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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Newest Navy Ship
        
(Message started by: Tom K on Aug 19^th, 2006, 5:40pm)

Title: Newest Navy Ship
Post by Tom K on Aug 19^th, 2006, 5:40pm

The USS William J. Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, WA. The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat aircraft which forms a very menacing presence, although it cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20-person crew is completely diversified and includes members of all races, creeds, sex and sexual orientation.

This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.

An onboard Type 1 DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language, to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy states that all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense - but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.

The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.

It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World".

The ship was commissioned USS William J Clinton when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken.

Sometimes you have to laugh...
[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Newest Navy Ship
Post by Jonny on Aug 19^th, 2006, 5:53pm

Sink the fucking thing.....NOW!!!!

Title: Re: Newest Navy Ship
Post by Paul98 on Aug 19^th, 2006, 6:25pm

Does it have an onboard presidential ~~pornshop~~ library?

he,he

-P.

Title: Re: Newest Navy Ship
Post by Callico_Kid on Aug 19^th, 2006, 9:56pm

Tom,

Thought you might like to see a photo of our newest aircraft carrier, but I don't know how to get it from my email to this site. >:( I tried to copy and paste it, but it didn't work.

jc

Title: Re: Newest Navy Ship
Post by Sean_C on Aug 19^th, 2006, 10:12pm

http://users.commspeed.net/guzzi/images/legacy.gif

Title: Re: Newest Navy Ship
Post by roy21302 on Aug 20^th, 2006, 7:38am

Hi Guys,
Her Majesties Royal Navy must have borrowed the plans for this type of ship from your Goverment. They have just launched HMS Tony Blair, however it sunk on touching the water as it was full of Bull-Shit, apparantly from a Texas bull Bush!! Cheers Roy