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Title: PLEASE PRAY...UPDATE! Post by Langa on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:25pm My younger sister who is in stage 4 of cancer, is going into surgery tomorrow to repair the upper part of her spine that was destroyed by the cancer. It's either that or paralysis. Her Oncologist told me her lungs, liver and bones are riddled with cancer. I might be bringing her to live her last days here with me and her children. I'm also considering hospice for the last few weeks of her life so the children won't have to deal with seeing their mother in so much pain. I'm not sure yet. Lots of calls to make -thank God for Gordon who's helping me through all of this. Heading out to the hospital tomorrow. I was told she can barely move or even bend or pick up anything or it's instant paralysis. That is so scary She's pretty much sedated right now because of the severe pain in her neck. I also have to deal with my mother with severe dementia, but she's at least being taken care off by 24 hour home attendants. What do I tell her when my sister dies? Or do I tell her at all? I already feel so disoriented and tired. Thanks for your prayers. Love, Langa ********************************************* Update: My sister had surgery on her upper spine and had a cancerous tumor removed, then then they had to fix the fracture on her upper spine caused by the tumor. They removed 80% of it and want to give her radiation for 10 weeks. She has another tumor on the base of her spine and she went through a full body scan to see what immediate work needs to be done right now to at least give her temporary relief. Basically she is riddled with cancer and we are meeting with all her doctors on Thursday to discuss the next steps for her. I also have to meet with the family lawyer to legally adopt her kids. Thankfully her and the kids are in great spirits. Thank you all for your prayers. Love, Langa |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by aubmari on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:29pm My thoughts and prayers are with you, your sister and all involved!!!!! Hang in there. Hospice workers are a godsend. They were there for us when my mother was dying from cancer, I was 9. I still 20 years later remember all of there names. They are great plus all the help you can get is a bonus. Take care Langa. Aubmari :-* |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Jonny on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:34pm :'( You got'em, Sweetie! |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by echo on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:36pm My heart hurts for you. You will be in my thoughts. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by peacestock on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:37pm I used to work in the Dementia Research Clinic here in Calgary, AB. I am not an expert, but I have dealt with a lot of dementia patients. I don't know what stage your mother is at with her dementia, but you would know best. I would tell her that her daughter has passed away and pass on any messages she may have had. Then, remove all expectations. If her dementia is progressed, he probably won't remember you telling her, but you will. Wouldn't you feel better letting your mother know, letting her have a chance to react, whatever that may be, and then just let it go. I wouldn't keep telling her every time you see her. Just tell her once and know that somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, she knows it and has made peace with it. You need to tell her for your own peace of mind. Peacestock |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by cootie on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:37pm OMG I am so sorry......that's alot of grief for sumone to bear or even think about goin on.......the strongest of strength and healthiest of turnout wishes for you !! Wellest of wishers Pam |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by JeffB on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:42pm :'( All my prayers for you and yours. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Paul98 on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:47pm My heart goes out to you and your family Maria. I know you will find the right words for your mom when the time comes. You always have a shoulder to lean on here. Love, Paul |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Cathi04 on Jan 9th, 2007, 4:56pm Langa, That is a huge burden on you! I am so sorry to hear that your sister is so ill. The words about Hospice are right on target. A wonderful group of people who are there to help you as well as the patient. Please use them. I'm not sure how far the dementia is with your mother, but, since my Mom's been so ill, I vist my grandmother regularly and keep her posted. When I thought recently that my mom was not going to pull through, I went to my grandmother and I told her, straight up.."GG, Margaret(my mom) is really sick this time. I talked to her Drs and we are not sure she will make it through". She asked me a few questions."can she speak?....No,,,,,can she breathe on her own?,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yes"...and I told her then I thought we were going to lose her. GG took all of this quite matter-of-factly, and now, a month after Mom's "crisis", she is beginning to get around a bit, spent Christmas Day with us.......and when I go to see GG, she always asks "well, is she dead yet?"........ I guess what I am saying, is, if you can help her prepare for it, well, what's the worst that can happen? You can witness a miracle, and then YOU can something to the effect of my grandmother's ill-worded question.......and say, "no, Mom, she's still alive...isn't that wonderful?" Hold onto every ounce of energy right now. And stop in when you can for this group's special energy. Try to keep a positive outlook, and pray like hell for a miracle.... I'll be doing the same for you. hugs for you all, Cathi |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by artonio7 on Jan 9th, 2007, 5:20pm Langa, Dealing with the sickness of a loved one is the most difficult thing to go through. There is never a reward for the despair, but the comfort you are giving your sister is a treasure of immeasurable wealth. Bless you for not abandoning her and for finding the courage to be there for her. Love is usually measured by what feels good, but true love is proven by your actions. Your sister is very lucky to have you and I am very proud to have made your acquaintance in this forum of wonderful people. Keep your chin up and know that you are making a wonderful difference in someone's life in spite of the pain you are enduring. You and yours have my prayers and my gratitude for your humanity. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by The mad viking on Jan 9th, 2007, 5:31pm All my prayers for you and yours. :'( :'( :'( :'( |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by taraann on Jan 9th, 2007, 5:36pm Oh wow what a load to have on your heart. My own heart goes out to you, as do my prayers. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Mosaicwench on Jan 9th, 2007, 6:26pm on 01/09/07 at 17:20:47, artonio7 wrote:
Very, VERY well said. Having just come out of the other side of Hospice with my elderly father, I highly recommend it. Hospice can be in your home or in a facility - they assess the patient's needs and help you decide. I'd recommend talking with Hospice ASAP. Hospice is much more nimble than the standard medical hierarchy and can respond to changing needs very quickly. They also help the FAMILY, not just the patient, and for that I will always be grateful. When I felt overwhelmed and needed an impartial shoulder, they were always there. God bless your family through this very difficult time. Please private message me if you need more information about Hospice or anythig else you come across. Good luck. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by eddie on Jan 9th, 2007, 6:32pm you got it :'( |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Chillrmn1 on Jan 9th, 2007, 6:45pm Thoughts and prayers for you through this difficult time. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by TonyG1 on Jan 9th, 2007, 6:55pm Prayers for you and your family Langa !! :( :'( :'( |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Shedz on Jan 9th, 2007, 7:26pm Our thoughts and prayers are with you Langa. Shedz and Debs. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Callico_Kid on Jan 9th, 2007, 7:43pm We will be praying for you both, and for your mother and your sister's children. I'll also pass along the need to the prayer group at church. God's comfort and strenth to you, as well as His wisdom for the decisions you need to make. Jerry |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by BlueMeanie on Jan 9th, 2007, 7:48pm Vibes and prayers Langa. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by georgej on Jan 9th, 2007, 7:56pm We used hospice to help with us with Liz's mother when she was in her last weeks (at home) before she died of metastisized breast cancer. They also helped us during my father's last few days, after we brought him home from the hospital. I can't say enough good things about hospice. I can't imagine how difficult things would have been without them. I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's very, very difficult--I truly know. My very best to you and yours. Best wishes, George |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by E-Double on Jan 9th, 2007, 8:21pm http://www.loeschfamily.net/Images/ch-hug.jpg |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Charlie on Jan 9th, 2007, 8:29pm I'm with you too, Langa. http://www.clusterheadaches.com/public_html/yabbimages/smileys/hug.gif Charlie |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by TxBasslady on Jan 9th, 2007, 8:38pm Bless your heart. :-* There's nothing I can say to change, what is. I went through this with my sister just 3 years ago. I will say that the Hospice in Charleston, S.C., were the most compassionate people I have ever come in contact with. I have often been told that all the Hospice people are the same. They always know what to do, and when to do it. As strong a person as you are Langa, you should get with her doc and get the Hospice folks involved when she comes home. My heart goes out to you. This is a tough situation and one that I wish you didn't have to face. You and your sis will be in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how things are going. Lean on us, Langa....it's a heavy load to bear alone, sweetie. Much love to you, Jean |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Karla on Jan 9th, 2007, 9:14pm We will be praying for miricles, peace of mind, wisdom to make decisions, and comfort. I will also ask my church to be praying for you and your family. Keep us informed and remember to take care of yourself also. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by broomhilda on Jan 9th, 2007, 9:15pm :'( Prayers on their way from my home to yours Hugs Andrea |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Charlotte on Jan 9th, 2007, 9:40pm This is a lot to bear. I'll be praying for you and your loved ones. Charlotte |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Jan 9th, 2007, 9:52pm Oh, Maria - I'm so sorry to hear this news. God's blessings on you and your family in this difficult time. I agree with all the others - hospice will be your life line in all of this and you simply can't try and do it all on your own. Prayers going up. Hugs Carol |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by nani on Jan 9th, 2007, 10:01pm Oh honey, I'm so sorry. :'( You know you and yours are always in my prayers. I'm sending extra vibes for you, too. This is a lot to deal with. Call me if you want to talk, OK? love you, nani |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by sailpappy on Jan 9th, 2007, 10:06pm Langa, Like all here, my heart is heavy with pain for the ordeal you and your family are going through, it is this very situation that makes life bearable for me. No matter how many hits I take in a day, there you and yours are to remind me how lucky I am. Life has a way of twisting everything we love into a double-sided blade, Exquisite Ecstasy on one side and cutting to the bone pain on the other. Prayer and an offer of being here for you to talk to if you need a shoulder is all I can give, but I am humbled in the very presence of these thought for you! God Bless You My Dear! Always here for you! Pappy |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by ShariRae on Jan 9th, 2007, 11:04pm Oh hun..I am so sorry to hear of all this.You and your family will be in my prayers.I too have had the services of Hospice for some family members and I can tell you that they were absolutely heaven sent.They made the transitions that we ALL were going through much easier and assisted with every aspect of care.Please give them a call... You are loved Shari |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by sandie99 on Jan 10th, 2007, 4:23am I'm so sorry to hear this... [smiley=hug.gif] Lots of prayers and vibes are coming to your sister, you and your whole family. I wish you a lot of strength, Sanna |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Woobie on Jan 10th, 2007, 4:51am OH man............ :'( :'( :'( you got it!! and some Vibes to you - for strength to get thru it. peace, love, hugs, and donuts, woobs :-* |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Peppermint on Jan 10th, 2007, 10:22am Maria.. you got it girl. :( It's a hard thing you're doing, and even with the love and support of Gordon, there's a lot to deal with. It would be good, as other people already suggested, to have hospice's guidance when she comes home to you. They are experts at what they do and can be relatively objective in a caring and supportive way in helping you do what needs to be done. Sometimes going it "alone", without any experts' help, leaves you wondering if you are doing everything possible or "right"; it helps to have that kind of guidance. As for telling your mom, its hard to gauge what you should do. You might want to ask her doctor his opinion about the effect the news might have on her. His opinion could help temper your thoughts and help you decide what to do. I'm praying for you sister, Ericka too. Love, Pepa |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by lionsound on Jan 10th, 2007, 10:30am thinking of you and your family, Maria.... [smiley=hug.gif] -Rori |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by brewcrew on Jan 10th, 2007, 10:31am We found the greatest benefit of home-based hospice care was the third-shift nurse we started with. They started by sending a nurse to attend to my father-in-law's needs from midnight to 8:00 a.m. Finally, we were able to get a decent night's sleep and wake up rested so we (well, my bride) could tend to his needs during the day. Eventually they added a second-shift nurse for a few days, and then the last few days were 24-hour care. Hospice nurses are cut from a different cloth and represent that to which most of us can only aspire. |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Langa on Jan 10th, 2007, 10:55am Thank you so much for all your kind words and wonderful PM's. It has been more encouraging and uplifting then you know. I love you all. Love, Langa |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by aprilbee on Jan 10th, 2007, 2:49pm Gosh....I wish I could say something that would take all your pain away...bless your beautiful heart...If I had a sister, I'd want her to be just like you! Lots of prayers and healing thoughts are heading your way....stay strong... :-* |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Jimi on Jan 10th, 2007, 11:16pm Been gone a few days and just now saw your post. Your basket is getting mighty big to carry. I am glad you have your husband to help you thru this. You are a good sister and a good daughter. You will get the right answers and you will make the right choices. Call us if you need an outsiders opinion. You have my number. [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Sean_C on Jan 10th, 2007, 11:51pm I'm very sorry to hear the news Maria, I'll give her all I can give. As the others have said, hospice is a service that can not only comfort your sister, but will comfort all of you. They are incredable human beings. Keep us posted if you can. Much love headed your way, Sean....................................... |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Jackie on Jan 12th, 2007, 5:55am "PLEASE PRAY" We all are, Sweetie. Bless your heart. You're doing hard duty right now and my heart goes out to you. There is some wonderful and good advise on this thread and I'm hoping it helps you some. Holding you and your family close in our hearts.... Love to you and yours.... Jackie |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by B14CK5H33P on Jan 13th, 2007, 10:13pm You've got all the vibes and prayers I can muster Langa. I'm so sorry to hear this. Peace & Hugs, Carl |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by Ree on Jan 14th, 2007, 11:51pm I am so sorry sweetie... Our family is going through a similar situation right now. My sister in Law has Lung Cancer. It is never easy to watch someone decline... Gods love to you and prayer for your sister... be well and take care of yourself... ree |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by kayarr on Jan 15th, 2007, 9:03am on 01/09/07 at 17:20:47, artonio7 wrote:
could not say it any better. Bless you! |
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Title: Re: PLEASE PRAY... Post by kcopelin on Jan 15th, 2007, 9:24am Langa, May God strengthen you, guide you and comfort you. This is difficult, but hospice is really good. When my uncle had lung cancer, he said he wanted to die at home. They made it possible for the family to deal with that-although at the end it became too much and he was admitted to the hospital at the very end-he didn't know where he was-but we were all around him the last few hours and that's what he saw. Langa, God bless and keep you sweetie. kathy |
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