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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Funnies and Jokes >> A Mothers Dictionary
        
(Message started by: taraann on Feb 28^th, 2005, 3:53pm)

Title: A Mothers Dictionary
Post by taraann on Feb 28^th, 2005, 3:53pm

A Mother's Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

Title: Re: A Mothers Dictionary
Post by LeLimey on Feb 28^th, 2005, 4:41pm

Been there done that... got the stains that won't wash out of my favourite t shirt to prove it too!! [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: A Mothers Dictionary
Post by Frank_W on Mar 1^st, 2005, 8:28am

on 02/28/05 at 15:53:01, taraann wrote:

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

I've found that they are quite good for my hair, though. Especially when they are spit or flung back at the velocity of a Sandy Kofax fastball. [smiley=laugh.gif]

Title: Re: A Mothers Dictionary
Post by sandie99 on Mar 2^nd, 2005, 1:38am

Football = the game in which you stand on in front of the goal for several hours while your godson hits you with a real football you gave him as a gift.

Been there, done that. Got scars to prove that...