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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as well)
        
(Message started by: Tiannia on Nov 16^th, 2006, 4:55pm)

Title: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as well)
Post by Tiannia on Nov 16^th, 2006, 4:55pm

ok guys, I need to know. Is it normal to feel a severe loss right now. I mean I didnot even know that I was pregnant. I didnot have any feelings of the baby moving or any knowledge that I have something alive (or trying to be alive) inside me. But as soon as I heard miscarriage and had to deal with the physicality of that reality, well part of me sort of shut down. Is this because I have 2 children already and know what an amazing experiance it was to feel them inside me and to hold them for the first time. To know that I missed that. I just dont know how to feel.

My husband in his own way is trying to help, by saying that if we had known about the pregnancy they would have had to terminate it. But this was so sudden at least if we had known, I could have been more prepared.

I feel like my heart is suffocating while I am at work and the only time I feel happy right now is when I am with my kids....

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by LeLimey on Nov 16^th, 2006, 5:06pm

Tia I still cry now over miscarriages I had including one after Jasper that I was devastated to find out about. Jasper was two months old and I was pregnant again (history repeating itself as there are only 10and a half months between Brid and Barney) I knew I couldn't cope with another baby but when I lost it, I was devastated and I think part of that was guilt because I hadn't want to go through with it anyway.
You're bound to feel a loss hon, we all would and you have such a big heart that you couldn't not hurt.
Things happen for a reason though and whilst it may not be apparent now it will one day and healing will come. Don't be harsh on yourself, you're a good person, you have a wonderful family and you're loved. You're blessed.
love
Helen

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by kcopelin on Nov 16^th, 2006, 5:15pm

Tia,
I've miscarried twice. Even though one of them was at a time in my life when a child would have been inconvienent (I had no children yet so I had no idea what kind of joy those inconvienences bring) I still mourned. And I didn't realize I was pregnant until the miscarriage.
You mourn because there was a death. It is so normal-I would wonder about ya if you didn't feel sad. Remember, life will win. You said earlier that the soul or spirit of that child is free-it is. Now it's time for you to grieve, embrace the lives of the children you've been given, and live.
Praying for peace and grace for ya,
kathy

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by Tiannia on Nov 16^th, 2006, 5:18pm

Thank you. Kathy, I feel like my husband does not see it that way. That it was like getting rid of a cold. I want to yell at him. That he is not feeling this. But maybe he is and is bring strong so that I dont break down, even though I think me breaking down might be a good thing.

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by Sean_C on Nov 16^th, 2006, 5:24pm

I'm no doc T, but I would say your hormones are still having a huge impact on your body. It wouldn't hurt to talk to your doc about how your feeling.

Huge hugs on over,

Sean....................................

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by kcopelin on Nov 16^th, 2006, 5:57pm

Tia,
Tears are very cleansing. Like ocean water (only not polluted). But if you find you can't stop, and ya need to talk...give me a call. I'll be back here at @9:30 pm PST
and home all day tomorrow.
Check your PMs.
Love ya,
kathy

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by Langa on Nov 16^th, 2006, 6:37pm

I agree that what you're feeling is very normal T. Hang in there Sis.

Lots of hugs,
Langa

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by BobG on Nov 16^th, 2006, 7:44pm

Tiannia, I think your feelings are very normal. Let it out, have a ggod cry, whatever you feel. Time will help to heal the loss.
5 years ago my daughter lost a baby at only 4 months. We didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. The loss of that child hit me really hard. It just tore me up for days. I didn't even know I had that kind of emotion in me. But time and being close to my wife, daughter and grandsons got us all through it.

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by Tiannia on Nov 16^th, 2006, 11:56pm

I broke down at least for a littl ebit tonight when I got hom. We are not telling the kids because at their age they really would not understand, so I could not just cry myslef out. But I got to tell Shaun how I was feeling. That I was angry and sad at the same time. It felt good to let myself cry at least for a bit. Think I need to do that a lot more, but I wont feel like I'm drowning inside atm, so that is a huge difference.

Thank you all. I know that this is a difficult subject to talk about. But you all are a great sounding board when I feel like I have no where else to turn.

Blessed be,
Tia

Title: Re: Ladies (not saying that guys cant answer as we
Post by sandie99 on Nov 17^th, 2006, 3:47am

Tia,

[smiley=hug.gif][smiley=hug.gif][smiley=hug.gif]

I believe that it's good that you've been able to talk about this with us and with your husband.

I don't have personal experience about miscarriage, but I know very well how much it helps when you can share your feelings and shed all those tears.

Vibes coming your way,
Sanna