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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> How many can I offend at one time?
        
(Message started by: chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:00pm)
Title: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:00pm
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS…

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better. The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?" And the Lord said, "They are rules for living." Can you give us an example?" "Thou shall not kill." "Not kill? We're not interested."

God went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother." "Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal." "Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments." The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery." "Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?" "They're free."

"We'll take 10."

There, that ought to offend just about everybody.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by echo on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:02pm
This Scottish Englishman is so upset that I have to take the rest of the day as a sick day and go home and fume.

Thanks for the afternoon off chewy ;;D
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Ghost on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:11pm
For some reason I feel I should be offended but I just am not affected at all!

Sorry to dissapoint.

Mike
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jimi on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:14pm
Well...since I am not Arabic, Black, Mexican, from France or Jewish, I am not offended by the post. I AM offended however that you had nothing to say about Kentucky Hillbillies. We ain't good anough to even get an honorable mention? ;)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:21pm

Quote:
I AM offended however that you had nothing to say about Kentucky Hillbillies.


Sorry Bud. I'll try and work something in for ya. LOL
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by georgej on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:22pm
Hate to tell you this, Don.  It's an equal-opportunity joke.  

I don't know if you want to hear this, but it's therefore politically correct.  

If you add handicapped access, it could even be eligible for federal funding.

George
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:29pm

Quote:
If you add handicapped access, it could even be eligible for federal funding.


ROFLMMFAO!

Your right !  LMAO.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JeffB on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:42pm
As a black mexican arab I'm just blown away....think I'll go to temple to pray for you after I get back from mecca. ;;D
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Batch on Sep 21st, 2006, 12:53pm
The following story about Cowboys & Indians might be worth a grin...

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East to learn how to fly airliners.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.

Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The radical Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin."
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Bob P on Sep 21st, 2006, 1:09pm

Quote:
nothing to say about Kentucky Hillbillies. We ain't good anough to even get an honorable mention?

Just ain't right to use "Kentucky Hillbillies" and "honorable" in the same post!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by rickyshot on Sep 21st, 2006, 1:19pm
ROTLMAO.

OK you have managed to offend everyone in my Jewish, Black, American Indian, and french speaking family. HAHAHAHA

I 'll get you Don my little pretty and your little dog too........
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JeffB on Sep 21st, 2006, 1:31pm
That's right .......you forgot about our beer swilling friends in the north! Friggin hoze heads, eh.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Margi on Sep 21st, 2006, 1:33pm
Careful, Jeff - Ricky's an American living in Canada.

Oh and it's not 'hoze hounds'.  It's 'hoser', thank you very much.  ::)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JeffB on Sep 21st, 2006, 1:38pm
Of course Ricky's there, it is however "the united states of Canada". ;;D

Kidding, British Columbia has the best strip clubs ever!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Margi on Sep 21st, 2006, 1:42pm
well, alrighty then, Jeff....duly noted.

You are officially on my list now.  
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 2:50pm
Hey Jimi, about the  Kentucky Hillbillies

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s."

That cover it? Nuff said?  8)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by alchemy on Sep 21st, 2006, 2:52pm
and don't steal your neighbors banjo
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jimi on Sep 21st, 2006, 3:09pm
Yes...I feel much better now. ;;D
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by DonnaHar on Sep 21st, 2006, 3:23pm
and stay away from the still.

edited to ask:  what does "still" mean, anyway?  Like, you can't move after you've had some of that white lightning?
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by deltadarlin on Sep 21st, 2006, 4:55pm
Actually the word *still* comes from the word distillary, but Bubba had a hard time saying that word, much less remembering it, so the word *still* was born.

'darlin
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Sandy_C on Sep 21st, 2006, 5:27pm

on 09/21/06 at 12:14:32, Jimi wrote:
Well...since I am not Arabic, Black, Mexican, from France or Jewish, I am not offended by the post. I AM offended however that you had nothing to say about Kentucky Hillbillies. We ain't good anough to even get an honorable mention? ;)



HEY!  As the daughter of a born and raised Kentucky hilbilly, from Louisa, I....I ..... I

sorta resent that - sorta.   ;;D

Sandy
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JeffB on Sep 21st, 2006, 5:39pm
Hillbillies are cool. Who else could go to a family reunion looking for a date? ;;D
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jimi on Sep 21st, 2006, 5:48pm
........word........
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Linda_Howell on Sep 21st, 2006, 5:51pm


Quote:
Hillbillies are cool. Who else could go to a family reunion looking for a date?  


  I see that you are plagerizing from the other Jeff. (Foxworthy, that is)

I'm not offended by what Chewy said..  I'm grateful that he, in his infinite wisdom saw fit to not mention blondes from California.

surfs up!!!!!!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jimi on Sep 21st, 2006, 6:32pm
I don't want your feelings hurt Linda so....


Three girls all worked in the same office with the same
female boss.



Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day,

the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave

right behind her.



After all, she never called or came back to work, so how

would she Know they went home early?



The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little

gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed

early.



The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout

at the spa before meeting a dinner date.



The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her

husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a

muffled noise from inside.



Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was

mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently,

she closed the door and crept out of her house.



The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and

redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the

blonde if she was going to go with them.



"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught

yesterday. :P
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by FramCire on Sep 21st, 2006, 6:52pm

on 09/21/06 at 14:50:02, chewy wrote:
Hey Jimi, about the  Kentucky Hillbillies

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s."

That cover it? Nuff said?  8)



In KY isn't it redundant to mention wife and donkey in the same thought?

Sorry.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JeffB on Sep 21st, 2006, 6:57pm
Hey Y'all,

This here's my Brother Daddy!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JeffB on Sep 21st, 2006, 6:58pm

on 09/21/06 at 17:51:32, Linda_Howell wrote:
  I see that you are plagerizing from the other Jeff. (Foxworthy, that is)

I'm not offended by what Chewy said..  I'm grateful that he, in his infinite wisdom saw fit to not mention blondes from California.

surfs up!!!!!!

Blondes are geat, just put them in a round room and tell them to go sit in the corner!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jimi on Sep 21st, 2006, 7:04pm
Hey FramCire, you calling Ms Ruthie an ass?
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jonny on Sep 21st, 2006, 7:10pm

on 09/21/06 at 19:04:03, Jimi wrote:
Hey FramCire, you calling Ms Ruthie an ass?


Man, I hope not....for his sake!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by FramCire on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:08pm

on 09/21/06 at 19:04:03, Jimi wrote:
Hey FramCire, you calling Ms Ruthie an ass?



I have done no such thing.  I simply asked a question.  I was under the impression that wives were called donkeys and husbands elephants (in KY) just like the Politcal party animal affiliations.  At no time was I suggesting any woman was a donkey or an ass.  
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:15pm
I back up FramCire 100%.

Eric isn't that kinda guy.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by FramCire on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:20pm

on 09/21/06 at 20:15:26, chewy wrote:
I back up FramCire 100%.

Eric isn't that kinda guy.



I only wish chewy wouldn't actually have to be behind me, he kinda scares me.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:24pm
I'm right behind ya pal.


Waaaaaaaaayyyyyy behind ya.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jonny on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:31pm
Yeah, Eric's ok.....I had dinner with him and didnt have to kill him, so that should say something ;;D
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:33pm
He just has to learn how to wear a face sock. LMAO!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jonny on Sep 21st, 2006, 8:38pm

on 09/21/06 at 20:33:52, chewy wrote:
He just has to learn how to wear a face sock. LMAO!


Well, we wont go there ;;D

But, if he can get by me and Chewy in person you know he is........ill get back to ya.....LOL
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Charlie on Sep 21st, 2006, 9:11pm
http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/grouphugg.gif?SSImageQuality=FullX

Charlie
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Jimi on Sep 21st, 2006, 9:12pm
I just noticed your response Fram. I guess I should have put a smiley face at the end. Go back and read it and imagine me smiling when I typed it. We're cool...plus you come highly recommended. ;)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by mynm156 on Sep 21st, 2006, 9:15pm
WTFF!!
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Not4Hire on Sep 21st, 2006, 9:58pm

on 09/21/06 at 21:11:33, Charlie wrote:
http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/grouphugg.gif?SSImageQuality=FullX

Charlie



I'm tryin' to figger out a way to offend charlie.

if it was Ueli: cats

if it was txbasslady: fishin'

if it was LeLimey: frenchmen

if it was jonny: rusty handrails

if it was mr happy: free admission

if it was mastifflvr: pretty dawgs

if it was don: answers

if it was thelma: rattlesnakes

if it was louise: cellphones

if it was bobw: bobp (  & vs.vs.)

if it was ted: (take a #)

and so on...

but if it was CHARLIE: I ...just ...don't ...know...

8)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by FramCire on Sep 21st, 2006, 10:03pm

on 09/21/06 at 21:12:34, Jimi wrote:
I just noticed your response Fram. I guess I should have put a smiley face at the end. Go back and read it and imagine me smiling when I typed it. We're cool...plus you come highly recommended. ;)



I had figured it was all in good fun.   Good to see my brothers come to my aid though.  Being the fat hillybilly of the clan, you sometimes need reassurance they got your back, ya hear.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by thebbz on Sep 21st, 2006, 11:18pm
:-*
Quote:
Good to see my brothers come to my aid though.

Nice

jb
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 22nd, 2006, 6:53am

Quote:
We're cool


I figured.


Quote:
imagine me smiling when I typed it.


And the ox and the donkee smoking a butt?  8)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by kcopelin on Sep 22nd, 2006, 11:51am
Chewy,
I am very thankful that you left out vertically challenged people.  Because that would have really pissed me off. ;;D
Also, my theory is that because clusterheads are supposed to have "orange peel, rough skin" it keeps us from being thin skinned.  Probably take alot to offend most of us-except saying we have migraines, or suggesting CH is all in our head.
;;D
kathy
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Sep 22nd, 2006, 12:25pm
Nothing for the Left handed, Irish, Alcoholic, Muslims?
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by thomas on Sep 22nd, 2006, 12:57pm

on 09/22/06 at 12:25:31, ExplodingEyeBall wrote:
Nothing for the Left handed, Irish, Alcoholic, Muslims?



No, because one of them originated the thread.  ;;D
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Margi on Sep 22nd, 2006, 1:07pm

on 09/22/06 at 12:57:45, thomas wrote:
No, because one of them originated the thread.  ;;D


Don's left handed?  Is THAT why he's always been so backwards?  THANK you, Thomas!!  :)
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 22nd, 2006, 1:09pm

Quote:
No, because one of them originated the thread


Hey! Hey! Hey!

I am niether left handed nor Muslum
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Margi on Sep 22nd, 2006, 1:12pm
Chewtoy, I beat you with my response by 2 full minutes.  Thus proving my point.  :P
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by chewy on Sep 22nd, 2006, 1:15pm
Well hey its hard to type quickly with my left finger when I have a beverage in my right hand.
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Bethany1 on Sep 22nd, 2006, 2:33pm
A beverage.....

ya, ok.



Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by JenniferD on Sep 22nd, 2006, 5:42pm

on 09/21/06 at 17:51:32, Linda_Howell wrote:
  I see that you are plagerizing from the other Jeff. (Foxworthy, that is)

I'm not offended by what Chewy said..  I'm grateful that he, in his infinite wisdom saw fit to not mention blondes from California.

surfs up!!!!!!


pssst. Linda.... I'm grateful he missed short, blonde, left-handed Polacks   ;;D   Our commandment:  "just  don't".
Title: Re: How many can I offend at one time?
Post by Linda_Howell on Sep 22nd, 2006, 5:56pm


Wow Jen...I'm short, blonde AND I'm left-handed... and German.       Freaky huh?


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