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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> Cop humor
        
(Message started by: BobG on Mar 16^th, 2005, 11:30pm)

Title: Cop humor
Post by BobG on Mar 16^th, 2005, 11:30pm

Cops have a sense of humor? The following comments are from actual police car videos.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch and fit better after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired
from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Title: Re: Cop humor
Post by sandie99 on Mar 17^th, 2005, 2:14am

on 03/16/05 at 23:30:01, BobG wrote:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch and fit better after you wear them awhile."

[smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: Cop humor
Post by Frank_W on Mar 17^th, 2005, 8:04am

The last one was cold..... LOL!!

Title: Re: Cop humor
Post by Langa on Mar 17^th, 2005, 12:53pm

These are hilarious...!
My favorite:
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

[smiley=laugh.gif]

Langa