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        New Message Board Archives >> 2007 General Board Posts >> Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * :  (
        
(Message started by: deltadarlin on Dec 29^th, 2006, 11:05am)

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by deltadarlin on Dec 29^th, 2006, 11:05am

I'm not sure how it is in Michigan, but *here* (and other states), child support is just that, support for the children (it has nothing to do with anything else and cannot be decreased due to non-child related bills).

I'd probably talk to your attorney and explain to him that if he didn't want to find himself the recipient of a breach of contract lawsuit (when he took your retainer, at that point, he is supposed to be representing you and your childrens best interests), he needed to get his a$$ on the ball and get things straightened out.

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Redd715 on Dec 29^th, 2006, 11:12am

Also you can maybe shake his/her tree by stating you will also make a claim of Legal Malpractice to the State Bar.

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Broken on Dec 29^th, 2006, 11:30am

Hang in there sweety. It'll get better. Keep focused on the goal ahead and don't let anything/anyone interfere with it. We're here if you need us.

Broken

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by MJ on Dec 29^th, 2006, 1:23pm

Not my place but A little advice since you asked.

You are not divorced you are divorcing.

He is obviously making his support payments for the kids. Most likely he is living on as little or less than you as is more often the case. Sounds like all the assets are in your hands not his.
He's not a criminal just someone you dont like anymore.

Quit fighting, get a job, help support your kids and start living again.

Thats the way life is when you get divorced start making your own bed. It shouldnt be who can destroy the other first.
Its a difficult time to be sure for both sides.

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 29^th, 2006, 3:14pm

Thanks MJ for the not so nice advice. Not exactly what I need to hear, but I guess everyone is entitled to an opionion, guess I didn't realize when I asked for advice, it would be what I did or didn't want to hear based on not knowing all the facts.

If it's any consolation MJ, I'm trying very very hard.

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Cathi04 on Dec 29^th, 2006, 7:53pm

Ouch, MJ! We do not know enough of the circumstances to warrant such acrid advice. Do you know the age of the children? Do you know what assets are available? Do you know what kind of arrangements are already settled on? I've never been there firsthand, but I watched my son lose everything and fight to get custody of his son. Neither side of their divorce was easy. After many court visits, he was hanging onto his job by a thread, we ended up selling the house THEY wanted, the baby became property of BOTH of them, by way of shared custody, and my now 9 yr old grandson begs his mom each and every day to let him go live with his dad.......
What I do know is, when it was time to appraise the house, both sides paid their half. Child support has absolutely NOTHING to do with a child's need for food, clothing or medical attention, and THAT is what child support is meant for!
Wendy, I do know it's hard for you right now, and I am sorry. All I can say is as time passes, it WILL get better!
The Aussies call it "splitting the sheets", I guess that really sums it all up. When you divorce, you take everything you own, and you split it 50/50....noone wins...everyone loses, but everyone ends up with substantially less. I hope, for your sake, it is all settled very soon, so you can begin to put your life together. It's very hard to fight for what is right when one is reeling with the emotional part of divorce. Please keep us in the loop, Wendy, and I wish you the best. Put the children first, as I imagine you already have, and press on for a quick dissolution.
And, I still think the Atty is wrong to allow the appraisal costs to come out of the child support......

Hugs to you, girl, and keep one foot moving in front of the other........
Cathi

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Jonny on Dec 29^th, 2006, 8:19pm

on 12/29/06 at 19:53:33, Cathi04 wrote:

Ouch, MJ! We do not know enough of the circumstances to warrant such acrid advice.

And most of us no nothing because the original post was deleted.....WTF?

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 29^th, 2006, 9:14pm

Cathi ~ I'm so sorry for your son. I do know firsthand the pain divorce causes. I NEVER would have ever imagined in my wildest dreams how awful this would all be, and this is even with the fact this is both what we want.

I appreciate your kind words, it is the ONLY way I am getting thru this. I do not have parents or family, so I come here. Everyone on this board has always been so good and supportive to me. I love you all.

Jonny ~ I'm sorry, I felt bad that I was 'whining' after reading MJ's post, so I thought I could delete the hole subject... didn't know I could only delete my posts...lol. Sorry. :(

Thanks again for your luv and support PF d/n to all!

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Jonny on Dec 29^th, 2006, 9:41pm

Wendy.......I was just wondering why you pulled your post.

Of course you can count on us, Sweetie!

24/7 we will be here for you........we never let our own down!!!

Now put a small smile on before I come slap ya :-*

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 29^th, 2006, 10:16pm

Thanks Jonny, I luv u guys!! :-*

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by deltadarlin on Dec 30^th, 2006, 9:25am

Wendy,
I read your original post and if I had thought you were just *whining*, I damn sure wouldn't have bothered taking the time to answer (just so everyone else knows, she was NOT whining).

MJ,
Your attack was uncalled for. How do you come to the conclusion that *she has all the assets*? Because she has the house? Well, in most states, if you have children, the custodial parent has the home (and it does sound like they might be getting ready to sell it). I believe that Wendy said she had *lost* her job? From what i understood of her post, all she wanted to do was to keep her soon to be ex from taking the cost of the appraisal out of her child support (remember, child support is just that, support for the kids).

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 30^th, 2006, 9:45am

Out of desperation, I took a f/t job in Aug. (had 2 p/t jobs ~ quit one to take f/t). Aug thru Oct I worked 75 hrs a week at both f/t & p/t (seasonal waitress) jobs.

My 18 yr old who had a transplant 13 yrs ago has been sick with one thing or another since May. I was taking too much time off to take care of her, because my stbx wouldn't drive her to her appts 4 hrs away. Canned 1 mo b4 xmas. It was a blessing in a way tho cause the job was a darn nightmare and was stressing me out more than divorce at times.

I'm very resourceful and will find a job soon. My 2nd job starts in April also. Just want to get thru this divorce with a sane mind, that's all.

And yes there is more to the story for MJ, but it's all good. I have a lot more than negative advice to worry about. Like keeping the beast away for now.

I love you all and your support means more than words can say, truly.

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Tata on Dec 30^th, 2006, 3:08pm

Wendy, I feel for you. I didn't see the original post, but I've gotten the gist of what it was about. Divorce sucks. I can relate to trying to make ends meet on a waitress salary/tips because that's basically what I did when my ex and I split. I had a 2 y/o and a 4 y/o and was scared out of my wits. I'm not trying to sell anything here, but this is a link http://www.daveramsey.com/ to a guy that is a genius at giving people good, solid, workable financial advice. I listen to him on the radio and have never heard him give bad advice. You can e-mail him or call in to his radio show. I hope things work out for you. Take care....

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Callico_Kid on Dec 30^th, 2006, 4:30pm

Wendy,

I agree with Tata's referral to Dave Ramsey's website. He gives excellent financial advice with a lot of humor and caring mixed in. As he puts it, he gives you the same advice your grandmother would but he keeps his teeth in. :) My wife and I have been using some of his principles and budgeting advice to try to get ourselves out of the hole we have been in for the last several years, and we are seeing some progress.

Try not to let the emotions of your situation cause you to overreact one way or the other toward your finances. Things will look better in a few months as you get things settled down and under control. I would keep the pressure on your attorney though. Often they try to take the easy way around things and "negotiate" your rights away.

jerry

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 30^th, 2006, 4:55pm

Have agreed to mediation on Tues. without attys. Neither one of us is happy with ours anyhow. The mediator is free, we have been told that nothing will be signed until it is reviewed by our attys or whoever we want to review it.

Any advice for me heading in. I'm not a strong person..

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Callico_Kid on Dec 30^th, 2006, 5:08pm

Decide before going in what it is you want, what it is you are willing to negotiate on, what you are willing to give up, and then, GET STRONG!

You now HAVE to be strong for your kids. Being strong does not mean being unreasonable, but being firm. Just as a mother hen will gather her chicks under herself to protect them and then will not move even to the point of giving her own life. You are now having by default to become the head of your household, and that means you have to be strong for the sake of your kids.

Just remember when you go in there that you have all of us at your back, and count on our strength to help bolster yours.

Jerry

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by PL259 on Dec 30^th, 2006, 7:23pm

on 12/29/06 at 21:41:36, Jonny wrote:

By goerge I think you got it right Jonny!

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 30^th, 2006, 8:41pm

Well I DO NOT have the beast now, so that is a plus in my corner... I can hardly believe I don't tho.

Hugggs to all my supporters! I luv u all! :-*

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Cathi04 on Jan 3^rd, 2007, 12:23am

Wendy,
BEST of luck tomorrow with your negotiations!
Remember, many of us are right there with you. Stand up for what is rightfully yours, and do what's best for your children.
The sooner you get past this part, the better life will become!

Power, and a level head to you! We'll be waiting for the outcome!!

Cathi

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Jan 3^rd, 2007, 12:28am

Thank you Cathi... I need all the support I can get.... Huggs! Wendy

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Cathi04 on Jan 5^th, 2007, 1:35pm

Bumping this............

Wendy, how are you doing??
Please let us know, because we worry a lot!

Cathi

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Jan 5^th, 2007, 2:32pm

Thanks Cathi for the 'bump'

I'm doing ok for now. It's a HUGE roller coaster of emotions. Mediation went ok I guess. I need to run things by my atty. Supposed to medi again on Monday but I need my butthead atty to be there, if not, well ok.

Have been totally 'lost' lately. I'm plugging along. I feel as though a cycle could start at any moment. I think living in fear of them could almost cause the stupid thing to start. I think God knows I couldn't handle a cycle right now.

My daughter's knee is healing well, she's going to cheer tonite.

Cathi, again I am only getting by and thru all of this with caring ppl like you and this board. It is a daily struggle with no family, but I put my best face on and know that happiness is just around the corner. I will keep you posted.

Huggs to you and all. P/F nites/days!
Wendy

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by seasonalboomer on Jan 5^th, 2007, 2:47pm

wendy, sorry to hear you're having a tough time.
after watching my best friend go through a horrible divorce a couple years ago i resolved to a couple of things should i ever face the same situation:

-only dig your heels in on those things that you believe will matter 10 years from now - like your kids or long term financial position
-don't sweat the nit-picky crap, the attorneys will cost you more than replacing almost any THING you can argue about.
-the longer you disagree, the more the attorneys will cost -- meaning it will be a net loss no matter what. so find a way to agree - even if you're biting your tongue the whole time.

that's all for today. best of luck.

scott

Title: Re: * Need ANY Advice - Pls * : (
Post by Wendy1 on Jan 5^th, 2007, 4:25pm

Thank You Scott, This is VERY good advice and unfortunately I've learned some of them too late, but fortunately I am now seeing/finding much of what you say to be true and am heeding it.

In our next mediation (Mon) ONE of us is going to have to bend on a few things because neither of us wants this to go to court, for many reasons, financial being a HUGE one.

My husband hired an atty for the sole reason being he thought he would be dirty and nasty to me. Turns out, he is unhappy with the way his atty has been treating me/him. Too bad this atty cost both him AND ME thousands of extra unnecessary dollars. We are now with a FREE mediator, can you believe it.

Thanks again all my cluster buddies for your support.
Wendy