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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> The wife is sleeping peacefully.
        
(Message started by: Mattrf on Oct 28^th, 2006, 1:02pm)

Title: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by Mattrf on Oct 28^th, 2006, 1:02pm

I am here at the computer and my wife is asleep on the coach and my eldest is sleeping in her room, my youngest is at her dad’s this weekend, I really miss her when she is gone she is truly my best therapy, she is always able to make me smile no matter how bad I hurt. As some of you know we have decided to try pain management for my SUNCT instead of surgery, now all of a sudden the entire family wants to help, everyone is chiming in with what I should do after pretty much ignoring me and my problem for the past almost 11 months. I have tried time after time to get my family to understand what I am going through and what it is doing to my wife and daughters but they never clued in so why now? It seem they don’t want me to do the pain management or the surgery so then what am I supposed to do? My doctor is not going to keep giving me drugs if I am not going to do what he recommends and dealing with this with no pain meds is just not going to happen. I know same old story and most of you go through the same thing with your families it is just so aggravating that they ignore it and don’t try to understand then all of a sudden you hit the magic word and they all have an opinion and want you to try all these things, and you are like after ten months you don’t think I might have tried all that all ready, no I have tried nothing but take pills because I am a dumb ass with no IQ and would never think of changing my diet or trying to lessen my stress level or crap like that, give me a brake will you. The sad part is that I know they still don’t get it even though they say they do now, they don’t have a clue of the damage this does to my family or how sad it makes me when I see the look in my daughters eyes or my wife’s when I am in pain and how sad that makes me that no matter how hard I try to hide the pain I am unsuccessful, and they have no idea of the fear I feel I feel when I come home from work at night and go straight to bed because a day at work has completely drained me and I have a desk job and how I wonder how much longer I can keep the job I have always wanted. I don’t want to go on disability, I love my job and want to keep it but I really don’t know if I can, it seems the longer I have SUNCT the more it takes out of me and the less energy I have, it seems all I do is work and sleep now and that scares me, I sure hope the pain management helps or this cycle will finally end, this beats and his evil twin CH sure know how to take there pound in flesh don’t they.
Sorry just needed to get some feeling out and as much as my wife supports me I just cant dump this on her she is already hurting more then my hart can take and it is because of me and what I am going through and it brakes my hart.

Matt

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by thebbz on Oct 28^th, 2006, 1:36pm

Matt, [smiley=hug.gif]
Hang tough brother. Sometimes things become overwhelming.....pretty normal. You have the biggest job of all. You know that. Seems to me your doing fairly well at it. Your in a tough time and I just wanted to say "I hate it for ya". Now get back on the saddle [smiley=hewey.gif] You da man.( and be quiet about it. Sometimes I wake up grumpy......sometimes I let her sleep) ....lol
jb
Wish I could do more.

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by Richr8 on Oct 28^th, 2006, 2:04pm

Kind of summed it all up there Matt. Sorry that you are having such a difficult time. It used to be that way for me, I'm alone now, and I hate to say that I take pleasure in knowing that atleast all of the pain endured by my family has stopped, because now I only speak to the X or my boys occasionally and they don't see me suffer, or have to rearrange their lives around the beast. Oh, and all of the explanations, and useless suggestions have now stopped. I don't even try to explain to folks what is going on with me, because it crushes me to go through the details only to hear about the migraine they once had, or all about their home remedies for something they have no way of understanding.

Though the reasons for us breaking up was well beyond CH, it's incursion only made things worse beyond the point of tolerance for anyone. I can't help think that if it weren't for CH, we might have worked things out, but only a very solid and loving relationship could possibly survive CH.

You will get through this, and it sounds like you have a very strong relationship with your family that will indeed survive. Take comfort in that and look to us for understanding.

I've been doing this for 14 years, and it is simply frustrating expecting non sufferers to get it. Releasing myself of that expectation and coming here for support helps beyond words.

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by Mattrf on Oct 28^th, 2006, 2:44pm

When my wife broke down and told me how afraid of the surgery she was and begged me to do the pain management she also told me that she loved me more now then the day we go married, I had not realized until that moment how afraid I was of loosing her because of this but to hear her say those words, there was just a wave of relief that came over me and I truly understood just how lucky I am to have her by my side and in my life. I don’t know what I did to deserver this or her but at least one I am thankful for and I mean really and truthfully thankful for and I have no idea what I would do without her.

Rich I am sorry that your marriage did not survive and understand what you mean about not worrying about inflicting the pain on others, there are times that I think it would be easier to not have them around especially when I am in pain and I can see the hurt on there faces because of my pain but I still thank god every day for them being with me and suffering through this with me.

Matt

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by just-squiggles on Oct 28^th, 2006, 3:29pm

Matt,

Quote:

It seem they don’t want me to do the pain management or the surgery so then what am I supposed to do?

It is obvious that your first priority is your wife and
daughters,as it should be. In this case to do what is
best for them means doing what is best for YOU! The
hell with what anyone else thinks,they are not in your
shoes.

Quote:

The sad part is that I know they still don’t get it even though they say they do now, they don’t have a clue

Of course they don't.How could they?To really know
what it is like they would have to live it themselves.

Quote:

there are times that I think it would be easier to not have them around especially when I am in pain and I can see the hurt on there faces because of my pain

This is a pretty natural feeling,of course you want to
protect them from ANY kind of pain.Always remember
what you have said here
Quote:

she also told me that she loved me more now then the day we go married

and
Quote:

I have no idea what I would do without her.

I think I'd be safe in saying that your wife and
daughters would not know what to do without you
either.Do you really think that the pain they would feel
from not having you there would be less than the pain
you see in their eyes now?

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by BB on Oct 28^th, 2006, 8:09pm

on 10/28/06 at 15:29:22, just-squiggles wrote:

Matt,

I think I'd be safe in saying that your wife and
daughters would not know what to do without you
either.Do you really think that the pain they would feel
from not having you there would be less than the pain
you see in their eyes now?

Could not have said it better !

Matt,

From the viewpoint of a wife and a supporter, I say hang tough and your wife and daughter will be fine. They hurt when they see you panicking and giving up, not when you are in pain. If they see that you are coping and relaxing about the whole thing, they wont worry so much.

So come in here and dump on us instead when things get tough. Take the support from us then share your feelings with your wife and work things out together, it will make your relationship stronger, not weaker.

All the best Matt, sending you vibes and prayers.

Hugs

Annette

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by Cathi04 on Oct 29^th, 2006, 4:51pm

Matt,
What would you do if the shoe were on the other foot?? What if your wife were the one who was dealing with CH.......or another affliction??
I know it's not what you want to think about, but, please do. Would you do any different than she does for you?
It's an unfortunate hand you've been dealt. Ch isn't fun on EITHER side, but, you've got LOVE, man!
I am pretty certain your wife is much happier having you with her, CH or no. Coz, that's what love is all about!
Noone WANTS you to suffer with CH. No spouse WANTS to watch the pain, but, we signed on 'in sickness and in health".please ask yourself where YOU would draw the line if the tables were turned. I bet you'd do ANYTHING for her-and that's just what she's doing for you.
Hang tough, man, knowing this is going to pass.
Till then, know you have friends here, and the ones who love you at home.
Wishing you PF,
Cathi

Title: Re: The wife is sleeping peacefully.
Post by Callico_Kid on Oct 29^th, 2006, 5:06pm

Your tag line under the spider tells it all Matt. "Thank God I have a wife and kid who keep me alive." THEY are the ones who matter, NOT the rest of the family who are not there to support when you need it, but want to put in their opinion (generally negative and critical) when you don't need it. (Makes me think of the book in the Bible where Job's "friends" try to "help" him.) Relish the love and support you have at home and ignore the rest.

An old Arab proverb is one that I try to live by a good bit of the time, "The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on." Get the help you need and give your wife and kids a hug for me and tell them I said thanks for being behind you. My family and I will be praying for you.

Jerry