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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> home repair
        
(Message started by: tanner on May 5^th, 2006, 6:37pm)

Title: home repair
Post by tanner on May 5^th, 2006, 6:37pm

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING! A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD ?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS...................................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO...
DO YOU
SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

....tim

Title: Re: home repair
Post by Michael on May 5^th, 2006, 9:34pm

Sad. Old. You should really discover the internet. Like in 1995?

Title: Re: home repair
Post by JenniferD on May 5^th, 2006, 9:37pm

An oldie perhaps, but a goodie. I hadn't heard it, and after the day(s) I've had, I appreciated it! Thanks for the giggles Tim. :)

Hugs,
Jen

Title: Re: home repair
Post by tanner on May 5^th, 2006, 11:01pm

on 05/05/06 at 21:34:48, Michael wrote:

Sad. Old. You should really discover the internet. Like in 1995?

sorry michael , did'nt mean to bore you.

Whats the internet? Oh yeah thats what took over for intercourse...guess you wouldn't remember that.

.............tim

Title: Re: home repair
Post by cootie on May 6^th, 2006, 2:27am

Good comeback Tim !!!! Smoldie oldie Pam

Title: Re: home repair
Post by Kirk on May 7^th, 2006, 4:53am

Quote:

author=Michael Sad. Old. You should really discover the internet. Like in 1995?

Sad indeed. You should have discovered DARPANet like in 1975
[smiley=smartass2.gif]

Title: Re: home repair
Post by kimmiedawn81 on May 7^th, 2006, 12:10pm

Heard it before, but still funny!

Title: Re: home repair
Post by purpleydog on May 7^th, 2006, 8:30pm

Betty Crocker [smiley=crackup.gif]

Title: Re: home repair
Post by _Lee_ on May 8^th, 2006, 11:32pm

Who is King of Pain?

Title: Re: home repair
Post by nani on May 8^th, 2006, 11:48pm

on 05/05/06 at 21:34:48, Michael wrote:

Sad. Old. You should really discover the internet. Like in 1995?

Is that like one of those "obligatory anal squirts" you accuse others of leaving on threads? That was mean and uncalled for. >:(

Title: Re: home repair
Post by fubar on May 9^th, 2006, 12:47pm

on 05/07/06 at 04:53:01, Kirk wrote:

Sad indeed. You should have discovered DARPANet like in 1975
[smiley=smartass2.gif]

To be fair, DARPANet wasn't exactly easy to use and that's why it was cool. It was awesome. After a few years of USENet and DARPANet being co-mingled (in a manner of speaking) it all merged and then, horror of horrors, AOL was connected.

I built my share of the Net. I travelled over 3 million miles setting up network nodes all over the globe. I even won a Best-of-Show award at Networld+Interop for my functional prototype of what we call AT&T Worldnet now.

I'm not sure you'd ever find a joke that *hasn't* been on the Internet for a long time. Hell, I remember when the volume of bandwidth consumed by alt.humer got out of control. One guy even published a real book that was simply a collection of jokes from Usenet.

-Shawn

Title: Re: home repair
Post by jobee on May 9^th, 2006, 7:24pm

on 05/08/06 at 01:34:06, KingOfPain wrote:

Miklos is now Michael.

don is now chewy.

jimmers is now jobee.
Hey,

I'm tryin to get that shit fixed. I can't take any more pm's from jonny callin me a girlyman! ;;D

Jimmers

Ya need a score card around here to keep up...sheesh!

::)

Title: Re: home repair
Post by jobee on May 9^th, 2006, 7:25pm

I'm still trying to figure out how to do that quote stuff dammit.

JIMMERS

Title: Re: home repair
Post by cekelle on May 9^th, 2006, 7:31pm

Never heard it! Quite a good chuckle here! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: home repair
Post by echo on May 10^th, 2006, 1:35pm

[quote author=jobee link=board=general;num=1146868669;start=0#14 date=05/09/06 at 19:25:31]I'm still trying to figure out how to do that quote stuff dammit.

JIMMERS[/quote ] add this behind the the e without a space and it will box it in.