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(Message started by: kimmiedawn81 on Mar 19th, 2007, 9:45am)
Title: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Mar 19th, 2007, 9:45am
Feel free to let me know.  I'm pretty nervous about the upcoming wedding, but also extremely excited.  I do believe that eloping would be the way to go at this point though, the stress is ridiculous!!!

Let me know your advice!  Thanks!  :)
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Melissa on Mar 19th, 2007, 10:04am
that's a loaded question ;;D
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Lobster on Mar 19th, 2007, 10:29am
For all married couples, Wedding Cake seems to chronically suppress the womans sex drive.  They should put an FDA warning label on that stuff.

I suggest substituting something else for the cake.  Wedding Fajitas sound tasty.  
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Callico_Kid on Mar 19th, 2007, 10:44am


I firmly promised my mother-in-law that the next time I got married I would elope.  However, I haven't gotten the chance to try yet after almost 30 yrs. ;;D

Wish you the best!

Jerry
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Redd on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:08am
Only one piece of advice from me...

Don't worry so much about the one day festivities, Focus on planning the marriage and the life together.  

Thats what is the most important anyway. ;)
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by vietvet2tours on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:09am
   My youngest daughter is gettin hitched on the twenty third of June.I offered her ten days at any Sandals resort if she would elope and she turned me down so I get four hundred folks in my front yard instead.The upside of this is that I get my yard aerated from them high heels.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by seasonalboomer on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:12am
only one piece of knowledge.... men and women think differently about almost everything. they approach a problem from nearly completely different angles, and often both have the ability to solve the problem, only differently. Once you accept that it makes the whole process easier (because it ain't gonna change).


;)

scott
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:13am

on 03/19/07 at 11:09:16, vietvet2tours wrote:
   My youngest daughter is gettin hitched on the twenty third of June.I offered her ten days at any Sandals resort if she would elope and she turned me down so I get four hundred folks in my front yard instead.The upside of this is that I get my yard aerated from them high heels.

I would have picked the Sandals resort!!!
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by vietvet2tours on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:18am

on 03/19/07 at 11:13:32, kimmiedawn81 wrote:
I would have picked the Sandals resort!!!
              I bought my oldest daughter ten days at the Sandals in the Bahamas.She got married on the beach and sent me the pics.Good deal for them and a great deal for me.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Jimi on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:21am
If you spend the rest of your life with one goal in mind, and that is to make him happy. AND....if his one goal in life is to make YOU happy, then you will have a good marriage. But both of you need to feel that for that to happen.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by jimmers on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:40am
Don't worry at your reception that everything has to be perfect, it will be, so just enjoy the day because it goes by real quick.

Also, if he has a bachelor party, make sure he does it a week ahead of time. You don't want to have a Groom with a hangover. ;)

Wheres our invitations? ;;D

jimmers
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:44am

on 03/19/07 at 11:40:18, jimmers wrote:
Don't worry at your reception that everything has to be perfect, it will be, so just enjoy the day because it goes by real quick.

Also, if he has a bachelor party, make sure he does it a week ahead of time. You don't want to have a Groom with a hangover. ;)

Wheres our invitations? ;;D

jimmers

Well, he doesn't drink, so I don't have to worry about him having a hangover.  Also, our reception area only holds 200 people, so unfortunately I can't invite any of ya.  Trust me, if I had the reception hall that I really wanted (which is taken on that day) I would be inviting all of you.  I wish you all could be there, but I'll be posting plenty of pics, don't worry!
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Rosybabe on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:51am
love is not looking at each other but looking both at the same direction...
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Guiseppi on Mar 19th, 2007, 11:51am
My father gave me the 5 rules of marriage for men.

1: You were right.
2: I was wrong.
3: I don't know what I was thinking.
4: It will never happen again.
5: I'm sorry.

When all is said and done you're going to go groveling for forgiveness cuz women can hold out far longer then men. It's much easier to just grovel from the get go!
(It'll be 25 years in September!)

Guiseppi
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by ClusterChuck on Mar 19th, 2007, 12:12pm
Yes, I have GREAT advise about the nuptials ... DON'T DO IT!!!   Run while you can, and still have your testicles attached!!!  ... ... ... Oh, wait, I am suppose to be telling the groom that ...  Ignore my last ...   LOL

Other advise to the groom:  Learn and practise this phrase, and then use it often: "Yes, dear ... "

ALSO, make sure YOU always get the last words of any argument.  And they should be: "Yes, dear, you are right ... I was wrong ... "

Chuck
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Gator on Mar 19th, 2007, 12:36pm
I could tell you about all the wonderful times to come, and yes, some of the best times of your life are definitely yet to come, but many soon to be married couples never consider life past the honeymoon.  They get married thinking life will always be perfect, then reality sets in and they end up getting divorced because their partner isn't who they thought s/he was or life isn't like it was when they were dating.

Be honest with yourself about who your husband to be really is.  He is not the ever-perfect knight in shining armor with the blinding smile and perfect manners.  He will likely drink from the milk carton, belch, fart in bed, scratch himself, leave the toilet seat up, pay more attention to his hobby (football, baseball, car, computer, etc) than to you at times, have opinions that differ from yours and a whole host of other things.  If there is something about him that drives you crazy now, imagine yourself living with it for the rest of your life.  Don't get married thinking you will be able to change him, his attitudes or his opinions.

Marriage is the toughest job you will ever love.  It won't all be sunshine, lollipops and roses.  Keeping it together will take hard work and compromise on the part of both of you.  You will have your share of disagreements.  This is not the end of the world or the marriage.  If things get too heated, go to your neutral corners and come back and work it out when cooler heads can prevail.  Sometimes you will just have to agree to disagree.  Never go to bed angry.  You may never get a second chance to say I Love You.  

Having said all that, I have to think hard to remember a time before I married Jane.  Sometimes it seems like we have always been married and then sometimes it seems like just yesterday I watched her coming up the aisle.  I could not imagine me without her.  After 17 years, her mother says we still act like newlyweds like that was a bad thing.  I hope we are always that way.

I wish you all the best love and marriage have to offer.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 19th, 2007, 12:46pm

on 03/19/07 at 11:21:33, Jimi wrote:
If you spend the rest of your life with one goal in mind, and that is to make him happy. AND....if his one goal in life is to make YOU happy, then you will have a good marriage. But both of you need to feel that for that to happen.


Jimi speaks the truth.  

You should ALWAYS have HIS best interests in mind and heart, and he yours.  Anything else is unnacceptable if you mean to stay together forever.  Those vows you take MEAN something.  If you can't truly mean those vows then don't take them.

Get your stress level down now because you'll be a basket case by the big day if you don't.  

You will remember VERY little about the actual day; it goes by in a blur and the next day your face aches from smiling too much.  No one will remember what anyone wore, how anyone looked, if the flowers were perfect, if the soloist was off-key . . . .

It's the lifetime of living happily ever after that matters . . .put your energy into THAT.

I only remember one thing that anyone said to me at our reception; it was "how long do you expect this fiasco (our marriage) to last?"  This from an old friend of the family . . .it'll be 25 years this October.

HA!
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 19th, 2007, 12:47pm

on 03/19/07 at 11:51:58, Guiseppi wrote:
1: You were right.
2: I was wrong.
3: I don't know what I was thinking.
4: It will never happen again.
5: I'm sorry.

6. Which foot shall I rub first, dear?
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 19th, 2007, 12:48pm
Oh Gator - that was lovely!

Spoken like a truly happy married man.

Bravo sweetie!
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Melissa on Mar 19th, 2007, 1:05pm
ok, my advice?  don't get into the "what about me, my feelings, what I want to do, where I want to go, what I want to buy" mode.  KISS (keep it simple stupid) him and things will be just fine.  Oh, and trust should go both ways and be a main stay in your marriage.

I've got lots more, but I figure I'd just give you a couple tidbits.
;;D

mel, who's been married for 9 years (together for 13)
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by fubar on Mar 19th, 2007, 1:22pm
My biggest piece of advice...

Go easy on him.  Men are, well, stupid.  Ignorant.  We might look good, and lord knows we can please you now and then, but for the most part, we are idiots.  Don't take it personally when we prove this fact repeatedly.  We don't do this only to make you crazy, we are born this way.  Cut us a little slack, and everybody will be happy.

:)

-Fu
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by LeLimey on Mar 19th, 2007, 1:35pm
My advice would be to read, read and re read the wedding vows. Think about what they actually mean and make sure you can live the rest of your life keeping them.

Oh and never say "Nuffink" when asked "What's wrong?" LOL
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Mar 19th, 2007, 1:55pm
All good advice and I'm taking it all to heart.  Thank you guys!  Keep it coming!
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by BarbaraD on Mar 19th, 2007, 2:18pm
My kids got married at HedioismII in Jamica and only "fun" people showed up.(Her mother and father were the only duds in the crowd - still are)  I got there a week ahead of the wedding just to check out the place and had a great time. So far the marriage has lasted 10 years. Big weddings are a crock.... My theory -- enjoy them.... the marriage is a lot longer than the wedding (usually)..

Hugs BD
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by JimLaff on Mar 19th, 2007, 2:36pm
Kimmie - Just keep these rules in mind and you should be ok.

 How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Mar 19th, 2007, 2:48pm
LOL....I'm not even gonna say anything Jim, all the other women will take care of you once they read that.  [smiley=laugh.gif]
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 19th, 2007, 3:05pm

on 03/19/07 at 13:35:14, LeLimey wrote:
Think about what they actually mean and make sure you can live the rest of your life keeping them.


Sometimes I think CH was created to test the "in sickness and in health" and "for better or worse" part of the vows.

I've repeated them over and over whilst being a supporter for 15 years.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by minnie on Mar 19th, 2007, 3:18pm
Kimmie The day of the wedding will go by fast.you'll look back and laugh at all the tiny details you put into it that probably only you will notice.our minister told us at the rehearsal that if anything goes not according to plan..lie and say you meant for that to happen.Laugh and have fun let the DJ and cateror do their jobs and that should leave you to dance, kiss and laugh.We had it set up with the caterer to have a bartender as did my sister.We didn't really expect any problems but if so they handle it (no hard feelings) and they are insured.
thats the wedding.
  Marriage well,talk,talk and listen communication is key.Trust me when it fails and you stop really talking well...I'm single now so you can imagine.Also if theres a problm deal with it and then get past it.If you have a problem today deal only with this time.Rehashing something over and over again and not letting it die is not healthy.live in the present and learn from the past.
  One last thing I know sometimes you get so upset with your spouse you need to talk.Just remember if you
tell your family and friends all the bad stuff they will remember it even if the two of you work it out and get past it.They love you and can get very upset and when they only ever hear one side of the fights/problems then their feelings and relationship with your spouse may not always be accurate.
 Good luck and have fun.
  Minnie

wedding=1 day of your life
 god willing
Marriage = rest of your life
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by thomas on Mar 19th, 2007, 3:57pm
I haven't been doing this (marriage) long enough to offer any sage advise, so I will just extend my wishes for a lifetime of happiness for both of you.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by georgej on Mar 19th, 2007, 10:51pm
Marriage:  Be your partner's best friend--his or her brave companion.  Do that, and all the rest will follow.  

Weddings: "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."  (Thoreau)  

Best,

George
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Callico_Kid on Mar 20th, 2007, 1:08am
Kim,

You have gotten a lot of great advice, so to follow up my funny at the beginning I would only add this.
Remember that in your vows you promise to put each other before ALL others.  This includes your families as well!  I remember one time after Linda and I had been married for a few months we had a disagreement about something that was pretty small.  Linda called her mom to ask what she thought about it.  Her mom told her that it was between the two of us and that she didn't even want to hear about it.  I have blessed that woman ever since.  She did me the greatest favor a man could ever have.  She is always there if the two of us want to talk with her and ask advice, but she is very careful not to intrude.  We now try to follow the same with our two oldest and their spouses.  Be very careful not to put your parents in the position of taking sides either intentionally or not.  That will do more to drive a wedge between you and your husband than about anything else.

All the best,
Jerry
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by sandie99 on Mar 20th, 2007, 3:54am
Kim,

Enjoy preparing for your wedding and don't take too much stress about it. Like it's been said before, it's just one day. I bet it will be a wonderful day! :)

It's important that others in here have pointed out that wedding and marriage are different things. I've seen people forgetting that and ending up hurting badly. Having said that, I have heard though, that a nice wedding day makes a wonderful memory to look back on when life is not that rosy...

I'm not married nor engaged so I have not yet received lots of stories and advices to shere. But my parents (who were married 27 years - until the day my dad died) sweared to one rule: they never went to bed angry; they stayed up late if they had to, but they always solved their differences before going to sleep. Others have said the same, so it must work! :)

It's fastastic that you have shared so many details with us! Thank you or it. I can't wait to see the pics! ;)

Hugs,
Sanna
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Sandy_C on Mar 20th, 2007, 1:20pm
Kimmie, as far as the wedding day goes, there will be something that will go wrong - guaranteed!  

Don't worry about the wedding day.  Once that train leaves the station, you are on for the ride, no matter what happens.  Just ride, enjoy, and later on, you will laugh at the silly things that happened!

Marriage, takes a lot of work, from day one through the rest of your lives together (I'm working on 38 years).  You will argue!  Two people living together cannot survive with out having some disagreements.  Never let that disagreement overshadow the reasons you got married in the first place.  You've already been told, never go to bed angry - NEVER allow that to happen.  

#1 Rule:  Communication, communication, communication.  Don't expect him to know why you are upset - he won't.  Tell him.  Don't think that you know why he's upset - ask him. Neither of you are mind readers.  

#2 Rule: Compromise, compromise, compromise.  Neither of you will always get your own way.  Give and take on both sides will keep the marriage working.

#3 Rule:  Don't sweat the small stuff.  If he leaves the toilet seat up, he leaves it up.  How difficult is it for you to put it down?  Save your energies when something serious comes up and you need to discuss it.  Constant bickering about little things will undermine a marriage faster than you can say spit!

#4 Rule:  Fight fair.  If you two are having a disagreement, keep to the subject.  Never, ever bring up past disagreements, or old hurts.  It's counterproductive.

All of this has worked for me.

Best wishes for a beautiful wedding day, filled with laughter and joy, and for a long, long life together filled with love.

Sandy
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by jimmers on Mar 20th, 2007, 1:49pm
Sandy,

Your are a very wise person. Great advice! Life is way to short to sweat the small stuff because after all 99% of it is small stuff.

Jimmers
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Lobster on Mar 20th, 2007, 2:12pm
Heh heh heh... all this 'have a happy life' stuff...
http://tell.fll.purdue.edu/JapanProj/FLClipart/Medical/vomit.s.gif

Here is something that will help instantly...
Take what Jimmers said...
Life is way to short to sweat the small stuff because after all 99% of it is small stuff.
... and apply that to your wedding.

I see ladies OBSESS about weddings... and there is no point to it.
Spend good money on the beer and the band, and ignore the rest.
Nobody gives a shit about the little mints wrapped in lace, or what color the doilies are, or the 'Kim and Whoever' napkins, or the tablecloths, or the flower arrangements, or whether you had lima or green beans for the side...
but if the beer runs out or the band sucks people will remember 'Kims lame-assed wedding'.   ;;D

/I would be impressed if they brought out pitchers of beer and pizzas at a wedding... shows fiscal responsibility.. I would rather see the couple spend their loot on a kickass honeymoon, or house, or whatever.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 20th, 2007, 2:22pm

on 03/20/07 at 13:49:24, jimmers wrote:
Life is way to short to sweat the small stuff because after all 99% of it is small stuff.

Spoken like someone who leaves the seat up all the time. ;;D
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by jimmers on Mar 20th, 2007, 2:35pm
Its called equal rights Bill! ;;D

Jimmers
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by UN solved on Mar 20th, 2007, 2:39pm
I'm agreeing with Chuckster ... DON'T DO IT ... RUN ....FAST AND FAR ... RUN NOW.  [smiley=laugh.gif]

( Just kiddin' )

Goodluck ... Best Wishes for a long and happy marriage

UNsolved
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Cathi04 on Mar 20th, 2007, 4:12pm
Argh! Men! Don't listen to these guys, Kimmie! Marriage CAN be very good! I should know....Gil and I will be renewing our vows for the 33rd time next month...and I know I am still happy!
We both have different communication skills. Once we determined that, and then proceeded to communicate with each other's tools, we found a commonality. It takes copious amounts of both listening and speaking, but when there are bumps, we work them out together. I totally agree with Sanna's parents. We have never gone to bed angry....and remember, a good marriage is worth fighting FOR!

Oh, and we rub each other's feet regularly......coz', ya know what?? It's really about the sharing of kindnesses!

Best wishes to you both!

Cathi   :-*

OH,OH! And now, the Wedding itself......plan like crazy, do things as much as you can ahead of time.....and then, on the day, .........
LET ER RIP! Just let things happen. If you've done your homework, and your vendors are good, it should be a wonderful day for you to relax and enjoy, and there is NOTHING like a relaxed bride, enjoying her special day!
Oh, and take LOTS of pictures, and use the best photog you can afford! Oh, and delegate! Give your attendants somethieng they need to do for you that day.......but be sure they are up to the task and trustworthy......

ENJOY!

Cathi..who modified to add the last half of this post!
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Karla on Mar 20th, 2007, 5:01pm
Men want respect and woman want love.  Remember that at most all should be fine.

Also never let the sun go down upon your wrath.  That is scriptural but it is also sound advice.  Ted and I have been married 22 years.  When ever we get into a fight or disagree on something.  We sit up and talk it out and don't go to sleep untill we have worked things out and all is forgiven.  There have been several nights were we had all night sessions but it has been good and healthy for our marriage.  
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Brewcrew on Mar 20th, 2007, 5:10pm
And sometimes you say you're sorry and forgive each other because it's late and you want to go to sleep. It kind of forces you to realize that it was something pretty small that caused the rift in the first place.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Mac_Muz on Mar 20th, 2007, 6:55pm
My first I did all wrong, my 2nd i did all right... not bad eh?

At least when you say you have a head ache, not tonight dear you will mean it....  ;;D
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Mosaicwench on Mar 20th, 2007, 7:28pm

on 03/20/07 at 17:10:47, Brewcrew wrote:
And sometimes you say you're sorry and forgive each other because it's late and you want to go to sleep. It kind of forces you to realize that it was something pretty small that caused the rift in the first place.


Or you just wait for dawn's early light before mentioning the problem so you have all day to fight about it . . .
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by jimmers on Mar 20th, 2007, 9:26pm
Oooohhh! Bills in trouble! ;;D

Jimmers who is in trouble to because he stopped at the tavern after work ;)

Dats OK! Shill lov me in da mornin (Tony Montana)
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by barry_sword on Mar 20th, 2007, 9:47pm
You both remember your vows and live by them. 24 years for Angie and me! :)

The "in sickness and in health" kinda stands out, but we get through it together, that is what we do for each other.

Have a great life together you two!!

 Barry&Angie
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by Callico_Kid on Mar 20th, 2007, 11:00pm
[quote author=Karla link=board=general;num=1174311944;start=25#39 date=03/20/07 at 17:01:06]Men want respect and woman want love.  Remember that at most all should be fine.

Karla hit this one on the head.  I don't know of a man who can freely give love if he is not respected.  That tears down a man's self respect more quickly than anything else.  I also don't know any men who are respected by their wives that don't reciprocate fully with love.

Jerry
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by E-Double on Mar 21st, 2007, 5:32am
Communicate..........EFFECTIVELY!


Things will always work out so remember to breathe and enjoy.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by MaxPayne on Mar 21st, 2007, 8:54am
If ya have a beard, shave.
Title: Re: Any wedding/marriage advice?
Post by nani on Mar 21st, 2007, 10:06am
I don't have time to read this whole thread, Kim, so sorry if this has been said already.

Learn to laugh at everything...especially yourself.
Respect each other and communicate.
Your gonna do great!
hugs, nani


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