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Title: Lawyer Humor Post by medic1852 on Feb 4th, 2006, 3:47pm I was checking my email and found this little bit of humor in my mail box. I figured I would share it before I scooted off to work. So I hope you all enjoy. Talk to you all in a few days. Rodger [smiley=laugh.gif] ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. _____________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty eight or thirty five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by Richr8 on Feb 4th, 2006, 3:56pm ROFLAMAO . You've got to put htis with the funnies. Thanks! I needed that. rich |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by BobG on Feb 4th, 2006, 4:15pm LOL... Just gotta love that last one. [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by sandie99 on Feb 4th, 2006, 4:22pm [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by TomM on Feb 4th, 2006, 4:27pm This is an abomination against lawyers and all of us who sleep with them! ;;D OK, it's funny as hell! TomM |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by BarbaraD on Feb 4th, 2006, 10:41pm I just pasted that in an e-mail to my attorney. He just loves my "humor"...... Hugs BD |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by AussieBrian on Feb 5th, 2006, 3:46am All of these, and many more, come from a book I owned many years ago called "Court Jesters" and it was mainly about Canadian courts. I'd love to read it again but I lent it once to often. One story that springs to mind was the judge thanking an RCMP for his evidence and telling him could now return to his backwater village. "Oh, thank you so very much", said the Mountie and counsel chimed in, "Your Honor, I'm not sure you should be sentencing the witnesses!" Another judge chose to stand down from a case after asking a defendant, "And how do you plead, Mr Guilty?" If ever you see it in a second-hand book shop, it's well worth the asking price. |
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Title: Re: Lawyer Humor Post by Sandy_C on Feb 5th, 2006, 1:21pm [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] [smiley=crackup.gif] My fave is the last one! Thanks Sandy |
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