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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> How truthful is too cruel?
        
(Message started by: JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:38pm)

Title: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:38pm

Here's the dilemma:

There is an older gentlemen from my area whom I met on myspace. He's been kind enough and pleasant to talk with until recently.

He's lived in this area all of his life, but after knowing me just a few months, he said I was becoming his best friend.

Knowing that the situation has been stressful, he offered to let me stay at his cabin in the mountains to get away from things-- except him of course.

He then said he was going away for the weekend and "needed a sailing partner" hint hint hint. I ignored the comment and told him to have a good time.

He came back and said that he wished I'd been there. I didn't respond.

He posted the subject: Painting, but when I opened it he asked me to go out for a drink with him sometime this week. When I asked what the hell painting had to do with that, he said he put the subject up to get my attn. :-/ I said it was best to keep the friendship online only

I've already told him on more than one occasion that I am NOT INTERESTED, but his comments are starting to creep me out. Question is: I don't want to hurt his feelings, but his comments are starting to creep me out! What do I say to make him back off without hurting his feelings?

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by thomas on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:39pm

I think it's time to "block" him.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:43pm

shoold I tell him to back off or I will block him? I mean, he has been really nice but here lately, i'm getting that weird "alarm bells" feeling. Nothing I can fully define, cuz he comes back with he just wants to be friends. Still........

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by thomas on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:46pm

You've stated the friendship should be online only, and he is still trying to "meet" you. I'd give him one more chance, but after that...... gone!

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by LeLimey on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:53pm

Jen I got contacted by an older guy who was on your myspace and mentioned you being his friend - so I added him.. I wonder if its the same one?

He hasn't been inappropriate with me in any way but maybe he was trying to get more about you from me? Who knows - I don't use myspace much as you well know!

My view is - creepy. Cut him off at the knees.

Anyone who doesn't obey the "back off" message is out the door in my book. Don't worry about offending him - this probably isn't the first time he's done it and he is manipulating you by appealing to your nice nature.
Its more trouble than its worth honest lovey

lots of love
Helen xxx

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Jonny on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:56pm

on 08/20/07 at 17:38:45, JenniferD wrote:

What do I say to make him back off without hurting his feelings?

Thats an easy one...."Fuck off you old freak!"

That should do it. ;;D

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by cynjeep89 on Aug 20^th, 2007, 5:59pm

Tell him that you are married. Tell him again that you are not interested and to stop the B.S.

Trust the negative vibes that you are getting and snuff this situation out before it gets out of control.

If you have to hurt someone's feelings to protect yourself then I say do it. He has no problem trying to pressure you and is making you feel uncomfortable so apparently he is not too concerned about you, right?

There are way too many creeps out there, Jen. Please be careful.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by john_d on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:07pm

on 08/20/07 at 17:43:29, JenniferD wrote:

I mean, he has been really nice but here lately, i'm getting that weird "alarm bells" feeling. Nothing I can fully define, cuz he comes back with he just wants to be friends. Still........

Easy, block him. Hello?

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:08pm

Helen, I looked on both yours and his and didn't see either of you on the other. But that would be something he'd do. He asked the lady at the store up the road from me where I lived (he knew that I knew her, that was our "connection")

Jonny, you may be right! Polite doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe spouse should let him know?

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Jonny on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:35pm

If your that worried about his feelings, I could just kill him for you and there will be no worry. ;;D

Lemme know ;)

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Racer1_NC on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:36pm

on 08/20/07 at 18:08:09, JenniferD wrote:

Maybe spouse should let him know?

Tell him to back off, then block him at the first hint of the same BS. Tell him yourself.......means more that way. Nothing second hand.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:45pm

ok, how's this:

"Online friends are fine. But understand this: I don't appreciate being "duped" to coerce me into opening a msg. And I thought I made it clear that I don't have any intention on going away with you anywhere, so you shouldn't be telling me you wish I was there or hinting that you need a travelling partner, because its not me. Don't go there again, K? "

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Racer1_NC on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:50pm

on 08/20/07 at 18:45:33, JenniferD wrote:

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:52pm

PERFECT Bill! Consider it sent!

Someone keeps checking my page every few minutes, so Im sure its him.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by john_d on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:57pm

good luck reasoning with your 'friend' that you have intuitively thought maybe dangerous, the same guy who wants you to go live in his cabin deep in the woods away from everyone but him and that keeps paging you every few minutes. Sounds like a great opportunity.

Sorry to be so sarcastic, just boggles my mind a little.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Jonny on Aug 20^th, 2007, 6:57pm

Oh man....theres no death threat in that message....bummer! ;)

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by chewy on Aug 20^th, 2007, 7:07pm

Remove from your "friends" and block him.

He'll move on.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by nani on Aug 20^th, 2007, 7:13pm

Block him.

Girls are raised to be polite, and to try never to hurt someone's feelings. We bring that into womanhood. So, even if alarms are going off... we hesitate... just in case we are wrong. We wouldn't want to hurt a "nice" guy's feelings. :-/ So many women are victimized because of that...

Fukem... and stay safe.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by UN solved on Aug 20^th, 2007, 7:19pm

Trust your gut feelings and instincts. Block him now. Who needs all the extra drama anyways ! If he was a real catch, he wouldn't be using MYSPACE to meet women.

Block him now and don't look back !

Goodluck'

UNsolved

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Ray on Aug 20^th, 2007, 7:34pm

I agree with many responders so far. The ammended message that you propose is best. Anything beyond that, block him, bar the door, and be on the watch for creepy people hanging around the property.

These days, there are too many psychos out there (they've kicked them out of the institutions, don't ya know?).

We love ya Jen, we're family and we want what's best for you.

Ray

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 8:02pm

Told ya he was watching! Here's his response:

OK. You just lost a friend. I was under the mistaken impression that you could use a friend. I know I always need new friends. My mistake. I'll see you around sometime.

deleted and blocked. Period.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Racer1_NC on Aug 20^th, 2007, 8:14pm

on 08/20/07 at 20:02:09, JenniferD wrote:

About what I expected. Ya done good.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Charlie on Aug 20^th, 2007, 8:15pm

Quote:

OK. You just lost a friend. I was under the mistaken impression that you could use a friend. I know I always need new friends. My mistake. I'll see you around sometime.

He is the one that lost the friend.

You're supposed to meet at McDonalds first, not a cabin in the woods.

Good move Jen.

Charlie

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 20^th, 2007, 8:22pm

Pretty damn defensive for someone who just wanted to be "friends", wouldn't you say?

Thanks for the advice y'all! And I am DAMN GLAD I didn't dismiss the "alarms".

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Redd on Aug 20^th, 2007, 8:27pm

My space is natorious for the "less than desirable" sort of people.

Jen I knew right away when you said "the bells went off" that you would do the right thing.

Now if only my hearing would get better...LMAO. Just kidding.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by cynjeep89 on Aug 20^th, 2007, 8:55pm

Jen....always listen to "the alarms", gut feelings, etc. It's hard to do sometimes because we always want to second guess them but our first instincts are almost always right.

Stay safe and just be a little more careful for a while....this guy seems to be pretty creepy especially since you mentioned that he was asking the clerk at the store about you. You might want to tell her to not give out any information about you to him if he asks again.

Sorry about the "Mother Hen" Syndrome here but I love ya way too much to take the chance of anything happening to you.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Mosaicwench on Aug 20^th, 2007, 10:51pm

My only advice is to tell the woman at the store NOT to tell him where you live.

Yikes. :o

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by catlind on Aug 20^th, 2007, 11:31pm

Does he know you have CH and would he go looking around here to see if he could learn more about you? If so, this thread has certainly let him know that you are a well protected and off limits member - Jonny will see to that ;)

Glad you listened to the alarm bells, it's never a good idea to ignore instincts when dealing with people on the net - you never know who you will meet - us crazy folks are a classic example ;)

Cat

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Brewcrew on Aug 21^st, 2007, 8:00am

Find a picture of Lorena Bobbitt and post it.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Brewcrew on Aug 21^st, 2007, 8:03am

Like this:

http://www.crimelibrary.com/graphics/photos/criminal_mind/sexual_assault/severed_penis/2-1-Lorena-Bobbitt-after-re.jpg

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by JenniferD on Aug 21^st, 2007, 9:10am

LOL Brew! And just look at that smiling face ;;D

I know I did the right thing and if he comes in here where I work, I'll make sure he understands what I mean when I say YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

Yes, he does know where I work and that I have CH and come on here. As I said, everything seemed harmless enough for several months; however, reading thru past msgs, I now can see some discrepancies that went unnoticed before, and little "red flag" comments that I missed.

Its best that he just move along.

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by phil_h on Aug 21^st, 2007, 9:15am

Good for you... Set and maintain boundries to your life ....nobody else will ........... phil h

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by TomM on Aug 22^nd, 2007, 5:55pm

on 08/20/07 at 17:43:29, JenniferD wrote:

i'm getting that weird "alarm bells" feeling.

Trust your gut...some times you have to hurt people to get thier attention.
TomM

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by Jonny on Aug 22^nd, 2007, 6:03pm

on 08/22/07 at 17:55:22, TomM wrote:

some times you have to hurt people to get thier attention.

Dude, that speaks volumes! ;;D

Title: Re: How truthful is too cruel?
Post by TomM on Aug 23^rd, 2007, 5:32pm

Every now and then I have a moment of clarity and out of that spew pearls of wisdom.
Do NOT read into that whatsoever.
TomM