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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> demonic dad
        
(Message started by: cootie on Sep 22^nd, 2006, 5:14pm)

Title: demonic dad
Post by cootie on Sep 22^nd, 2006, 5:14pm

Well my dad landed himself back in the hospital a few days ago with a badly broken hip......feel gettin outa his truck at the dollar store. He of course refused a ride in an ambulence or even the cop car to the hospital. My cousin's husband showed up and picked him up and took him to the hospital. He was just in anouther hospital two weeks prior for a gall bladder attack and was in pretty bad shape with other ailements so they transfer'd him to Bowling Green Hospital in Ky. He has bad color (am hearing he is extremly pale actually) and has been that way for a while......has that aneuresym on his heart at about a level 4.....chirisos of the liver which has almost killed him before......and his knees are shot big time. So he just has pins in his hip a few days ago and is now yelling and cussing at the nurses and family.....he wants OUT !! Again he is leaveing AMA like he did the other time a few weeks ago. Guess he is impossible to deal with and pissed off they want to keep him longer and is 'leaveing'.....he is waiting for my cousin's husband to show up to take him home and he told me he will KILL HIM if he doesn't show up cuz suma the other family (not meaning me) talked him out of it. I got to talk to him in his room where he was sittin in a wheelchair rady to sign papers and leave.....he didn't even act happy to talk to me. He said he is fine.....he has learn'd all he needs in the hospital and can care for himself no problem ? The two nurses told me ELSWISE......they said he can not be puttin pressure on the hip for a while yet and hasn't learn'd to get around on his own they would of taught him when healed more. They said he looks so pale and had three units of blood yesturday !? The one nurse asked if he was an alchoholic which he was and did this after a series of wrecks about 17 years ago but went thru detox and was strapped down. He sounds ok on the phone but talked to me like I was a sales rep or sumthin ? He said he does not need ANYONE to care for him......(he lives next to some family)......he said he doesn't have any insisions or scars from the two pins placed in his hip ? Is that rite ?? He said he is fixed and fine !! He got frustrated I got upset and said he is NOT staying cuz they jus want to KEEP him for no reason. None of the family knows if he has been drinkin daily at all so we can't assume he is....they looked thru his apartment and found nothing ? He's mid 70's......smokes like a chimney but told the nurses he smokes occationally.....he always lies about himself which has put up a wall for me. I dunno what to think. He said medicare or medicade WILL pay his bill so he isn't worried.....will medicade pay even tho he left AMA ? He does't even have a walker or nothin at the aprt.......he doesn't care !! He said he is fine. Daddy dearest Pam

Anyhow know what the next faze mite be ? I can't go down there and Brad'd shoot me if I had him here. (he wants things his way and lies so much.....he was a bad alchoholic years ago and did and said stuff hard to forget I'd not want to relive) Any advice or COMFORTS would be apprecieated cuz I am on my own with this one. Family is about DONE with him but the ones next door are STUCK with him. And....I just fell and broke my foot again. It'll heal.........and Brad jus said I sould like my dad talkin like that !!!???

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by cootie on Sep 22^nd, 2006, 8:58pm

Sorry for the WHINE........I know suma you guys HATE this crap........hell my cats don't even wanna hear about it. Puffy foot Pam

Sorry again........I REALLY am !!!!!!

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by kcopelin on Sep 22^nd, 2006, 9:24pm

PAM!
That's what we're here for. I am so sorry that you are faced with this situation with your Dad. Remeber this: you have absolutely no control over him. He is an adult and will make his own choices and pay the consequences. You don't have any more control over this than you did over his drinking. What you can control is your boundaries, your health, your reactions.
And, for goodness sake, how did you break your foot?!
Girl, I'm here for ya-if you need to talk PM me..ok
kathy

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by Grandma_Sweet_Boy on Sep 22^nd, 2006, 9:25pm

Pam - from where I sit there's absolutely no need for you to apologize. You've sure had a lot to deal with - your Dad's health and other issues. Please don't be sorry.

How on earth did you break your foot? Brad misbehaving and ya had to kick him? LOL!

Hang in there kiddo - it has to get better for you.

Hugs
Carol

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by Linda_Howell on Sep 22^nd, 2006, 10:24pm

Quote:

Remeber this: you have absolutely no control over him. He is an adult and will make his own choices and pay the consequences. You don't have any more control over this than you did over his drinking. What you can control is your boundaries, your health, your reactions.

A line from the "shinning"

Words of wisdom Lloyd. Words of wisdom. :'(

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by Carl_D on Sep 23^rd, 2006, 4:35am

Grandma's right. You don't need to apologize at all. You're dad sounds like a stubborn old man and as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

The way I see it, you already have a heavy load on your shoulders and you are NOT whining. You are coping. You KNOW you can come here and 'take a load off' anytime.

[smiley=hug.gif]
Peace,
Carl

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by kayarr on Sep 23^rd, 2006, 7:30am

Pam,

What a rock and a hard place, eh? He can still behave like a drinker even if he isn't drinking. If he is not actively working at changing his attitudes he is what you call a dry drunk.
Have you ever looked at the BIG Book or gone to an alanon meeting? Ya know, if you go at least a couple times you will feel a lot less alone and find out how some people cope with situations not unlike your own.
To repeat the wisdom from above posters: There is nothing you can do about anyone's actions but your own. Be good to you. You are wonderful.

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by cootie on Sep 23^rd, 2006, 4:14pm

Thanks guys.......felt bad I let loose with all my shit again here.....I know alot of ya HATE long whines. But shit I have all these wonderful friends at home that will dodge ya like the plaque if ya mention any personal issues.......so I don't say much to any of them. Anyhow......my mom goes to AA meetings 'still' cuz of things she had to deal with when they were married and then the nasty devorse. She said it helps her understand or cope with what all was said and done. I dunno what dad's problem is but he went home to no wheelchair or walker and no way to get around. Course he says he is fine and no problems or pain.......sum of us think he was in a rush to get home to the hidden BOTTLE ?? He had surgery Wednesday and went home Friday !!! Do you have incisions much with pins put in.....does anyone know ? He kept tellin me he had NOTHING there cuz the pins were on the inside not outside........he didn't make alot of sense......duh. My mom is upset about it for me but apparently there was alot goin on I never knew about him when he started drinkin......sum of it is startin to come out bit by by bit but mom said it was HORRIBLE and I don't need to know sum of it ? I am a bit nervous he mite hurt sumone now if he was corner'd for sum reason with health or mental issues. See.....I think the family down south wants him possibly put away !!!? They did mention 'power of attorny' when he was rushed to the hospital about 3 weeks ago and would not stay. Man that would be a rough thing to attempt to do on my part esp to have him commited to a home for people like him.......I think he comes and goes and jus has WIERD beliefs about things which set him off. I figure the next time he falls or has a gall bladder attack or liver messup and in the hospital they are goin to ask me to do that !! He'd fight tooth and nail. One flew over the coo-coo's nest Pam

Oh yeah.....about the foot. I was carryin this scrufty orphan kitten thru the hall I am bottle feeding (it has a nice pen outside with insulated box) to clean it up and went to step over onea the house cats that suddenly moved and got under my foot again as I was steppin down. I started to loose my balance and was ON the cats back and it took off and sumhow I tripped up and fell landing on my big toe bent FORWARD.....I hit the floor but with that toe and big jpint bent backwards (would be bent up towards me not under my foot) it held me like a big spring and I slammed onto the wall to get off it cuz it apparently hurt like HELL doin that....then I slammed to the floor but the kitten didn't get hurt......I coulda crushed it but tried to avoid that. So basically my entire foot was bent upward. Never done that before. Can't bend it and swollen shiney and trunin purple now. I will be the one at the cookout bonfire party with one sock on and one boot on. NO SHOE or BOOT can be fitted over a foot ya can't bend.......ouch !!!!!! I think the big toe joint also folded backwards cuz of the purple and blue line across it. It fineally went numb......not sure if that is a good thing ? I have officially broke that foot three times now in different places. This outside party is gonna suck tho gettin around on the wet ground and rain and dampness. Maybe I should wear a long skirt so I can squat and pee and no one knows verses walk (hop) a half mile to the house or behind the barn !???? 8) :o 8) 8)

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by Melissa on Sep 23^rd, 2006, 6:38pm

I'm so sorry you have to carry all this on your shoulders Pam. [smiley=hug.gif]

:(melly

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by kayarr on Sep 23^rd, 2006, 7:22pm

Pam,
It is really good for you to tell someone about how you are feeling. We all love you here are do not think any less of you for what is happening. In a way, it is like going to a counselor but a lot more personal and caring:)
My ex was an addict and his whole family was dependant on one thing or another. It was hard and it was Hell. If you need to talk about the weird stuff, trust me, I would not be shocked at anything> in other words the door is open and the coffee is on and warm.

Kimberly

Title: Re: demonic dad
Post by Charlie on Sep 23^rd, 2006, 9:30pm

Wow.

Talk about old school....

Sorry it landed that hard in your lap but please rant and rave all you want.

Hang on kid.

Charlie