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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Torn, scared, crying
        
(Message started by: sandie99 on Oct 5^th, 2006, 11:39am)

Title: Torn, scared, crying
Post by sandie99 on Oct 5^th, 2006, 11:39am

I'm not sure what to think this very moment. I've been hit twice today, I feel sad, torn and scared. Too many emotions are running through me and I just had to post or I'd burst! :-/

You see, I feel guilty. My godson turns 11 on Saturday, but I haven't seen him for years. First I studied in London and lived miles away. Now I live closeby, but things have not changed; I still don't see him. I don't have a car, so I cannot visit him on my own, so I'd need someone to take me there. If I'd take a bus, I'd still need someone to pick me up. But it's okay, my godson's mother, who is also my first cousin and godaunt, has not invited me over and I'm not the kind of woman who would invite myself over. Sometimes I wonder that why they picked me to be a godaunt, when they don't want me to be part of my godson's life? Other than send cards and gifts, that is. It makes me sad because he's a precious little man and I want to be part of his life more than I am.

I feel torn. My boyfriend told me that he wants us to go to his sister's house tomorrow - so that he can see his nephew and godson. I'm terrified, because I'm not quite sure what his sister feels about me... I thought that she liked me, but then there was one occasion, which made me think that just because I'm part of my boyfriend's family, it doesn't mean that I'm part of hers as well. I know that she means the world to my boyfriend. I have no idea what I could do about this situation... I feel that I'm intruding. I always want to do the right thing and I have no idea what I should do about this... :'(

Naturally, being in cycle, I'd rather stay at my tiny room and deal with the devil on my own. The odds are that I'll get hit at my boyfriend's sister's, and I hate the idea. You can imagine what it must feel for them to see me getting hit! I haven't told them that much about ch... So it can be pretty scary. I don't even look at myself at the mirror when I'm getting hit. :o

Somebody, help me stop these bloody tears... :'(

Appreciating your advices,
Sanna

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by The mad viking on Oct 5^th, 2006, 11:48am

Only advice i can tell you is what my neurollogist told me.

"Try live as normal as possible"

Svenn

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by pattik on Oct 5^th, 2006, 11:49am

Sanna, I'm sorry you're so torn about this. The word Godmother means different things to different people. For many, it is mostly just a lable with not much significance. In my case, I was made Godmother to my nephew. His family lives over a thousand miles away, they never visit or invite me (although I have visited anyway). They are not a very religious family either, so the function of Godmother to them is more of a legal issue, in case both parents were to die before their kids were grown. I found after a couple of years that there was no purpose served in taking offense about it.
Just stay in touch by mail, calls or whatever with your Godson as much as you can. Now that mine is an adult with kids of his own, he actually comes here almost yearly to visit. So just give it some time.
Patti

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Mattrf on Oct 5^th, 2006, 11:51am

Hay Sanna, I really feel for you, I just got an email from my step-sister and she was complaining that they don’t see me and said that her two boys told her that they don’t remember what I look like and asked her if I was still part of the family. (OUCH!)
You know what you have not or at least try not to worry about what they think or do and just take care of yourself, take each day as it comes god knows none of us need the extra stress that some our families feel is necessary to dump on us.

As far as your boyfriends sister is concerned, if she loves her brother then she will except you and even if she does not he does and that is what matters the most.

Hang in there, you will get through this as will the rest of us.

Matt

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by seasonalboomer on Oct 5^th, 2006, 11:54am

i think i've only seen my godparents 4 times my entire life and i harbor no "absent godparent" issues........

here's a brightside.....maybe?.... you can think of yourself as more like a "fairy godmother" to him with the present visitation schedule.... (that's really trying to be funny and hopefully not taken the wrong way.)

scott

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by jimmers on Oct 5^th, 2006, 12:00pm

I would say go, and be yourself. If someone doesn't like something about you, its on them! You are not here to try to impress everyone in your life, the only person that matters is you and your boyfriend and what HE thinks of you. Trying to make everyone else happy all the time only leads to YOU not being happy. Go, have fun and be yourself, if she doesn't like it. To Bad!

You don't strike me as an insecure person, Us Clusterheads are the most secure people on the planet. Look at it this way: You deal with clusterheadaches all the time, these other things are minor details compared to that.

Dr. Phil ;;D

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by maffumatt on Oct 5^th, 2006, 12:29pm

we love you Sanna.
M

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by mynm156 on Oct 5^th, 2006, 12:41pm

Hey Sweetheart,

Thats a tough choice but I would at least try and call your Godsons parents to acknowlege his special day and maybe they would invite you at that time. I know that in preparing for things like that I forget things and Who I invited and who I didnt.

As far as your boyfriends family just be your normal Sweet, compasionate, funlovine self that you are and just hang on that boys arm if you have to. Now if some reason his sister doesnt not like you its her problem NOT YOURS! Just be yourself and I am sure that she will come around. Its probably a case of "NOONE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY BROTHER" type thing.

I hope that helps ya Girl!

Your Brother in Pain

mynm156

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by TxBasslady on Oct 5^th, 2006, 12:46pm

Vibes and best wishes for a better day, Sanna :-*

Never let CH determine how you spend your day...if you do, then the beast wins. :'( ....don't let that happen.

Love,

Jean

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by JeffB on Oct 5^th, 2006, 1:29pm

Do what your heart says.

As far as your boyfriends sister goes........she can accept you or not, it's not your job in life to keep her happy!

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by FramCire on Oct 5^th, 2006, 1:37pm

My best advice is to talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he thinks. Maybe he can talk to her for you? Maybe his sister wants you to make the effort to see him rather than them invite you?

All I can say is that you need to communicate with her and find out where you stand (even through an intermediary). Let her know you want to be more a part of his life but that you want to respect her and what she wishes.

I am so sorry you are going through this though. I will say a prayer that it all gets resolved. In the end family is still family (even if it is a boyfriend's family, they are still family (especially if you are the godmother).

May the day bring you joy, pF times, and a chance to see your godson. YOU DESERVE IT!

Eric

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by imnotbub on Oct 5^th, 2006, 3:03pm

In my opinion you are giving it too much thought. You want to see your godson, go see him. You don't have to stay for dinner, just say hi.
Don't sweat your boyfriends sister either. Be yourself, don't try to impress or be politically correct. To be a part of his life, you have to be comfortable everywhere. If you're not, you're in for dissappointment and hurt. I never met you, but if you are anything like you come across in your posts, how can she help but like you.

Steve

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by kcopelin on Oct 5^th, 2006, 3:07pm

Sanna
I am so sorry you're hurting right now. You've been such a positive and strong voice for compassion and love here on this board for so long...I'm praying that all these relationship issues will resolve-you would be an awesome godmother and a great influence for any child.
I didn't know you were back in cycle, sweetie. When did that happen-how did I miss that...praying this is a short cycle.
no matter what anyone elses' family members think-I think you rock!
LY
kathy

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by nani on Oct 5^th, 2006, 3:57pm

Sanna, sweetie... you're a beautiful, wonderful and caring person. No one can ever take that away from you. I urge you to just be yourself, at all times, to all people. If someone chooses not to love you, it's their problem, and their loss. Go to your boyfriend's sister's house, have a great time...and if you get hit...go outside, or to the bathroom.
I am godmother to 2 of my nieces. One grew up 5 minutes away, the other hundreds of miles away. The most important part, for me anyway, was to always let them each know that I loved them unconditionally, was around if they needed me, and that they were very special to me. That can be done in person, by phone or through cards and letters. Do what you feel is right, and you absolutely can't go wrong. :-*
much love, nani

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Charlotte on Oct 5^th, 2006, 4:18pm

Sanna, I'm with Nani, here. To know you is to love you. Anyone with that oportunity who passes - it is their problem and their loss.

Ask your boyfriend to go with you to see your godson, and if you need to be picked up, ask someone.

Also, please forgive the sister. She is only human and if she only made you uncomfortable once, just forgive & forget. Anyone can have a bad moment.

I love you. It is a privilege to know you, in this small way.

Charlotte

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by sandie99 on Oct 5^th, 2006, 4:45pm

Whooah, I've been hit 4 times today... so with the amount of caffeine in my blood right now, I'll be up for a while, so I decided to come back.

But in general I feel a lot better now. :)
Thank you all for your advices & input. I'm grateful for your words of wisdom. This board is the perfect place to get more perspective on all issues. :)

I decided to be frank and I told my boyfriend & best supporter, that I'm bit scared about going to his sister's house. He told me not to worry about that. We're now going to visit his sister's house on Saturday. I've already mentally packed my ch survival kit. ;)

And my mum told me not to worry about my godson's birthday, either. I sent him little something; that's all I can do right now. Things will probably alter when I'll own a car one day/when he gets older.

Matt, I feel for you... I hope that things turn out great.

Scott, thanks for making me smile! :)

Jean, I have no intention to let the beast win.

Kathy, I've been in cycle officially since September 20th.

Charlotte, thank you so much! It's an honor to know you, too. :)

I wish everyone PF time.

Best wishes,
Sanna

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Bethany1 on Oct 5^th, 2006, 6:26pm

((((((SANNA))))))

[smiley=hug.gif]

hang in there girl-
B

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Charlie on Oct 5^th, 2006, 7:34pm

Sorry Sanna but you are not alone and you can always come here for a hard time. 8)

My cousin and family live less than two miles from me and I haven't been there since Christmas and the last time I saw him was about June 1st. They have no friends. Sad

Charlie

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Sean_C on Oct 5^th, 2006, 10:27pm

I hope the beast gives you a little break Sanna during your trip. Most importantly try to have some fun ;)

Cheers

Sean..............................

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by georgej on Oct 6^th, 2006, 3:01am

Hi Sanna,

Glad you're feeling a bit better about things--try not to let the "relatives" get you upset. There are always going to be some issues with in-laws and relatives, and some never get resolved--but, you know, other people's perceptions and issues are their problems, and shouldn't be yours. Just be yourself--no reasonable person could help but like you.

Your boyfriend's a great guy. I know he's on your side.

P.S.--so sorry to hear you're getting hit, still. I hate what this condition does to wonderful people.

Best always,

George

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by sandie99 on Oct 6^th, 2006, 4:01am

New day... and I feel like crap. Got hit in the night, you know what it's like.

Sometimes I think that ch makes some tiny issues big problems. And sometimes it makes you forget to worry about other things because of the pain. I'm not sure which is worse... :-/

But one just must keep on living.

PF days to us all,
Sanna

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Jasmyn on Oct 6^th, 2006, 5:36am

A Big Hug to you Girl! [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Melissa on Oct 6^th, 2006, 7:00am

We are not Superwoman Sanna, nor do we have to be. I spent too many years trying to be everything to everyone and all it got me was a nervous breakdown.

Focus on yourself right now, remind yourself that "this will not kill me" and just remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know how depressed and pessimistic a person can get while in cycle, so boost those B vitamins sweetie and write me if ever you need someone to lean on, ok?

love you & hugs,
:)mel

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Fredmyyster on Oct 6^th, 2006, 8:00am

(((((((((Sanna))))))) Wished i could take your hits for you....

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Carl_D on Oct 6^th, 2006, 8:09am

Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. Like others have said, all someone has to do is to get to know you a little bit to know you're a wonderful person.
[smiley=hug.gif]

Peace,
Carl

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by kimmiedawn81 on Oct 6^th, 2006, 9:18am

Sanna, I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time right now. I hope things that get better soon!

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by Summerbabe on Oct 6^th, 2006, 9:37am

:( Sanna, my lamb, I a godparent too have been dealing with a situation with my godchild regarding her education, My godchild also my niece, is 18 , her parents both reformed addicts to cocaine and alcohol was letting this brilliant girl slip through the cracks , willing to let her drop out of school, ya quit!!! Anyway , I couldnt sit back and allow this to happen, I took a vow as her godmother to provide her a stable path in religion as well as her life . My godchild now resides with me and is attending highschool in my town of residence. I am now her guardian. Yes she is 18 but a niave 18 . So you take the reigns with your godson, do make the initiative to be part of his life , it is your right as his godmother. In additon to your cycle you need to get better first!!! Time waits for noone I know but you will have your time with your godchild when you are better, things will work out but you cannot pile it all on your plate during cycle. As far as your boyfriends situation , you have priorities too! Hoping he will understand , my husband and I still head in different directions on holidays due to my large family. As long as the two of you have an understanding and there will be many more times where the both of you can be together for visits. But these things happen , two different occasions in one day, Compromise , it wil work out my sweet, wishing pf , sending strong vibes, amd warm hugs, I am here doll... ;;D [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=heart.gif] [smiley=hug.gif], All my best, Summer 8)

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by sandie99 on Oct 8^th, 2006, 4:35am

Here's how it all went...

I send my godmother a text message: give Happy Birthday wishes to my godson (they don't have a phone at home, just mobile phones, but godson does not have his own yet). She replied that she's off to work and that they had already helled my godson's birthday party on Friday.

When I went to my meet my boyfriend, I was dealing with a hit. I got hit once before meething him, once on the way - he witnessed that one. When we got to his sister's house, I was, luckily, PF, but I got hit while we were there (luckily during the movie, Godfather 1, so they didn't notice) and I got hit twice after we left. But I still had a great time. My boyfriend's godson and nephew is just adorable bundle of joy! I got to hold him for a while and he was so peaceful. We had smoked salmon with potatoes and carrots and mushroom (not magic... ;)) sauce.

Best wishes & PF time,
Sanna

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by BB on Oct 8^th, 2006, 6:42am

Hello Sanna,

I am so glad it went well for you at your boyfriends place. I admire your courage and tenacity in going while you are getting hit and being able to remain so positive right through.

Are children the best? They give and accept love so naturally. :)

Take care Sanna and best wishes for everything.

Annette

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by alchemy on Oct 8^th, 2006, 7:37am

[smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by brewcrew on Oct 8^th, 2006, 8:48am

on 10/08/06 at 04:35:31, sandie99 wrote:

We had smoked salmon

I've tried that, but I could never keep the damned thing lit! ;;D

Sounds like things are coming around for you - now slay the beast! We're pulling for you!

Bill

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by sandie99 on Oct 8^th, 2006, 1:28pm

on 10/08/06 at 08:48:57, brewcrew wrote:

I've tried that, but I could never keep the damned thing lit! ;;D

Bill, the weather was not on our side with that - it took our host nearly an hour to get the wood lit for the fish. but it was worth the wait. :)

Annette, I've realized that no matter how terrified I'd be because of ch, I have to do whatever I have planned. After all, I've been a chronic and I can turn into one any day. So I have to live inspite of it and my closeones will have to understand that. Even if it means turning down a glass of wine and ice cream with alcohol poured on top of it.

Having said that, it was scary to meet my boyfriend while getting hit... Poor guy had to witness me getting hit 3 times yesterday! But, as far as I know, we're still together. :)

Sanna

Title: Re: Torn, scared, crying
Post by andrewjb on Oct 8^th, 2006, 8:25pm

:). sounds as though youve found a nice man. stay calm, wishing you PF times soon.andrew