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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Parenting advice, UPDATE
        
(Message started by: BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:12am)

Title: Parenting advice, UPDATE
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:12am

This thread is based on a true situation, and I also am wondering about more along the same lines.
My wife's friends has a 9 year old girl. This 9 year old will kick or punch her mom if her mom tells her to do something. Also, this kid has learned the game, and when the mom says she will spank her, or takes her hand and puts the kid in her room, the kid screams bloody murder in the appt complex. "STOP BEATING ME, STOP BEATING ME", and this 9 year old calls the cops and CSD and lies to them.
Of course, if the mom spanks her kid's ass like I think she should, CSD has said if there are any marks on the kid she will be taken to foster care.
So, my question is this: what can a parent do with a kid this age when they just simply wont listen? The other day the kid had on some ridiculous clothes and mommy said "you are not going to school like that!!", and then this kid started hitting her mom and screaming so that neighbors would come over or call the cops.
Or like in the grocery store, this kid will open a bag of cookies and start eating them, so when mom says she cant do that, she screams LOUD in the middle of the store and creates a scene.

From this question stems another question: If there were a kid who was like 16 years old and says "Goodbye, I am going to a keg party", what can the parent legally do to prevent the kid from going?

Yes, I know, teaching the kid some respect at a younger age would have solved this situation, but the past cant be changed.
I am not looking for advice on what should have been done in the past, I am looking for advice on what can be done now.

Thanks for some advice.
BMonee

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by deltadarlin on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:27am

With the 9 year old, I would think that the police are getting wise to her antics and not be quite as *kind* to the kid? Calling 911 and making a false (and they are false) report is a punishable crime in most states.

At this point, outside intervention is needed. Both the parent and child need some counseling. I would even go as far as to having the child see a psychiatrist and be evaluated for any problems. Where is the father in all this?

As to her screaming in the grocery store? There is a cure for this and it's called ignoring her and walking off. AND, since it seems that being sent to her room is a no go, what about stripping privileges or *things*? A bare floor with just a blanket is not comfortable.

Stopping a 16 year old from going to a keg party? Confinement to the basement ::)? To be honest, I've never had this problem, BUT, what you can do is find out where said party is and make a phone call to the police. How is the 16 year old going to get there? On foot? In a car? With friends?

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by nani on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:31am

Have the parent's had this child evaluated, or at least talked to her pediatrician about this? At 9, some of her behavior is completely inappropriate. I'd have to know more about her parent's way of dealing (or ignoring) with her outbursts to say for sure...but I wonder if she isn't ADHD or something. This is not to say that I think medication will control a child... the parent's have to have enough control to teach her to control herself. If she needs meds, though, they can help her be receptive to learning.
I am not "anti- spanking" really, sometimes a swat on the bottom is what you need to get a 4 year olds complete attention... BUT... when you hit an older child out of frustration, you're teaching them that it's OK to hit someone when they are frustrated with them. WTF kinda lesson is that?
If I'd have had my bi-polar, ADHD daughter evaluated when she was 9...I probably wouldn't be raising her kids right now. :-/
Having been through the mill.. tell them in it's in their own best interest to follow through on this.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Linda_Howell on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:31am

Excedrin headache number #54 ????

Wow, that child has learned really well, hasn't she? Manipulating the system/her parents/ etc.

I do believe that this is a question for...drum-roll here.......SUPER E-DOUBLE. Eric, if you see this, answer the man. ;;D

Linda

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Melissa on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:52am

Sounds like the girl has been playing her mom for quite some time. Usually if the kid can get away with it once, they'll try it again. And if the parent doesn't put their foot down and flat out refuse to bend, the saga will obviously continue.

As for the screaming in the store at 9 years old, that's unusual. :-/. Now a 2-6 yr. old is a whole nuther ballgame.

I'd do agree that the child needs counseling. There seems to be something behind all this acting out.

Wow....9 years old with that behavior? That's just odd...

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:53am

This kid has been problematic since she was very young.
Mommy and the kid have been to several counceling agencies, and the kid was on some drugs for ADHD or something. The kid would not take her meds on purpose and say she 'forgot' (she forgot to swallow the pill that mommy watched her put in her mouth), and when she 'came down' from the drugs she had real anger issues.

This woman has called a few agencies to get help and she says that her kid is abusive and is out of control. Then those agencies called the cops to make sure the kid was ok, and after they confirmed the kid was ok, they dont help her.

The dad is a druggie who has never been around, and even refuses to work because his wages would be garnished for child support.

This is also a situation where the mom had a horrific childhood with sexual abuse and foster homes. It's a shame to see the cycle through generations. She does not want at all for her daughter to go to a foster home......but her daughter is a real threat........she even kicked her mom in the stomach when she was like 7 or 8 months pregnant. Mommy started bleeding.

I agree, i think that 9 is an age where spanking is bordering inapropriate.

I just dont know what one can do in this situation. We live in an age where a kid can look at their parent in the eyes and say "no". The parent cant really do anything.

BMonee

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Melissa on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:59am

It's so unfortunate when parents can't find something to "fix" their childs behavior. Medications work, but like you said, she doesn't swallow the pill. Not sure what to say to you. :-/

If it were my child, I'd probably commit her for a little while, I know it seems harsh, but when a human being is THAT out of control, what else can you do??

:( sad

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by karma on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:59am

Military school or the like pronto!

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 12:07pm

Mel, when you say commit her, what do you mean?
She is interested in sending her somewhere, not necessarily to a hospital, more like to a place for troubled kids that need to learn some control.
The thing is, where? What kind of organization?
I am in Portland, Oregon, you know of any places?

Although I guess it wouldnt matter what state its in.

Thanks a lot
BMonee

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Jonny on Apr 8^th, 2006, 12:08pm

:-X

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 12:14pm

on 04/08/06 at 12:08:14, Jonny wrote:

:-X

:)
What do you think, bro?

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by zwibbs/Scott on Apr 8^th, 2006, 12:22pm

She needs to see a child psychiatrist asap. 9 years old !?!?!?! Other than a good bitch slapping this child needs medication that will correct whatever imbalance she is experiencing.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Melissa on Apr 8^th, 2006, 12:30pm

on 04/08/06 at 12:07:20, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:

Well, unless a psych diognoses her as mentall ill, a hospital wouldn't really be a right setting. A group home perhaps would be better? We have one near us called the Homme Home. I know that somewhere else near us, not sure if it's in MN or MI, there is the Rawhide boys ranch. Not sure what they'd have for girls other than a group home??

Before looking into a group home, her mom needs maybe to take up some parent education classes for troubled teens or something first. Tough Love comes to mind (my mom went through TL for me)...

http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html[s][/s]

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by marlinsfan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 1:12pm

on 04/08/06 at 11:59:39, karma wrote:

Military school or the like pronto!

My thought exactly!

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by lionsound on Apr 8^th, 2006, 1:45pm

on 04/08/06 at 11:31:53, Linda_Howell wrote:

I do believe that this is a question for...drum-roll here.......SUPER E-DOUBLE. Eric, if you see this, answer the man. ;;D

Linda

Linda I was thinking the exact same thing. :)

and if the kid has real psych issues...family may need serious specialist intervention. Just like HA doc's, not all shrinks and counselors know what they are doing.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by jimmers on Apr 8^th, 2006, 1:46pm

When I tried to call the cops on my Dad, He just beat me with the phone. ;;D

jimmers

Seriously, her Mom should have her evaluated by a behavioral specialist.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by DonnaHar on Apr 8^th, 2006, 2:08pm

I raised three kids alone and have been to hell and back like a lot of you. I've made my mistakes in raising them and now that I look back, I can see where I did.

The 9 year old is too old for smacking around, locking up or taking little privileges away, and medications should only be used as a last resort. The first thing I would do is tell this kid that you (the mom, in this case) and this child are going to sit down and have a talk OR mom will call the police and bring charges against this kid as an "unruly child", or if the kid hits the mom or anyone else the charges will change to battery.

Second, sit down and tell this child that things are going to change right now. Have a list of changes to be made, ie; curfews, when homework is to be done, acting out or lying in public or elsewhere, etc.. No soft spot later when this little con artist turns lovey dovey. If the child breaks the rules, press charges (if your state allows this. I know Ohio did a few years ago.) Let the child know that you love her very much, but her bad behavour will be delt with harshly. No slack. I'd even go so far as to talk to a probation officer at juvinile court. Get some advice from law enforcement. Juvinile probation officers know all the tricks, and you want to be the one to press charges, not the child, so let someone official know what you are dealing with. You'd be surprised how a court room, judge and tough love can work.

Be sure to act like you can keep your cool and that you really do mean business. If things don't get better, follow through on your plan of action. You must have a plan or you will fold.

Experienced manipulaters rarely benefit from a counselor out of the phone book. You have to find a good match, or you're just wasting money.

If this sounds to advanced for a 9 year old, remember how advanced this mis-behavour is. This kid is a pro.

The 16 year old needs to be dealt with just about the same way, except in some states they can quit school and walk away from you. Stressing your love and talking to the 16 year old like an adult, to a point, is important but remember who the parent is and who is supposed to be the boss in the house. Tell this girl that you know what's going on (you were a kid once, made mistakes and realize how wrong and dangerous they were) , that you will be checking up on her comings and goings and when she accuses you of not trusting her, let her know that it was she who broke the line of trust and that it needs to be rebuilt one block at a time. DO check up on her. If she's spending the night at a friends, call the parents to confirm this. Do not embarrass her in front of her friends. Deal with the adults and with her privately. If she receives bad grades, talk to her teacher about weekly reports or e-mail communication. Make the rules reasonable and DO NOT make allowances.....not for one weeks good behavior, not for company coming over, not for relatives going somewhere and wanting her to come.

Give it a lot of thought before acting and do get advice.

Tough love hurts, but it usually works.

Need a buddy's support? Drop me a line. dmh114@hotmail.com

Good luck!

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by FramCire on Apr 8^th, 2006, 2:20pm

Until E-Double can chime in, let this Eric give it a shot.

I would contact the school and see if they have a behavior specialist. If so, the child IS a threat to other children as well and maybe the school people can get involved and at least make some suggestions.

Also, see if your school (try the special ed people or an Alternative school) have CPI training. CPI (Crisis Prevention and intervention) teaches techniques to avoid a physical altercation and non-violent ways to restrain your child when they get violent.

As for the 16 year old. I believe you could tell anyone who comes to pick up the child that he/she is not allowed to go and that you will call the police if they take the child.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Charlie on Apr 8^th, 2006, 5:41pm

Quote:

Get some advice from law enforcement. Juvinile probation officers know all the tricks, and you want to be the one to press charges, not the child, so let someone official know what you are dealing with. You'd be surprised how a court room, judge and tough love can work.

Yes. My advice is to make sure the right people know of this. Some of your neighbors need to be in on it as well as the law, school and perhaps other agencies. Don't worry about ebarrassment, worry about your own sanity. Better to do this than to let the kid tempt you to real harm.

Make things better for yourself. You're the one that matters in his life.

Charlie

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Richr8 on Apr 8^th, 2006, 5:55pm

Her's how it works in my town. When one of my older boys was sixteen, he was very disrespectful to his mother and I. One day he decided he was going somewhere that he was forbidden to go and decided to disobey and started on his way. No amount of reasoning, which got to loud reasoning, woud deter him from his path. Knowing full well that physical restraint is not an option these days, we called the local police who hunted him down, brought him home , and explained to him that if he died not follow our instructions that hey would be back to take him directly to juvenile hall for a nice stay there. Problem solved. Call it tough love or whatever, but it works. If that was my daughter she would be the one speaking to counselors, behavior specialist or whomever to get this behavior under control. A night or two in juvie, would bring her in line. I would also think that the parents might also need some training as well. There aare certainly things that can be done, but since they took away the switch, many people are not well trained on how to handle out of control kids. In some cases they create them. It clearly sound s like this little girl is the one with the power for now.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 8^th, 2006, 6:21pm

Thanks all for the responses.
This person has worked with councelors and the school knows full well about the situation.
One time this kid took a golf cart from her appartment complex manager and took it for a ride and crashed it hard and ruined it. They called the cops. Nothing happened.

So if the mom called the cops and said she has been assaulted by her 9 year old, the cops will take her to some sort of juvenile detention place?

Thanks again
BMonee

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Richr8 on Apr 8^th, 2006, 6:26pm

on 04/08/06 at 18:21:33, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:

So if the mom called the cops and said she has been assaulted by her 9 year old, the cops will take her to some sort of juvenile detention place?

Check with your local authorities. In AZ. they will Fortunately, we just needed the threat.

In this, as in many cases, the kids are educated on child abuse in the schools and then use what they know to scare their parents out of taking any action, so the kids spin out of control. If the parents don't know the appropriate response, that is, call for help, the kids win. You just need to know the 21st century responses. The ones our parents used will put you in jail.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by MJ on Apr 8^th, 2006, 8:26pm

My thoughts.

I know it must be hard being a single parent. I have 5 kids of my own and the youngest is 10.

First I would say mom needs to get some attention, she,s afraid of a 9 year old for heavens sake, to find the root cause of her problems in being unable to control her daughter , is she enabling her it sounds like it. Screw the counselors they allways make a losing situation worse.

Me personallly I would slap the bejiggers out of her authorities be damned. The kid knows mom wont do it thats why she screams that way.
I would then remove any inkling of privacy, ie; bedroom doors, excess stuff she doesnt need, any luxury, television, "telephone" etc.. Find some good age appropriate reading and only feed her good food at meal times and remove the rest.
Give the kid her own medicine, at 9 she is a child and should be treated like one. Generally doesnt take more than a few days treating her like a bad dog and saying you love them anyways for her to get it. She will come around.
Call the cops ahead of time next time she goes to her room to scream ask them to send someone out one time to show they aint gonna buy her shit either.
If that doesnt work have her arrested for assault. She will have a clean record at 18.
Kids have to know their limits, sounds like this child has none.
When they show respect they will get more love and respect than they ever thought possible. Also check out the old man is he helping to create the problem.

My kids are a pretty good bunch, highly motivated and involved in school and college, great grades etc.. in spite of me. But definately a pain now and again However it seems I spend more time straightening out there friends then them. Our home is a place they all come to just for somewhere to hang out. Its not uncommon to have 15-30 kids here on a sturday night when we are home. If the kids want a big todo we tell them to invite the parents too and many have come. (have big old house and lots of outside) All greet us as mom and dad. We dont allow any bullshit here but if they are just being kids more power to them.

I do what I can for everyone of them if they ask. They can talk free and in confidence here about the pressures around them, drugs, alcohol, girls, boys and they do. If they are messed up I tell them so. I also tell them if I were their parent I might beat the %^^&# out of them or why their folks might do what they do. In the end they are allways laughing. A side benefit is I often get hugs around town from kids who I cant even remember there names

Respect deserves respect.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by catlind on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:25pm

Well, as you said, the past can't be undone. Ideally you teach your children that they cannot manipulate you in that way. I taught mine by telling them on the first (and so far only) occassion that they said they were going to call children's services, that there would be no need for them to dial. I made it absolutely clear that *I* would dial the number for them, because when I was done with them they were going to need it. Obviously, it's far to late for that for this particular parent, but maybe other parents can use that tactic to avoid this kind of situation. If you raise a baby tiger, it will grow up to eat you.

Now, for the present situations. First, since the 9 year old is determined to use the system as a threat and weapon against her mother, the mother needs to turn that scenario around on that girl. You said the 9 year old is constantly hitting and beating up on the mother. Our present society has made it impossible for the mother to use corporal punishment without the child being taken away. No mother wants to willingly turn over their child to children's services, even though, in my opinion, the child deserves it. What she CAN do however, is the next time the child decides to start hitting and punching, make sure the child gets at least one, preferrably several, good contacts to the face. Then she needs to call the police and press charges. Perhaps if she has any friends or contacts with the local police she can do so in a way that will just rattle the kid, but failing that, I truly believe she should call the cops and file a complaint on the assault. The little brat needs to know how it feels on the other side of the manipulation and threats. As hard as that is going to be -- I don't know any mother that would find it easy or without great pain in her heart, it's what needs to be done. The mother is doing NO favours to her daughter by not standing up for herself. That girl is in for a lifetime of trouble in so many ways if the mother doesn't take a very decisive action that has dire consequences and impact. My opinion on this is just that, my opinion, and I'm sure it will be disagreed with on a large scale, but if she wants any hope of turning that girl around and setting her on a better path in life, it will require just that kind of severe action.

Same concept applies to the 16 year old. My 16 year old nephew is going through exactly the same kind of issues right now. His mother has tried the 'loving' approach to my brothers complete disagreement. He wanted to turn him in, before things got too far out of hand. Sadly, because they didn't take that kind of action in the beginning, the police have taken that action on their own and there is nothing my brother can do to protect his son now.

The parents of the 16 year old need to put their foot down and insist he not go to the keg party. If the kid doesn't comply, they need to call the cops and tell them there is a keg party with minors in attendance and drinking.

The hardest thing in the world to do as a parent, is to turn your own kids in. Not doing it is not being a good parent, it's being a cowardly parent. All children, of all ages, need to learn that there are consequences to their actions, and that if they continue on a path of destruction, the parents will be forced to make them answer for their actions in whatever means necessary.

This is my opinion, as a parent and as an outsider watching what has happened to an intelligent young boy who didn't have that kind of responsibility put on him. Take it or leave it, but there isn't much room for anything else based on the information that you've provided.

Cat

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by _Lee_ on Apr 8^th, 2006, 11:45pm

Have the kid checked for drugs, pot won't normally cause that type of behavior, Chrystal meth will every time. 9 years old is absotutely where that shit starts.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Drk^Angel on Apr 9^th, 2006, 3:06pm

Boot camp... What's the name of that place they always had on Ricki Lake? Here's a URL I found with some links to information...

http://www.bootcamps.com/category/top/Boot_Camps/Juvenile_Boot_Camps/

PFDAN...................................... Drk^Angel

P.S. Oh yeah... Billy Blanks... http://www.billyblanks.com/

DA

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by cardogman on Apr 9^th, 2006, 3:48pm

This child should be evaluated by a Pediatric Psychiatrist or Psychologist.

Burt

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by cootie on Apr 9^th, 2006, 10:22pm

Where do these kids learn all this......seems to be a thing now days. A friend and his wife adopted a family of 3 and couldn't have kids of there own. All three kids turned out to be a nitemare.......there natural parents were both bad with drugs and prostitition you name it. My friend gave these kids everything......he tried to be strick with them knowing there backgrounds so they mite grow up with a bit more respect. He ended up haveing to go to court with the one girl cuz she was pissed at some of there rules about phone time ect and threw a fit. So she sumhow told one of her councelers that her dad 'touched her' in the mornings when he came into her room to wake her for school. They all had to go thru regular counceling and I think the shit was more or less 'put in her head'......I think the counceler was tryin to get to the bottom of what she was so mad about and took it from there and put words in her mouth. What an ordeal to have to go thru tho.....am glad to say the kid was found to be lieing and later confessed. She was jus tryin to get back at him !! The other girl had 3 babies and was a stripper and sold the first two thru a lawyer for adoption. The son join'd the army and went AWOL.......they slept with a baseball bat by the bed worryin he mite try to break in and hurt them. I see kids in the stores all the time DEMANDING toys and if they don't get it they scream and heard one yelling DON'T BEAT ME over and over tryin to influence the parent and get attention. I have seen kids grab stuff and run downt he aisles screaming bloody murder they are getting it or else !!!! Seen a girl sittin in the cart not long ago sit while in line to check out smacking her mom in the face. I must admit......if I was any of those kids parents only ONE of us would of came out alive. Kids seem to be born without a consious and no feelings of guilt or respect. There parents become there victoms Pam

Had issues with my daughter and got her an apt and moved out soon as she was old enuff........it just could NOT continue here as it was. She wanted ME OUT so she could take over.......Brad tried to ingore the situation and she knew she'd be able to get over on him WELL if it worked. This kinda crap pisses me off cuz it's EVIL !!!!

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by deltadarlin on Apr 10^th, 2006, 5:55pm

on 04/09/06 at 22:22:04, cootie wrote:

. Kids seem to be born without a consious and no feelings of guilt or respect.

I'm still going to lay the bulk of this at the parents doorstep. If you teach your children from a ery early age what type of behavior is acceptable/unacceptable and that actions = consequences, most likely, you're not going to have a little tyrant like the 9 year old girl here.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that believes in entitlement and that one doesn't really have to work at being a decent human being or be responsible for their actions. For so long, the parenting ~~experts~~, oh excuse me, meant idiots have told us that we can't spank little johnny or suzy, because we might hurt their little feelings or cause them to have major problems down the road. Unfortunately, nobody bothered to really figure out a punishment that would work (in lieu of spanking). BFS and if Dr. Spock, et, al were alive, they should all be drawn and quartered.

:-X

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by Dragnlance on Apr 12^th, 2006, 11:04am

Some people I know, had the same problem. They went and talked to the Welfare people in advance. When the brat started that treatment of them again, they had the cops come in and take the kid to a "foster" home.
After a week, the kid begged to come home, has not pulled the "stop beating me act" ever since.

Personally, just don't have kids, and save yourself the trouble.

Lance

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by cootie on Apr 12^th, 2006, 11:05pm

What I did was decide not to have anymore........quite fankly I'm not sure I'd do it again in the first place. I never lied to ripped off my parents and was VERY respectful. When I got to be bout 16 I was a bit difficult with an attitude which taught me that I needed to strive to get out and on my own soon......it taught me to want my own place and have my own stuff. Now kids claim all your stuff and eventually try to take over the house. My daughter had no plans of goin anywhere......we didn't teach her to be how she ended up at all.......it got out of hand and out of our control. I always had talks with her about thins and why she did them blah blah blah. She got in with a bad crowd and developed there personality and attitudes.

My cousin's daughter runs there house......she in college and still at home. The parents are NOT allowed to have a anouther dog (there old retriever died they miss so much but the girl didn't care for it)....she said they will not be allowed to have a dog as long as she is in that house. There planning her wedding and she said her mom will NOT invite any of her personal friends......she wants to be the QUEEN and no one there she does not know. They wanted to bring in a birthday cake for the mom's one friend for her birthday and the girl threw a fit and said she would NOT permit anyone else haveing a celebration at the expense of hers or dureing her special day and the cake and balloons for this other person is totally out. Now there argueing about the reception hall cuz the daughter wants a certain type place. WHO IS PAYING FOR ALL THIS YOU MITE ADD.........THE PARENTS she is tryin to push around. Family toil and trouble'r Pam

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by _Lee_ on Apr 13^th, 2006, 12:18am

[quote][/quote]My cousin's daughter runs there house......she in college and still at home. The parents are NOT allowed to have a anouther dog (there old retriever died they miss so much but the girl didn't care for it)....she said they will not be allowed to have a dog as long as she is in that house. There planning her wedding and she said her mom will NOT invite any of her personal friends......she wants to be the QUEEN and no one there she does not know. They wanted to bring in a birthday cake for the mom's one friend for her birthday and the girl threw a fit and said she would NOT permit anyone else haveing a celebration at the expense of hers or dureing her special day and the cake and balloons for this other person is totally out. Now there argueing about the reception hall cuz the daughter wants a certain type place. WHO IS PAYING FOR ALL THIS YOU MITE ADD.........THE PARENTS she is tryin to push around. Family toil and trouble'r Pam

She may be the next president, seems to have the same personality ;;D

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by LadyElaine on Apr 13^th, 2006, 8:38am

The problem is the parents not the kids. They will do what you let them do. We as parents make our own problem kids.
Not out of not loving them, some love them to much and give them everything and spoil them. If you watch Supper Nanny and Nanny 911 each parent says show me, help me. It takes some doing for them to see it wasn't the kids but the Parents fault. Don't tell me it is just a TV show. If you do what she says it works. I wished I knew what I know now and could go back and raise my children again.
The answer is not give the kids drugs. To me thats a cop out.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, what to do???
Post by nani on Apr 13^th, 2006, 11:01am

on 04/13/06 at 08:38:22, LadyElaine wrote:

The problem is the parents not the kids.
The answer is not give the kids drugs. To me thats a cop out.

I agree with you on the first point, Elaine. I disagree on the meds issue, though. Kids with ADHD (and other mood/behavior disorders) need meds just like anyone with diabetes, arthritis, etc. need theirs. I agree that they are often over-prescribed, but that is because parents that are too lazy to actually teach kids to behave want the meds to do it for them. Trust me, giving Ritalin (a stimulant) to a kid who doesn't have ADHD will backfire. For kids with it, it works to make them able to learn... if their parents teach them at all. Very often, ADHD kids have a parent who is untreated ADHD. How can someone who can't control their own behavior teach their child to control theirs? I was finally diagnosed with ADHD (mostly ADD...I don't have a lot of energy, LOL) in my forties. My life would have been much better if I'd have been treated for it since childhood.
One last note... discipline means to teach, not punish. The best thing to teach them that all actions have consequences. Good and bad.

Title: Re: Parenting advice, UPDATE
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Apr 15^th, 2006, 1:13pm

Well, shit came to a head, and the agencies the mother had called for help had decided to initiate action to take the kid from her.
The mother took the kid and went to the Child Protective Services, or Child Safety Department or something and demanded they take her to a detention facility immediately. She demanded a place with disipline and learning and they actually admitted the daughter!!!! She went for a 10 day stay in a place to be detained and evaluated.....and so far the place has noticed the kid has some issues!!!

Its a shame about this whole situation, but lets all send vibes to this family in hopes they can get to the root of this problem and get on the road to recovery.

Thanks for all the responses
BMonee