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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 
        
(Message started by: Redneck on Mar 30^th, 2005, 7:15pm)

Title: AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
Post by Redneck on Mar 30^th, 2005, 7:15pm

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
Instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
Simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
A few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to
Use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
Button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Title: Re: AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
Post by LeLimey on Mar 31^st, 2005, 2:49am

LMMFAO.. That was bloody brilliant!
You do realise I'm expecting tomorrow to be up to this standard to don't you?! ;)

Title: Re: AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
Post by Frank_W on Mar 31^st, 2005, 7:54am

on 03/30/05 at 19:15:59, Redneck wrote:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Someone's been watching me fix my Jeep, while out out on the trail, I see. [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
Post by Redneck on Mar 31^st, 2005, 6:30pm

I couldn't make it without duct tape, wd-40 and bailing wire.

"A country boy can survive" [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
Post by sandie99 on Apr 1^st, 2005, 12:33pm

[smiley=laugh.gif]

on 03/30/05 at 19:15:59, Redneck wrote:

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

Quess who'll be cleaning the toilets at my house...? ;;D

on 03/30/05 at 19:15:59, Redneck wrote:

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for A few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to Use a timer.

Some might call this a suicide attempt, though...

on 03/30/05 at 19:15:59, Redneck wrote:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

So true... we're all freaks! ;;D