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Title: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 26th, 2007, 11:41pm I know I am going to open up a bag of worms here. I will tell you how I feel and and how I presently believe later in the post. I want some wisdom here if there can be any. I am single. Should or should I not allow myself to enter a relationship? Pie |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by AussieBrian on Mar 26th, 2007, 11:44pm Who rules your life, you or the beast? |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Gator on Mar 26th, 2007, 11:57pm Maybe I'm just overly irritable today, but I hate threads that start out like this. It reads like, "I'll give you my opinion later when I've read enough of yours to form one?" on 03/26/07 at 23:44:29, AussieBrian wrote:
'nuff said. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Kirk on Mar 27th, 2007, 12:21am I might be a bit cranky today. You're supposed to be a rational thinking adult human being. Make up your own mind. Or go talk to your mom. [smiley=smokin.gif] |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by LeLimey on Mar 27th, 2007, 2:27am If you have to ask - stay single! |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Rosybabe on Mar 27th, 2007, 4:26am man, at 49 you should already know what do your want from life... life alone with CH or life with lovely company and CH?? Good choice!! ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by chewy on Mar 27th, 2007, 6:12am Quote:
Thats when I'll answer then. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 27th, 2007, 7:22am Change the words around . . . . I have MS, should or should I not allow myself to enter a relationship? I have terminal cancer, should or should I not allow myself to enter a relationship? I have heart disease, should or should I not allow myself to enter a relationship? I have a head cold, should or should I not allow myself to enter a relationship? I'm having a great day, should or should I not allow myself to enter a relationship? Only you know the answer. (A supporter of 15 years who has been married for 25 years and wouldn't give up one minute of that time for ANYTHING) |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by ClusterChuck on Mar 27th, 2007, 7:28am on 03/26/07 at 23:41:52, pieface_49 wrote:
Ok, I will change my mind ... There IS ONE dumb question ... |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 27th, 2007, 7:33am If you're contemplating "entering a relationship" and you're still concerned primarily with yourself and your own feelings, I'd have to say you're not ready. Just my humble opinion. Your mileage may vary. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by JeffB on Mar 27th, 2007, 12:24pm I think you should get a sex change and start having affairs with barnyard animals. Anyone else need an opinion to a question like this?? ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by fubar on Mar 27th, 2007, 12:25pm Sorry, but for you I have to say SINGLE. Anyone who asks that question has issues that need to be worked out before they hook up with anybody else. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by BarbaraD on Mar 27th, 2007, 1:38pm Come on guys -- This is a MAN and he's ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS!!!! Seriously Pie -- we gotta have a LITTLE more info before WE can have an opinion. Now ME, I'm a 29(+) year old window who ain't looking for any type of romance, but if anything came along I sure as hell wouldn't let CH be a factor. But enough about me -- what was your question? Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by JeffB on Mar 27th, 2007, 1:49pm Men don't ask for directions. And we can watch 18 different things on tv at the same time. This is all we need: Meat, Beer, TV, and uhh...er...., I guess thats all we really need. But a nice woman would be a plus! |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by sandie99 on Mar 27th, 2007, 2:34pm Pie, it can be scary to enter a relationship when you have ch. But it should not be the reason, which holds you back. If I would have allowed my ch to stop me from dating, I would have never met my boyfriend, who is my best supporter ch - wise. I'm sure that there are plenty of people who find ch too much to take, but quess what? You don't need to be with them! The right kind of person will not allow ch stand in the way either! Whatever you decide, good luck! Best wishes & PF time, Sanna |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 27th, 2007, 3:04pm on 03/27/07 at 13:38:57, BarbaraD wrote:
a 29 year old (+) window needs to be changed for something maybe double hung and triple paned . . . . :o Sorry, I couldn't let that pass. Back to your regularly scheduled thread. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by E-Double on Mar 27th, 2007, 3:19pm Why miss out? Why be selfish and not allow someone to share you? That's the sappy dude. Now the other side...... If ya gotta ask, then you have a hell of alot more wrong the Clusters. Figure it out. Married with a 9 month old |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Gator on Mar 27th, 2007, 3:21pm on 03/27/07 at 13:49:51, JeffB wrote:
A bad woman would be even better! [smiley=bloos.gif] |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by LeLimey on Mar 27th, 2007, 3:36pm on 03/27/07 at 13:49:51, JeffB wrote:
on 03/27/07 at 15:21:06, Gator wrote:
Lets face it people - one with a pulse would be a novelty for our Jeffie! ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 27th, 2007, 3:48pm on 03/27/07 at 15:36:55, LeLimey wrote:
...or at least one that hasn't thrown up on herself. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by LeLimey on Mar 27th, 2007, 3:59pm on 03/27/07 at 15:48:07, Brewcrew wrote:
Umm.. slight problem with that Brewbaby - like who wouldn't puke on seeing Jeff?! Chuckie have you still got one of these for Jeff?! http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q154/fedupofthinking/uglybag.jpg |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by TxBasslady on Mar 27th, 2007, 4:13pm on 03/27/07 at 15:48:07, Brewcrew wrote:
Holy shit, y'all.....these visions are killin' me :P Looks like a hijack in progress [smiley=laugh.gif]....Carry on....... Jean |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 27th, 2007, 4:25pm on 03/27/07 at 16:13:55, TxBasslady wrote:
Reference to a different thread: High School Sweethearts |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by JeffB on Mar 27th, 2007, 4:59pm Thanks, Bill. LOL ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by ClusterChuck on Mar 27th, 2007, 7:25pm on 03/27/07 at 15:59:47, LeLimey wrote:
I might .... Jonny sure got all excited and kissyface while I had it on ... http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u266/ClusterChuck/PICT0102a.jpg?t=1175037587 Chuck |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by purpleydog on Mar 27th, 2007, 7:25pm What does having CH have to do with entering a relationship? You know what they say...if you have to ask, you can't afford it. My opinion? No, you shouldn't. But not for CH reasons. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Jonny on Mar 27th, 2007, 9:13pm on 03/26/07 at 23:57:17, Gator wrote:
Thank you, Gator!! |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by chewy on Mar 27th, 2007, 9:51pm This is reply #27. When will we be blessed with knowing how you feel?? |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 27th, 2007, 9:51pm One person, said "Come on you folks, this is a serious question". Some were sympathetic. Most made a joke of it. I was "terminally serious". The truth is as much as I am in need of companionship, love and affection, I will NOT allow myself to enter into a relationship. The TRUTH as I see it, is how could I allow anyone into my life to deal with what I am dealing with! I am asking someone to take on my pain and hardship. I HONESTLY believe this would not be fair of me and would only be self serving, self-centered and selfish. I have read the opposite pain many times posted by the "other half". It is not any easier for the sufferer than the one who loves you. I read another post and this was my response to that post. I did not want to embarrass someone else by replying to that post. I wanted to know what others think. What I hoped to hear was it is between you and the person as long as your are up front with them. Even then, they would not understand. What I was looking for is that no human being has right to say what is right or wrong when it comes to relationships. Only you and God know the difference. What I have learned is we don't want to talk about relationships and CH in the same paragraph. We make a mockery of it :-/ On the lighter side ;;D I do find it all amusing. As long as we can laugh with one another, the pain is forgotten if only for a second. Sincerely, Sygmund Froid |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Redd on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:02pm It's no mockery...I know of many relationships here that have been streanghtened by adversity of this illness. I commend and admire them. Dealing with this this is not for the weak or the faint of heart. Anyone who would shun us in this , is not worth our time or consideration. I've resigned myself to being single with CH, not because of the CH but because most others are too weak or self centered to be unconditional. Better to be single out of compliance than out of desperation. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by BarbaraD on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:04pm No Pie - you're wrong on that one... Most of us take CH as a PART of US and live our lives accordingly. some CHOSE to live it lonely - most of us CHOSE to live it as "normally" as possible. This includes realtionships, friends, whatever is "normal" for us. Like I said, I'm a widow (of indeterminal age), and I lead a VERY full life (taking time out for CH now and then). I have "gentlemen" friends who I can go out with with I want to. We don't call it "relationships" but we have great times and a lot of laughs. In fact I have a "hot date" with one of the most handsome 5 year olds in capitavity this week and plan to make the most of it. He's even asked to come home with me (and will if we have to kill his parents!). What I'm getting at is -- sounds to me like you need to losen up a little and learn that you only go around once. Take the good times and make the most of them. But take it from this old Granny -- I've tried the isolation thing and it ain't worth a damn -- I like the full life thingy better. But it's YOUR personal choice. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:04pm on 03/27/07 at 21:51:36, pieface_49 wrote:
Bullshit. We talk about CH and relationships all the time here. There's us and there's our supporters. They love us and we love them. And we love each other. And the Beast doesn't dictate who we are or who we love or how deeply we love. If you're afraid to enter into a relationship, it ain't because of CH. And if someone is afraid to enter into a relationship with you, it ain't because of CH. We are human and we have defects. It's part of the definition of who we are (i.e., human beings). Usually people who love each other are ready, willing and able to step out of their comfort zone to lend support to one another. Your perception of the answers you've received on this thread is twisted. Pull your head out and smell the fresh air, man. We're all in this together. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by JeffB on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:07pm My girlfriend threw away my porn when I moved out. I am now in the bible belt with no form of exercise. How's that for relationships? ;) |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Gator on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:26pm Wrong, dork. Just because you invite someone in, doesn't mean they have to come in or stay if they do. If you are honest and up front then they can make up their own minds. Who are you to make that decision for them? Obviously you haven't done much reading here or if you have, you only payed attention to whatever negativity you could find that reinforces your fear of commitment or whatever your problem is. There are a lot of people in long term relationships/marriages here who proudly state so. Some people had ch before the marriage and they got together anyways. Others (like my wife and I) were married when ch struck and they stay together. A few couples here are clusterheads married to clusterheads. We do not allow ch to be something that controls our lives. Our supporters know we are not the headaches. CH does not define us or our relationships. Is it tough for them? Hell yes it is. Would they give up a good relationship because of CH? Hell no. The TRUTH regardless of how you see it is if your life revolves around your headaches, then you should not try to get into a relationship, because it will be you and your attitude that fail you and any potential partner. That has nothing to do with ch. It's all about attitude and perspective. If you're as old as your profile says, then you should know this by now. If not, then it's time to grow up and look outside your little world. People with a lot more serious problems than CH meet, fall in love and live "happily ever after" all the time. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:36pm I would love to live my life to the fullest. The truth is I cannot. I live it the best I can. When I am not in cycle or not in pain, I am happy, joyful and free. When I am in pain, I don't know how to explain how I am and there is no one around to find out. I have become a recluse. My mother asked me to move back to PA due to my condition. I told her we would not get along well. I have no idea why that statement came out. My mother and myself are inseparable. The truth is I would never want my mother to see me during a cycle. Those who have not been around or have not been exposed to someone suffering with CH have no idea. The reality is this is a sad, painful illness. I hate to be negative, but I have to be realistic. The hiding has everything to do with relationships. Whether they be of sexual nature or emotional/physical. I know I am not alone. I have read too many testimonies. 6 beers, no hit. Perhaps I do not have CH? The truth is I just don't give a darn anymore. I am not suicidal. The cycle is just about finished. I am not here to BS anyone. I am here to find out what is wrong with me and what can I do about it? Oh ya, please tell me I am nuts. It would make more sense 8) Calling me a Dork is definitely incorrect :) A Dork would know how to post their pic ;;D One more item of interest. Whenever I see an OK license plate I know to stay away from that person. Please tell me why that is so? |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:46pm I believe your questions are best directed at a therapist. Your most recent response contained 34 uses of I, me, or my (before your edit). You need something or someone outside yourself on which to focus. This is the only way to find true happiness and contentment. Just my view. Take it for what it's worth. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:47pm Perhaps you are correct. No, you are correct. Living a life in recluse is not a very enjoyable life. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by purpleydog on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:50pm You can't hide forever. And not everyone will be able to handle it. The thing is, most people would try to understand. And you can't live your life focussed on CH. You get hit, and move on with your life. You rule, not the beast, as Brian said. Let it go, and let yourself go. You may be surprised! |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Gator on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:51pm on 03/27/07 at 22:36:03, pieface_49 wrote:
Ohhh. Got me there. Me and about a thousand other people. [smiley=looser.gif] |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 27th, 2007, 10:58pm on 03/27/07 at 22:47:58, pieface_49 wrote:
I can tell you unequivocally that the only time I am truly happy is when I am focused on the happiness or well-being of someone else. Usually one of my family. Which brings us full circle on this topic. The one who garners most of my attention is my spouse. And we both took vows for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Not trying to rub your nose in it. Just saying that she happily helps me through this bastard every time it hits me. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 27th, 2007, 11:01pm Perhaps talking in parables would be better? Sorry this post has strayed from the original intent. Honestly wanted to know how people handle relationships and CH. Respect many and what they have to say. Need the help and support. See, no I's, me or myselves ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by purpleydog on Mar 28th, 2007, 12:01am I started with someone who didn't support me, or believe me, and said CH was my fault. Now I'm with someone who supports me fully. I support him. We both have CH. But if I wasn't, I wouldn't let CH stop me from pursuing a relationship. But I can tell people pretty early on, and can tell if a relationship is worth starting, or not. Taking risks is part of life. Live your life, every minute you can. It's the only way. Don't focus on CH, focus on everything else. CH is temporary. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by ClusterChuck on Mar 28th, 2007, 12:01am Pieface, you are SO wrong! on 03/27/07 at 22:36:03, pieface_49 wrote:
No you don't live your life to the fullest. You are letting clusters rule your life. What you are saying is that you are a cluster headache suffer, who HAPPENS to be a person, too. You need to readdress your attitude. You are a person, who happens to have clusters. That is just like saying, because you have exema, or dandruff, or epilepsy, or diabetes, or WHATEVER, you can't live a full life. on 03/27/07 at 22:36:03, pieface_49 wrote:
That is your choice to be a recluse. You are not forced to be one. You allow yourself to be a recluse. Again, your CHOICE .... on 03/27/07 at 22:36:03, pieface_49 wrote:
But you ARE negative. AND you are being TOTALLY unrealistic. This whole thing is SO wrong, and full of it, that I am not even going to continue the item by item arguements. YOU need to rethink your life and attitude! You have let the beast win. The rest of us won't allow that. You have decided to allow yourself to become, a LOSER!!!!!! Chuck |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by sandie99 on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:42am Pie, I believe that it's possible to live a full, happy life without a partner. But if you wonder if you should enter a relationship while you have ch (congrats if your cycle is ending- that's great!!!), you are not complitely living that happy, full life. Because if you did, you would not need to ask anyone - that includes yourself - if you should be in a relationship with someone. Of course it's hard to meet someone new knowing that in some point you have to mention ch.... but like I said before, the right kind of person doesn't see that as an obsticle. And I don't see myself as a selfish person because I'm a clusterhead, who is living with the man I love. If I had hiv or aids, then it would be selfish. That's my [smiley=twocents.gif] PF wishes, Sanna |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Gator on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:09am Sanna, not ragging on you, here, but I think that regardless of what disease/disorder you may or may not have - even aids, people still need other people. A relationship doesn't have to be sexual to be a loving relationship and people with HIV/AIDS are just as needing and deserving of someone to love that loves them back as anyone else. I think the question of being selfish comes with how you go about trying to fulfill that need. Trying to guilt or trick someone into a relationship or into staying when they want to go is selfish, but if you are honest and up front, then people will make up their own minds, or rather, follow their own hearts. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by JenniferD on Mar 28th, 2007, 5:43am Hubby and I fight over the kids, we argue about what needs to get done around the house, he pisses me off when he doesn't get enough sleep and gets frustrated/yells about everything and I sure make him mad when I'm not taking care of myself. BUT... we love each other with every ounce of our being, we get thru the tough times TOGETHER, we say we're sorry when we're wrong, and we spend a large majority of our time together making each other laugh, working together to meet a goal, and making each other feel like the most special person in the world. ch rears it fugly head and things go awry sometimes. It does NOT define the relationship. Its more like a burp or hiccup - it briefly disrupts the normal pattern. If you choose to let it define you then it will define everything else in your life. You said you don't live life fully because of the ch then in my opinion it defines you and you expect your ch to be the defining factor in any relationship you enter into. My opinion: if YOU AND YOUR CONDITION are the most important focus in your life, then you should not enter into a relationship. Jen |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 28th, 2007, 7:26am Wow - you sufferers have given great responses! Very honest and straightforward. From a supporters point of view I'll simply point out the obvious once more. The disease does not define the relationship with my sufferer. He could have cancer or MS or a boil on his butt and I'd still be there for him like I am with CH. I meant the vows of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health." No ONE is perfect and no relationship is perfect. Don't deny yourself the so-very-important connection to another by hiding behind your affliction. You'll lose more than you know. I wish for you strength to step out of the shadows. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Kevin_M on Mar 28th, 2007, 8:27am on 03/27/07 at 22:36:03, pieface_49 wrote:
I don't know if this was this about moving back with your mother or new relationships? The two are very different |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Melissa on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:01am my answer? I'm worth the love and companionship of another. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by ClusterChuck on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:41am on 03/28/07 at 09:01:49, Melissa wrote:
Ya also have a nice ass .... |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Melissa on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:44am on 03/28/07 at 09:41:21, ClusterChuck wrote:
iffin ya liked it then, you should see it now. I gots even MORE of it! ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by JeffB on Mar 28th, 2007, 10:43am I like your smile, Mel. Uh hil, hil hil, golly gee! ;;D |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 28th, 2007, 7:46pm Thank Y'all for your perspectives. I needed some input and got a lot of help. Ch has run my life for over a year. Here are some examples of why. A month ago I went to some UFC (mixed martial arts) fights locally. During the midst of the matches I got hit. I was not taking any preventatives and had no abortives. I knew nothing other than the neurologist determined I had Trigeminal Neuralgia. Tegratol and other medicines did not work (no wonder), so I had nothing at all to help me. I lived with this same diagnosis for four years. There was nothing I could do but leave the building. The hit lasted about 20 minutes and left as abruptly as it came. Was at a friends house a couple years ago at a pool party. A bad hit came and everyone wanted to help, but there was no knowledge about what to do and I suffered for a couple of hours on a couch. Had to stay the night and had a bad CH hangover the following day. It seems like when I am out do dinner or simply out somewhere the hits come. Only last Saturday did I learn about CH and noticed all my symptoms were those of CH. Through people on this board and the information available might I should be able to live a life of normalcy. Up until now I had no tools or any knowledge about my affliction. From four years of living with something I did not know anything about, I have allowed it to run my life. When you have no knowledge, there is not much you can do. Now I am thirsting for knowledge. Once again, thank y'all. Pie |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 7:55pm on 03/28/07 at 19:46:46, pieface_49 wrote:
And that's why we encourage new folks to read, read, and read some more. All the links are at the left of this page. Especially the one entitled "oxygen info." Read the posts, learn the strategies, and finally educate your neurologist. By the time you've spent several hours on this site, you will know more than he or she does about CH. Bill |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by pieface_49 on Mar 28th, 2007, 8:10pm I thought I would post this because it really is funny. My abortive for the past four years has been alcohol. Perhaps not abortive, but sedative. Very misguided and lost to say the least. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Brewcrew on Mar 28th, 2007, 8:13pm on 03/28/07 at 20:10:20, pieface_49 wrote:
Oh, my. |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by writer on Mar 28th, 2007, 8:46pm on 03/27/07 at 12:24:46, JeffB wrote:
Aw, come on! No need to lacerate one another here-- |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by stevegeebe on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:10pm I don't enter it as often as I use to. I say enter it. Steve G |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by Charlie on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:35pm I have to say that my old squeeze did all right. We got together even though she knew that I had epilepsy... then I developed CH. She was in nurses training though. Charlie |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by jimmers on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:55pm I say go for it! Turn the tables a little bit. You can then honestly say "Not tonight dear, I have a headache" ;;D I understand what you are asking but most here will say to you "Don't ever, EVER let the beast run your life" Live the PF times to the fullest. If someone honestly cares for you, they will always be there for you, pain or no pain. Jimmers |
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Title: Re: CH and Relationships Post by chewy on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:29am Quote:
Quote:
Cant imagine why you would have relationship issues. |
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