. I have been a musician since age 10, and was sought after by many bands.

February 1998 I went chronic, and all of the treasures I collected as a musician and also as an industry rep quickly became spoils. I lost everything... including myself.

Now at 37, I am unable to get on a stage like a 60 year old rolling stone, and even with my head to the grindstone am stuck in the ghetto. I do internet radio which, is alot of fun - but alot of work, which I don't get paid for. I almost quit this week... but when mentioned my frustrations, I had several people tell me that "I am the reason they stay home on sunday nights." So I decided that if I can't bring music to people in the fashion I most want to (as a musician onstage) then I will continue making noise through cyber-airwaves. I am in the process of doing demos for what will be my first and probably final actual album due to physical problems and limitations.

Plus... I am determined to make music, even if it is just a hum or whistle. And also, as I've learned as an international DJ - there are still so many self righteous ass-o-holes to piss off left to quit. Not to mention, I've ran out of towels to throw in. I'm not the person I thought I would be, but at this point feel like even if I had it all - if I die tomorrow, who actually gives a damn?

If I can make a difference to any sole being in this life, then mine is complete because to the world we are all just one person, but to one person we may be the world. And if I can make an recompense for any mistake in this life I will try, and if not... fuckit. I made it 37 years, and have buried more friends than I have been alive in years... so I am grateful for every painfree moment I have. And for the pain to come... I have Jesus in my heart and Satan in my fist! I wish it on noone though there are so many that deserve much more.
I've ate enough humble pie to give years of bellyache - but am done bitching about it. 20 years chronic of CH have taught me one thing: life is not fair and if anytime you think life should be fair remember... life is NOT fair.

I'm done saying "why" and just resolved with "just because" and have learned that when you hit the wall, you can either break, or breakthrough. I'm beyond being broken, but still trying to break through.

I used to wonder how people wound up in the hood like I live in now. I wa never THIS courious to know. In fact, I saw myself on many different stages at this time in life, but not this one.

I don;t get to post much often anymore, as I am backed up with stuff to do musically. And I am determined with every breath I have left in me to make music.. even if I am reduced to just whistling in a chair. Not to mention, since I have become an international DJ, I have learned there are still so many people left in this world to piss off with a dose of reality. ;)

Peaced,
Carl D

Title: Re: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by DennisM1045 on Sep 16^th, 2007, 8:06am

Hey Carl,

You keep wistling and we'll keep listening. PF wishes to ya brother.

-Dennis-

Title: Re: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by phil_h on Sep 16^th, 2007, 8:13am

Congratulations... or what every is appropriate to acknowledge your survival and determination to breakthrough............ You are an inspiration to shorttimers , like myself . I hope you continue your journey with the great courage and strength you have already demonstrated..... May pfdan's be found in abundance.............. phil h

Title: Re: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by sandie99 on Sep 16^th, 2007, 9:13am

Good to see you post, bro. Rock on. ;)

And now when we don't have TV, I might be able to persuade my best supporter to listen your show.

PF days,
Sanna

Title: Re: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by phil_h on Sep 17^th, 2007, 9:43am

Not a typical radio show last night........I hear your frustration............ I'll tune in again....pfnad's phil h

Title: Re: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by Charlie on Sep 17^th, 2007, 8:13pm

Good to hear from you and your post sounds good; very good and I'm glad you're doing what you can for others and yourself

Keep at it Carl

Charlie

Title: Re: 20 Years? WTF???
Post by Kevin_M on Sep 17^th, 2007, 9:04pm

Glad you're ROCKIN' Carl.

Can a cartoon be far behind?

Adventures of B14CK5H33P Int'l Airways,
a 21st century Clutch Cargo.

A spinoff of

http://fusionanomaly.net/blacksabbathcartoontitle.jpg

The Soylent Scene http://fusionanomaly.net/saturdaymorningcartoonsgreatisthits.jpg