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Title: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by LadyLuv on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:06pm Over the years I have read and heard many time of people taking thier lives for various reasons. My thought and or statement have always been the same; "Nothing could be that bad, there had to be another way" For the above thought and or statement I apologize. I was in that state of mind last night. The hits and degree of pain was so fast and so hard that I felt that death would be my only relief. I consider my self to be a very strong indiviual, a person that others comes too for advise and or assistant. I am Christian who regularly attends church and because of that fact, I guess that's the reason I've been STUCK ON STUPID for so long, feeling the way I DID about suicide. If I would have had the courage last night, I would not have been addressing this apology. So this morning on my way to work (an hour late)... I stopped by my Sister Rosie and dropped off the weapons that I possess for house protection. Because now I realize that even a person that think they have it all together can't see the forest for the trees at certain times; and I don't want to be a statistic. Please send healing PF and Healing Vibes my way.. Peace & Blessing Lady Luv :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by medic1852 on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:10pm Sending thoughts of strength and pain relief your way! Rodger :-/ |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Redd715 on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:13pm I walked the same road myself Dear LadyLuv. I had my Brother sell my pistol so I wouldn't be so tempted again. In addition to vibes, I'm lighting a candle for you. May it help in whatever way possible. Pegg |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by sandie99 on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:15pm ((((((((((((Healing vibes)))))))))))) [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] I'll say a prayer for you tonight. Wishing you strength & lots of PF time asap, Sanna |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jonny on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:20pm No need to apologize, Sweetie...You hang in there :-* |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Gator on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:25pm Thanks for checking in and for sharing that experience. I've been down that road you were on last night. I felt the struggle you felt and I'll tell you that your mind was playing tricks with your perception. It takes no strength or courage to pull the trigger. It takes courage not to. I'm glad you HAD the courage NOT to. Hugs and vibes to you. Mike |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by sandie99 on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:33pm on 04/28/06 at 14:25:51, Gator wrote:
I agree with Mike. Sanna |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by alchemy on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:36pm Ladyluv, I've been down that road a few times. It's a tough battle we fight and your head can go there. When it gets like that pm me any time. pm me for my number i'm always up. jim |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by alienspacebabe on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:40pm on 04/28/06 at 14:06:37, LadyLuv wrote:
Ruthie, You just let people at the end of their rope hear that there is a tomorrow, if they can make it through the pain. Thank you for that. Lizzie |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Ghost on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:49pm Lady there are many her that can agree with you about this. Every one has there own point where they pass the stage of being tempted and actually pick up the gun. I as others have hit that point. If it was not for the picture of my Wife and Kids I would not have stopped. You do not need to apologize, I just wish that noone else ever has to pass that point again. To everyone here and to all who have not found us yet, I hope you remember that the pain does go and you will survive. Belive in the power of Family and Love. Hold those you care for close to your heart and give them all you have to give, they will return it when you need it back. :'( :'( Mike |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by echo on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:54pm Been there! Glad you were able to muster the strength to avoid pulling the trigger. (All my hand guns are in a safety deposit box) |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jackie on Apr 28th, 2006, 3:29pm Bless your heart, Ruthie......and no need for an apology. I'm really glad you're here and we all want you to stay. You are a strong person....you're a clusterhead!!! So.....behave yourself my friend......I'm not done with you yet... ;;D Love to you, Jackie 8) |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by LadyLuv on Apr 28th, 2006, 3:33pm God Bless You all. Thanks for being there and thanks for understanding.. There is no way I can express on this screen what I feel in my heart for this group right now.. You might can't stop the pain, but you make living with it a lot more bearable, and I thank each of you. I have been shadowing all day... I'm feeling very depress and fearful of night fall, but two things that I have learned here today is: I know there is a tomorrow and I know that there is one helluva group of people that really care; THANKS GUYS... Jim I will remember that you are up all times of night ... Peace & Blessings Luv & Prayers Lady Luv |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jackie on Apr 28th, 2006, 3:37pm One more thing, Luv..... Hang on tight to Rosie....she loves you and would do anything to help....but you know that. Tell her I said "Hi"....will ya... I'm only a phone call away too. Love to you, Jackie 8) |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Cathi04 on Apr 28th, 2006, 3:37pm LadyLuv, you brought tears to my eyes! To think that someone else would be missing here breaks my heart! Never, EVER let the beast win!! I know he's hard on you.,,,,,,,,really, REALLY hard, but he cannnot win! Clusterheads are still the strongest people on the face of this earth! Thank you for giving up your weapons, but there is no apology needed.. you are still here.and that is enough! Big Big Hugs for you, and wishes for a peaceful night and a PF weekend! Cathi :-* |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by LeLimey on Apr 28th, 2006, 3:48pm This family is only strong because of its members. Without you we all lose, we're here for you every day and any time. If there is anything (and you know what I mean!) that you need then say the word, it will be yours. Support, love, something stronger we have it all for you just as you have had it all for us. We love you and we need you and we're VERY glad you're here today. Counting my blessings Helen xxxx [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by maffumatt on Apr 28th, 2006, 4:52pm I don't like these threads, check your PMs LadyLuv. |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Gator on Apr 28th, 2006, 5:32pm Unfortunately, this kind of thing is just another part of our lives as clusterheads. The posts from people on the edge bring that reality back into focus. The best thing we can do is support each other, which the people of this family do. My door is always open or I am just a phone call away for anyone who needs a life line. There is also the Family Services Team from OUCH, http://www.ouch-us.org/familysvs/familysvs1.shtml, who will do whatever they can to help by providing information and support by PM, e-mail, online chat or telephone. |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by BarbaraD on Apr 28th, 2006, 5:56pm I agree with Gator -- these threads, while disturbing -- need to be in the open... We all have been there... we all have had a "plan" and (as one neuro put it) if you haven't thought about it then you don't have CH. But that's why this board is so important to us all -- we're here to support each other because WE DO UNDERSTAND. And no one here is alone. I've lost two friends in my hometown because of CH (before this board was up) and I don't want to see it happen again. We all need to remember why we're here and when the petty bitches start - just let that part go and get back to the support we all need. Glad you're still with us Ladyluv - and if you need a shoulder - I've got two big ones.... Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Charlie on Apr 28th, 2006, 6:47pm You're here. We're good with that. Good stuff from this amazing crowd. Charlie |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by JeffB on Apr 28th, 2006, 7:04pm I don't know you guys from spit, but I do know what you go through. I've been episodic since 92 and even had a five year break from the beast until it returned about two years ago. Thats when I found you guys. I know I don't have alot of posts here mainly because I read what you all experience and frankly, every post I read makes me feel better and I thank you all for that " SO NONE OF YOU FOCKERS GO ANYWHERE"! If you find yourself in Sacramento feel free to look me up, unless you're a mass murderer! My name is Jeff and if you check out www.workers.com you can get some contact info. I must give you a warning though, more than twenty minutes with me and you probably will want those guns back! Stay cool everyone and keep putting those posts up, otherwise I'll have to actually work. God Bless You All, especially women with big boobs! |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by deltadarlin on Apr 28th, 2006, 8:03pm Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and burned it (not ch though). Just remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I almost died and I'm here today by the grace of God . I don't regret any minute of livin' that I've done since then. 'darlin |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by pfunk on Apr 28th, 2006, 8:06pm Please hang in there. Don't let the beast win! We are all here for you. PF vibes and love comin your way. Patrick |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jonny on Apr 28th, 2006, 8:08pm on 04/28/06 at 19:04:02, JeffB wrote:
What info? |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by maffumatt on Apr 28th, 2006, 8:16pm http://www.workers.com/about_pers.html scroll down to the Sacramento office |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 28th, 2006, 8:20pm Two things here: 1. Lady Luv There are many people here who are trying to help you. Please PM me. 2. Quote:
why am I offended by this post?) (talking to myself) I posted a LOT..... beforehand about our get-together in Sacramento near "old Town" sorry you didn't see it. Linda |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Carl_D on Apr 28th, 2006, 10:46pm LadyLuv... NO NEED to apologize! This is a pain beyond desperation. I also know what the lack of sleep does to you, especially when getting hit frequently. Help is on the way. Check your PM's and hang in there! Peace & Hugs, Carl D |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by nancyc on Apr 29th, 2006, 9:25am Lady Luv, my prayers are with you. Always around if you need a friend to talk to. God bless, nancyc |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jackie on Apr 29th, 2006, 9:42am This is a very, very amazing family......thank you all for being who you are and for what you do. I do believe you've reeled another one back from pretty deep water.....bless your hearts... :-* Love to you all, Jacks 8) |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jasmyn on Apr 29th, 2006, 9:43am [smiley=hug.gif] |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by nani on Apr 29th, 2006, 9:57am Oh, Ruthie-luv... I'm late seeing this, I'm sorry. Like others have said, I have also been where you are. Gator is right, it takes courage not to. I know you have courage, and the strong faith you need to get through these tough times. You have God, and all of us with you, so when you feel like you can't take anymore...lean on us. We'll hold you up. I'm going to PM you my phone number. Please... do not hesitate to call...at anytime. Much love and a HUGE hug to you, nani |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by minnie on Apr 29th, 2006, 12:49pm Lady Luv, No need to apoligize but I am so glad your here to send this message.Can I give you my spin on this? Maybe there is someone right now in the same spot you were the other night.Because of your kind heart and willingness to share this person may tie a knot a the end of their rope and hang on.with this post you may have saved some lives and for that I am thankful.As a supporter I don't feel your pain in my head but I feel it in my heart and it aches. As for your believes in suicide before the other night.I believe we all have beliefes on subject that until you've walked in that persons shoes you may beieve they are wrong for their actions.(does that make sense?)I am going down a path through lifeand am really trying to improve my soul and trying to be a better person.What I'm trying to say is we all say "i would never do that,say that or be that way" sometimes we are faced with something that makes us see that doing that seemd the right thing to do for that person at that time.(does that make sense?) Prayers going out to you and all those in pain physically and spiritually.We are a family and we want you to turn to us when you ned to.We have big shoulders and lots of love to share. Minnie I'll stop rambling now |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by LadyLuv on Apr 29th, 2006, 2:56pm My Dearest Family.. With a heavy heart and tears :'( in my eyes I would like to thank each of you (CH as well as CH supporters) bottom of my heart.. While I am so very greatful for the tangable support, it doesn't hold a candle to the moral support I have received over the past two days. As I explained to Nani, I work with the homeless (on the board of one of the shelters), both men and women, I work with children (have had my own youth group for 18 years and I have worked a second job for 17 of those years to support it financially), I volunteer with seniors, and I support as well as volunteer for the crisis nursery (a place for babies and young children). I have received numerous awards; The Martin Luther King Drum Major Award from the city of Champaign, the Unsung Hero from the University of Illinois YMCA, Woman of Distiction Award from the Green Meadow Girl Scouts and numerous others. Why an I telling you all of this, am I bragging, what gives... Hell no, I'm diffently not bragging (God gave us each a gift and my is helping others). What I do for others I do not seek any kind of award, recognition are accolades. While the show of appreciation is gratifying, what I do is from the heart and my pay and rewards come from above. So again I say, why am I telling you this, I'm telling you this because I have received the Ultimate Reward.. THE REWARD OF FRIENDSHIP, CARING AND SHARING from a family that I have met very few, but from one that I have no doubt loves me and are concern about me. I have spent my entire life doing for others, that I have never taken the time to allow anyone to do anything for me. Not that I didn't think that I needed any one. but I just felt that I could handle all the hard knocks that came my way.After the love and support that I have received from this group over the last two days I now know how the ones I help feel. And I just want to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Some time God knocks us to our knees so that we may look-up, and allow others to help us up. You've done just that family, and I thank you. Two days ago I didn't want to live, and I FELT THAT NO ONE WOULD TRULY GIVE A DAMN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.... You, my CH Family and your supporters have renewed my strength, and even though it is still very hard... I will continue to fight, I WILL NOT LET THE DEVIL WIN... I WILL NOT LET THE DEVIL WIN... My Sister, Rosie (my strong supporter) told me that it took a lot of strength for me to share my delima with you, and after reading this thread, she say that now she understands why I did and she also THANK YOU! The shadowings are getting worse, so I will end this and get prepared to fight the beast.. Much Love, Much Faith.. Lady Luv |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by maffumatt on Apr 29th, 2006, 3:03pm and this is why we love our LadyLuv......... |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jonny on Apr 29th, 2006, 3:05pm If you need anything Ruthie.....and I mean anything, you just let me know. I have a knack for getting things others cant ;) Hang in there, Sweets!! |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by mynm156 on Apr 29th, 2006, 3:59pm LADYLUV, I am sorry for your pain. We all are and we have all been there. Remember that we are here there is ALLWAYS someone here. This site has been my saving grace more than once and if there is anything that I can ever do hey Just IM me and I will do all that I can even if it is just so someone can hear you SCREAM!! Your Brother in Pain MYNM156 |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by medic1852 on Apr 29th, 2006, 4:35pm Hang tough, your in my thoughts and prayers! Rodger |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jody on Apr 29th, 2006, 7:16pm Hi ... Because of the auto accident I was in awhile ago I suffered a broken neck and was paralized for almost a week . In or on the third day when I came to and couldn't move a thing I told my younger brother who was by my bedside the whole time, that I wanted him to end my life if I was paralized for the rest of it. That was hard and it really hurt him to see me that way. Now to look back on it I do know that there are things that bad to make someone serious about suicide. It is sad to think about and I want to say...hang in there and I wish you the best. PF wishes... Jody |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by ShariRae on Apr 29th, 2006, 10:07pm Ruthie..There are many hands here to reach out to..grab one..we are always here..we ARE the light at the end of that long dark painful tunnel. Much Love Shari |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Jimi on Apr 29th, 2006, 11:01pm Thanks for sharing Ruthie. I know you wasn't bragging. You sound like quite a lady. I hope you can make it to Milwaukee. I would love to meet you. Besides., I am partial to Ruthies. ;) |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by cekelle on May 1st, 2006, 2:54pm You are undoubtedly much stronger than the beast. Hang in there. I have been battling CHs for years and was just recently diagnosed with them. I literally thought I was going insane for many years. I was misdiagnosed and if it wasn't for my wife Karen(Blossom) recognizing what I have I would have lost my sanity eventually. I don't get severely hit most of the time. Although lately it has gotten worse and more frequent, I realize that as long as I am here on this earth I am going to try to live life the best I can and even though I may experience the pain that I do it is only temporary for the time that it does hurt. I know that it's possible that I may be stuck with CHs for the rest of my days, however I am not going to let the beast win and you shouldn't either. I commend you for taking all of the weapons out of your home. That took a lot of strength I'm sure. GOOD VIBES ARE FLOWING TOWARD YOU IN WAVES! ;;D |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by TxBasslady on May 1st, 2006, 3:32pm Sweet Ruthie, I still remember, January 2005, when we all had the pleasure of your company in Davenport. Remember how nervous you were? You even told your friends you would probably not stay. THEN....and then...when you realized how neat we were....we couldn't get you to leave! :o Your personality brings out the best in us my dear. You are so much fun....and you're funny too! ;;D I remember the stories you told....I remember you talking of the kids you help. You touched our hearts in Davenport.....and you'll always be a part of us. What a pleasure this year when you brought Rosie with you. She is a real sweetie! Never ever think that we can do without you. Now....start packin' for Milwaukee! Surely the Davenport crowd is willing to share you with the rest of the brood. :-/ I love you, Ruthie..... Jean |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by rickyshot on May 1st, 2006, 3:32pm :'( :'( :'( Been there too many times. Makes me shudder.............I am in a mild cycle now mild compared to what sigh........... |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by TxBasslady on May 1st, 2006, 3:36pm on 05/01/06 at 15:32:09, rickyshot wrote:
Bless your heart.....nothing compares to the pain. :'( Noone is alone here.....noone. Jean |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by thomas on May 1st, 2006, 4:05pm Ruthie, sorry it's so tough right now. Good idea about the weapons though. I haven't had a gun in my house for over two years now............. for the same exact reason. |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by superhawk2300 on May 1st, 2006, 10:32pm I just saw this post and I want to say that your bravery and willingness to share your experience makes me sad to know of your struggle but much much more proud of being fortunate enough to be a part of all this, if that makes sense to you. I am in stunned speechlessness, and that is hard to do to me. Well wishes for you.... Jamey |
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Title: [flash=200,2Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by LadyLuv on May 1st, 2006, 10:50pm You know something... I want to tell all you Cluster Heads and your supporters, that [flash=200,200]I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH...[/flash] I love you because I am a Christian and God said to Love everyone (even thy enemies).. but I can chose who I like and I chose to like those of you that I have met and those of you that I have not. It is totally impossible for me to express in words what I feel in my heart for my CH family members and their family members. First of all I was ashame of what I wanted to do... than I was doubly ashamed after I made the post of telling others how weak I was. But after the PMs, phone calls and replies on this board, I feel no shame, only the joy in having such a caring family... Through you I have finally learned something that was there all the time, but I was too busy to see it.. "I AM HUMAN" and I need someone to lean on sometime too. I don't have to be strong or wear any mask around you guys... Because no matter what I face, I now know that I am not alone and more important, I'm not the first one to travel that road. The tears are still coming, but they are tears of joy as I thank God for all my WONDERFUL CH FAMILY. God Luvs Ya and I LIKE AND LUV YA.. Peace & Blessings Always Ruthie ps: Jean, I booked my room for the Convention today.. One way or the other I will be there... :-* ps#2.. Maffumatt.. I will not be up talking to you until 3:30am in the morning... thanks to Carl_D.. ;) |
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Title: Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize Post by Dragnlance on May 1st, 2006, 11:03pm Ruthie, I got to this too late to help at the time. Let me add that we all get that way, sooner or later. God knows how many times I have begged my wife to take me out in the alley and shoot me like a crippled horse. No shame in that. With what we go thru, it is a wonder more of us don't do the deed. Here's wishing you many quiet dreams in the nights to come Lance |
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