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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Computer help, please.
        
(Message started by: AussieBrian on Mar 18^th, 2006, 9:25pm)

Title: Computer help, please.
Post by AussieBrian on Mar 18^th, 2006, 9:25pm

Given that my computer doesn't need a technician so much as an exorcist, I need to know whether the modem contains any toxic elements as I'm going to use it as a mooring for my dinghy and I don't want to risk damaging sea-life.

Is it alright to use ordinary silicone to plug the holes in the monitor before I turn it into a fish-tank?

The printer's working fine stopping my car from rolling downhill, but by leaving it plugged in will the flashing lights attract burglars or frighten them off?

Did you know that an up-turned keyboard exactly holds twelve cans of beer?

Appreciate the help,

Nerd-gin Brian.

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by chewy on Mar 18^th, 2006, 9:27pm

ROFLMMFAO!

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Kevin_M on Mar 18^th, 2006, 9:36pm

There is a bird flu e-mail going around, did you download the vaccine for it?

If it's smoking, there is a 30-day software patch program for that too.

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by thebbz on Mar 18^th, 2006, 9:40pm

[smiley=pokeeye.gif] [smiley=wave.gif]
Are you sure your drug free?
LOL
Thanks again
jb [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by BikerBob on Mar 18^th, 2006, 11:45pm

Quote:

I need to know whether the modem contains any toxic elements as I'm going to use it as a mooring for my dinghy and I don't want to risk damaging sea-life.

It's not the toxic elements in your modem that will damage the sea-life. It's the psycho-electronic blipfarts that the modem emanates that will certainly destroy all living creatures within 50 meters. If your modem is heavy enough to use as a mooring for your dinghy, you need a bigger dinghy.

Quote:

Is it alright to use ordinary silicone to plug the holes in the monitor before I turn it into a fish-tank?

No. Ordinary silicone won't work. You'll need to plug the holes in your monitor with breast implants to ensure minimal leakage.

Quote:

The printer's working fine stopping my car from rolling downhill, but by leaving it plugged in will the flashing lights attract burglars or frighten them off?

It will both attract burlars and frighten them off. The lights will attract them, then they will clearly see that your car has no freakin' brakes.

Quote:

Did you know that an up-turned keyboard exactly holds twelve cans of beer?

It must have sprung a leak. Find the leak under the keyboard and put a beer mug under it.

BB ;;D

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Linda_Howell on Mar 18^th, 2006, 11:55pm

I normally don't drink beer but damned if I didn't turn my keyboard ovder to see if you were right.

I will say that I have found that kicking the hard drive releases one hell of a lot of stress build-up which in the long run is cheaper than a shrink.

Linda

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Opus on Mar 19^th, 2006, 1:05pm

Most computer parts are made up of semiconductors which contain poisons such as arsenic and gallium.

Are you having hardware problems or do you still use Microsoft products?

Opus/Paul

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Opus on Mar 19^th, 2006, 1:15pm

on 03/18/06 at 23:55:34, Linda_Howell wrote:

I will say that I have found that kicking the hard drive releases one hell of a lot of stress build-up which in the long run is cheaper than a shrink.
Linda

kicking a hard drive? hope you have steel toe shoes, those little things are hard and heavy. When I have one go bad I take it apart to get to the powerful magnets inside. Here is something else to do with bad drives. (http://www.datadocktorn.nu/us_frag1.php)

Opus/Paul

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Drk^Angel on Mar 19^th, 2006, 4:34pm

on 03/18/06 at 23:45:19, BikerBob wrote:

If your modem is heavy enough to use as a mooring for your dinghy, you need a bigger dinghy.

Or a newer modem.

O... I think LindaH may be meaning the 'puter case itself. Seems most users call it either the CPU or hard drive. Personally, when I'm talkin' about a system infected with Windoze, I prefer to call it "That cheap fuckin' piece of M$ shit."

PFDAN........................................ Drk^Angel

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Barry_T_Coles on Mar 19^th, 2006, 9:57pm

You don't have to be mad to live in our little world but it sure helps ;;D

Barry

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by ExplodingEyeBall on Mar 20^th, 2006, 9:27am

I saw a National Enquirer article a couple days ago that said that a new computer virus has actually spread to humans.

It must be true if it's in writing in a news paper. :D

Title: Re: Computer help, please.
Post by Dragnlance on Mar 21^st, 2006, 3:52pm

Quote:

Given that my computer doesn't need a technician so much as an exorcist

One of the most guarded secrets in the computer world... computers are 30% technology, 70% black magic...