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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Finally, things are moving again.
        
(Message started by: Richr8 on Jun 24^th, 2006, 11:16am)

Title: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Richr8 on Jun 24^th, 2006, 11:16am

A not so short synopsis.

The last two weeks I've been wrapped up with real estate and banking folks getting things situated.

I have been married for 35 years to my HS sweetheart. In any event, things started going awry about five years ago. We struglled for two years through counseling trying to work things out to no avail. We then moved into separate bedrooms and took turns moving out over the next two years with short reconcilaitions in between

Finally last August we decided there was no hope and we needed to get a divorce and get on with our lives. Well. Last August 23rd, right after my rogue summer cycle ended, I got my own place. I decided to wait on the divorce until we sold our house and I could get her set up in her own home. She could not afford or qualify on her own so the plan was to sell our main home (3500sq ft) and get her into something more affordable and manageble since the boys would be going off to college this year, We no longer neede the size or expense of a large home.

It has been a struggle finacially trying to maintain two household since I left. In expectation of the boys graduating and moving on, we put our home, the big one, on the market Feb 13. Well since the housing market here decided to take a dump at the same time, it sat for months. Well, we finally got an offer and it preparing to go into escrow as we speak. In addition, the wife (X) has found a new home and we put an offer on that and, after a little negotating, the offer was accepted. Both houses are being inspected today and escrow closes July 27th . Once she is in and settled we will finalize the divorce and I'll be able to start my life again.

It's been a long sad period for both of us and for the last four months we have been in absolute limbo in regards to progress. It was awful. It feels so amazing to be able to see the end of this long painful road and we are both excited about being able to move on in our new lives.

Ours was not the traditonal divorce, all the emotional pain, no lawyers, lots of cooperation, a happy ending, and a chance for a new beginning. Except for the emotional pain that comes from such a loss, and the loss of a little financia wherewithal, we both feel like we can breathe again and are looking forward to our new lives.

Once again, I have hope for happiness.

I love you guys. You were here in my darkest hours. Without you, I would have gone through my last cycle truly alone, and I'm not sure I would have made it.

Thanks!

P.S. The dorm where the boys will be staying is one mile form my current residence. Awseome!

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Jonny on Jun 24^th, 2006, 11:24am

Sorry your going through this, Bro....I must say that you are a stand up guy helping her like you are, most guys would have just said go F yourself.

Your a good man!!

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by alchemy on Jun 24^th, 2006, 11:32am

Rich, I second what Jonny said. What you wrote says so much for your character. I'd love to drive down to Tucson to meet you, you are one stand up guy.
jim

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by pattik on Jun 24^th, 2006, 12:06pm

Rich, I hope your soon-to-be ex appreciates the friend she has in you. I can sort of understand what that lengthy breaking-up pain is like--it took us many years. But from the woman's point of view, I think you have done everything right, and it should have huge pay-back later in the form of well-adjusted kids, and a friendship with her that could continue to thrive in its new form for the rest of your life. Most of my friends kid me a lot about my unconventional ties to my ex, but when you spend that many years with someone, it's a shame to throw it all away--even the good stuff. Our daughter is proof that all the work of doing the right thing can pay off. Kids will still have their issues to work through, but I think that it can make it a whole lot easier on everyone down the road when people find a way to act like grown-ups. Thanks for sharing your story.
Pat

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Richr8 on Jun 24^th, 2006, 12:15pm

Thanks Pat.

Five years ago when this all started the boys were 13. We vowed at the time that our main goal was to survive until they were ready to move on if we could keep our difference behind closed doors and away from the boys. We were succeesfulll at that until last summer when we just had to separate because things were getting ugly and by then the boys had there licenses and were always gone anyway. We had a great life together. The boys are well adjusted and understand that sometimes these things don't work out. I am so proud of them and I am even more proud of myself for hanging in until they were developed enough emotionally to understand. It was worth it, because that's what life is all about to me. Leaing better citizens behind than we were.

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Richr8 on Jun 24^th, 2006, 12:19pm

on 06/24/06 at 11:32:59, alchemy wrote:

I'd love to drive down to Tucson to meet you, you are one stand up guy.
jim

Jim,

In a month or so , I'll have lots of time, so I'll drive up and we can get some dinner or have a brew.

Thanks,

rich

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Jasmyn on Jun 24^th, 2006, 12:25pm

I am sorry that you had to go through a divorce at all Rich but your attitude is that of a mature, generous and loving man.

I have to agree with Pat, these actions will have a huge pay back.

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Charlie on Jun 24^th, 2006, 1:47pm

I agree..... a standup guy you are and I'm glad you found a way to do it like this. I'm not sure that I'm capable of it.

Good for you all.

Charlie

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by tanner on Jun 24^th, 2006, 2:04pm

Rich. I second or third or wherever the count is by now with all of the above. Man would I like to borrow some of your attitude right now not for marital problems , but just to get through life in general right now .

You have my utmost respect......Tim

but I am still not going to let Linda see this post!! I have her convinced that it isn't legal to leave a clusterhead after 35 yrs and in 2 weeks her time runs out ;;D

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by LeLimey on Jun 25^th, 2006, 10:51am

Rich I hope I get to meet you one day. I think you've been wonderful
Good luck with getting the bright futue you deserve
lots of love
Helen xxx

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Mattrf on Jun 25^th, 2006, 1:13pm

Rich you are a big man and a lot bigger then most would have been in that situation. I came from a broken family so I understand what it is like to be on your kid’s side of this, my mom never said anything bad about my dad and is still friends with him to this day and he is on his third wife now. I can tell you having them get along like that made it much easier on myself and my brother and sister, so you are doing a great thing for you kids and they will appreciate it for the rest of there lives.

I hope life works out for the best for you, you deserve it for what you ave done for your kids.

Matt

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by alchemy on Jun 25^th, 2006, 1:32pm

Rich I am looking forward to it
jim

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Paul98 on Jun 25^th, 2006, 2:14pm

Rich-

You and your X are strong parents to see things through until the kids were out of the nest. Glad you ended things on a positive note. It makes the pain of it easier to swallow. Divorce is the next most emotionally wrenching trauma to go through besides death of a spouse.

It has been 5 years for me being on my own. It has been hard at times but knowing my X is happier now makes it bearable. I still love my X very much and will always treasure the memories I have of the good times we shared. Hope you can look back and do the same.

Peace Bro,
-P.

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Kevin_M on Jun 25^th, 2006, 6:28pm

A parting with such patience that has unfolded to where you and each are shows a lot Rich. :)

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Ree on Jun 25^th, 2006, 7:18pm

that was a long marriage.... so sad to say good bye to your child hood sweetheart but happy that you guys are remaining friends and helping each other out... Good luck transitioning.....love ree

Title: Re: Finally, things are moving again.
Post by Richr8 on Jun 25^th, 2006, 8:28pm

on 06/25/06 at 14:14:43, Paul98 wrote:

has been hard at times but knowing my X is happier now makes it bearable. I still love my X very much and will always treasure the memories I have of the good times we shared. Hope you can look back and do the same

I agree, and that to me would be success.

BTW-Both houses (selling and buying) were inspected yesterday and there were no major problems. I think anyone buying or selling a home worries about that one, so I'm just, "chuffed to bits!" ;;D

...and the rest of you, thanks for all of the kind words and support. I woke up this morning feeling truly happy, and oh what a strange wonderful feeling it was.