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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Need Help Please (!)
        
(Message started by: Wendy1 on Dec 4^th, 2006, 11:36am)

Title: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 4^th, 2006, 11:36am

Ok, so I know I can always depend on my 'clusterbuds', even when I'm p/f (for now!).

I'm in a middle of a nasty divorce in MI and it sux soo bad. I could use some advice, support, ANYTHING. My husband is absolutely killing me with this. This Jan will be 2 yrs since my last cycle.. and I feel one coming on!!!

Thank you in advance!

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by JeffB on Dec 4^th, 2006, 11:42am

Get a Lawyer and be sure to document anything he says and does. By the end of my second divorce I had her looking worse than Hitler.
Never should have screwed up marriage #1. Still kicking myself in the ass for that one!
Good luck.

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by brewcrew on Dec 4^th, 2006, 12:00pm

Sorry, no experience in the divorce arena. But I guess getting a good lawyer (is that an oxymoron?) sounds like good advice.

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by seasonalboomer on Dec 4^th, 2006, 12:24pm

No direct experience but plenty from friends.

1.) Every single thing you fight for, try to imagine yourself ten years down the road and imagine whether you'll still place the same importance to the outcome.

2.) Being obstinate for the sake of obstinacy does nothing but cost you A LOT more attorney fees. Realize that attorneys benefit from a "nasty" divorce.

3.) Some day it will all be over and everyone will wonder why they were such pains in the asses to each other.

4.) Fight tooth and nail for the benefit of your kids.

That's all I got on a Monday morning. Good luck.

Scott

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 4^th, 2006, 1:04pm

Thanks Scott, sounds good to me. This is just kicking my butt emotionally. Never imagined he would do the hurtful things he's doing to me. He left ME after a physical altercation, after years of emotional, verbal abuse and I'm of course the bad guy. [smiley=huh.gif]

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by alienspacebabe on Dec 4^th, 2006, 1:44pm

on 12/04/06 at 13:04:33, Wendy1 wrote:

I'll bet you're glad you're out of that abusive relationship!

My advice:
1 - do not take him back. ever.
2 - get a good lawyer.
3 - the kids' welfare always come first.
4 - everything Scott/seasonalbloomer said above.
5 - document, document, document. I kept track of what my ex said to me, even had a friend over a few times just so I would have a witness.
6 - if he so much as touches you, call the police. immediately.
7 - remember, and believe, that HE is the one with the problem - you never 'deserved' anything abusive he did.

best of luck,
Lizzie

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 4^th, 2006, 2:04pm

Lizzie, Thanks so much, muah!

I have been in therapy since about 6 mos before the actual physical altercation, that helped me realize that the verbal abuse was going on, thank God.

I am very happy to be out of the situation, however our family was financially dependent on his wages. :(

I am struggling to remind myself that he is the one with the problem, because e/time.. thing always seems to be my fault... and I of course have big shoulders. I'm trying though.

I have been with him for 23 yrs, since I was 18, married 19 yrs and I have no parents or family to lean on. OH, and I have 2 mouthy teenage girls. lol

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by alienspacebabe on Dec 4^th, 2006, 2:08pm

You've got us to lean on - there's almost always someone here.

Keep up the therapy. It took therapy for me to realize that some of the stuff he did was physically abusive.

My other advice, although not asked for: wait at least two years before dating, so you can heal from the abuse and learn how to avoid similar relationships.

hugs,
Lizzie

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Mattrf on Dec 4^th, 2006, 2:37pm

The guy sounds like a total control freak, my wives ex-husband was also and to this day he still is pissed that she left him. Nothing pisses of a control freak worse then losing and having someone walk out on them. You have my sympathy and my prayers, I sure hope it gets better. Try to remember that a control freaks best weapon is to make you feel worthless and he will continue to do that as much as he can so keep reminding yourself that you are worthy and a good person deserving of a much better life.
Like everyone said get a good lawyer, sounds like you will need one and make sure you document everything and it might not hurt to get a tape recorder hooked up to the phone as well, restraining order may not be a bad idea as well.
Keep swinging we are here for you.

Matt

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Yorky on Dec 4^th, 2006, 2:55pm

sod the divorce..
don't get yourself worked up,
it just give's the beast strength to re-appear.

just remember, single women are constipated
(it's not until you get married, that you gain an arsehole)

;;D

hope thing's improve

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 4^th, 2006, 4:44pm

Matt.. what you said is soo true. He is a total control freak and he can't stand the fact that he doesn't have that control over me anymore. I have to remind him that I do not have to put up with it anymore. And.. he does make me feel worthless.

I have to talk to myself on a min by min basis to get through this.

This divorce, he has in his mind the way things are supposed to be and that's that. And he's pissed that they aren't like 'he wants them'.

Thanks all SO MUCH for your support. :-*

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Fredmyyster on Dec 4^th, 2006, 5:27pm

Save every bill , note times and dates and most of all, get mini recorder and record EVERY phone call... My X was a nutball who put alot of my money up her nose and tried to deny everything till my turney told herz we had recordings... i got everything i wanted... and more.
Good Luck. 8)

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by JeffB on Dec 4^th, 2006, 5:44pm

I got custody of my daughter when she was two because of taking notes and recording calls.

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by FramCire on Dec 4^th, 2006, 8:42pm

Remember to do what you feel is best and try not to let the kids end up in the middle.

We are all here for you.

Title: Re: Need Help Please (!)
Post by Wendy1 on Dec 4^th, 2006, 10:10pm

Thank you all soo much. I always know I can depend on you. :-*

Framcire: It is hard with my kids because they are 15 & 18, but even at their age it's hard.

I'm struggling with all the lies right now. I know what is true, however, it hurts.