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Title: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by Lizzie2 on Feb 2nd, 2007, 11:18pm ***Edit: About two or three responses down from my original post, I spoke about our very close family friend who was very near death from cancer on Friday. And then I put an update further down than that because she had passed away yesterday morning. I didn't want to start a new thread about my friend because I'd already mentioned it in this one, but I think most people hadn't seen it because my first post here is not at all about my friend - I didn't get into it for a few posts down. So now I've updated this first post so that if anybody opens this, they'll look further down to see the most important thing I've written here. Sorry - I know I'm not explaining this very well - not really in the right frame of mind after losing one of our closest family friends. But basically, please read the 3rd post on this thread and then my subsequent posts after it if you want to know what's going on in my life and what's happened with our friend who had gotten lung cancer from smoking for years. I should have just started a new thread solely about her - but I didn't and I would feel dumb starting a new one about her now - so that's why I'm updating this one! Please excuse my own lack of common sense on this one. It's been a really hard time for me and my family right now. We all (our family and theirs) could use some prayers over the next several days. Thanks... I love you guys!!!!! :-* Been goin through some pretty rough times lately with lots more rough times ahead this week and for the future for a little while, BUT - tonight, I've been reading posts here...and you guys always make me feel like I'm home. Even though I'm just reading through random posts. The supporting, the suffering (wish nobody had to do that...), the joking, and even the fighting sometimes....make this place what it is. There is no other place like it and no other place I'd want to be (since I have clusters and gotta be somewhere!)... Tonight, I was telling my story about how my neuro missed my diagnosis of clusters but how people here helped me be able to differentiate between my clusters and my other headache type just to help me be able to describe it to my doctor so he would listen! (And I know it's nothing compared to the years that people were misdiagnosed!) And...I know I had a rough start here in a lot of ways - as did a lot of people, but I'll never forget the night I was admitted to the hospital in December of 2003, and I described what I'd been going through every night at 5pm, 7pm, 9pm, 11pm, 2am, and 4am to my neuro. Then he asked me some questions. And then he told the nurse to get a nonrebreather mask and show me how to use the O2 at 15LPM. I think I cried the first time I used O2...and it aborted my attack in about 15 minutes or so if I recall. And I finally slept for a few hours for the first time in months because I wasn't quite as afraid of waking up with such a full-out attack because I could use the O2. This place is so great - and I just wanted to take a moment to say that. DJ - I can never thank you enough...this place has saved my life, and so many others. Just wanted to say that! Hope everybody has a PF night..... Hugz, Carrie/Lizzie2 :) |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by tanner on Feb 2nd, 2007, 11:30pm Love you too! I will be sending you non-stop vibes until you say "enough already". I hope that it will be very soon!!! How much can you really care about someone you have never met in person? From here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> To here and then some :-* Hugz Tim |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Lizzie2 on Feb 3rd, 2007, 12:51am Thank you, Tim... One of our absolute closest family friends is extremely sick, and I can't quite bring myself to say that she is dying. I feel like if I say that, then I make it true. But we don't know if she will make it through the weekend or this week. And all of these words don't make sense to me anymore because saying someone is dying sounds all wrong, but saying "make it through the week" sounds wrong, too because then that means I wish for someone I love dearly to continue to be in pain to make it through one more week. It's a very hard road, although I know we're not the first nor the last to travel it. But I just pray so hard for her and her family...... I would move heaven and earth to help them if I could. That is weighing very heavily on my mind right now, but the other things that seem trivial that happened are actually big things, too. Like wrecking the car and even the speeding ticket. (would ya believe I'm actually a good driver even though I got a speeding ticket and wrecked my car in the same 2 week period?) Even having to take down the majority of my blog was hard and stressed me out a lot because it has been a real sense of comfort and a great outlet for me. But NONE of that matters compared to losing our friend. It's just been a hard couple of months. I feel like I say that a lot, but sometimes when I think I've been through a hard couple of months, the next two turn out to be that much harder. I guess I never really realize when I'm having an easy couple of months until they've come and gone! But thank you for the vibes....although that's not why I started this thread. Just was feeling happy to have this place tonight, as I was thinking back on some stuff over the past few years. :) Hugz, PF wishes and lots of vibes always from me too!!! Carrie :) |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Charlie on Feb 3rd, 2007, 1:01am Lots of wishes and all the vibes I can find for you. It seems ya never get a break but do yourself a favor and keep posting. Rants are welcome. Hang on, http://www.clusterheadaches.com/public_html/yabbimages/smileys/hug.gif Charlie |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by georgej on Feb 3rd, 2007, 1:04am on 02/03/07 at 00:51:02, Lizzie2 wrote:
You're not. And I understand. Best always, George |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Lizzie2 on Feb 3rd, 2007, 1:09am Charlie, Thank you - you're like the only person EVER who tells me to keep posting and that ranting is good. Most people would rather tell me to shuddup and say less. That's why I love ya! (Well...I love ya for lots more reasons than that - but it is mighty nice of ya just the same! haha) George...Thank you - sometimes only a word or two means so much - you just brought tears to my eyes... Hugz, Carrie |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Lizzie2 on Feb 3rd, 2007, 11:34am I just wanted to update something I wrote here. My mom just called me and told me that our friend died this morning around 8:30am. All of her family was there. My brother was coming home today to go see her, so I'm sure he is sad - she was like a 2nd mother to him. I haven't cried yet, but she just told me like 5 minutes ago, and I think that mostly I am glad that she is at peace and not suffering any longer. She was a very special person, and she is already sorely missed... I work on Monday, but I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday, and then I work Thursday and Friday again. Not sure if the services will line up with the days I'm off, but I will try to find someone to work for me if not. I'm getting ready to go home today, though, for the weekend. I just want to post this one pic. This is from when my mom and her two best friends (also known as the three angels!) came to my apartment to help me figure out how to decorate it. I may have even posted this pic way back when I posted new pics of my place when I first moved into it in September 2005. But at any rate, the people in the pic are my mom, JoAnne, and Elise. JoAnne is our friend who died this morning....they're all still 3 angels - it's just that one of them went ahead a little sooner. Godspeed... http://farm1.static.flickr.com/177/378409204_e8370ea2d7.jpg?v=0 |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Callico_Kid on Feb 4th, 2007, 1:05am Lizzie, I am terribly sorry about the loss of your friend. You and your family will be in our prayers. I agree with Charlie also. Keep posting. The opportunity to vent is so needed at times, especially among others who understand what it is you are venting about. So often when we try to talk to non-clusterheads it is as if we speak a different language. Tim, you are so right, but after meeting another clusterhead the feeling is multiplied many times over. jc |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Wilbur on Feb 4th, 2007, 8:31am Lizzie - Please accept my condolences. Losing a loved one is never an easy thing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Bill |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Jackie on Feb 4th, 2007, 9:43am Oh Lizzy....so sorry, Sweetie.... :'( Condolences, Jackie |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by barry_sword on Feb 4th, 2007, 9:58am So sorry Lizzie. I lost my dad a few years ago to this dreadful disease and it still hurts like hell. Our deepest thoughts for you and your mom. Barry&Angie Sword |
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Title: Re: I just want to say.... Post by Tim_w on Feb 4th, 2007, 10:50am Lizzie Our Thoughts a Prayers are with you and yours! :'( also sending PF prayers your way! Tim W |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by Lizzie2 on Feb 4th, 2007, 12:28pm JC - Thank you very much... I agree that we already have a ton of caring for those we've never even met and even moreso once we do get to meet them. I hope I get to meet more of you in the future, but I can't come to this year's convention because my family will be away. Thanks for your prayers and understanding. :) WilburBrewBill, Jackie, and TimW - thank you very much. I appreciate it more than words can say... hugz Barry - I'm so sorry that you lost your dad to this, too. It really is such a difficult thing to go through....and I can understand that you're still feeling the hurt. I don't know if we ever get over losing our parents - and I haven't even gone through it yet and absolutely cannot imagine going through it right now. Makes me cry just thinking about it. Hugz to you.... It is just so hard - I mean...just 2 and a half months ago, we found out she had cancer. The docs had said that she'd never be cured but that they would use radiation and chemo to get her into remission and then when it came back again sometime down the line (they said it would definitely come back), they would just start all over again with the treatments. We thought we'd have a lot of time with her. And then, because she was so immunocompromised, she got sick with fungal pneumonia, and it just got worse and worse. About a week ago, one of her lungs collapsed and that spread the fungus into the chest cavity - and from there it went everywhere. The last couple of nights, she had had a lot of trouble breathing and was in a lot more pain. Thing is - when she was awake (she slept about 80% of the time or so), she was lucid - she was able to talk to her family..her husband and her children and other family that visited her. She was still her same strong, lovable, funny and wonderful personality - I knew she would be. And then yesterday morning - her brothers were flying in from out of town - and they got there about 20 minutes before she died. She fell asleep, and then she stopped breathing.....and that was the end. It's just heartbreaking. As I said in one of the posts above - I didn't cry at first. Then, as I posted that message here and looked at the picture of my mom and her friends, I just lost it. And throughout yesterday sometimes I'd be okay and then I'd think of something and just crumble. My mom is definitely having a hard time with this.... She keeps saying that it's hard to believe it even happened - after she got the news and was calling all these other people to notify them, she said that she had to stop and wonder if she had gotten the news right. She was afraid that maybe she heard it wrong - that JoAnne didn't die and she was making a mistake. Yesterday when they were all over at the house, a lot of people felt like she was just going to walk through the door - it just hasn't sunk in entirely. My brother also has had a very hard time with it, as JoAnne was a 2nd mother to him - and his absolute best friend is her middle son. He came home from NYC last night, and after my dad picked him up from the train, they picked me up at my apartment and we came back here. It was good to all be together. My brother went over to his friend's house for the whole night shortly after coming home - and then this morning he was out going food shopping with JoAnne's husband, Rick. I thought that was sweet... We did find out that the viewing will be on Tuesday and the funeral will be on Wednesday. So that means I don't have to find someone to work for me, which I'm glad about. I decided that I'm just staying here at home all week. I will drive into work from here tomorrow and then also commute in from here on Thursday and Friday for my shifts. I just feel like I need to be here for my mom and it also helps me for all of us to be together. JoAnne was a really special person - she is already missed so much..... Please keep her family and ours in your prayers... Much love, Carrie/Lizzie2 :) |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Feb 4th, 2007, 1:55pm Carrie - I'm so sorry to hear of this loss. :'( God bless your family and hers. Hugs Carol |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by artonio7 on Feb 4th, 2007, 2:43pm Awww Carrie, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're doing the right thing by being with your family and all those who loved your friend. You will be in my prayers as well as your family and friends family. with warm regards, Tony |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by cootie on Feb 4th, 2007, 3:08pm Real sorry Lizzie......I just lost a friend too and was just with her last summer camping out ! Sumtimes I wonder if they'd not last longer if they skipped all the treatments that ruins there immune systems. Hell if I know Pam :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by LeLimey on Feb 4th, 2007, 5:39pm Passive smoking kills too. My aunt died of lung cancer on her 42nd birthday - the same birthday I will hit this September. She never smoked a cigarette in her life, she went to the gym 3 times a week, she ran in marathons and she ate really healthily. She also worked on the London Stock Exchange where it was just a fug of smoke from 9-5 every day. When her lungs were looked at they were compared to a 60-a-day smoker :-/ I'm sorry for your loss Lizzie, its a dreadful waste of life. Even more so when someone ELSE dies. There is no one who deserves to die from smoking though, its a really insidious addiction. I know a guy here who has just started smoking again after giving up for ten years. I don't hate smokers, they're maligned enough - but I do hate smoking because it wrecks so many lives Helen |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by TonyG1 on Feb 4th, 2007, 5:52pm Lizzie -- So sorry for your loss! :'( Good thoughts / vibes & prayers coming your way for the days to come !! |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by Lizzie2 on Feb 4th, 2007, 11:10pm Thanks very much for all the prayers and thoughts. Today was just a hard day, even though I think the harder days are yet to come. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers. I know second-hand smoke can kill, too. I've researched the stats for years in the hopes of getting my father to quit smoking. My mom used to smoke, too, but she quit the day she found out she was pregnant with me. My dad has tried to quit so many times it is not even funny. However, he has a real type A personality, and he's the type that has the hardest time quitting smoking, IMHO. He's tried the patch, the gum, the welbutrin and all that jazz. He's quit for a few months at a time on a couple of occasions, but he just can't seem to. And I know I get mad at him for it sometimes, and it's easy for me to say that I think it's ridiculous that he hasn't vowed to quit now that we've lost our good friend, BUT - I realize how hard this is for him. I do believe that he would quit if he could...and I'm not saying he's any different from others who've had a hard time quitting. But I do think that people like my dad are usually the ones who quit and relapse dozens of times - but ultimately end up smoking in the end. I just worry a good deal about him and my other family/friends who smoke. At least these days my dad has to smoke in the garage. I hate riding in the car when he's smoking - it makes me nauseous and also makes my head hurt a LOT. But the only times I have gotten him to hold off was if we were going on a very short drive or going to the hospital and the option was me puking all over his car or him holding off on the cig. And even then, I have to really be in imminent danger of puking for him to stop. It just sucks. I hate what the freaking nicotine has done to him and all of us. I don't like worrying about my dad every time I hear him cough as if he's coughing up a lung. The day that JoAnne's husband, Rick, told us that JoAnne had lung cancer, as he was walking out the door of our house, he said to my dad, "You better quit that stuff." Rick has also quit smoking - I think he did it awhile ago, though - before all this. The downer of an example for my dad is that my grandma, my dad's mom, is 84 and has smoked since she was like 15 or something like that - and she has a bad cough, but no other smoking-related health problems. So that actually sets a bad example, even though I'm glad she is healthy. He can look at her and justify that our family doesn't have a tendency to get health problems from smoking... I have to go to work tomorrow from 11am-11pm. I put in for vacation from 11-3, but I won't know if I got those 4 hours until 10am, and I will have to be starting on the road at that point. I'm hoping that I got it, because frankly I'm exhausted and could use a little extra rest. Thanks again for all the prayers and thoughts. Of all the big stuff I've gone through lately, this puts it in perspective - our loved ones are truly the most important thing in our lives, and we should cherish them every day. Hugz, Carrie |
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Title: Re: I just want to say....(Update on my friend) Post by sandie99 on Feb 5th, 2007, 8:49am Carrie...[smiley=hug.gif][smiley=hug.gif][smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif][smiley=hug.gif] I'm so sorry for your loss... :( good friends mean the world. my deepest condolences. Hugs, Sanna |
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