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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> something to offend everyone
        
(Message started by: Tim_the_Turtle on Mar 2^nd, 2006, 5:33pm)

Title: something to offend everyone
Post by Tim_the_Turtle on Mar 2^nd, 2006, 5:33pm

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog! is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
! "Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar (I'm Irish so this joke is ok)

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment. (My husband is Italian so this joke is ok too

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring. (Dave works at the Post Office too do you see a trend here)

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

I edited out some for fear that I would reeeeeeeaaaaaly
offend someone....love ree

Title: Re: something to offend everyone
Post by Jonny on Mar 2^nd, 2006, 5:42pm

LMAO....;;D.... :-*

Title: Re: something to offend everyone
Post by BlueMeanie on Mar 2^nd, 2006, 6:22pm

Darn it... I thought I was gonna get offended. :o

Title: Re: something to offend everyone
Post by Dragnlance on Mar 2^nd, 2006, 10:02pm

[smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif]

Title: Re: something to offend everyone
Post by Jasmyn on Mar 3^rd, 2006, 2:49am

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: something to offend everyone
Post by sandie99 on Mar 3^rd, 2006, 3:22am

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

And I loved that pic of a turtle in the end of the thread, too. ;;D

Sanna

Title: Re: something to offend everyone
Post by TomM on Mar 3^rd, 2006, 9:52am

on 03/02/06 at 17:33:40, Tim_the_Turtle wrote:

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
ree

THAT offends me! 8)

What do I say to guys I know who own a Porsche?
Sorry about your penis.
TomM