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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
        
(Message started by: jon019 on Dec 1^st, 2006, 10:37pm)

Title: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by jon019 on Dec 1^st, 2006, 10:37pm

Hello All,

Had an interesting experience today that left me with mixed emotions.

An acquaintance (customer) described to me a night of agony passing a kidney stone. Vivid descriptions of rolling on the floor, crying, screaming, ER, hardcore drugs, and all the rest. While expressing all the appropriate sympathy I had to surpress a laugh. He indicated it was the worst pain EVER and I'm THINKING--yeah, ONCE, try it, oh 20,000 times! Then come tell me about the worst pain ever.

What bothers me is this question. Have I become so jaded by CH that I can't truly appreciate the pain of others? I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone. I really can empathize with excruciating pain (probably moreso than most non clusterheads). Yet, in this case, I felt somehow BETTER than this person just because I know pain more intimately. Imagine that, feeling superior because I am a clusterhead. SIGH!

It aint right and I don't like it. What are you folks feelings in similar circumstance, or am I just a jerk?

Regards,

Jon

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by Jimi on Dec 1^st, 2006, 11:02pm

You're just a jerk. :P

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by georgej on Dec 1^st, 2006, 11:07pm

http://www.nrk.no/img/159957.jpeg

"....Your arm's off."

"I've 'ad worse."

No, I understand what you're saying. Although, in general, I think that CH has made me somewhat more empathetic to pain in others.

But we end up comparing everything that happens to us to a CH--"aaaa. That's not so bad", etc. Kinda makes us off-kilter as far as pain goes, I think.

Best,

George

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by tanner on Dec 1^st, 2006, 11:44pm

Jon, you are not a jerk, but I know what you mean. I have to make myself look around and notice just how much worse off people are then me. I am going on another PGR mission in GA. this Sunday and believe me even if I get hit by a Kip 10 while standing there one look at the family and friends of this lost soldier will take away any self pity I have. And if you have been paying attention to my recent stuff , you know that I am guilty of "why me" syndrome.

Luv ya Bro don't be too hard on yourself!.........Tim

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by alienspacebabe on Dec 1^st, 2006, 11:52pm

Kidney stones hurt like being in labor hurts (experience with both). Even so, I'd take one of those over a bad CH.

I'm sure you're not alone in thinking like that. Sometimes we become jaded.

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by BB on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 12:16am

Ones thoughts and reactions will always reflect ones unique experiences in life. There is no right or wrong. We are individuals and are entitled to what and how we feel about certain issues.

Having experienced tough things in life usually makes me more sympathetic towards others sufferings, but then other times it makes me more frustrated with whingeing people ...

Annette

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by E-Double on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 4:59am

Interesting ya Jerk ;)

Seriously though for most people pain is of course subjective.

Even within our clan people's descriptions can differ.
Is it tolerance to pain.
With a clusters I find it doubtful.

What I do think is this in regards to our own little world...

Some people seem to use the KIP scale in reference to their pain without reading the response definitions.

They say 10+ for example..........

If we use it properly and consistently then we truly do understand our own pain without debate.

As far as others go.......I think we have all become a bit jaded at times.

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by Charlotte on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 8:26am

Pain is more than just pain. When my pain tolerance went down, I felt it differently and was more depressed than when the pain was actually worse than that.

Personalities also come into play. No one likes to be bludgeoned with someone else's personality. On the other hand, admitting pain is making yourself vulnerable to whoever you're admitting it to.

Charlotte

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by brewcrew on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 9:17am

I think you've just got to remind yourself that another person's pain is just as real to them as yours is to you. If this is some form of competition, I want no part of it. And always tell yourself that the key words are compassion and empathy.

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by BarbaraD on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 9:39am

I went to the doctor with a kidney stone -- he asked me where I was on the pain scale - I said about an 8. He did a double take --"But you aren't screaming or crying?" I just looked at him and said, "I have CH. It hurts bad enough for me to be seeing you! Now do something!"

I don't sympathize with people the way I did at one time in my life. Guess I'm a jerk too cause I usually tell them to "just take something and quit whinning!" Don't make a lot of new friends that way, but I just don't think they have a clue into pain. But as someone said -- pain is subjective.

Hugs BD

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by CynthiaB on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 10:26am

Non CHers don't use our pain scale. #10 on their pain scale is defined as "the worst pain you've ever experienced". And for them, that may be the worst pain they can get their mind wrapped around.

Before ch, I couldn't have imagined this intensity of experience. Good or bad. I have found myself wanting to make snippy comments to people when they are saying "yeah I have migraines/I get headaches/my sinuses kill me,too". But I don't, because I think they're simply trying to make it okay to talk about in some way. Not mean-spirited, just ignorant.

You aren't a jerk. You're realizing that the average person does not have a clue what the CH experience is,and hopefully you will take it less personally over time.

What Bill said...Empathy is a 2 way street. It's not a competition.

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by deltadarlin on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 11:37am

The worst pain that I ever experienced was someone else saying that my pain could never be as bad as that experienced by someone else.

I'm outta here.

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by LeLimey on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 1:22pm

I've said it many many times and I'll say it again. There are many worse pains than CH.
Try the pain of miscarrying on for size.
The pain of a marriage break up.
The pain of seeing one of your friends hurt by other's thoughtless remarks.
Pain is unique and very personal. If the worst pain you have ever endured is a broken fingernail then how can you begin to comprehend others pain.
It's not pain oneupmanship that matters, it's understanding someone else is hurting and remember, if we can't learn to understand other's suffering how the hell can we expect them to ever understand ours?
Just my thoughts.
Helen

Title: Re: Felt bad AND ambivalent, how 'bout YOU!
Post by FramCire on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 2:02pm

i have had gallstones and kidney stones, and went to the ER 5 times total for them. The pain for me was always the worst when I wasn't diagnosed or the medicine didn't work because fear and depression always multiplied it.

Physically, CH is the worst I have ever had, period.

The worst pain I can imagine is to watch my kids suffer.

Anyway, I find myself not as sypathetic as I should be to other people with headaches (not CH).