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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> Ironic Day
        
(Message started by: Ray on Jun 1^st, 2007, 1:27am)

Title: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 1^st, 2007, 1:27am

Hello Everbody:

I've had an ironic day, and as it is probably not good to keep these things to myself, I thought I would share with my fellow clusterheads. I hope you don't mind.

Back in late January, I was picking up some soda at a small convenience store. While parked there, a semi decided to make a U-turn in the little parking lot and totalled my car. Then fled the scene. Thank God I was in the store with my 8 year old. Fast forward today.

I received a supoena to go to court as a witness to this hit-and-run, but of course, I didn't see the hit-and-run, being in the store and all. It took 2 1/2 hours to convince the prosecutor to let me leave. I finally leave and head to a local mental health assessment center.

I've recently discovered that I've been depressed for 20 years or so, and more so for the last year. I'm not homicidal or suicidal, but lately it has become harder and harder to function. This assessment process takes about 2 1/2 hours and in the middle of it, I get hit hard with a Kip 8. I excuse myself from the intake person to take a shot of Imitrex, and come back, but it's slow to work, about 15-20 minutes. Try dancing with the beast in an 8x8 foot office, knowing that they could decide to make me a temporary resident in the rubber room. Oh, and the intake person hasn't a clue about cluster headaches.

Then I decide to take on the local Social Security office. In the 90's, I was on SSDI (disability) for about 5 years, but I decided to try to go back to work in 1998. It's been feast or famine, lately more famine than feast. Back in early December, I reapplied for SSDI. It took until about 10 days ago to get their response. Denied.

The object today was to obtain copies of the medical records that they based their decision on. I found them to be incomplete and the MD who reviewed the records frequently referred to the DX as migraines. I find it interesting that they ignored the notes stating that I have up to 8 CH per day and that could not be migraine. They ignored the increasing discussions with my doctor about depression, sleep disturbance, anxiety, and agitation and only recommended that I avoid working on ladders and using hazardous machinery. Now I have to try to get the more complete information before Social Security and have them reconsider my case. I am looking at another 2 months, minimum for them to reply.

In the meanwhile, I have no income. If I take some lousy job and earn over $860/month, I will become not be considered for disability.

Thanks for listening!

Wishing you PF days and nights,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 1^st, 2007, 3:05pm

I'm thinking about checking in to the local mental health place for a few days, due to depression/anxiety. If I don't add more here for a few days, that'll be why.

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by tanner on Jun 1^st, 2007, 3:26pm

Ray, I am very sorry to hear this :'(.

while I can relate to much of what you are going thru let me just say that we will be here when you need us :)

........Tim

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by aubmari on Jun 1^st, 2007, 4:44pm

Hang tough! [smiley=hug.gif] I hope things get better for you sooner than later.

aubmari

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by taraann on Jun 1^st, 2007, 5:07pm

Sorry things are so bad. Hang in there Ray I hope things get better. Are you on any anti depressents/anti anxiety meds?

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by john_d on Jun 1^st, 2007, 5:23pm

on 06/01/07 at 01:27:46, Ray wrote:

I've recently discovered that I've been depressed for 20 years or so, and more so for the last year.

This part actually sounds like good news to me, it means you will go from untreated to treated and your life will most likely to improve over the last 20 years very soon. The meds they have now will get you over the hump and the therapy will cause permanent positive change. Good luck Ray.

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by fubar on Jun 1^st, 2007, 5:29pm

Ray,

Welcome to the SSDI game... the process is designed to weed out people. I hope you have enough stamina to get the benefits that you deserve. It's not designed to be easy.

Best of luck,

Fu

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 1^st, 2007, 5:32pm

Hello Everyone:

I'm waiting for my ride. I have support from my wife and kids. No harm to them or to me, just need the help. It's hard to reach out when I'm so used to fixing everything myself.

Time to let down my guard and get the help. I love this place for the people, such as yourselves, who are so wonderful and understanding.

Please pray for me, or whatever you can muster, that I come out of there equipped for life.

Thank you all so much,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by taraann on Jun 1^st, 2007, 6:13pm

It's hard to realize but so true ..... that it takes more strength to accept and ask for help than to not. You are exhibiting amazing strength Ray. Please keep us posted as much as you can! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers Ray.

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Racer1_NC on Jun 1^st, 2007, 6:26pm

on 06/01/07 at 17:23:47, john_d wrote:

I couldn't have said it better. Discovery, treatment, better life.

Ray, you have my admiration......many never admit there is a problem...nor seek treatment. You've taken a big first step. It WILL get better.

Bill

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Charlie on Jun 1^st, 2007, 8:26pm

I applied for SSD in 2005, was of course denied at first, reapplied and won't know until the end of the year. I was told that I had to prove that I was being treated for epilepsy in 1972 in order to qualify. Since everybody is dead it's hard to narrow it down to that date but I spent a lot of time getting hospital records showing that I was being treated for grand mal seizures in the 60s and later in the 70s.....not good enough. They tell me I need to prove 1972 and it would have been no problem if I applied then. I would have been accepted easily.... Sounds a little iffy to me. Working on this more lately.

I told them that because I decided to get along on my own as long as possible and in effect be a good citizen for more than 30 years by not feeding at the trough, I take a beating.

Not happy.

Charlie

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by HerbLady on Jun 4^th, 2007, 7:38am

Hello, everyone...I'm Ray's wife.

He asked me to come here and let everyone know how he's doing. He did check himself into a mental health facility, and I was able to see him yesterday.

I think he's doing better...it's hard to tell because he's so emotionally drained...he's "flat"...

He's had two headaches so far since he went in, and, of course, they didn't have his imitrex on hand for the first one. I guess they thought it would be just fine if they ordered each injection separately from the pharmacy when it was needed. Sounds logical, I suppose...until you've seen firsthand the agony he goes through waiting for some orderly to hand-deliver the meds. Now they have it stocked at the nurses desk.

They started him on Cymbalta on Saturday...he's had rotating weekend staff since he got there, so there's no real continuity...he's supposed to see the doctor assigned to him sometime today...I'm guessing that's when the real treatment will begin.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done...walking out that door and leaving him there...

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Lotus on Jun 4^th, 2007, 7:53am

Hello HerbLady and welcome to the family,

A great big hug to you and thank you for being a supporter. Its one of the hardest jobs in the world and its often thankless.

Thank you also for letting us know how Ray is doing. We have been praying for him since he posted the thread. I am happy to hear that he has checked himself in as he will be receiving the assistance that he needs.

One thing about CH and hospital is the ignorance of the medical staff about how to deal with CH. Please make sure the medical team treating him know about it and what is supposed to be done for him if he gets hit. Sometimes as a carer you may need to speak up on his behalf.

The journey to heal from mental health problem can be a slow, long one with a few dips in between, but the hardest step of it all has already been conquered. It took great courage and determination to do what he did. You can be proud of him. With time, things will improve and he will be happier and it will benefit the CH as well.

In the mean time, please look after yourself. Dont worn yourself out. Do not hesitate to drop me a line or an email if you would like to share or chat. I have been in your shoes being a supporter therefore its safe for you to dump it on my shoulders. Talking and sharing with people who understand can really help unload the pain and the pressure.

Sending prayers and hugs and all the best wishes.

Annette

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by john_d on Jun 4^th, 2007, 12:12pm

Good luck Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by kcopelin on Jun 4^th, 2007, 7:09pm

Dear Ray and HerbLady,
Our thoughts and prayers are with y'all. Depression is nothing to mess around with and I am so glad Ray got help. Now, you dear lady, do not need to be the invincible she-bear. PM me anytime, rant vent whatever you need to do. We already know you're incredible-you're a supporter.

Warmest regards,
kathy

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by HerbLady on Jun 4^th, 2007, 11:57pm

LOL ..."invincible she bear"...LOL

That's exactly what I felt like going in there to see him tonight....lol...a growling, hungry, mean-assed she bear...roflmao

I don't think I can be anything else...he's mine...mine to protect, mine to help, mine to advocate for...and if they screw up that Imitrex one more time, I'll take the place apart. She bear? Maybe. Y'all haven't had time to get to know him like I have. He's a one of a kind treasure. He's the love of my life...he IS my life. Put that with the fact that I don't trust doctors, mix well and add the fact that they've screwed up his Imitrex 3 times out of 4...I went in there ready to bang heads together.

I went prepared though...I took in an article on cluster headache from the Mayo clinic...two copies...one for the doctor and one for his chart. We pulled his nurse aside and made him go through Ray's chart and treatment plan with me...then I gave him the article...he's going to punch holes in it and put it on the FRONT COVER of Ray's chart...so each shift can't help but see it...hopefully, they'll read it.

He looks better today. He doesn't have that "flat" look anymore...there's a light in his eyes again. He's still having headaches...it looks like he's settling into a schedule with them...one around 10 pm and one around 10 am...he's got a few that try to start up in between, but the oxygen knocks them down.

No word on when he'll come home, but I got to see him smile a couple of times, so that's encouraging. I live for that smile...

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Shaz on Jun 5^th, 2007, 5:54am

Hi Herblady. Just read your last post and it really got to me. God it really hurts when someone you love so much is in such pain and there is not a damn thing you can do. You just want to protect them.

I really hope Ray gets the help that he needs.. The sure thing is though that he has you and it sounds to me like you are a tower of strength. Keep being there for him. He knows for sure how much you love him but make sure you look after yourself too. Its so easy to forget about yourself and wear yourself out. Use everybody hear to rant and rave, that what we are all hear for.

You and Ray are both in my prayers.

Love Shaz xx

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by HerbLady on Jun 5^th, 2007, 2:29pm

HE'S COMIN HOOOOMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'S COMING HOME, HE'S COMING HOME, HE'S COMING HOME!!!!!!!!

He just called me...they're releasing him NOW...he's got to run down to the pharmacy, and do some final paperwork and gather his belongings, but HE'S COMING HOME!!!

Happy Dance!!!

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by taraann on Jun 5^th, 2007, 5:04pm

So glad for you guys! I hope they helped!

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 5^th, 2007, 6:10pm

Home safe and sound. More when I get a chance. I love you guys!

Wishing you PF days and nights,

Ray ::)

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Jackie on Jun 5^th, 2007, 6:13pm

Good deal, Ray & HerbLady..... :D

It's gonna get better & better.... :D

Jackie

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Lotus on Jun 5^th, 2007, 9:31pm

Big hugs to Ray and HerbLady :-*

Now its time to relax and be with each other, dont worry about us, we can wait ;)

God bless

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by George_J on Jun 6^th, 2007, 2:21am

Welcome back, Ray. :)

Best wishes,

George

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 6^th, 2007, 12:02pm

Short update:

Feeling a little less flat, going out to run a couple of easy errands with my wife and youngest son. I'm not up to telling my story yet, but I'll get there some time soon. My best to all of you and my sincere thanks for the PM's, postings here and even a phone call!

You all are great, and I thank you for your support!

Wishing you pain free days and nights,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by HerbLady on Jun 6^th, 2007, 6:22pm

A personal note from me....

This is a wonderful place full of loving, supportive people, and I really appreciate all of the encouragement here.

I, however, am going to bow out now...

I really strongly feel that Ray needs a "place of his own"...and I want to give him that privacy.

I'll leave my membership active, and do a little communicating via PM, but the boards are Ray's to play in...I'll not compromise the security he feels here.

Once again, I've really felt cared for and supported here...my leaving is no reflection on you guys at all...you are all very wonderful people. Feel free to contact me in PM and email.

Much love and best wishes,

Shade

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 8^th, 2007, 12:52pm

Hello Everyone:

Brief update...

I have an outpatient appt scheduled with a therapist (new) Monday. I am somewhat looking forward to it, somewhat not. I hope it helps. I tried to convince my wife, Shade, aka Herblady to stay, but alas, she seems to think it best to stay out of my forum. I believe that she'll check for PM's from time to time.

I am indebted to you all for the outlet of my rantings and the outpouring of supportive messages. Please don't stop!

Overall I still have depression and anxiety, but no thoughts of suicide, voices, or anything of that ilk. I love my wife and family, and they truly love me and support me. In other words, I am sure I'm going to make it.

I have to work up my attention span to write up my experiences in the psych ward of the local hospital and relate them to you. Mostly it was an ok, but boring experience. At least I had the opportunity to educate them on cluster headaches to improve the chances of the next victim they may encounter.

Wishing you PF days and nights and my most sincere thanks,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by sandie99 on Jun 8^th, 2007, 1:03pm

Ray, I hope that things are getting better for you in every way. :)

And my best to Herblady! It's great to see supporters here as well. :)

Hugs & PF wishes,
Sanna

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by LeLimey on Jun 8^th, 2007, 1:48pm

Ray you're an inspiration, I'm so pleased you are getting what you need and herblady's posts reduced me to tears - that's what love is and she is one very special lady. I hope I get to meet you both one day

lots of love
Helen xxx

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Charlie on Jun 8^th, 2007, 7:06pm

Sounds good so far Ray. Damn good.

Good job educating the infant MDs

Charlie

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 11^th, 2007, 8:51am

Hello Everybody:

One more brief update -- I'm off to the first therapist appointment. Hopefully this will be helpful in the long run. Wish me luck.

Wishing you PF days and nights,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by LeLimey on Jun 11^th, 2007, 9:17am

Good luck Ray, let us know how you get on and give my love ot herblady too please! (We won't give up making her one of us y'know!)

Helen

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by sandie99 on Jun 11^th, 2007, 11:24am

Lots of luck, Ray! :)

I hope it all goes very well indeed!

PF wishes,
Sanna

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 11^th, 2007, 2:31pm

Hello Everyone:

My lovely wife Shade, AKA Herblady, and I went to meet the therapist, Dan. We covered the basics, "why are you here," "what do you expect to get out of therapy," "what meds are you on," and "who prescribes them for you...."

He seems willing to to keep me on track and is developing a treatment plan. I go back next week.

One of the best things I have going with Dan is, he knows what CH are and has other CH patients.

One day soon, I will relate the hospital experience, keeping some details private.

Wishing you PF days and nights,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by sandie99 on Jun 11^th, 2007, 2:39pm

Ray,

It's absolutely wonderful that your therapist knows about ch! I bet that will help a lot. :)

PF wishes,
Sanna

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 11^th, 2007, 2:41pm

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by artonio7 on Jun 11^th, 2007, 2:42pm

Ray thank you for your fortitude, courage and willingness to share. You're doing an extraordinary favor for so many. I hope all is well.

with warm regards.
Tony

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 13^th, 2007, 10:38pm

Where do I begin the story? I’m 49, the youngest of 3 kids. Middle class, nothing I did was quite good enough for my parents, but I was a pretty good kid. At an early age, I began smoking pot and that was an escape (I quit 9 years ago). I realize now that I was probably depressed a bit, even then. Little things, like nobody came to my soccer games, wrestling matches, or minor parts in the school plays.

Fast forward to 20 years ago, I had an extended period of insomnia, weeks and weeks of hardly any sleep. I was prescribed elavil, and had some counseling, but it didn’t help. Then one day at work, I had this horrible boring pain behind my right eyeball, it was red, half closed, tearing like a spigot, and my right nostril was running like a spigot too. I got a co-worker to take me to an urgent care facility and happened to have my family practice doctor see me. He shot me full of Demerol, and sent me home. That began the cycle of chronic cluster headaches that has not completely run its course. I was married to my Ex- who was about 5 months pregnant with our first child. She was convinced that I was psychosomatic and jealous of the attention she was getting for her pregnancy.

I began a quest for the cure for this awful condition. Went to neurologists, dentists, the Diamond Headache Clinic twice, and on and on. It became an obsession to relieve the pain. Oxygen worked about 2/3 the time, the rest of the times, I suffered. I would wake up 3x a night, not knowing if the roof fell down on me, if I’d been shot, or had a CH. I was miserable. My Ex- left me alone to suffer, not knowing (maybe not caring?) how to help or support me. She was concerned, rightly so, to prepare for our first born.

I sought counseling to deal with this “problem” and it didn’t really help much. About 4 years after the first headache and after a 2nd child, I lost my really good job at AT&T, when they were looking to downsize, based upon a lot of nothing. I think they just didn’t want to deal with my headaches, but of course that was never stated.

Around the same time, I uncovered my wife’s affairs and told her to quit or we’re done. To which she stated “I guess we’re done then.” Long protracted dissolution of marriage followed, I moved out into an apartment, and settled with shared parenting. After about a year of the kids going back and forth, week to week, my Ex- decides to move 1000 miles away. More legal battles ensue, but she gets to go with the kids, I get to eventually go bankrupt from legal fees.

I’ve begun dating my wife, then a single mother of 2 kids, when we were both NOT looking for a relationship. She was the only thing that kept me alive. I was deeply depressed, having like 8 headaches a day, broke and broken.

(continued)

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 13^th, 2007, 10:39pm

Fast forward to June 1st this year. I’ve been unemployed for 6 months, no unemployment benefits, and at the end of our money. I can’t make rent, can’t borrow the money, and the stress pushes me to the edge of despair. I discuss with my wife that I need to go to a mental health facility and she supports the decision. I get a ride to the psych triage place about 6PM and transferred to a local hospital psych ward a bit after midnight on the 2nd.

I explain the problem to the nurse supervisor, that I have cluster headaches, would like access to O2 with a non-rebreather mask, and that if I call for my Imitrex, I cannot wait. I’m assigned a bed, given a brief tour (small ward) and tried to go to sleep around 2:30 AM, falling asleep after 3:00 AM. I get woken up at 5:45 AM to provide a blood sample, so much for sleeping for the first night. It’s a Saturday, so I don’t meet the Psychiatrist assigned to me (until Monday). But I do meet the one who covers Saturdays. He changed my SSRI (Celexa) to a SSNRI (Cymbalta). I mentioned the O2 and non-rebreather mask, he said that an Internist would be seeing me later to discuss that. I repeat that I have CH and if I request Imitrex, that I will need it immediately.

I get breakfast and Cymbalta and just kind of wander around. I called my wife a couple of times the first day and was just kind of numb. I meet the Internist and discuss CH and amazingly, I get the O2 and correct mask. 10 AM, I get a CH and go to the nurses’ station and ask for O2. They won’t leave the mask in the room, as it has a 6 foot cord and I could hang myself with it or something. I use it for 10 minutes; it isn’t working, so I stagger back to the nurses’ station to request Imitrex. They tell me it isn’t 15 minutes yet to go back and use the O2 some more. 7 minutes later I come back to request the Imitrex, and lo and behold, they don’t have it in their drug cart and have to request it from pharmacy “stat”. It takes another 15 minutes before I get the shot, dancing with the beast up and down the hallways looking rather psychotic, moaning and groaning and pressing my eye. They get the Imitrex and think that it should go IM; I have to correct them, suggest a 30 ga ½ cc syringe and go subcutaneous. They give me the shot and relief finally comes. I stress that this can’t happen again, they MUST stock Imitrex at the nurses’ station. This was like a kip 8. Later lunch, bath, then dinner, meds and bed.

About 11 PM, an hour after falling asleep, I get another CH, same deal, stagger to the nurses’ station, get the mask, have to install it in the wall for the nurse who was struggling with it and wait 15 minutes. This time the O2 was partially effective, slowing the progress of the CH at a kip 6 or so. Stagger back to the nurses’ station for another shot. This time, they have the empty vial from the last time, but no Imitrex. Another stat request to the pharmacy and they had it in 5 minutes this time. Danced with the beast as before, by this time, it was a solid kip 8+ and eventually relief. Trying not to sound psychotic, I demanded that they stock the Imitrex at the nurses’ station. Eventually falling back to sleep.

I speak with the Sunday Psychiatrist, who was rather completely useless, did nothing about stocking the Imitrex at the nurses’ station and would not do any adjustment of the meds. Around 9 AM I have my 3rd CH and go for the O2 for 15 minutes, it again slows the peak of the hit, but does not stop it, go for Imitrex, but I have to wait 45 minutes for it to be 24 hours since I’d had the first of the 2 other shots. 45 minutes of pacing the halls like a psycho dancing with the beast with a kip 9, moaning, groaning, crying out for God to please help me. Standing in the corner bumping my head on the cinderblock wall, etc. This time I ask for a phenergan shot, IM for the nausea. This time they had the Imitrex and after an eternity (45 minutes) they give it to me. I go crawl into bed for a rest, have a shower and meet and chat with some of the other patients. Sunday night I have a CH and the O2 works to abort the headache. I sleep like the dead. I wake up at 7 AM and meet my Psychiatrist while having a CH and before the Imitrex as they did not have it at the nurses’ station. I suggest that he wait until I get the shot, but he doesn’t buy it. I get to dance with the beast with a kip 8 in an 8’x8’ office with a shrink. We’re having a great time by now. I repeat the request to always stock the Imitrex at the nurse’s station.

I relate this to my wife over the phone, and she comes equipped with a couple of articles on CH, one they add to my chart, and one I review with the Nurse supervisor and impress upon her that this situation is intolerable. The further CH’s were aborted with the O2. They finally release me Wednesday afternoon.

If this wasn’t enough detail for you, feel free to PM for any additional details. I am feeling better, but the stresses in my life are simply unreal.

Wishing you PF days and nights,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by artonio7 on Jun 14^th, 2007, 12:05am

Ray,

Sorry to hear that your care providers at the hospital had their heads up their a$$eS. With your permission I'd like to send a copy of your last post to my niece who is a nurse. I'd love for her to make copies and take it with her to work.

Thank you for your openness... hopefully your story might benefit others in that situation.

with warm regards.
Tony

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 14^th, 2007, 10:01am

Hello Everyone and especially Tony:

You may distribute my posts to anyone you feel may benefit. Just remember to send me the royalty checks as the bank account is feeling pretty lonely right now, containing more crickets than dollars. LOL

Fondly,

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 15^th, 2007, 1:41pm

At the risk of sounding like an attention hound....

I was hoping that some more people might comment.

[HINT]

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Maffumatt on Jun 15^th, 2007, 2:09pm

Glad to see things are looking up for you Ray, keep up the good fight. Be well my friend.

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Charlie on Jun 15^th, 2007, 9:36pm

What a story. :o

You're doing all right but if anyone deserves a break, it's you, Ray.

Hold on.

Charlie

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ree on Jun 15^th, 2007, 9:40pm

GOOD LUCK RAY... you will be much better when you get the help you need perhaps it will be as little as a med change... you be well and know we will hold the fort down while you are away...

hugs
Ree

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by Ray on Jun 16^th, 2007, 12:12am

Thank you all for the kind words. I think that this is better therapy for me than the therapist could hope to be. Nobody can understand the agony, dispair, exhaustion, and dissappointment of CH unless you were a clusterhead or a really empathetic supporter (Shade I love you!).

The money situation still sucks, still working on SSDI, still having headaches, my 15 year old daughter (who lives with my Ex-) is facing felony drug charges and has other issues. The family car needed new tie rod ends, borrowed the money to fix it, only to find it now needs ball joints (sounds painful, don't it?)

The list goes on and on.

On the bright side, we're still in our home, with partial rent payment this month, got all of our utilities on, and with enough food in the fridge. Oh and gasoline edged below $3/gallon. Somehow God will see us through, since I can't seem to make anything happen.

I appreciate the support and realize that I don't have it so bad and I'm not alone when I read and relate to you folks.

I'm still battling the beast, one moment at a time and try to grab some joy at every opportunity. One thing that really lifts my spirits is to "commit" random acts of kindness every day.

Yesterday, I saw an elderly man doing his best to flag down a bus with his cane. Of course the bus passed him by. I gave him a lift, talked with him about his 18 y/o cat, and refused to take the few bux he was offering to me for the lift. It felt good!

My best to all of you!

Ray

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by LeLimey on Jun 16^th, 2007, 6:37am

Ive always found counting my blessings to be my best medicine too Ray - and paying it forward is such a good feeling that it can only affect everyone else around you and one day make this old world a much nicer place.

When you stop and really think about it you can (I find) find much more to be grateful for than to whine about so I try to do just that. Its lovely to see you doing the same

Helen

Title: Re: Ironic Day
Post by taraann on Jun 17^th, 2007, 4:05pm

Yes I have learned and relearned and rerelearned to take things moment by moment... jeesh sometimes second by second and breath by breath. Ray you sharing your story is brave and I hope your story ends up with the happiest of endings!!!! Actually I'm quite sure it will!