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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> The Tomato Company
        
(Message started by: Redneck on Aug 23^rd, 2005, 6:09pm)

Title: The Tomato Company
Post by Redneck on Aug 23^rd, 2005, 6:09pm

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and
Three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum
Wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer
nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company
like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in
His wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb.crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day.
By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes
Of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left
their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife
is selling the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and
employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He
continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice
trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms
that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of
homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the
business grossed over one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit
his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail
address
in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer
And has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"

"Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be
sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour."

Title: Re: The Tomato Company
Post by Redneck on Aug 23^rd, 2005, 6:11pm

Now after beating on Bill Gates, on to state employees, of which I am one ;;D

The Four Cats !
Four men were bragging about how smart their
cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some
paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,
and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles
of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his
cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of
milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee
and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
"CoffeeBreak,,,,do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,

ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

drank the milk,,,,,,,,,

shit on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

screwed the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,

put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave...........

edit: and as a disreputable state employee with nothing to do, i will see ya'll again about this time next year.