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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> Gripe Sheets
        
(Message started by: Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:56pm)
Title: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:56pm
Just in case you need a laugh:  Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had a major accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P. Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Melissa on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:59pm
LMBO, those are funny!!! [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:19pm
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

That one had me spewing coffee all over!
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by JeffB on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:23pm
What about Quantas??
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:32pm

on 03/28/07 at 15:23:49, JeffB wrote:
What about Quantas??

Perhaps it should say, "major American airline...," Mr. Smarty Pants. I just copied and pasted it.

This one item most likely prevented you from finding any humor in it. Am I right?
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Rosybabe on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:38pm
it's very funny and It hit home very close, I had to uncles who are pilots for major airline companies and I send it to them.. [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by JeffB on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:59pm

on 03/28/07 at 15:32:18, Brewcrew wrote:
Perhaps it should say, "major American airline...," Mr. Smarty Pants. I just copied and pasted it.

This one item most likely prevented you from finding any humor in it. Am I right?


lol, Just being a Mr. Smarty pants. lol :P

You win, just spit red bull thru my nose! Thanks, Bill.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 4:04pm
Good. I was prepared to accuse you of being a Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive Smarty Pants.

Red Bull through the nose hurts.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by andrewjb on Mar 28th, 2007, 6:42pm
;;D, great. andrew.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by jimmers on Mar 28th, 2007, 7:24pm

on 03/28/07 at 15:23:49, JeffB wrote:
What about Quantas??

You watched Rainman to many times! ;;D

Jimmers
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Charlie on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:20pm
http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/die laughing.gif

Charlie
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:46pm

on 03/28/07 at 14:56:18, Brewcrew wrote:
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


That one is my fav.  That is hilarious.



on 03/28/07 at 14:56:18, Brewcrew wrote:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.


Thats not twue eithew
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 10:26pm

on 03/28/07 at 21:46:16, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
Thats not twue eithew

It's humor. Work with me.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Gator on Mar 28th, 2007, 11:47pm

Quote:
on Today at 13:56:18, Brewcrew wrote:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.



on 03/28/07 at 21:46:16, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
Thats not twue eithew


What's not true?  The college to fly or the high school to fix?

I don't know about the major airlines (though I suspect they do require their pilots to be college grads), but I can tell you for a fact that that is the way it is in the Air Force.

You have to be an officer to fly.  You have to have a college degree to be an officer.

Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.

When I was in the  Air Force, some of the maintenance people wore shirts that said "College Education To Break It - High School Education to Fix It."  Of course this pissed off the pilots, but it was true.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Mar 29th, 2007, 12:01am
I guess for a US commercial airline you might have to have a college education to fly.  
They say more than half of commercial pilots got their training in the military.  When you go into the Air Force after high school, you have to get a degree from the Air Force academy or something?  
To be a private pilot you dont have to have a college degree.  And to get your instrument rating and multi engine and IFR and all the ratings you dont have to have a degree either.  Getting a job as a pilot might be different, though
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Gator on Mar 29th, 2007, 2:56am

on 03/29/07 at 00:01:31, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
I guess for a US commercial airline you might have to have a college education to fly.  
They say more than half of commercial pilots got their training in the military.  When you go into the Air Force after high school, you have to get a degree from the Air Force academy or something?  

No, the Air Force Academy is basically a college run by the Air Force.  You attend for your four years or whatever it takes to get your particular degree and then you enter active duty service as an officer.  Not just anyone can get in.  You have to meet academic and physical conditioning requirements and be appointed to attend by a senator or congressman or some such.  I wanted to attend and met all the requirements, but we were just poor folk in rural Louisiana and didn't know any political people, so that fell through.

I joined the Army National Guard and after almost 3 years transfered to active duty service in the Air Force.  If you go into the Air Force without a degree, you are considered an enlisted person and assigned a job and sent to whatever Air Force Base runs that school.  I attended the Police Academy was at Lackland AFB, TX.  (Graduated top of my class - Distinguished Honor Grad)  Other bases house other schools.  

People with degrees can enter as enlisted or as officers.  They are still sent to whatever base where they are trained in whatever career field they choose.  Pilots train at different bases depending on what kind of aircraft they will fly.

To be a private pilot you dont have to have a college degree.  And to get your instrument rating and multi engine and IFR and all the ratings you dont have to have a degree either.  Getting a job as a pilot might be different, though


I thought about getting my private pilot's license while I was in the service, but I never really had time.  Once I got out, I never had the money.  C'est la vie!
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by KingOfPain on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:26am

on 03/28/07 at 23:47:31, Gator wrote:
Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.

WRONG
[as far as NDT maintenance is concerned]
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Nondestructive Testing [NDT]

NDT Certification
http://www.ndt-ed.org/Careers/Certification/Certification.htm

Certification Examinations
Once the education, training and work experience requirements have been met and documented, a certification examination must be taken. The examination process actually includes several exams. For certification to Levels I and II a general, a specific, and a practical, exam must be completed with a passing grade of 70 percent for each exam and a composite grade of 80 percent (determined by averaging the results of the three exams).

To be considered for certification as a Level III an individual must:
  1. Have graduated from a university or college with a degree in engineering or science, and have at least one year of experience comparable to that of a Level II in the applicable NDT method(s).
  2. Have completed with passing grades at least two years of engineering or science study at a university, college or technical school and have two years of experience comparable to that of a Level II in the applicable NDT method(s).
  3. Have four years of experience comparable to that of a Level II in the applicable NDT method(s).

It is important that NDT personnel have good near visual acuity and color vision. Therefore, an eye test must be taken to insure that natural or corrected near distance acuity is acceptable. Depending on which specification the company uses for certification, an individual must be able to read a Jaeger Number 1 (or equivalent) type and size letter at no less than 12 inches (for one eye). Determining contrast of color or shades of gray is also generally required.
*Source: http://www.ndt-ed.org/Careers/Certification/Certification.htm

FAA
http://www.academy.faa.gov/catalog/international/contents%5C22518.html

NDT - A Continuing Responsibility in the Future of Aerospace
Nondestructive testing/evaluation (NDT/E) currently plays a significant role throughout the lifetime of an aircraft. After an aircraft enters service, aging effects brought on by the flight environment, fatigue, or operational extremes may cause faults anomalies to develop. Periodic NDT is required to help quantify these effects and to determine if the aircraft is fit for service. Over time, NDT continues to be an assessment tool until the replacement of the part, or retirement of the entire aircraft.
*Source:http://www.ndt.net/apcndt2001/papers/1205/1205.htm

The American Society For Nondestructive Testing
http://www.asnt.org/certification/certification.htm
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:30am
Brewcrew's Public Service Announcement:

The next time I have an inkling to post something humorous, somebody please remind me not to. Nothing good can come of it.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by alienspacebabe on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:39am

on 03/29/07 at 07:30:25, Brewcrew wrote:
Brewcrew's Public Service Announcement:

The next time I have an inkling to post something humorous, somebody please remind me not to. Almost
Nothing good can come of it.



Fixed it for ya, brew.... 'cause ya made me laugh. several times.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:44am

on 03/29/07 at 07:39:52, alienspacebabe wrote:
Fixed it for ya, brew.... 'cause ya made me laugh. several times.

Okay - ya got me. [smiley=crackup.gif]
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by KingOfPain on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:49am
"Gripe Sheets"

Actually, it's referred to as a Squawk Sheet.

http://tinyurl.com/2m986l
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Kevin_M on Mar 29th, 2007, 8:15am

on 03/28/07 at 14:56:18, Brewcrew wrote:
Just in case you need a laugh:  


P. Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P. Bill's thread running funny.
S: Bill's thread notified to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


;)
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Gator on Mar 29th, 2007, 8:29am
Brewster, the post was funny.  Thanks for posting it.  You can't control the direction a thread will take once you hit "Post."  Don't let a few argumentative types (or in this case one person with a grudge on a mission to discredit someone) keep you from posting stuff that most people will enjoy.  Some people have no sense of humor no matter what you post.  Screw 'em.

That being said...

NOT wrong, Steve.  What you posted changes nothing.  In fact, it proves my point.  You don't have to have a degree.  

Did you actually read the list of requirements or did you see degree and say "Gotcha"

As with most jobs, the list indicates education or comparable experience or a combination of the two, as in you need:

1.  A degree and 1 year experience as a Level II

OR

2.  2 years of college with passing grades and 2 years experience as a Level II

OR

3.  4 years experience as a Level II

Higher education may be required for higher level positions in some areas, but like I said:

Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.  So did you make level 3 yet?
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 29th, 2007, 8:30am

on 03/29/07 at 08:15:59, Kevin_M wrote:
P. Bill's thread running funny.
S: Bill's thread notified to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


;)

Aye, aye, Captain! It appears as though it's been taken care of - SIR! ;;D
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by KingOfPain on Mar 29th, 2007, 8:42am
I am stating facts...not some generalization/stereotype.

on 03/28/07 at 23:47:31, Gator wrote:
Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.


::)

Edit to add:
As I stated, as far as NDT is concerned...

Nondestructive testing personnel are often certified by their employer or other agency to meet certain qualifications, which are established by industry.
Certification is basically a process of providing written testimony that an individual is qualified to do certain work. The qualifications of an individual are based on education, level of training, work experience, and the ability to pass a vision test.
http://www.ndt-ed.org/Careers/Certification/Certification.htm

...having only a High School diploma will not get you certified.
Fact.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Gator on Mar 29th, 2007, 9:02am
No, you're just spewing.  

Next time read your "facts" before you post them.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by KingOfPain on Mar 29th, 2007, 10:02am

on 03/29/07 at 08:29:51, Gator wrote:
Brewster, the post was funny.  Thanks for posting it.  You can't control the direction a thread will take once you hit "Post."  Don't let a few argumentative types (or in this case one person with a grudge on a mission to discredit someone) keep you from posting stuff that most people will enjoy.  Some people have no sense of humor no matter what you post.  Screw 'em.

That being said...

NOT wrong, Steve.  What you posted changes nothing.  In fact, it proves my point.  You don't have to have a degree.  

Did you actually read the list of requirements or did you see degree and say "Gotcha"

As with most jobs, the list indicates education or comparable experience or a combination of the two, as in you need:

1.  A degree and 1 year experience as a Level II

OR

2.  2 years of college with passing grades and 2 years experience as a Level II

OR

3.  4 years experience as a Level II

Higher education may be required for higher level positions in some areas, but like I said:

Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.  So did you make level 3 yet?
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Leesa on Apr 1st, 2007, 8:06pm
Okay, first off Brew that was funny thanks for the giggle I REALLY needed this after this weekend. Geesshhhhh

Now for the other chit..............it makes no difference any one who knows ME knows where I stand on saying stuff like this. My family has a LONG history of AIR CRAFT TECHs................ Air Force my father who was an AIR CRAFT TECH for 8 yrs working on B-52's and others, my brother 12 yrs NAVY, AIR CRAFT TECH working on F-14s and such, my husbands grand father retired as Chief Warrent Officer from the Air Force after doing 8 yrs in the Navy, my HUSBAND 8 yrs, NAVY AIR CRAFT TECH, and now my oldest SON John will soon join the AIR FORCE as what eles an AIR CRAFT TECH!!! IF not for the "schmucks" like my father, brother, husband, and my son THE AIR CRAFT WOULD NOT GET OFF THE FUCKING GROUND!!!

PISSED OFF, Leesa  >:(

PS: Brew this is NOT aimed at you HONEST!!!! ;;D
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Apr 1st, 2007, 8:33pm
No offense taken, Leesa. Like I said earlier, I just copied and pasted it from another source.

If it takes a college degree to fly a commercial airplane, I wish they'd skip that class on how to be a prick.  ;;D
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Jonny on Apr 1st, 2007, 8:58pm
Everyone needs to chill!

Lets talk about Kip 10 HA's

Got one?........if not I will glady fucking give you mine.

Want it?
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by AussieBrian on Apr 1st, 2007, 9:02pm

on 04/01/07 at 20:58:27, Jonny wrote:
Got one?........if not I will glady fucking give you mine.

Want it?

Got my own, but thanks for the offer.  Luckily it's only an Aussie 10 because I'd never handle the Texas variety.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Kingjames1 on Apr 1st, 2007, 9:19pm
Exchange rate makes 'em hard to judge. :)
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 1st, 2007, 9:33pm


Brew, you work for Fed-Ex.  Been doing a little "gripe sheet" spying for the rival Co. lately?   ;)








I promise I won't tell.
Title: Re: Gripe Sheets
Post by Brewcrew on Apr 1st, 2007, 9:47pm
When speaking about pricks, I was speaking of our own pilots. Actually, I suspect it's pretty much the same everywhere. And there are exceptions - but it seems to be the rule that a higher percentage of these guys and gals have god complexes than the general population.

One of them actually denied me a jumpseat for business purposes because I was the only non-pilot on board as there wouldn't be anyone to help subdue me in case I was a terrorist (this was against company policy at the time, but he received no repirmand). I had shaved off my beard and everything (you can't jumpseat with a beard because of the design of the oxygen masks). Had to buy a full-price last-minute ticket in order to interview for the job I now hold.

Sorry, I don't have a lot of great things to say about our pilots.


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