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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> Testicle Headache
        
(Message started by: ben_uk on Nov 22^nd, 2005, 8:48pm)

Title: Testicle Headache
Post by ben_uk on Nov 22^nd, 2005, 8:48pm

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

Joe walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in he mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought or a moment and then said, "Sure ... " The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see ... 34 sleeve and ... 16 and a half neck". Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure, give me new everything!" The salesman proceeded to collect a complete outfit and got the size right on everything until he got to Joe's underwear.

The salesman eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed, "No, you're wrong on that one. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman looked again and then shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

:o

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by zanychef on Nov 23^rd, 2005, 3:26am

[smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by Jeepgun on Nov 23^rd, 2005, 7:42am

"YARK!!" [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by paul_pero on Nov 24^th, 2005, 7:08am

I better ckeck my undies. :o

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by ben_uk on Nov 25^th, 2005, 11:52am

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."

Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"

:o

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by ben_uk on Nov 25^th, 2005, 11:53am

A man was suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he was referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor.

The specialist asked him what his symptoms were and he replied, "I get these blinding headaches kind of like a knife across my scalp and...." He was interrupted. "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?" "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes."

Two weeks went by and the man came back. "Well, how do you feel?" the doctor asked.

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way....nice house!"

:o

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by ben_uk on Nov 25^th, 2005, 11:54am

If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches, do what
it says on the aspirin bottle:

"Take two and keep away from children."

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect" her husband said.

"I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository -- it's up to you!"

:o

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by ben_uk on Nov 25^th, 2005, 11:56am

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache."

Title: Re: Testicle Headache
Post by ben_uk on Nov 25^th, 2005, 11:57am

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"

"Yes, I am," said the officer.

"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"

:o