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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> Trying to get back to daily life
        
(Message started by: doodles on Feb 27^th, 2006, 10:09am)

Title: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by doodles on Feb 27^th, 2006, 10:09am

Today is the first day of a new week without my parents. Most of the time I am okay, sometimes I am totally lost. It is the first time in my life I can't call my dad for advice... feels really weird. :'(

Been dealing with a not so great funeral home for my Dad. The person really needs to take courses in compassion and dealing with the public...totally lacking in polish that is needed to handle situations like this one.

I guess the real message of this post is this... If at all possible get your life in order so those you leave behind will only have to deal with the grief of losing you. Make prearrangements if possible.

Thanks to my new family here... I know there are many family members I can lean on in my time of need! thanks for being here! Much love Jan

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by blood_Redd_son on Feb 27^th, 2006, 10:15am

no problem.

sorry for your loss. :'(

it's times like these when friends and family get closer.

hugs

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Richr8 on Feb 27^th, 2006, 10:27am

on 02/27/06 at 10:09:14, doodles wrote:

TIt is the first time in my life I can't call my dad for advice... feels really weird.

Ask anyway, he'll answer in your dreams. He is more a part of what and who you are than you realize.

Rich

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Ghost on Feb 27^th, 2006, 10:27am

I wish there was some way to make you feel better.
I just hope that some day when my time has come I could ever claim to have as many care as they did.
I can only aspire to do a small percentage as what your Dad has done for others asking nothing in return.
I can only pray my memories will leave a lasting good to those I have cared for as they have.

God Bless You and Your Family!

Mike

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Dragnlance on Feb 27^th, 2006, 10:29am

Hi Jan,

Very very sorry for your loss!! We are here for you when you need to talk. We can never fill your dad's shoes, but at least you are not totally alone either.

Hugs!!

Lance

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by nani on Feb 27^th, 2006, 11:12am

Janet... [smiley=hug.gif]

Each day will get a tiny bit better. Ask to talk to the owner/manager of the funeral home. Hopefully, that will resolve any problems.
Hang in there, hon. hugs, nani

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by tanner on Feb 27^th, 2006, 11:28am

Jan, I just want to wish you the best. be strong , don't hesitate to ask for help. when my parents both passed on within 6 months of each other it was difficult enough, and they had pre-planned, so i hope everyone takes your advice to heart!

You know just last nite Lin and I watched a movie which mimicked what my plan has been for some time. i am going to be cremated unless anyone wants any parts first which i highly doubt. then i am leaving a request to my son to take a road trip to distribute a little bit of me in the places that have been significant in my life. i want to do this not for my sake i will already be in a more significant place, but to force him to take the time while he is still young and go see this great country and a couple overseas spots as well.

Lin just says that I had better get started funding that little trip now cuz with the number of places i want visited he will never be able to afford it............she is probably right ...as usual..

keep your head up.......tim

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by chewy on Feb 27^th, 2006, 11:40am

Quote:

It is the first time in my life I can't call my dad for advice... feels really weird.

You still can.

I admired my Dad like a God. Always sought his advice. He has been gone now for 10 years and I still seek it. He answers in a differant way now. You just have to seek it out and be aware when it comes. It comes from the inside now.

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by maffumatt on Feb 27^th, 2006, 11:58am

Sorry for your loss.........................

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by sandie99 on Feb 27^th, 2006, 12:24pm

Jan,

I'm so sorry for your loss... [smiley=hug.gif]

I lost my dad in 1997 and I miss his advices, too. But I've come to realize that although I cannot see him, he's here. And similarly, your father will be there for you. Always. :)

And so will be your ch family. When you need us, you know where we are.

I wish you lots of strength right now.

Best wishes,
Sanna

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Melissa on Feb 27^th, 2006, 12:32pm

I'm sorry hon. I'd say that things will get better with time, cause they do, but right now is just too fresh to feel anything but loss...

I understand how you feel about the funeral home. When my mom died, neither my step-dad or my Grandma could handle ANYTHING, so guess who had to do it all? Yup, me. I have no brothers or sisters and no aunts or uncles, because my Mom was also an only child. I even had the burden of doing my parents taxes just before she died AND the next year. I don't know why I was stuck with everything, I guess maybe because everyone thinks I'm capable of handling so much, but I do need a break too. :-/

Promise me you'll deal with your feelings as they surface. And do not be afraid to say "no" to people. Don't feel you have to do or say something because you feel you have to, or afraid you'll piss someone off. Take care of yourself first and foremost, because you don't need to deal with the pain 4 years later... :-[

PM me whenever you want hon... I'm here for you.

love & hugs,
mel

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by burnt-toast on Feb 27^th, 2006, 12:53pm

Sorry to hear about your loss.

It's good advise to be prepared for such things.

Tom

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Charlie on Feb 27^th, 2006, 5:38pm

Sorry you have to deal with this. Things will get better but it takes awhile.

We seem to go into some kind of overdrive when this kind of thing happens. It can magnify everything but it's important to be nice to yourself as well.

Charlie

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by TxBasslady on Feb 27^th, 2006, 6:16pm

on 02/27/06 at 11:40:18, chewy wrote:

This is so true.

Been 12 years for me....and not a day passes that I don't think of my Dad.

Bless your heart, Jan. Noone should have to deal with this loss. It's tough...and it hurts.

Cling to the memories, sweetie....and know that he was loved so very much by so many.

God bless....

Jean

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Guiseppi on Feb 27^th, 2006, 6:35pm

Lot's of crying going on for you and with you. Still in my families prayers. It's been said a hundred times already but you are family and we hurt with you.

Guiseppi

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by BarbaraD on Feb 27^th, 2006, 8:19pm

Kiddo that's what we're here for -- to lean on. Now do we need to send Jonny down there to take care of the funeral home for you... he can do it you know...

You'll get a lot of advice here -- take it or leave it. You're a strong girl, but we worry about you. You'll have more surrogate parents than you've ever dreamed of worrying about you. But we come with the territory... you'll get used to us.

Just know we love you and want the best for you. If we could shoulder your burden we would. We're all hurting along with you.

You're in my prayers.. BD

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by catlind on Feb 27^th, 2006, 11:08pm

My Dad's been gone 6 years on 17 Mar 06. I still grab a power tool or go to fix something and want to call him.

When I need him most I play Robbie Williams, Angels and hold his anchor (he was a navy man).

You are going through so much Janet, know that we are all thinking of you an wishing you peace and patience during your difficult times.

Cat

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by Jasmyn on Feb 28^th, 2006, 1:03am

[smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif] [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by pfunk on Feb 28^th, 2006, 1:44am

Jan-
As others have said, none us will ever be able to fill your Dad's shoes. He is greatly missed by all those who knew him as well as those us who were and are still tuoched by him in one way or another everyday. I regret that I never got to meet such of wonderful man personally but through this cite, I feel like I have known him for a long, long time.
I lost my father in 2000 and thought that every bit of strength I had left to fight this battle. And yes, I thought I wouldn't be able to ask him for help ever again. But, Chewy is completely correct. I now ask my father for help every single day and he gives it to me. Noone else may see it, but I see it and feel it ( I know he's right here with me, fighting with me and for me).
The effects and wisdom that youd Dad has given to our CH family are proof that he's with us. And he's still giving the love and support that he is so well known and loved for. My condolences to you and your family and remember you always have this family as well if you need us. Much love! :-*

Patrick
PS. Yes, I am still fairly new here but I wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss and for you to know that even us "newbies" will be forever greatful to have had a man like you dad around. I only wish I had been there for some of the storytelling.

Title: Re: Trying to get back to daily life
Post by nancyc on Feb 28^th, 2006, 1:56am

I am so glad that you have found a family here now....This is one more gift that your wonderful Dad and Mom left for you. Believe me, you will never find a greater group of supporters than you will find here, sis. You are in my prayers. :)nancyc