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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW  SCHOO
        
(Message started by: E-Double on Jun 26^th, 2005, 10:48am)

Title: THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOO
Post by E-Double on Jun 26^th, 2005, 10:48am

>THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOOL:
>
>
>1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
>
>2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
>
>3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
>
>4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in
>Chinese restaurants.
>
>5. A schemata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
>
>6. You need 10 men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white
>shoes for pinochle.
>
>7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
>
>8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.
>
>9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
>
>10. Never take a front row seat at a bris.
>
>11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise.
>
>12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
>
>13. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Boca.
>
>14. WASPs leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.
>
>15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
>
>16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
>
>17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which
>alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
>
>18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
>
>19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford
>it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
>
>20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4pm
>in Miami.

Title: Re: THINGS THAT ARE NEVER TAUGHT IN HEBREW SCHOO
Post by lionsound on Jun 27^th, 2005, 9:42am

[smiley=laugh.gif]

4, 14 and 17 extra [smiley=laugh.gif]