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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
        
(Message started by: B14CK5H33P on Jan 20^th, 2007, 2:47pm)

Title: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by B14CK5H33P on Jan 20^th, 2007, 2:47pm

I am dead serious. Do not read further if you are easily offended. If you are offended by anything on this list...
Not for the humour-less.

Courtesy of my buddy Jakester:

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

8)

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by no-one on Jan 20^th, 2007, 4:04pm

very funny [smiley=laugh.gif] but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by B14CK5H33P on Jan 20^th, 2007, 4:52pm

on 01/20/07 at 16:04:50, no-one wrote:

very funny [smiley=laugh.gif] but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b

Probably, but not everyone visits the joke section, and I'm sure someone visiting this board could use a laugh.

Peace,
Carl D

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by sailpappy on Jan 20^th, 2007, 5:02pm

;;D ;;D Carl,
Still one sick dude, Funny, but sick! I Like It!
LMAOROTF Pappy [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by Charlotte on Jan 20^th, 2007, 5:08pm

What! No part IV?

We liked the Italian speach impediment (what, what, I can't understand the words!), and the harley/vacuum jokes the best.

Least fav - cotton balls. Huh?

Thanks for some good laughs.

Charlotte

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by tanner on Jan 20^th, 2007, 5:27pm

ROTFLMFAO and deeply offended ;;D....Tim

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by LeLimey on Jan 20^th, 2007, 5:42pm

Well that raised a titter in middle England ;;D

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by JenniferD on Jan 20^th, 2007, 6:19pm

Not offended and LMAO!

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by Jonny on Jan 20^th, 2007, 7:41pm

on 01/20/07 at 16:04:50, no-one wrote:

very funny [smiley=laugh.gif] but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b

You say your an adult, right?

Shouldnt you shut the fuck up and let DJ moderate this site?

Who the fuck are you to tell anyone anything?

I dont see you here everyday helping people.....why the fuck should you have a say in anything?

Shuffle along little girl.......your opinion is not needed!

BTW....Your a kid, I talked to Becky!!

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by Charlie on Jan 20^th, 2007, 9:40pm

http://www.kolobok.wrg.ru/smiles/standart/acute.gif?SSImageQuality=Full http://www.kolobok.wrg.ru/smiles/standart/declare.gif?SSImageQuality=Full

Funny Stuff

Charlie

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by no-one on Jan 20^th, 2007, 9:48pm

on 01/20/07 at 19:41:40, Jonny wrote:

Sorry Jonny but you are worng I am not Felicia, it is me. Why would I let someone else post under my name

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by B14CK5H33P on Jan 20^th, 2007, 10:07pm

Sorry No One but...
I just laughed my ass off for ten minutes.
Why?

It wasn't the jokes that turned out to be offensive - but where they were placed.

Now THAT'S funny! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by chewy on Jan 20^th, 2007, 10:18pm

Quote:

very funny but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b

AWW. Look! A baby troll.

I was almost offended till I saw this one.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by froggy on Jan 20^th, 2007, 10:47pm

Bleepin' halarious!

Title: Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
Post by DonnaHar on Jan 20^th, 2007, 10:50pm

I am SO offended........got anymore?