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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> Differences between men and women
        
(Message started by: JDH on Dec 12^th, 2005, 12:15pm)

Title: Differences between men and women
Post by JDH on Dec 12^th, 2005, 12:15pm

Differences Between Men & Women

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go
out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria,
Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob
and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob
and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though
it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change
back. When the girls get their check, out come the
pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a
toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap,
and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number
of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs
and then goes out to the store and buys these things.
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are
half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping.
He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man
reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed
tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly
Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from
going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a
Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She
will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks.
When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress
shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off
because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear
the same pair of shoes all day.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but
when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping,
water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone,
read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for:
weddings, funerals.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man
will wear every article of clothing he owns, including
his surgical pants that were hip about eight years
ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally
out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside
out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to
the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful
women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by
re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and
soccer games and romances and best friends and
favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in
the house.

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by sandie99 on Dec 15^th, 2005, 12:03pm

[smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by imnotbub on Dec 21^st, 2005, 11:36am

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but
when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

You can't prove it