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Title: Thanks for the emails... Post by Jimi on Nov 25th, 2006, 10:49pm I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face....disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day.... A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. :) |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Nov 26th, 2006, 7:18am Thanks for the early morning chuckle - but this Quote:
created a coffee stain on my screen! Too funny! Carol |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by Yorky on Nov 26th, 2006, 8:15am ;;D ;;D ;;D |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by cateyes on Nov 26th, 2006, 9:25am Hope u don`t mind Jimi, But this is too funny and I have to share it with my friends... No coffee stains on my screen here but I did take my hand off my mouse and laughed... Tammy |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by brewcrew on Nov 26th, 2006, 9:40am Good god-damned thing I have a laptop with a touchpad. |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by bothofus on Nov 26th, 2006, 9:56am So it sounds like if I don't send this to 144,000 of my friends, Jumanji will attack. Also, don't eat the chili from that fastfood chain where the finger was found. Prob shouldn't mention the name. Carl |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by kcopelin on Nov 26th, 2006, 10:25am Jimi, did you rescue the poor young woman from Uganda, who is a college graduate by the way, she is inheriting her father's forune real soon, but if she doesn't find a safe place to put it (my bank account) the hideously ugly old man that she is being forced to marry will steal it from her. She only wanted my account information in order to transfer the money. I'm sure she contacted you as well. ;;D kathy (who is now cleaning up the mess caused by coofee expulsion onto computer desk and apologizing to hubby and son for waking them up) P.S. Wendys |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by sandie99 on Nov 27th, 2006, 11:28am [smiley=crackup.gif] Thank you for sharing this one, Jimi. ;;D Best wishes, Sanna |
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Title: Re: Thanks for the emails... Post by BarbaraD on Nov 27th, 2006, 11:36am And a very Merry Christmas to you too Jimi -- now send me your bank account information so I can transfer that fortune to your account...... But you must do this within the next 15 seconds or Jonny will come visit you ;;D Hugs BD |
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