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Title: Virus Alert Post by medic1852 on Jun 22nd, 2006, 10:51am BUENOS DIAS!! >> > >> > JOU HAVE YUST RECEIB A MEHICAN BIRUS!!!!! SEENCE WE NOT SO >> >TEKNOGICKLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUEL BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL >>DE >> >FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND DIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU >>KNOW. >> > >> > TAN JOU POR YELPING ME. >> > >> > DE MEXICAN HACKER One blonde asks another, > "Which is farther away, Florida or the moon?" > > "Hello!" says the other blonde. "Can you see Florida from here?" Man Laws 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". (e) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (c) Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. A very unattractive, mean acting' woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. After shoving her way past several customers waiting to get carts, she says to the Wal-Mart greeter, "Go through those carts and find me one that doesn't need oiling for once!" "Yes Ma'am, happy to oblige," says the Greeter r, and goes and picks out a cart for her. "Here you are, Ma'am, hope this one is okay," he says. "If you'd get out of my way, maybe I could find out!" snaps the woman. "Sorry, Ma'am," the Greeter says, standing aside, "And you and the twins have a nice day." The woman snarls, "They're not twins, you moron! They don't even look alike." The greeter smiles, "No they don't Ma'am. I just couldn't believe you got laid twice." Ok so it wasnt a real virus. ;;D Rodger |
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Title: Re: Virus Alert Post by Richr8 on Jun 24th, 2006, 12:29pm [smiley=laugh.gif] I'll be saving these. |
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Title: Re: Virus Alert Post by Jasmyn on Jun 24th, 2006, 12:33pm 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. Jimi needs a friend. ;) |
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Title: Re: Virus Alert Post by ShadowLord on Jun 24th, 2006, 12:39pm on 06/24/06 at 12:22:40, KingOfPain wrote:
I've always lived by the credo... If it's free... Don't complain... At least not where everyone can hear ya. Hey... That sorta works for sex too... If it's free, don't complain, but if you're payin' for it (a.k.a. marriage) then bitch all ya want. PFDAN............................................................. ShadowLord |
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Title: Re: Virus Alert Post by BobG on Jun 24th, 2006, 12:41pm Quote:
Uh oh! [smiley=blush.gif] |
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