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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> Only in America
        
(Message started by: Redneck on Mar 28^th, 2005, 6:39pm)

Title: Only in America
Post by Redneck on Mar 28^th, 2005, 6:39pm

May be a repeat but what the hell ;;D

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes and candy bars at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. While contemplating surgery for being to fat.

Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then Chain the pens to the counters. Plus hire a rent a cop with a gun that would make Barney Fife look like Dirty Harry.

Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollarsin the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Don't forget screws in three's and nails by the dozen.

Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins
Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated “ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do
“practice”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Title: Re: Only in America
Post by Langa on Mar 30^th, 2005, 11:57am

MY fave:

Quote:

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

These are great! Chuckled at most of them!

Langa

Title: Re: Only in America
Post by LeLimey on Mar 30^th, 2005, 12:31pm

on 03/28/05 at 18:39:31, Redneck wrote:

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Yep.. thats me!!

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Yes..WHY?!!

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Suddenly Dallas doesn't look so attractive! :o

Thanks Red, that certainly brightened my poxy 'orrible wet day!

Title: Re: Only in America
Post by Redneck on Mar 30^th, 2005, 7:23pm

Well LeLimey sometimes humor is all that keeps me going :)

Title: Re: Only in America
Post by AussieBrian on Mar 30^th, 2005, 8:31pm

on 03/28/05 at 18:39:31, Redneck wrote:

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Never heard of terminal boredom? Terminal diseases?