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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> The Baby Question
        
(Message started by: sandie99 on Dec 12^th, 2006, 5:50am)

Title: The Baby Question
Post by sandie99 on Dec 12^th, 2006, 5:50am

Tomorrow me & my best supporter have been together for a year. :) During these months one interesting question has popped up many times: when are you two going to have a baby?

Now, when my boyfriend's friend from childhood asked me that in April, I was bit stunned, but I understood the context; the hostis was expecting and the lady who asked me was trying to get pregnant herself. But still, bit too soon to ask that q from me. Especially, when I had just met this woman for the first time.

Then, when my boyfriend's nephew and godson was babtized, the same guestion came up. This time we were joking about it light-heartedly. That was easy, because the people who asked were not his relatives.

But I must admit that I was surpriced when my boyfriend's boss asked me if I was expecting - simply because I choose not to have alcohol at the company's Christmas Party. I replied that I wish that my choice would be based on something as joyful as that and not to the on-going ch cycle (not that I mentioned ch at that point; I don't mention it unless someone asks). My boyfriend joked that we just got 2 guinea pigs, that's enough of kids for a while and he's right.

Still I'm getting emotionally prepared that I'll have to reply to that question more and more in future. And to be honest, I love kids and I wish to have kids in future, but right now I'm getting bit annoyed that people who do not know me that well ask me that question. Even my bold aunt knows better than that. What if I would already know that it would be impossible because of some health reason...?

I grew up around people, who ask a lot of personal questions and joke about about serious issues. But this is the first time when I run into people who ask me bluntly about children. I would understand it better, if we would be a married couple and talking about having a baby. But I'm an old-fashioned woman, so in my eyes marriage comes first and kids after that. I'm very much aware that not everyone are like that and I respect their choices; I just wish that mine would be, too.

I know that in about 19 days I'll probably hear that q once again. Any suggestions what I could reply? I'm running out of polite, yet firm and funny answers... ;;D

PF days to all,
Sanna

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by BarbaraD on Dec 12^th, 2006, 6:16am

Just tell them that right now you're enjoying each other and aren't ready to have a chaperone yet. Besides you need to get all your "toys" before you commit to motherhood.

Good grief... you're still YOUNG -- you've got plenty of time. Lord! My kids were married almost 10 years before they made me a granny and he was worth the wait. (I did mention to them a time or two that Medicare wouldn't cover childbirth - but only in fun).

Don't let what others think cloud YOUR judgement. When you're ready is plenty of time for parenthood. It's a MAJOR adjustment so don't rush it.

Hugs BD

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by davyp on Dec 12^th, 2006, 6:19am

Just tell them that you are enjoying the practice to much ;;D And when they look at you with open mouths tell them that practice makes perfect ;;D

:) Dape :)

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by minnie on Dec 12^th, 2006, 9:40am

on 12/12/06 at 05:50:49, sandie99 wrote:

I grew up around people, who ask a lot of personal questions and joke about about serious issues. But this is the first time when I run into people who ask me bluntly about children. I would understand it better, if we would be a married couple and talking about having a baby. But I'm an old-fashioned woman, so in my eyes marriage comes first and kids after that. I'm very much aware that not everyone are like that and I respect their choices; I just wish that mine would be, too.

I know that in about 19 days I'll probably hear that q once again. Any suggestions what I could reply? I'm running out of polite, yet firm and funny answers... ;;D

PF days to all,
Sanna

Sounds like things are a little confused and rushed...first people usually ask..so when are you getting married?..then starting at the reception they ask so when are you having children?I can't believe your getting the baby ? first,Gee thats just wrong!! ::)
Just try to smile and say..My that is an awfully personal question.smile....and leave either they get the message or they don't but you are under NO obligation to answer any ? your not comfortable with......................
so when is the wedding ? [smiley=huh.gif] ....lOl
Minnie whos gonna go hide now [smiley=curtain.gif]

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by georgej on Dec 12^th, 2006, 9:57am

Liz and I got that a lot, Sanna. We were married for fifteen years before we chose to have a child. I don't remember that we had any specific response to the question when people asked us--we pretty much blew it off.

The questions tapered off after about ten years--people mostly gave up on us. And then we surprised them.

If you ever actually do get pregnant, though, watch out for the boldness of complete strangers--people used to come up to Liz and pat her stomach all the time. She hated it. (Liz was not a happy pregnant person--she was practically radioactive.)

Little old ladies could easily have been badly hurt.

I'm not sure what motivates this patting stuff. It would not occur to me to walk up to a female stranger and pat her belly, but people seem to feel perfectly free to do this to a pregnant woman. It's puzzling.

Best wishes,

George

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by Ghost on Dec 12^th, 2006, 10:13am

See Sandie the need to ask the real Questions in order like this

So whens the big day(wedding)? :-*

so how many kids you planning to have? ;)

When will he be totally CHen pecked? ;;D

See thats how its done.
Can you feel the love? [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D ;) :-* 8)

Mike the

ooops I forgot to duck again Goat! [smiley=headbanger.gif] [smiley=oops.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=headbanger.gif] [smiley=biggrin.gif]

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by seasonalboomer on Dec 12^th, 2006, 10:16am

been married 15 years with no children. knew going into it that we couldn't.
so, in some ways it easier when you know what the plan is.

the only time for us that gets a little tricky is when people allude in conversation that life is unfulfilled without children. we don't really go into why we haven't had kids with hardly anyone. i respect that many feel compelled to have them and incomplete without children. i'm just not one of those people.

this is true on both a personal level with acquaintances, but also when every young celeb goes from the party circuit to having their first kid, and suddenly feel imbued with some higher form of wisdom, and start spouting stuff like, "you know, I've never felt anything so incredibly life changing as the birth of my son (or daughter)" or, "you know children really change your view...."

Friggin brilliant.

anyway, Sanna, don't sweat it. It's a lot easier to blow it off than it is to come up with "excuse dujour" on a regular basis.

scott

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by kayarr on Dec 12^th, 2006, 10:24am

Sanna,
You could smile and ask if they don't think you SHOULD get married first? I'm a little old fashioned myself:)

Interesting subject. For me, the kids taught me stuff I would not have learned on my own. I have always told my girls to have children if they want and when they are ready.

Don't worry about the question. They just can't think of anything to say :P

Kimberly

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by brewcrew on Dec 12^th, 2006, 10:49am

I used to just smile, tell them it's none of their damned business, and then tell them to go f*ck themselves.

Then we had one of our own and now I don't have enough energy to tell anyone anything.

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by Mattrf on Dec 12^th, 2006, 11:13am

Tell them you are still trying to figure out how to keep a goldfish alive and don’t think your ready for anything bigger yet.
[smiley=laugh.gif]
Matt

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by vig on Dec 12^th, 2006, 11:15am

YOU'll know....
don't let anyone else tell YOU when YOU're ready!

good luck

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by CynthiaB on Dec 12^th, 2006, 12:02pm

Dape's reponse was cute. [smiley=laugh.gif]

Be flattered! They are probably asking because they think you two are a good couple and your baby would be a blessing to the world.

People are just nosey these days. >:(

Have fun with this while you're still having fun with it! ;)

(This post was edited to clarify my disgust at the intrusion of near strangers into our personal lives)

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by brewcrew on Dec 12^th, 2006, 12:06pm

on 12/12/06 at 12:02:10, CynthiaB wrote:

People are just nosey these days.

You say this as if it were acceptable.

Whatever happened to common decency and manners?

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by JeffB on Dec 12^th, 2006, 12:22pm

Enjoy life, travel and have fun. Get your writing career going then make babies.

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by CynthiaB on Dec 12^th, 2006, 12:30pm

I don't mean to imply that nosiness is acceptable. But to combat it with snide remarks is not acceptable either.

At least not out of Sanna's mouth. I have seen nothing but kindness and gentleness from her. I don't want to encourage anything else.

(What I would say to a nosey Rosey is another matter, but I am not remarked upon for being kind and gentle.)

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by Richr8 on Dec 12^th, 2006, 12:43pm

Sanna,

From what I know of you here, IMO, it would be perfectly acceptable for you to say that it is not something you would even consider until you were married.

If they have a problem with that, well, that's okay.

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by nani on Dec 12^th, 2006, 12:53pm

on 12/12/06 at 12:02:10, CynthiaB wrote:

Be flattered! They are probably asking because they think you two are a good couple and your baby would be a blessing to the world.

That's probably it. You have no idea how hard it is for me not to ask that question of some young people I know. Especially my favorite nephew and his wife. So, even though I'm very nosy, I try to remember it's really none of my business.
You could always tell them you're on a waiting list to buy a baby, but Madonna hasn't called you back with the number yet. ;)

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by brewcrew on Dec 12^th, 2006, 1:17pm

on 12/12/06 at 12:30:20, CynthiaB wrote:

I don't mean to imply that nosiness is acceptable. But to combat it with snide remarks is not acceptable either.

I disagree. Many people with bad manners don't understand anything else. I might consider meeting you half way by drawing the line between telling them that it's none of their business (which is not a snide remark) and telling them to go f*ck themselves (which IS a snide remark).

A good number of people ask a very personal question like this and don't even think about the potential for harm. For example, if the couple being asked just found out that they cannot have children, this question can really cut to the bone.

If people would only think of others instead of trying to satisfy their own selfish curiosity.

Title: Re: The Baby Question
Post by sandie99 on Dec 12^th, 2006, 2:40pm

Everyone, thank you so much for you replies! :)

Dape, thanks for making me laugh! I needed that. ;;D

Barbara, I think that I too young to worry about that yet... My mum had me when she was 36. On my opinion every baby needs parents who are ready in every level, so I have no intention to rush into it.

Minnie, no need to hide! ;)
What comes to wedding... we're not there yet. We are planning to live together. But you can be sure that when there is a proposal, you guys will hear about. ;)

Mike, I will promise that you guys will hear the date among the first also. And we haven't talked about the amount of kids; just that we both want them "one day". And I have told him that if he wants to join ch.com as my supporter, it would be lovely, but that's up to him.

George, I have heard about the very same behaviour. It's odd that strangers think that they can do whatever they want when they see a pregnant woman.

Kimberly, the next time I'll hear that question I just might say something like "ask me again sometime after we're married". ;)
Rich, great suggestion. That keep few "we'll never get married"(their choice) - people quiet.

Matt, that's brilliant! [smiley=laugh.gif] Maybe I should say that we're trying to keep the quinea pigs alive... ;;D (actually our pets are doing great...)

Jeff, that's my plan! :)

Cynthia, you are absolutely right: it's just them being nosey. I would understand it better if those questions would come from people who I've known my whole life instead of strangers. I myself don't ever ask anyone about having a baby, because it is too personal question and you'll never know what's going on.

Quote:

Be flattered! They are probably asking because they think you two are a good couple and your baby would be a blessing to the world.

Aww... that was so sweet of you. :)

Scott... [smiley=hug.gif]

Anita, i will remember that one also! [smiley=laugh.gif]
Thank you. ;)

best wishes & PF days to all,
Sanna