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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> Differences between men and women
        
(Message started by: judkins on Mar 21^st, 2005, 8:57am)

Title: Differences between men and women
Post by judkins on Mar 21^st, 2005, 8:57am

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way, cover any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loincloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot. Turn off shower.
Clean all wet shower surfaces. Spray mould spots with Flash bathroom spray. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails or tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend half an hour getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in pile on floor. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her making "Woo" sound. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.
Get in shower. Don't bother to look for wash cloth - don't use one. Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower. Wash privates and the surrounding area. Wash butt, leaving hair on soap. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make shampoo Mohican.
Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. Pee (in shower). Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time. Partially dry off. Look at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of knob (again). Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby", and thrust pelvis at her. Put on yesterday's clothes

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by Langa on Mar 21^st, 2005, 1:09pm

I haven't laughed this loud and long in days!

Though I have to admit I'm nothing like the woman above when going to take a shower, I can understand now reading about the man showering why she runs and hides from him...one last whiff? hair on soap? shampoo mohican, fart in shower...??? LMAO!!!!!!

Damn, i'm still cracking up...

[smiley=crackup.gif]

Langa

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by jokrs2 on Mar 21^st, 2005, 6:43pm

ROTFLMAO [smiley=laugh.gif] [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by Frank_W on Mar 22^nd, 2005, 4:54pm

I gotta' admit: I'm guilty of the shampoo mohawk thing... Oh, and of singing Survivor's, "Burning Heart," while doing it. And I do it all the time.

People say I have a weird personality.

If they don't like this one, I have several others... :-X [smiley=laugh.gif] ;;D

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by LeLimey on Mar 22^nd, 2005, 5:17pm

on 03/22/05 at 16:54:16, Frank_W wrote:

I gotta' admit: I'm guilty of the shampoo mohawk thing...

You bloody liar! I've seen your pic and you don't have enough hair to have a shampoo mohawk so there Mr Follicly challenged Frank [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by Frank_W on Mar 22^nd, 2005, 5:20pm

Trust me: I can do an awesome shampoo mohawk. [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by LeLimey on Mar 22^nd, 2005, 5:27pm

on 03/22/05 at 17:20:25, Frank_W wrote:

Trust me: I can do an awesome shampoo mohawk. [smiley=laugh.gif]

Is that with Rogaine???

Title: Re: Differences between men and women
Post by Frank_W on Mar 22^nd, 2005, 5:29pm

Who needs Rogaine? 'fro, bro'! [smiley=laugh.gif]