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Title: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Leesa on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:09pm Some of you know me and some dont. Those who know me KNOW the type of person I am and where I stand on supporting cluster heads. For those of you that dont know me from adam's house cat well here comes your chance to hang me from the tallest tree with a short piece of rope!! I have been here since 2000 seen MANY cluster heads get hit over the years since Ive been here including my husband Dave!! There is a BIG difference when it comes to support via phone or puter and seeing it up close and personal like some of us do EVERYDAY!!! To sit across the table from someone that youve have talked to for over a year on here and in chat and see them get hit takes the wind right out of your sail! It breaks your heart to know there is REALLY nothing you can do for them EXCEPT get the Trex (if they can use it) grap O2, ice or heat and hurry up and wait till the beast leaves! Watching your husband or wife or your better half get this is the MOST helpless feeling in the world for most supporters. Watching this person you truely LOVE as they BEG you from the fetal position on the floor to kill them to make the pain stop is gut wrenching. Watching this loved one bang their right side of their head on to the cement floor all while clawing at their eye to the point of the eye lid is bleeding or black and blue from being punched is one of those things as a supporter you LEARN to deal with. HELL NO I dont like this! But I do it because I LOVE HIM. I grab the ice, O2, and the Trex and watch Dave deal with the beast. I truely dont know the pain he feels nor do I ever. BUT you wish you could take that pain from this person you love and give it to your self so they dont have to suffer. It's the toughest job you'll ever love because you love your husband, wife or better half or child! For those who say or have said "supporting is easy" dont say that till youve walked 10 miles in my shoes. I have CRYED my eyes out due to this pain that Dave feels. I get fighing mad over the fact I can do more and docs, and hospitals treat him as a "drug seeker" For ANY ONE whos says supporting is easy................... FUCK YOU!!!!! ITS NOT it NEVER EVER will be not for those that TRUELY LOVE and feel our hearts break every time the beast shows up!! I cant nor will I EVER say CH is not painful for those who suffer, but I will say its not easy for those of us that have sit back and watch it happen either. Put your self in the supporters shoes for once see how it feels. IT SUCKS!!! Just being across the table at convention and see someone get hit is bad nuff but when its your soul mate its even worse!! Ready for the back lash, Leesa >:( PS: sorry but Im pissed off BIG TIME!!!!! |
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Title: Re: Support the TRUE meaning................ Post by echo on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:14pm No lash back from me. You're just like my wife, you see the worst and there's little you can do about it. I'm Chronic and I'm sure I put my wife through a living hell. |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by jimmers on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:16pm Why would you get backlash after a post like that? I thought it was quite accurate and from the heart. Did someone PM you with some dumbass comments? Let us know. Jimmers |
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Title: Re: Support the TRUE meaning................ Post by seasonalboomer on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:17pm not sure what you're pissed off about specifically. but, if you're looking for fight, I'm not sure you'll find one from this sufferer. i'm not sure where i've ever read that someone said being a supporter was easy. i'm sure i've seen someone say things to the effect that "if you think supporting is a bitch, spend a few moments in my brain", but not with malice. so, no fight here. i wish no one was affected by these things, sufferers or supporters. scott |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by georgej on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:28pm You won't get an argument from me, either, nor anything flamish. I know what my supporters go through--and I love and appreciate them for it, as well as for being who they are. What has made you angry? I haven't seen anything here, but that doesn't mean I've read everything either..... Best wishes, George |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Black_Eyed_Girl on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:31pm Toatly right girl. I know what you mean. To those who say that it doesn't hurt to be a supporter I say BULL SH*T!! I've got three suffers and any time I hear that ones in pain I feel like I'm dying inside. I've even had a sufferer say to me that I can't know what the pain is like. No I can't tell you what it's like to feel a thousand demons inside my head. But I damn well tell you what it's like to watch a father or a friend feel that pain. Anybody that has a problem with that can go to hell. Vive to ya my friend. Hang in there. Always, Felicia 8) |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by E-Double on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:32pm I hope Dave catches a break and that your noggin is taking it easy on you!! I think you are wonderful but you already knew I have a thing for little ladies ;) :-* Tough as nails E |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Tiannia on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:36pm Hun, what and or how pissed you off??? Supporting if not easy. I have seen my kids in tears because they cant make it better. Because mom is crying so they start crying. My 4 yr old tries to hug me and ask the Goddess to make it better and I end up yelling at my husband to get him away from me because I'm afraid that I will hurt him because if lashing around. I have seen my husband begg me to let him do something. Anything to make it better. I have tried to hide my hit from him because I know how much it hurts him. That he cant fix it. That he cant fight this unseen deamon that is inside my head. This is not something he can touch, something that he can fight or anything. I would not wish this on my worse enemy but I would not want to trade places with him and have to feel so helpless. Vent away. Say what you need to say and do what you need to do. But no one here will tell you that you are wrong. /huggs Tia |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by tanner on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:43pm Leesa, have I told you I love you lately? Well now I have! Best to Dave, and did I ever get the pics of our tribute to Mary Ellen to you? I still have them, so if I didn't already let me know where to send them or I can post them right here. :-[ xcept some dumb ass (me) spelled your name on them wrong :( BTW: BIG HUGZ.....Tim |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by chewy on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:45pm ATTA GIRL LEESA!!!! |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by LeLimey on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:48pm I'd sooner be hit than watch someone else I love getting hit. THAT is the worst pain in the world. No arguments from me Leesa, I know I couldn't do this without my supporters. |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Leesa on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:50pm Folks Im not here much due to a 3 yr old. LOL Ive been able to take some time today and read a few things, some things that have been said just made me mad as hell due to some of those that suffer dont seem to know how damn hard it is for those that support. Ive seen some comments that made me feel like my job as a supporter was a walk in the park, compared to having CH and that is very true but to play down so bad...... just pissed all over my fruit loops. I personally dont know the pain of CH nor do I ever want to but I know how helpless and mad I feel when Dave gets hit. Sorry yall..................but being a supporter aint easy either. Leesa, going back to my corner now :-X |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by wildhaus on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:55pm I don’t know what it is to be a supporter…….. I don’t want to know what it takes…… and in no way I would like to walk 10 miles in my wife’s shoes…… It breaks my hart when I see her worried for me or the kids eyes………… with the most bizarre X-mas wishes….. that papas head will be good again….. I hurt…. and it hurts me more, a different kind of pain, to see my family hurt with me….. and if someone thinks it’s just simple to be a supporter…………. to go with us through the pain…. without the physical pain but that different kind of pain………… ill just nod with my head and keep my thoughts to myself…………… I am in a deep debt to my supporters at home ……….. a debt ill never be able to repay back lash at you…….. why? for standing to your loved one, for being with him and for him hurting that different pain….. when he hurt……… NO!!!! You are in the right, the one thinks different……….. is wrong!!! back lash at them!!! Michael |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Linda_Howell on Oct 26th, 2006, 4:01pm Quote:
Leesa !!!!! You get yourself out of that corner right now Girl, ya hear? I stole your "bat" and I'm not afraid to use it. >:( You are a great supporter to Dave and others. The only thing wrong with you is that you're not here often enough. Linda |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by chewy on Oct 26th, 2006, 4:51pm Now that you got all that out can we get a happy dance for old time sakes? Naked would be good. 8) (NOT DAVE) |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by thomas on Oct 26th, 2006, 5:30pm Personally, I would much rather take the hit myself than see those that I care about go through this shit. It's horrible, because I actuall "know" what they're going through. Supporting sux ass. My hat's off to all you ladies and gents who have stayed the course with your loved one(s) and friends through all the hell. |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Margi on Oct 26th, 2006, 5:37pm pssst, Lisa? You ROCK, Lady. :-* |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Cathi04 on Oct 26th, 2006, 5:50pm Leesa, you want me to go get that bat back from Linda?? Honey, OF COURSE you get mad! I am certain it sux to see Dave battling, and of course, the natural instinct is to "fix it"! It's that strength of will, that urgency and the willingness to fight the beast that makes you sooo good as Dave's(and other peoples') supporter. The Beast is sneaky, underhanded, mean-spirited and an overall nasty enemy, who is out to inflict as much pain as it can on these sufferers. You keep channelling that energy-just MAYBE you'll make some headway with the medical community, so they will find something to control CH!! You've been missed, Leesa......a good vent now and again from you might keep this group in focus, consider it, please? Oh, and give Dave a big hug, and wish him PF for me....... Cathi |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by kissmyglass on Oct 26th, 2006, 5:52pm I am a chronic Clusterhead and just recently became a supporter too ( I guess) No doubt about it, being a supporter is MUCH harder. Glad we now have an official Supporter day! Kev |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Tim_w on Oct 26th, 2006, 5:57pm Leesa Glad to see ya posting again! BUTTT put a smile on your face!!!! ;;D I have had ch for about 27 years now and I'll tell you I would sooner be on this end then being a supporter I say my first clusterhead getting hit (Other than myself) at the convention in 2003 was on the phone many times with her as she was getting hit, and saw her getting hit again at the last convention and I felt so helpless not being able to help this fine LADY! You would think being a clusterhead you would know how to deal with it , but your looking at it through a new set of eyes!! MAY GOD BLESS ALL THE SUPPORTERS!!!!!!!!! :-* YOU ALL MEAN MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!!! :-* LOVE YA Tim _W HAPPY PAPPY ;;D |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by TxBasslady on Oct 26th, 2006, 6:29pm on 10/26/06 at 15:50:57, Leesa wrote:
Well, being that I do know you, I will tell you that you never, ever need to apologize for speaking your mind. You're right...I have read some of those same type comments over the years. As a sufferer, I will say that I think I know how difficult it is for the supporter's. I think that because like many here, I have witnessed CH from both angles. When I'm pf and witness someone else getting hit, it pisses me off too, Leesa. There's been times when I felt guilty cause I was pf, and someone I care about is not. I would hope that all of us who suffer are capable of seeing and recognizing the absolute pain felt by the supporter's. You're right, it's not easy...and it never will be. I feel that CH is a hand that was dealt to us sufferer's, and unfortunately, the supporer's are holding the same damn hand. A "walk in the park" it sure isn't, sweetie. Lots of love to you....and a whole bunch of PF vibes for you and Dave :-* Jean |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by LeLimey on Oct 26th, 2006, 6:38pm For anyone else reading this who needs a reminder http://www.ouch-us.org/suptapprday.htm |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by SteCo on Oct 26th, 2006, 6:38pm No issues from here..... I am the CHr....only get the pain in my head........ My wife feels the pain in her heart...... She has the difficult job by far. I just do the dance. SteCo |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Chillrmn1 on Oct 26th, 2006, 6:49pm God Bless you Leesa and all other supporters! I'm the sufferer, my wife the supporter. My wife sacrifices so much while I'm in cycle, puts up with my irritability, and wants so bad to be able to relieve me of my hell. She's a nurse in carreer and in heart and becomes very frustated in not being able to relieve my pain, I see the hurt in her eyes and face. What I'm trying to say is it takes a very strong individual to remain a loyal supporter and stay with you, where as it would be easy for someone weaker to just walk/run away from it. IT TAKES A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO BE A SUPPORTER AND ARE TRUE ANGELS FROM HEAVEN. And the next time someone tells you "supporting is easy" tell them Fuck You and tell them Fuck You from me. We love our supporters and I couldn't survive long without mine. You're right, I dont truely know what it's like to wear the shoes of a supporter but do know those are mighty big shoes to fill. Thank you all supporters and may god bless you all! Sincerely, Bob |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by BB on Oct 26th, 2006, 7:51pm ((((((( Leesa ))))))))) Thank you for speaking my mind ! I know how you feel ! Annette |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Charlie on Oct 26th, 2006, 8:54pm No argument or backlash here. I can only guess what it's like watching loved ones flop around with this thing. I'd rather be the "hittee" too. My friends have enough to worry about. Good post kid. Charlie |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Carl_D on Oct 26th, 2006, 11:24pm Quote:
I'll third that. I'm sorry for your pain as well as Dave's. Big BIG hugs, Carl |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Leesa on Oct 27th, 2006, 12:09am Oh BTW Dave at this time is NOT being hit...........he's PF for now! *happy dance* Im just tired of pure and simple BS. Leesa [smiley=huh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by sandie99 on Oct 27th, 2006, 2:32am Leesa, personally I do not take the support - nor supporters for granted. I appreciate in grear deal what you and others do for us, every day and every night. Thank you so much! :) Best wishes, Sanna |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Gator on Oct 27th, 2006, 3:10am I'm very happy that Dave is pain free. As far as your rant, you'll get nothing from me but an AMEN! I see the look on Jane's face when I'm getting hit when she doesn't think I'm looking and it kills me knowing I am responsible for that. Supporters have the most important and sometimes least appreciated role in a clusterhead's life. It's not the doctors that hold us at 5:30 in the morning as we come down from our third attack for the night. It's not the nurses who usher the kids off to another room and keep them occupied and calm their fears while their mom or dad is screaming in pain. No pharmacist ever came to my house to fetch my ice pack, oxygen or trex while I sat rocking and holding my eye. No insurance agent ever gave me an injection when I was too out of it to do it for myself. My wife and supporter has been there for me since day one and has never given up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself. Pay no mind to the morons, Leesa. SUPPORTERS ROCK!!! |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by BarbaraD on Oct 27th, 2006, 8:04am Does it take getting you mad to get you to post? Good to hear from you.... (and you KNOW I love you). Glad Dave is PF - some of us aren't that lucky (if you get time could you come down here and kick some CH arse for me?) Sweetie, those of us "oldtimers" don't ever take supporters for granted. In fact I have a bright red parrot named Leesa (given to me years ago by guess who?) who sits by my bed and when I get hit during the night, I grab her and use her for a head banging tool. Now cheer up and go give that baby a hug from Granny B. Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by rickyshot on Oct 27th, 2006, 10:57am You think supporting is easy? Just ask my kids who saw frequent violent attacks while they were growing up and no one knew what was wrong with me and no meds in sight ( could not afford them). Now THAT was fun for them I am sure. |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Mattrf on Oct 27th, 2006, 6:47pm I agree with you, when my wife talks to me in tears talking about how hard it is for her to see me in pain and not be able to do anything about it, I want to take her pain and pile it on top of my own. Supporters are in a hell all of there own and though it may not have physical pain it sure as hell has a lot of mental pain. My wife would do anything to take away my pain and I in turn would do anything to take away hers, I try to hide my pain and not talk about how bad I feel but as most of you know that is a hard thing to do, the beast loves collateral damage and hurting as many as he can directly or indirectly he doesn’t care as long as he gets his pound of flesh. Matt |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by alchemy on Oct 27th, 2006, 7:15pm i think supporters are the most caring people in the world. If it wasn't for Kathy i wouldn't be here. i hate what she and any supporter goes through. Whoever pissed you off they speak through ignorance and pay them no heed. If they do piss you off rant here anytime cause we all love you. jim |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Jonny on Oct 27th, 2006, 8:37pm on 10/27/06 at 00:09:06, Leesa wrote:
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b2d826b3127cce9fbec3e2b2b100000015108AZM2bNk5bM6 |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by alchemy on Oct 27th, 2006, 8:39pm on 10/27/06 at 20:37:31, Jonny wrote:
you lead a srange life bro LOL |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Jonny on Oct 27th, 2006, 8:44pm Thats Leesa table dancing in Atlanta, someone photoshopped Dens head on her and Ive had the pic for years ;;D |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by alchemy on Oct 27th, 2006, 8:49pm thankyou for the clarification ;;D |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Kevin_M on Oct 27th, 2006, 9:00pm Quote:
LMAO! A penny for your thoughts for the first five seconds you looked at that picture. nevermind. ;;D |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by alchemy on Oct 27th, 2006, 9:04pm you're better off not knowing [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Callico_Kid on Oct 27th, 2006, 11:11pm Leesa, NO apologies are needed. Any person who is ungrateful for his/her supporters either is a totally selfish individual or is unloved by someone worth caring about. I appreciate the support you have gien Dave, but you have also been a huge support to me who has never had the privilege of meeting you. The pain I put Linda and my kids through is far greater than that I suffer. The inability to share another's suffering or to alleviate it in some way is the most helpless feeling one can have. My wife stays away from me when I get hit, and it is because I don't want her around. I know how badly it tears her up to see me in that condition. It does not mean she does not love and support me. She does far more than I can express here. The impact it has had on my kids is immeasurable. I have seen the impact in their eyes since I went chronic a few years ago. B4 that I was able to keep it away from the for the most part. I think it hit my youngest daughter the hardest as she was only 5 when the beast moved his mailing address to my house. My wife would often find her nestled up in my Lazy Boy crying when no one was around and it would be for me. She expresses herself mostly by drawing (quite well) and she drew a small picture of me on the floor holding my head crying, but over in the back ground she drew herself in my chair crying also. I have carried that pic in my wallet now for almost 5 years. You supporters have my full gratitude and respect for what you go through and still stay with us. Any one can cut and run when the going is tough, but you stay with it. God bless you. Jerry |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Mattrf on Oct 28th, 2006, 12:16pm on 10/27/06 at 23:11:48, Callico_Kid wrote:
I’m with you Jerry and you have my prayers, I have a little girl as well that was five when this started and I can’t tell you how often she has told me she hates my pills because it means my head hurts and I cant play with her and yes there are tears in her eyes when she says it. It just rips your hart out to see how much this damages the people around you even the most innocent. Matt |
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Title: Re: Just mad as hell............................ Post by Richr8 on Oct 28th, 2006, 2:14pm on 10/27/06 at 21:00:10, Kevin_M wrote:
pass the bag! |
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