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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Cluster Headache Specific Posts >> How do you support a supporter?
        
(Message started by: BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Jul 10^th, 2005, 5:12pm)

Title: How do you support a supporter?
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Jul 10^th, 2005, 5:12pm

My wife is a great support for my CH cycles. But my needs are weighing on her nerves. She is getting burnt out by my cycle, as I am.
I don't want my CH to cause my wife hardship. 1 of us is enough. When i am in cycle, it totally consumes my life, as I am anxious and tired by day, dancing and relentlessly hit all night. Getting 3 to 4 hours of interrupted sleep every night for months definately takes it's toll.
Any suggestions on things you have done to support your supporter or significant other?
PF wishes
BMonee

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by Jonny on Jul 10^th, 2005, 5:36pm

Try the supporters board, Dude

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by BobG on Jul 10^th, 2005, 5:46pm

Call Sandie's mum and get your lady some donuts.

Just kidding. ;;D

Do like Jonny said. They will know better and anyone.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by don on Jul 10^th, 2005, 6:13pm

Even better.

Your supporter has to support herself as well. She can lean on other supporters.

Have your wife go to the supporters board.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by AussieBrian on Jul 10^th, 2005, 6:22pm

I feel sorrier for my supporter than I feel for myself.

Also, I always pop into Supporter's Corner just by way of sympathy for them all.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by E-Double on Jul 10^th, 2005, 7:02pm

on 07/10/05 at 18:22:41, AussieBrian wrote:

I feel sorrier for my supporter than I feel for myself.

Also, I always pop into Supporter's Corner just by way of sympathy for them all.

Me2!!!!

They have to make sure thatthye take care of themselves too.
I just got my wife recently a day at the spa to rejuvinate.
Tell her each day how much she is appreciated and random gestures for no other reason than her just being with you.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by fat___pam on Jul 10^th, 2005, 10:15pm

Hey there. I am a supporter to my bf David. He has had CH for over 20 years. I am new to his life and therefore I have had to learn what I can and can't do when he having a HA. (There is an EXCELLENT article, I believe on the OUCH site about supporter/sufferer relations) First of all he is episodic and somedays are way better than others. I don't feel we are hit as hard as a lot of people on here and allthough we are thankful I really feel horrible for anyone who has to go through this for ANY length of time. My suggestions:

1. Let her know you appriciate her. I know this probably seems pretty basic but a note, a card, a flower, an email, clean up something for her (works WONDERS for me). I know you may not always feel up to it but little things do make a difference.

2. She obviously loves you a whole lot. Does she get up with you at night? Maybe tell her its ok if she doesn't. Have you told her how you feel?

3. Take care of her when you can. My bf really takes care of me when he feels good. He gets me things, takes care of my tiny ailments. It makes me feel good when he does these things for me because I do things for him. I think it makes him feel good too. He doesn't feel like a "burden" (his word NOT mine) when he can help me out.

4. Dave adds: let her know you will get through it together and that it would be harder to get through it without her.

Thats my 2 cents. Hope it helps.
C

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by marlinsfan on Jul 10^th, 2005, 11:13pm

I do my "dancing" in the other bedroom. As soon as I wake up with a headache in the middle of the night, I go away, lock myself in the other room wy my O2, do my thing, then stumble back to bed. She doesn't even notice. At least she's getting her sleep.

I also take her out, even if I know I'll get hit. The other night we went to a nice restaurant, I barely ate but she had a feast. Everything on the menu was a potential trigger.

I guess I support her by trying to make her life as normal as possible, even if mine isn't.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by Topical on Jul 11^th, 2005, 6:59am

The supporter board here is definitely the best place.

She can read these pages too:
http://www.clusterheadaches.org/family/index.htm
http://www.clusterheadaches.org/family/fam_tips.htm
http://www.clusterheadaches.org/family/guestbook.html

For the kids:
http://www.clusterheadaches.org/family/fam_kids.htm

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by Sandy_C on Jul 11^th, 2005, 12:55pm

My husband is my best supporter. He knows the minute I am starting a CH cycle, probably even before I do. He gets me ice, water, asks if there's anything he can do. He shields me from telephone calls and visitors during HA, he massages my neck when the HA is over. He's wonderful.

I constantly tell him how much I love him. How much I appreciate what he does for my HA (even though we both know there's nothing he can do). When I can, I cook him a really great dinner. When I can't, I still try. I hug him. I hold his hand. I let him know every day that there is no way that I could get through these cycles if he wasn't in my corner.

Sandy

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by millie the episodic on Jul 11^th, 2005, 6:21pm

I agree with Sandy, My husband is really good, and getting better. No phone calls, no visitors and no loud noises. I tell him how much I love him, and appreciated everything he does. But I would do the same for him. Hell I pick his toes, but ain't that what you're suppose to do for each other, Be there when the other needs you. I have often asked him,"Can you deal with this, and Are you going to leave me because of these damn headaches, and he always says, as he looks at me with those big eyes he has, NO! ;;D
If mates can stay together after adultry, drugs, and abuse just to name a few. Why out stay with a clusterhead. They need love too! ::)

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by AussieBrian on Jul 11^th, 2005, 11:58pm

This is also a good time to remember Margi, and all the work she does supporting the supporters who support us.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by sandie99 on Jul 12^th, 2005, 4:42am

on 07/10/05 at 17:46:14, BobG wrote:

Call Sandie's mum and get your lady some donuts.
Just kidding. ;;D

[smiley=laugh.gif]
That is the answer to all problems according to my mum... ;;D

But seriously, I think it depends on the supporter. Perhaps just being your normal self on your PF time is enough...?
Perhaps doing the things your supporter enjoys helps, too. My mum loves nothing more than simply short neck massages. :)

.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by BobG on Jul 12^th, 2005, 5:22pm

on 07/11/05 at 23:58:26, AussieBrian wrote:

This is also a good time to remember Margi, and all the work she does supporting the supporters who support us.

Ditto to that. Margi has been here for forever, maybe longer.
When Margi speaks you can bet you butt you're getting the best from the best.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by Margi on Jul 12^th, 2005, 5:28pm

LOL aw thanks, boys. All any of us supporters want is for you folks to be in remission. THAT's how you help a supporter! So...until we find a cure, we'll just have to work right along side you, ok?

And, uh, just in case anyone interprets Bob's post differently....he's actually older than I am. Just 'cause I'm a gramma now doesn't mean I'm OLD yet! Hell, Ree's a gramma too and she's a whole year older than me! (sorry, Ree) ;)

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by BobG on Jul 14^th, 2005, 2:58pm

on 07/12/05 at 17:28:33, Margi wrote:

And, uh, just in case anyone interprets Bob's post differently....he's actually older than I am. Just 'cause I'm a gramma now doesn't mean I'm OLD yet! Hell, Ree's a gramma too and she's a whole year older than me! (sorry, Ree) ;)

Hmmmmm, Ahh,., Margi you're just a new gramma. I've been a grandpa for 18 years. My oldest granddaughter is starting college in about 2 months. My youngest is 4 months. I'll a tired old man.

Title: Re: How do you support a supporter?
Post by clusterkat on Jul 14^th, 2005, 4:43pm

i soothe my fiancee as He soothes me, we work well with my attacks, although i prefer to be alone while i crumble & do the ch shake. but thats not always possiable, when our mates bare witness, its especially hard on them cause they love us.
but theres no love that can sheld us from ch attacks.
undertsanding is the key for them.
patients is the key for us.
^kat