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Title: Histoy Lesson children... Post by BarbaraD on Jun 13th, 2007, 7:17am For those that don't know about history...Here is a condensed version... Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the onservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the mestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by klusterkopf on Jun 13th, 2007, 8:03am "I know several people on food stamps who SELL their food stamps to buy drugs. And I'm not saying that I don't buy them for half price. someone is going to. Why shouldn't I get some of my tax dollars back? "- Barbara D. And conservatives developed moral relativism-if you can get away with a crime, do it and blame the victim (but make sure that you go to church every Sunday!). |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by Kevin_M on Jun 13th, 2007, 8:06am What did you learn in American history today Skippy? Well, beer was discovered and then came politician parties. While two parties were arguing, Canada stole the beer. |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by kayarr on Jun 13th, 2007, 8:27am on 06/13/07 at 08:06:44, Kevin_M wrote:
Dang those Canadians! [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by LeLimey on Jun 13th, 2007, 9:24am For the benefit of new people klusterkopf/ pisskopf/Scheissekopf/pimmelkopf is our resident troll. He serves no purpose except to confuse, obfuscate and distress posters while providing a wealth of misinformation of his own. The best response to him is no response. All we do is inform people as best we can that his posts are unsound. |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by Maffumatt on Jun 13th, 2007, 10:00am The ever watchful eye of Helen, our guardian angel. Glad to see you back, now pass me a beer. |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by kayarr on Jun 13th, 2007, 10:03am on 06/13/07 at 10:00:45, Maffumatt wrote:
The Beer is in Canada ;) |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by LeLimey on Jun 13th, 2007, 10:23am I've got your beer Matt - where the bloody hell are you?! :P |
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Title: Re: Histoy Lesson children... Post by Maffumatt on Jun 13th, 2007, 1:30pm Sitting here waiting on my friggin beer, jeez is this gona take all damn week or what?,,, |
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