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Title: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Sandy_C on Mar 3rd, 2006, 10:56am Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women Pregnancy Q & A & more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space". 8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus. 9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by sandie99 on Mar 3rd, 2006, 11:09am [smiley=laugh.gif] Thank you so much, Sandy! |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by nani on Mar 3rd, 2006, 11:21am ROTFLMAO!! [smiley=laugh.gif] Well, except for this Everyone around you has an attitude problem. Well...they DO! >:( ;;D |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 12:08pm If the CHenz need a chuckle Post one of those Queen half nekkid guys and let the Goat bash it! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D ;;D ;;D [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] :D ;) ::) [smiley=laugh.gif] 8) 8) 8) 8) |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by LeLimey on Mar 3rd, 2006, 12:15pm What do you say to a Goat with two black eyes? Nothing - the fool didn't listen the first two times >:( |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 12:29pm When a woman wears leather clothing, ........ a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? Because she smells like a new truck. |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by LeLimey on Mar 3rd, 2006, 12:35pm Silly me.. I always thought the way to a man's heart was through the ribcage but evidently the way to your's is up the exhaust ::) Who'da guessed?? |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 12:38pm on 03/03/06 at 12:35:41, LeLimey wrote:
That would be dangerous Im always ready to relieve pressure! [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D :o |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 1:17pm A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "quick, bring me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start. " This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "quick, another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long??" The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started." [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D ;) 8) |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 1:35pm I just don't understand women. After the last child was born, my wife told me that we had to cut back on expenses -- and that I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker; maybe a 12 pack on weekends... Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt, I saw $45 for makeup. I said, "Wait a minute! I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!" She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you." I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!" I don't think she'll be back. |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 1:38pm In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it. They are: a. Apple b. Banana c. Strawberry d. Peach e. Orange Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you! Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN If you have chosen: a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches e. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace, understanding and tranquility. Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my ass. Well, You won't find me....because I am still hunting down the person who sent this to me... |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Dragnlance on Mar 3rd, 2006, 1:39pm [smiley=laugh.gif] To funny! |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 1:42pm A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. "Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs! "Blowjobs!," the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and, if proven true, no = more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone." |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Ghost on Mar 3rd, 2006, 1:46pm A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, > > "How long before I > > can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the > > shop full of customers > > and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. > > > > A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in > > the door and asked, > > "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber > > looked around the shop > > and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. > > > > A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the > > shop and asked, "How > > long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked > > around the shop and > > said, "About an hour and half." The guy left. > > > > The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, > > do me a favor. > > Follow that guy, and see where he goes. He keeps > > asking how long he has > > to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever > > come back." > > > > A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, > > laughing hysterically. > > > > The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when > > he leaves here?" > > > > Bill looked up, choking on laughter, tears in his > > eyes, and said, "Your > > house." |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by Dragnlance on Mar 3rd, 2006, 2:02pm [smiley=crackup.gif] |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by aprilbee on Mar 3rd, 2006, 3:51pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] Those are all great!!! LMAO!! |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by ABarham on Mar 3rd, 2006, 3:57pm Oh Sandy! I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt. I was afraid everyone in my office was going to think I had totally cracked up or something horrible had happened. Their choice. Funny, Funny stuff. Thanks for starting the weekend with a laugh. Now I need to send this to every woman I know. LOL Louise |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by ABarham on Mar 3rd, 2006, 4:08pm I spread it around - [smiley=thumbsup.gif] [smiley=shore.gif] [smiley=beer.gif] [smiley=lick.gif] [smiley=moonwiggle.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] [smiley=bow.gif] You should hear my office - it sounds like a comedy store or something, I love it (and all of you) |
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Title: Re: A Friday chuckle for the ladies Post by ABarham on Mar 3rd, 2006, 4:21pm This is too much. I only read Sandy's before replying. Finished reading everyone else and thought I was sure to crack a rib. Funny Funny stuff. LTA - Louise |
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