Clusterheadaches.com Message Board


    
      
        Clusterheadaches.com Message Board
        (http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi)
      

        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> I’m gone to whine now.
        
(Message started by: Mattrf on Jun 21^st, 2006, 6:45pm)

Title: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jun 21^st, 2006, 6:45pm

I got married 3 ½ years ago and got laid off right before the wedding, nice! I got a new job after being out of work for three months then after a couple months went into my first cycle and it lasted nine months, during this time my wife messed her back up doing laundry but after several months of pain had it looked at and she had bulging disks but they where to low to be operative so they did the injection thing three times but she was still in pain and is now but it is tolerable. So my headaches go away and after about a month I start having pain in my right shoulder and it goes down my arm and back, I put up with it for a couple months then go see the doc since it is getting worse, turns out to be a bulging disk in my neck, so after several injections not working I get my neck fused. I have to tell you it was the most painful thing I have ever been through in my life! After the surgery my family had to pin me to the bed, I was lifting myself up with my head and screaming, I don’t remember anything for about five hours except horrible pain, I was not even aware of anyone being in the room. Ok so this took about six months to recover from before the pain dropped to where it is at now, it is tolerable but will have to live with it. So again I get like a month or two, then I start another cycle that I am up to seven months on now and during this my wife starts having shoulder problems and has now had two surgeries and is still in pain, and now my right shoulder is hurting and getting worse, I had surgery on it ten years ago for a torn labrum and it feels the same as it did then and I am starting to have problems just lifting it over my head and forget sleeping on my right side and I am unable to sleep on my stomach since my neck will not turn far enough to the side to be able to breath while on my stomach so left side and back is it and I have a hard time sleeping on my back, this just sucks! My wife and I feel we have just not gotten a brake since we got married, we both feel like we are 90 and we are only 40, the only good constant has been each other, we support each other 100% and is nothing else we both understand and sympathize with the pain the other feels.
Sorry but my shoulder just flared up and sent a sharp pain deep in my shoulder and I just needed to vent, I feel like I have been in pain for 3 ½ years, oh wait I have!

Thanks for listening guys, don’t know what I would do without this place. I really do mean that you guys are the bomb!

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by maffumatt on Jun 21^st, 2006, 7:24pm

Sorry your in pain, but having someone there means alot doesn't it?

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by LeLimey on Jun 21^st, 2006, 7:38pm

I'm sorry Matt, I wish I could help :'(
lots of love heading your way though
Helen xxx

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by alchemy on Jun 21^st, 2006, 10:00pm

I do hope things get better Matt, you guys sure as hell deserve a break.

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 11:32am

I appreciate the kind words, I just feel so beat-up right now, and complaining to the wife does no good she is about as beat-up as I am. Lol
I thank god for having her in my life and Pray every day for her to get some relief from her pains, if I had the choice I would choose her to be PF before myself, it hurts to see her suffer and I would do anything to make it stop.

I know everything happens for a reason and god has a plan, but we both feel like we are being punished but have no idea for what. I will be the first to admit I was a little a-hole when I was young and treated people poorly but after getting out of the military I was a new man and treated people with respect and even had the opportunity to apologize to a guy that I treated the worse in school, it felt great to see him and tell him how sorry I was for the way I treated him. He was great about it and told me he forgave me, he was a bigger man than I might have been if someone treated me like I did him, I have a great deal of respect for the guy.
My wife just called me and told me we got a bunch of medical bill for her and our daughter that for some reason they say the insurance didn’t pay so she has to fight with that and she is already stressed out so it continues.
When will it end, we deserve better then this, we just want to be good parents and raise our kids but it is hard to do a lot of the things we should for the kids when we are always in pain, why can’t at least one of us be healthy?
I know I am whining again but I just can’t help it, good thing I am on antidepressants. Oh and so is my wife, what a couple!

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by tanner on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 12:25pm

Matt, you deserve to whine all you want to!!!

You are always "there" for everyone else. I'm going to wrack my brain to see if I can come up with any ideas for your wife as I am going through a similar situation with my lower back just now.

Has she tried a Tens unit? I got my ins. (Workers Comp) to pay for mine so I could keep it and they help a lot! Now we just have to get them to sign on the dotted line that they will pay for the operation when and if I decide to have it. A triple fusion with a titanium plate screwed to my hips. In today's $ they estimate $350,000 to 1/2 Mil.

What am I doing..... this was your whine not mine.. sheees

Hang in there Buddie and if you want to talk anytime PM me and I will give ya the #........Tim

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 1:13pm

Tim sorry you are going through a similar thing to my wife and whine all you want, you also have the right.
She has never tried the Tens unit but the back is not to bad anymore and she puts up with it, it is the shoulder that is driving her crazy, she has Band-Aids over the incision spots because just her cloths rubbing it hurts and god forbid someone taps her on the shoulder, it about drops her to her knees, but the doctors are unsympathetic and when she asks for pain meds they treat her like a druggy and tell her to deal with the pain. It is the same doctor that worked on her back soo he knows how much pain meds she has gone through in the past three years and is just not willing to give her any more and when I went in with her he did give her some but her tolerance at this point is pretty high and they only gave her enough for a couple days and told her it should last a couple weeks. Well my doc keeps trying to do the same thing with me since I have also gone through a lot but I have also tried to help out my wife when she is really hurting and that has made my doctor think I am taking to much but I can’t tell him I have given some to my wife because I just can’t stand to see her suffer, but know if I keep helping her I will get cut off and I will have to suffer, so I am caught between a rock and a hard place and have to deny my wife relief to make sure I don’t get cut off. This just sucks no matter how you look at it.

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by cootie on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 3:18pm

Shit......I KNOW where you guys are at with the back AND shoulder pain.........my doctor has me on pain management cuz I can't handle it day in day out cuz it is non stop......feels like sumthing sucked the fluid out of my spine and all my joints and they are dry brittle and rubbing and wearing down feeling. I have neck, shoulder, and several bad spine areas from accidents but have never went for the surgeries or the injections. I don't want to make it WORSE. I am lucky my doctor is helping me cuz I couldn't deal with it without it. He has me wearing the durgesic patch round the clock (doesn't drug you up) and I have meds for breakthru pain and the neck spasms and burning down my spine and across my shoulders and I get really bad migraines from the nerve damage. Have you tried a pain management clinic ? They shouldn't LET you go if the pain is that bad.......it will wear on you and wear you down which I am sure you ALL know anyhow. My last two doctors quit for hospital jobs so the new doc (old partner of the second doc) is carrying on with my previous docs plan which I am GRATEFUL for beyond explaination !!! I still hurt ALL the time all over but it is manageable and I am very careful with the meds....I don't go for covering all the pain up. Just manageble will due and I have my good and my bad days. I'd seek anouther doctor cuz that is just WRONG they won't help you out sumhow !!!! Sorry for the repeat story to others but just wanted to let ya know my issues and I think you could use some help too. I just hope this doc never moves and stays put cuz he is pretty cool but doesn't give you nearly the time the other docs did. I am takeing what I am getting tho Pam

Good luck to ya.........you guys need a break...........

PS: I swore I'd never let this pain issue become a financial burdon to us too and have been LUCKY so far......but it'd be hard to find a new doc and start over again. I was lucky my old docs partner followed his program and trusts me.......that's a real big issue also. So that's why a pain clinic MITE come in handy for ya's.....I don't want to fall into a money pit with them and all there tests and all that jazz "if" I can help it cuz my isn is decent but only pays percentages and what tests I did have and MRI's cost me a small FORTUNE as it is. I just can't go surgery routes and all that and run up the bills........half the people end up still in pain or NEW pain from it. (not always) Haven a bad week this week with the weather.......my face hurts !!! (dam neck crap) So far the meds I have are cheap and ins pays most the cost........crossing fingers it all remains the same with the doc and the ins.....Brad's job is IFF'Y rite now !!! Sorry I am ramblin................(typical)

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by tanner on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 4:00pm

Thanks Matt and Cootie, I wish there was something immediate I could do for you and yours Matt!

I agree with Cootie about a new Doc. The Doc who diagnosed me after my accident Dr. Thomas Ducker, Professor of Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine is the one who explained to me what the eventual surgery would entail if I were to decide to have it done. He also told me not to have it done until I had to drag my body screaming for help into his office. Then he told me to get a lawyer.

I have been approved for "Pain Management" through next Dec. at the moment. Waiting now for my first appointment.

The tens unit would also help with shoulder pain.

Whatever else you do Matt no pats on the back!!!

Wishing you all luck and as close to PF as any of us can get!!

.....Tim

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Charlie on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 7:52pm

So sorry to hear this.

WTF is wrong with one thing at a time? Clusterheads and families have more than enough to deal with. >:(

All I can say is to come here, beat the walls and scream but mostly to come here.

Charlie

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Carl_D on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 8:36pm

on 06/22/06 at 19:52:24, Charlie wrote:

Ditto!
Hope you get a break real soon!

Peace,
Carl D

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Richr8 on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 10:17pm

on 06/21/06 at 18:45:54, Mattrf wrote:

a month I start having pain in my right shoulder and it goes down my arm and back, I put up with it for a couple months then go see the doc since it is getting worse, turns out to be a bulging disk in my neck, so after several injections not working I get my neck fused

I had the same thing happen last summer and it kicked off a rogue cycle (mine usually occur in the fall) so I started my pred taper and my neck starteed to improve after about a week. Fortunately, I did not have to get my neck fuzed. My doc said the pred taper prolly fixed my neck as well. Anyway, the whole experience was awful and culminated in beginning of my divorce. To tjhis day, if I sleep on my right side, my entire arm and shoulder begin to tingle and gets worse until I flip over, but no other pain or discomfort. So, I feel you pain and hope you get some relief soon.

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by cootie on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 11:13pm

I dropped dinner "again".........salvaged half of it (Brad didn't see it happen so he don't really know)..........that shoulder shit sucks esp when ya get the pain down the arm and numbness and stupidness. Hairy dirty dinner planner Pam 8)

PS: What did you have to do to get approved for pain management tanner ? My doc did a background search on me and I checked out good and I have some exrays and MRI......didn't get the last one cuz of the expense we'd end up paying with higher deductable also to cover first. I'm tired of hurtin all over........am just so glad I have a good doctor helpin me. I even mumble when the neck gets real bad cuz of nerves affected and my friends laugh at me and joke around thinkin I been drinkin !!! >:(

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by tanner on Jun 22^nd, 2006, 11:25pm

Pam if I could I would give you my "pain management" sessions in a heartbeat! I think I have told you before that you are a very special favorite of mine!!

The only reason I have been given this carte blanc type approval is because the powers that be are trying everything they can to avoid future responsibility for surgery and the possibility of lifetime payments. The ironic thing is even though I have a lawyer handling my case I am not sueing anyone for a settlement. Not making my lawyer too happy but I am not the litigious type. I just want a life.

soft hugs and gentle vibes always coming your way...Tim

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jun 28^th, 2006, 12:31pm

Well I have had a few descent days and even had a four period of no pain last week, dam that was nice. But now I am getting the crap kicked out of me again and even went home early yesterday from work, when I got up today I felt as bad as yesterday, like I never went to sleep so I am having one of those why the fuck me days, I know we all have them but after seven months of this my copping skills are gone and if not for the pain meds my doctor wants me to taper off I would go crazy. I am just so sick and tiered off this crap, it is everything I can do just to get through a day, I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy and enjoyed a day doing anything. I am going on vacation in a couple weeks, we are taking our boat out for a week and do some water skiing and some wakeboarding, it should be fun but I am not even looking forward to it since I know I will be in pain the entire time. Maybe I will get lucky and get some PF time during the week, miracles do happen some times, don’t they? [smiley=huh.gif]

Matt

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by JeffB on Jun 28^th, 2006, 2:02pm

Damn dude. I hope you can keep your spirits up.

Best wishes!

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 11:14am

I feel really beat up right now, was a rough weekend mostly mentally, I went to bed at 8:00 just to try and escape.
I am not looking forward to the 4th, we are going to take the kids to the local parade and I just want to stay home and hide. We are leaving on vacation this coming Saturday, we are taking our ski boat and camping out on the delta and ski all next week I even got a new wakeboard for the trip and all I can think about is how much I do not want to go.
I am 6.5 months in on this cycle and it should end in about 2.5 or 3 months, some times that seems like nothing but right now it seems like an eternity.
I look at my wife and I can see the concern in her face when she looks at me, she can tell I am hurting more mentally then physically and knows there is nothing she can do to help me but to leave me alone.
I just miss feeling healthy and happy, I can’t remember the last time I felt that way, I get up in the mornings and I feel like I’m 90 years old, my back hurts my shoulder hurts and I have a hard time moving around and I am just 43 years old, my body feels like it is falling apart on me and I used to be so healthy and it was not that long ago.
Ok I’m done now, I am glad you guys are here to listen and that you all understand and don’t think I am nuts.

Matt

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Richr8 on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 12:06pm

on 07/03/06 at 11:14:52, Mattrf wrote:

I am 6.5 months in on this cycle and it should end in about 2.5 or 3 months, some times that seems like nothing but right now it seems like an eternity.

Geeez! I hope you meant weeks. In any case, pf wishes my friend. I let CH destroy many opportunities for me. After finding this place and all of the strong and wonderful people, I'm going in with a different attitude this year. Hope it works. PF wiahes my friend.

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 12:44pm

Unfortunately I did mean months, I have SUNCT not CH but it is pretty close to CH in symptoms and cycling.
I just talked to my doctor and he wants to see me at 12:45 today so that’s good since I am feeling really lost right now and very down. I have a great job a fantastic wife and fantastic kids, I should not feel this crappie, it just isn’t fair.

Matt

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by rickyshot on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 2:31pm

Ah HOn I feel for you. HOwmuch can a person take??/

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 2:38pm

Not much more I think, but I have to be strong for my wife and kids.
There love keeps me alive.

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Ghost on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 4:41pm

on 07/03/06 at 14:38:58, Mattrf wrote:

Not much more I think, but I have to be strong for my wife and kids.
There love keeps me alive.

That statement alone says it all!!!!!!!

Mike

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by kayarr on Jul 3^rd, 2006, 11:41pm

No matter what, you have each other. There are brighter days ahead!

Much love to all of you:)

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Opus on Jul 4^th, 2006, 12:03am

It seems many have it tough.

Your story sounds like mine except the only surgery I had was for a Cataract. My wife and Daughter had all the surgeries. My pain is untreatable but terrible. Well that and being out of work for the first year after marriage and having an Autistic child. Ch was just the last straw that broke me. You are in good company, but remember if you try hard you can always find someone worse off than yourself.

OPus/Paul

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by marlinsfan on Jul 4^th, 2006, 6:16am

Matt, look into this for your wife. I had it done in L5/S1 and L4/L5 and feel great now.

http://www.nucleoplasty.com

Hang in there, bro.

Title: Re: I’m gone to whine now.
Post by Mattrf on Jul 4^th, 2006, 1:25pm

Opus you are right my friend, and I feel for those worse of then myself.
This is a tough burden to bare and some times seems imposable, I was just talking to my wife and told her about saying “the love of my wife and kids keeps me alive” she said if I killed myself she would kill me, [smiley=laugh.gif]I said how the hell would you do that if I am already dead? She said she would find a way, and would rip off my arm and hit me with the bloody end of the stump. [smiley=laugh.gif]I told her that I would not kill myself but it is hard to not think about it some times, my oldest daughter has an absentee father and has had to many men in her life dissert her and I would never do that to her, I am the first positive mail roll model in her life and intend to stay that way for her and my 7 year old daughter as well. I am not there real father at least not by blood but as far as I am concerned they are my blood and treat them both like they are my real daughters, I love being a dad and wont to be a good dad and a positive model for them both.

Matt