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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> The Voodoo D#$K
        
(Message started by: mynm156 on Apr 7^th, 2005, 6:39pm)

Title: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by mynm156 on Apr 7^th, 2005, 6:39pm

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before thedoor could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back inyour box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box andlay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finallysurrendered to $700 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife,told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she hadto do was say "Voodoo dick, my pu$$y." He left for his tripsatisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, andsaid "Voodoo dick, my pu$$y!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotchand started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pu$$y, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my a$$!"

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by taraann on Apr 7^th, 2005, 6:51pm

That was too freakin funny!

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by clarence on Apr 7^th, 2005, 6:55pm

Nice! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Casey

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by Frank_W on Apr 7^th, 2005, 8:18pm

*YARK!!* :o

[smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by judkins on Apr 8^th, 2005, 4:02am

OUCH [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by sandie99 on Apr 9^th, 2005, 2:53am

[smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by bigAl on Apr 9^th, 2005, 10:12pm

The cop deserved it! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by sandie99 on Apr 10^th, 2005, 3:34am

on 04/09/05 at 22:12:07, bigAl wrote:

The cop deserved it! [smiley=laugh.gif]

I agree... ;;D

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by maffumatt on Apr 11^th, 2005, 6:50pm

I second that motion.

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by mynm156 on Apr 11^th, 2005, 7:09pm

All in favor say I

Title: Re: The Voodoo D#$K
Post by Frank_W on Apr 11^th, 2005, 7:10pm

Aye!!! ;;D