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        New Message Board Archives >> 2006 General Board Posts >> North vs South
        
(Message started by: Jimi on Feb 13^th, 2006, 3:49pm)

Title: North vs South
Post by Jimi on Feb 13^th, 2006, 3:49pm

Things I learned at Jayne's house from some of her transplanted friends.

The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.

Some of you may have already heard the rest of these but I just added them from am email I got one time.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .

In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.!

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not under standing what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by floridian on Feb 13^th, 2006, 4:22pm

on 02/13/06 at 15:49:26, Jimi wrote:

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Yeah, since moving south, I have heard the expression "American by birth, Southern by the Grace of God." Quite a few times. ;)

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Dragnlance on Feb 13^th, 2006, 4:37pm

I LOVE living in the WEST!!!!!!!!! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by aprilbee on Feb 13^th, 2006, 4:38pm

That's funny ya'll!! ;;D

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Donna_D. on Feb 13^th, 2006, 4:42pm

Why I love the South

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption.

Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish make up a mess.

A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of yonderways.

A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in "Going to town, be back directly."

Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.

True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold 'tater salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add some hot biscuits and "nanner puddin'.)

True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece."

True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used both as a noun, verb and adverb.

You might be a yankee if:

1. Your wife opens the door for you.
2. You let doors slam in anyone’s face (male or female).
3. You think dinner & supper are the same meal.
4. Your philosophy is "there oughta be a law".
5. You escape high taxes in the North and vote to raise them in the South.
6. Your socks match your "outfit".
7. You're a winter resident of "Floorida".
8. What's on T.V. tonight is important.
9. Who won the academy awards is news.
10. You believe your newspaper contains news.
11. Y'all is one person.
12. You wave at the lady with the flat tire.
13. You consider yourself a "progressive" instead of a nosy, busybody do-gooder.
14. You talk through your nose.
15. You fall for a Southern used car salesman turned president.
16. You're patriotic no matter what the government does.
17. You're offended by Southern symbols in the South.
18. You talk with your mouth full.
19. Your parents never taught you to say “thank-you”.
20. You think addressing your elders as “Sir” & “Ma’am” will hurt your self esteem.
21. You consider your car a status symbol.
22. You take the Wall Street Journal so your neighbors will see it in your driveway.
23. You call everyone “Guys”.
24. When you want others to think you’ve done something extraordinary you holler “Yesssss!”

You are a damn-yankee if:

1. You think you live in a free country.
2. You truly believe that Abe Lincoln freed anyone, anywhere.
3. You think it was “for the best” that the North won the War for Southern Independence.
4. You consider the citizens of the Confederacy to have been traitors to the U.S.
5. You see nothing at all wrong with the union army attacking the South and the union navy blockading Southern ports.
6. You think you have a right to tell Southerners how to live and if they don’t agree to force them.
7. You think it’s funny to depict Southerners as ignorant, slack-jawed, buck-toothed, inbred, violent, backwoods, beer-swilling potbellied rednecks, who just need to lighten-up and learn how to laugh at themselves.
8. You cannot fathom why Southerners would not want to keep company with you.
9. There’s some part of the statement, “Leave us the hell alone!” that you just can’t grasp.
10.You think our struggle for Independence from you people is over.

;;D

DD

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Jonny on Feb 13^th, 2006, 4:54pm

on 02/13/06 at 16:11:08, CHTom wrote:

it is wrong to ridicule any group of people for what they are, what they believe, what they do so long has they are not hurting anyone, in which case we have the law to take care of that. It used to be acceptable to make racist "jokes" regarding Black People, Jews, the menatally ill, etc. It saddens me to see such immature behavior on this board-you are all, I hope, better than that and maybe it is time to stop.
:-X

Yeah, you racist pigs......LMAO!!! ;;D

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Jimi on Feb 13^th, 2006, 5:08pm

Donna Belle you ain't no southerner. We call you Texans.....Westerners.

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by maffumatt on Feb 13^th, 2006, 5:16pm

on 02/13/06 at 17:08:17, Jimi wrote:

Donna Belle you ain't no southerner. We call you Texans.....Westerners.

Nope, we are southerners, esp the East Texans, we are a breed apart from those westerners.

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Donna_D. on Feb 13^th, 2006, 5:19pm

Now Jimi,

Every good southerner knows that if it South of the Mason-Dixon Line and East of the West Texas Border (and YES, we Texans call it a BORDER not a state line) then it is considered "The South"

Matt you are plumb right about that definition!

;)

DD

http://www.tsha.utexas.edu/handbook/online/articles/CC/qdc2.html

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Sandy_C on Feb 13^th, 2006, 5:35pm

on 02/13/06 at 15:49:26, Jimi wrote:

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

This is the absolute God's truth! I moved from Northwest Ohio (you know, those "lake effect" blizzards) to NC 22 years ago. The first winter here, we had one inch - repeat - ONE of snow. The city was paralized! Schools, government offices, banks, post offices and even the churches closed down. The lines at the grocery stores were unbelievable the day before the "snowstorm". There was not one loaf of bread, not one jug of milk, and, of course, the beer and cigs were just about depleted. I laughed until I cried, because the next morning, the "snowstorm" had just slightly melted and our temps went way below freezing. Now we had ice - everywhere. Between the winter from He**, and the Christmas holidays, my kids went to school 3 days out of 30, because the schools remained closed for the duration.

The worst part of a southern snowfall though is not the grocery stores. It's the southern drivers who are so afraid to be on the road if there is so much as one flake of snow that they hurry (speed) to get home quicker. Now, y'all know, that's not wise on slick roads. Had a guy hurrying down our street trying to get home in about 3" of snow. He spun out and went head first into the drainage ditch in front of our house. Hubby, me, the neighbors came out and told him to put the gear in reverse and turn his wheels in TOWARD the ditch, and between him giving it some gas and us pushing, he would be out free. He thought we were nuts and turned his wheels the other way, out toward the street. Guess what happened - he the rear end of his car skidded further in to the ditch. Finally hubby just yanked him out of his car, turned the wheels the right way, got the car back on to the street, and allowed the poor guy back in to drive home. We told him DRIVE SLOWLY, DO NOT STOP AT THE STOP SIGN AT THE END OF THE STREET, KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU GET TO YOUR DRIVEWAY. He stopped at the stop sign. We walked down to the end of the street and pushed again!

Sorry, this is so long, but it was such a hysterical winter, I'll never forget.

Sandy

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by medic1852 on Feb 13^th, 2006, 5:43pm

I am a southerner and I am so offended by this thread I feel that you people are so southernphobic and racist against us southerners..Come on show some sensitivity... [smiley=twocents.gif]

Rodger

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by BlueMeanie on Feb 13^th, 2006, 5:45pm

on 02/13/06 at 16:42:25, Donna_D. wrote:

You might be a yankee if:

You think dinner & supper are the same meal.
THERE NOT ? :)

You think it’s funny to depict Southerners as ignorant, slack-jawed, buck-toothed, inbred, violent, backwoods, beer-swilling potbellied rednecks, who just need to lighten-up and learn how to laugh at themselves.
THERE NOT ? :)

DD

Thanks for the lesson DD. ;)

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by floridian on Feb 13^th, 2006, 6:31pm

on 02/13/06 at 17:43:40, medic1852 wrote:

I am a southerner and I am so offended by this thread I feel that you people are so southernphobic and racist against us southerners..Come on show some sensitivity... smiley=twocents.gif

Rodger

Racism? Which race is the 'Southern Race'?? NASCAR?? ;)

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by E-Double on Feb 13^th, 2006, 7:54pm

on 02/13/06 at 16:42:25, Donna_D. wrote:

You think it’s funny to depict Southerners as ignorant, slack-jawed, buck-toothed, inbred, violent, backwoods, beer-swilling potbellied rednecks, who just need to lighten-up and learn how to laugh at themselves.

;;D
DD

The facts are as follows..............
http://www.mytrailerpark.com/

I love NY [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by BarbaraD on Feb 13^th, 2006, 9:14pm

Well, ya'll know what an East Texas Tornado and a redneck divorce have in common don't ya? Somebody's gonna lose the trailer house!!!!

Southern thru and thru.....

BD

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Drk^Angel on Feb 13^th, 2006, 11:33pm

So anything south of the Mason-Dixon line is southern? I'd think you'd be hard pressed to find a southerner in Washington D.C. (No... Little Bush don't count, because half the time he ain't in D.C., and even if you'd show on the one day he ain't on vacation, I'm sure there's a few that argue that he ain't a true southerner anyways. :P)

PFDAN........................................ Drk^Angel

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Mr. Happy on Feb 13^th, 2006, 11:54pm

Lived north, lived south, and lived west. They're all peculiarly fucked up.

I'm thinking France, baby.
RJ

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Donna_D. on Feb 14^th, 2006, 12:56am

When a man in Dallas, Texas came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."

The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Dallas. "Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Texas Man Saves Child by Killing Dog.'" "Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut." "In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet."

___________________________________________________
Yea, 20 musts to drive a Yankee nuts...

1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.

2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two syllables.

3. When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses 'em something terrible.

4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.

5. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.

6. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.

7. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g., Lisa Marie, John Michael, Jim Bob. . . you get the idea)

8. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".

9. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.

10. Name all of your children "Bubba" (or just call em that!).

11. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.

12. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin' to do" something.

13. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.

14. Onlyuse landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town...."

15. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.

16. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.

17. Tote everything until you are taking someone with you, then carry them.

18. When asking for a Creme soda call it coke and then ask "whud kinda coke you got"?

19. When they order "peas" bring them those black-eyed ones!

20. Everytime a cool wind blows say "A northerner is comin' in"

;;D

DD

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by BobG on Feb 14^th, 2006, 5:32am

Q: Why do southern men’s hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?

(Scroll down)

A: Because she smells like a new truck!

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by rickyshot on Feb 14^th, 2006, 8:38am

For someone from Georgia transplanted to Canada can you say speaking French with a Southern accent. Hoo Boy. Right now I would kill for a real biscuit sigh.....
Texas is to the US as to what Quebec is to Canada. Some of y'all might not get this but I bet the other Canadians will.

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by rickyshot on Feb 14^th, 2006, 8:40am

Another big difference is up North they call police when you whup your child. Down home they gotta go cut down a switch to get they own ass whuppin with hehe. Most of these kids I see up here need more than an ass whuppin.

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by imnotbub on Feb 14^th, 2006, 10:56am

on 02/13/06 at 16:42:25, Donna_D. wrote:

OK , what's your point?
Steve (born and raised in NYC)

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by Charlie on Feb 14^th, 2006, 4:40pm

http://www.netsync.net/users/charlies/gifs/2 rant.gif

Red States v. Blue States is all. Reds are always louder is all.

Charlie

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by floridian on Feb 14^th, 2006, 5:19pm

A study came out today that found that kids are much healthier in the north. That should make the south stop and think.

Quote:

Study: Southern kids are sicker than most

GAINESVILLE, Fla., Feb. 14 (UPI) -- A University of Florida study suggests children living in the South are up to three times more likely to battle poor health than other U.S. children.

"Hurricane Katrina gave the world a glimpse of the disparities in the South," said Dr. Jeffrey Goldhagen, the study's lead author and an associate professor of community pediatrics. "Our research documents just how profoundly these disparities impact the health of children in the region."

Goldhagen said the study is the first to statistically relate region of residence to measures of child health.

"In fact, we now believe that where a child lives may be one of the most powerful predictors of child health outcomes and disparities," he said.

The poor health outcomes researchers documented included low birth weight, teenage pregnancy, death and other problems such as mental illness, asthma, obesity, tooth decay and school performance.

The study was recently published in the journal Pediatrics.

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by PL259 on Feb 14^th, 2006, 7:41pm

Now you all up nawth. Furst one whut answers the question wins a "moon pie"

What is a "yon-e go"
;;D

Read and understand, maybe [smiley=laugh.gif]

http://www.redneckworld.com/

see ya'll,
good to hear you is doing "fair to middlin"
This could have been the question but I kept it simple for you all!

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by stevegeebe on Feb 14^th, 2006, 8:33pm

Can't argue with you Flo...but I wonder if Dr. Goldhagen considered the regional predispositions, ancestory and lineage of the people who live in different regions.

Predisposition is the bullet....habits are the triggers.

Steve G

Title: Re: North vs South
Post by floridian on Feb 15^th, 2006, 8:22am

Good question - I'm not sure. Anything like that is going to be a mix of genes and environment. My guess is that they focused on the environment - not sure how different people are genetically in the south vs. north, but the surroundings, culture and political/economic factors are definitely different.