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        New Message Board Archives >> 2005 Cluster Headache Specific Posts >> going thru way too much
        
(Message started by: cazman on Jul 8^th, 2005, 11:43am)

Title: going thru way too much
Post by cazman on Jul 8^th, 2005, 11:43am

when it rains it pours, two days ago i was informed by my wife that its over for her she can no longer handle my illness and that she is leaving me the house we live in belongs to her family its already up for sale and she is heading to texas asap to live with them and that i needed to get out .
words can not describe how i feel right now , she said flat out quote {you brought this problem on your self you have noibody to blame but you and and im not gonna suffer for you mistakes anymore i want you out of my life} i dont think i even need to say what that did to me and where i am right now mentally , i know im not at fault i was born with this , its been ten years with her and ive always supported her thru anything and everything .
im currently at a freinds house i cant stay here to long , im trying to pull my head together and figure out what to do , right now i think im gonna sell everything i own and move far north as in canada , i was pf for few days but last night the fucking beast thought i wasnt far enough down so he beat the shit outa 5 times i got nothing to fight with here and quite frankly im sick of fighting this fuckin thing .
how much can one really take in ones life.

i guess im saying i need some serious vibes right now

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Margi on Jul 8^th, 2005, 11:55am

cazman, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please know that when you feel you've run out of rope, look up - we've got an endless supply here. Always a hand extended to pull you back up over the edge, ok?

I don't do vibes, so I'm sending up prayers for strength, guidance and wisdom to get you through the days ahead.

Always here if you need a shoulder.

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by jcmquix on Jul 8^th, 2005, 12:00pm

Dude I'm sory to hear about all this, I really do not know what to say... cept we are all here for support.

I went through wife problems about 2 yrs ago, I know its tough. All the things, where you gonna go, what you gonna do. Just take the time to think things through and you gotta hang tough.

I don't really know if you are a religous person or not, at that time neither was I but I reached out and the guy who is now My Pastor of our church is one of my best friends.. That does not matter who the person is , but point is you need to talk to someone and get it off you chest.. Helped me more than anything...

Don't be afraid to ask for help, if you are in a bad spot, let your friends and family help you, never know someday they may come looking for the same thing.

If you need someone to just shot the sh*t with or just want to vent, look me up on the Yahoo Message Thing, I'm jcmquix. We are all here for you .... HANG TOUGH..

FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT !!!!

PFDAN to ALL !!!

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Kim Y. on Jul 8^th, 2005, 12:05pm

Cazman

I am so sorry that you are having a bad time right now and the beast on top of it all as well. We are here for you lean on us that is what we are here for. Can't make the hurt go away in either sense that can only go with time. :-/ Prayers and vibes coming your way. Take care PF wishes ......................................Kim [smiley=hug.gif]

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by millie the episodic on Jul 8^th, 2005, 1:25pm

Cazman' As you well know these HEADACHES are hard to deal with, because they are hard for us to deal with. Everybody can't deal with them. That is how I know my husband loves me. because is helping me try to deal with them.
If somebody don't love you, you don't need them around you anyway, But you really don't need them around you when your going through this hell, you need love,peace, and understanding.
But if they can leaave you in your time of need, you REALLY don't need them.
Don't be beating yourself up trying to figure it out why or how, try to get through one hell at a time.
God hears EVERY prayer. I figure you just have one more thing to pray about.

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by seasonalboomer on Jul 8^th, 2005, 1:32pm

you got vibes from me dude. there is no doubt that your present circumstances suck bad. knowing that, there are very few ways that things could get worse. they don't even write country songs for worse than what you've described here. so, my vibes are telling you to think, "finally reaching the bend in the road" and time to experience new things.

my best buddy just completed his Big-D last week and is so relieved it is finally over and is actually so freakin' excited to get on to new things he can hardly stand himself. she left him, under different circumstances and the idea of life without her negativity really has energized him. he's like a kid (just a kid paying child support though I guess ;))

so, think about finally reaching the bend in the road and what might be around that corner. there's a lot of good out there cluster friend -- go lookin' for it.

Scott

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Margi on Jul 8^th, 2005, 1:47pm

actually, Scott, that's a really good point. (OMG, did I just agree with you in public?? :o) Once you hit bottom, the only way to go is up. Unless you decide to dig and that should never been an option for you, Cazman.

So when you feel you need a good butt kicking, or just even a hug - don't forget to come here, ok?

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by LeLimey on Jul 8^th, 2005, 2:30pm

cazman I've just read your post twice and I still can't grasp it so its no wonder you can't.
I'm so so sorry. I don't know your full situation and I don't know if there is any hope of a reconciliation or not but I would urge you to think twice about moving that far away. You said your daughter has CH too.. you are the only one who can help her in what sounds like a bloody callous household.
Looking out for her will help you too and if you ever need a shoulder you only have to say.
Check in regularly okay cos I'm worrying about you
love
Helen

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by cazman on Jul 8^th, 2005, 3:42pm

thanks everyone for your kind words it mean so much, right now i just got thru dancing with the hell beast on of those rare day hits .
lelimey i want to first give my condolences to you and all brits for what has happened there is awful and i feel for you all we lost alot in 911 and i know its hard we in the usa are there for you all.my duaghter is from another relationship and she lives about three hours from me and if i go to canada she will be with me . the fact is when we are in cycle we can be hard to deal with and the more i think and read whats been said i will be better off down the road it just stings like hell right now . once again thanks all , i will keep in touch and to all heading to texas have a great time wish i was there if this was two weeks ago i wuold have made plans to go and not felt guilty for going

ERIC

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by LeLimey on Jul 8^th, 2005, 3:47pm

hey Eric!
Nice to finally know your name. Just remember we are your family and if we can help you we will.. at the very least we've got your back!
Thanks for your kind words, they mean alot as you know. The Brits and the US have always been and always will be great allies. In that sense too we have each others backs - Osama won't get between our countries!
Back to you though.. don't plan anything in haste. Take your time and make sure its best for you.
And as for your wife... pee in her perfume. from me ;)

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by jcmquix on Jul 8^th, 2005, 4:01pm

Eric.. Hang Tough... I know its real hard, but try to keep your strees down a bit, it will help avoid the Daytime hits, I found that out... I know its hard..

I'll be pulling for ya.. I will be on & off the puter all weekend but if you need to talk or rant just send out a page or PM ok..

Try to be PF Bud....

Charlie (jcmquix)

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by E-Double on Jul 8^th, 2005, 4:06pm

Feel ya bro!

Eric (#1) ;)

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Margi on Jul 8^th, 2005, 4:15pm

on 07/08/05 at 15:42:26, cazman wrote:

the fact is when we are in cycle we can be hard to deal with

now you just stop right there, Eric.... no, that's definitely NOT a fact and don't you start believing that for one minute! You're going through the worst pain known to man, one that has been compared and exceeded that of amputation without anaesthetic or natural childbirth. If someone is telling you you're "hard to deal with" after you're going through pain like that, well....obvioulsy you're dealing with a person with very little compassion! You think a woman giving birth without pain killers multiple times a day might get a little "testy"? Yep, me too. You think it's fair to label that woman "hard to deal with"? Nope, me neither.

So...

on 07/08/05 at 15:42:26, cazman wrote:

the more i think and read whats been said i will be better off down the road

abso-freakin-lutely, my friend. NOW you're stuck with all of us. You lucky guy ;)

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Linda_Howell on Jul 8^th, 2005, 4:59pm

Clearing throat...ahem...cough cough.

"I get by with a little help from my friends" lalalalalala

Song ended. But not the message.

Linda

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by maffumatt on Jul 8^th, 2005, 5:41pm

Hang tough man, keep up the good fight are know we thinking of you....

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by nani on Jul 8^th, 2005, 6:53pm

Hang in there, Eric. Sometimes a phoenix rises out of the ashes. You've got all of us to hang on to, so be sure to do so, OK? Tons of vibes, prayers and good wishes going out to you, hun. hugs, nani

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by millie the episodic on Jul 8^th, 2005, 7:22pm

Eric, with what you are going through all by yourself, trying to dance with the devil, it seems kinda hard to think about anything else. :(
But first things first, get your HEAD straight, so that you can see clearly before you try to deal with anything else. Mr. C is enough to deal with for right now.
Learn to love yourself first then you can try to love others, but only you and God can love you like you need to be loved. ::)
The less stress the better. You can dance slnight if you stress all day.
Chin up, Millie

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Jonny on Jul 8^th, 2005, 7:53pm

Kick the bitch to the curb in your heart....she sucks!.....I know that may be tough but "Think" about it!

Now, figure out where your going to get some cash (enough to get where you want to go) and go!

Ive been doing this chronic for 30 years and out of the blue I got a dear jonny letter, this was after 12 years of rasing a child with this woman.....I guess it wasnt the HA's after all....Bitch!!

You hang in there Bud, Your life will only get better...if it dont you can come live with me and we will party like all hell [smiley=me&mb.gif] [smiley=headbanger.gif] [smiley=me&mb.gif]

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by unsolved1 on Jul 8^th, 2005, 7:56pm

Eric, sorry to hear of your situation. I just wanted to say I know how it feels to lose a relationship because of CH. My eX of two years didn't 'want to deal with that'.

You've got some great supporters right here if you need to talk or just need to vent.

Goodluck,

Unsolved

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Topical on Jul 8^th, 2005, 9:16pm

Sorry to hear this Eric.

I wonder what she will say to others why she got a divorce.
"Well, he had cluster headaches and I could not deal with it."
"YOU couldn't deal with it?!" *shaking head and walking away*

Life is a one way road, don't let this in anyway stop you as there are far better people out there waiting to be with you. Go find them and keep your head held high.

You may want to post in the Supporter's Corner" board and post about this to see their reactions. I do feel for those who have to see us go through the pain, it must be very hard to see. That said, using our condition as a reason for leaving shows a lack of compassion. Take care!

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by BMoneeTheMoneeMan on Jul 9^th, 2005, 12:47am

Sorry to hear this man. You know we are all here and sending vibes.
Dont ever give up the fight. Swear, cuss, dust yourself off while still cussing and get up. Nothing we say and nothing you do is gonna make it stop hurting today, or this week, this month, or probably even this year. But know that no matter how much it hurts....the sun will always rise. ALWAYS. The sun will keep rising and time will pass. Time will heal this wound.
And now for the clusters. Get trex or O2 or shrooms or SOMETHING that works. This is not a time when you need the beast to consume your life. Get relief, man.
PF wishes
BMonee

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by lionsound on Jul 9^th, 2005, 11:00am

Eric,

You are part of our family here. please take good care of yourself.
CH ers are a strong bunch....that includes you.

As already said..we are here for you.

-lionsound

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by cazman on Jul 9^th, 2005, 3:53pm

jonny lol since ive been here no matter how pissed off and freaked out i get damn near every post from you makes me fall off my chain laughing or it pisses off so much i forget why i was mad in the first place ;;D.
im up in the white mountians in north conway laying back at the pool at the holiday inn wishing i could have a few beers but the beast hates beer , im not sure if its the elevation or the fresh air but no attcks last night i slept for 9 hours and man i feel better just for that alone ,im gonna go hiking later .
i gave up one thing when i went into this relationship that was a very promising singing career do to the fact she could not handle me being hit on all the time , i made a call this morning and im gonna go back into that , i have to end this cycle but i have a buddy with a recording studio in NH and hes told me that im all set anytime im ready , so that will be my first thing to do to get past this its been huge part of my life and i kick myself for giving it up but no more kicking myself im back.

huge freaking thanks to everyone of my bros and sis's her in my family your are a god send my angels of mercy and i will never forget the love ive gotten here and i look forward to returning it back in the many years ahead,

now im ok but my bro edouble needs more than me right now so lets focus the vibes to him and his wife please

and jonny anytime you need help partying im all over that let me know and im there , ah being single just might be fun after all. 8)

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by kcopelin on Jul 9^th, 2005, 5:14pm

Glad to hear that you have a plan. I've been there bro. My ex , and my mother, and my brother all thought I was exaggerating the cluster pain-ex left-Mom died-moved away from brother-clusters still with me and now I know that I'm not alone....and neither are you.
Praying for pain free days and nights and a giant helping of peace for you!
Kathy

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by jcmquix on Jul 9^th, 2005, 6:13pm

Glad to hear that you are doing better today, just take it Day by Day..

Go Kick some A** on the singing.. Good LUCK.... [smiley=headbanger.gif]

PFDAN to YOU !!! Remember we are all here for you anytime.. [smiley=thumb.gif]

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by gMike on Jul 9^th, 2005, 11:01pm

Cazman,

This is going to sound a bit harsh and I don't mean it that way at all. It's time to dig deep and get pissed off!
You've been handed a shitty hand for sure but don't be a victim. You've been done to, now it's time to "do back". You've got to fight hard just when you've been wrung out emotionally and physically. Don't lay down mentally. Focus on who made you feel that way and work up some indignation.

I went through an ugly divorce 26 years ago and the only way I got through it was to not let the bitch win by making me feel bad.

You don't have to be fair about this, if you can't be your own best advocate, who's gonna be?

You're hurt emotionally and physically but life isn't over and, in time, you'll move past the divorce. As for the CH, lean on the folks here.

I know your are beat up right now and don't feel like fighting but dig deep and fight!

The best to you!!!!!

Mike

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Topical on Jul 10^th, 2005, 3:41am

You are on your way it sounds like Eric. Good deal.

I didn't know about e-double it looks like the zyprexa worked out for him. I hope it still is doing it's job. Vibes are going out now.

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Limey on Jul 11^th, 2005, 4:52am

Hi Cazman. Know how you feel. It happened to me 15 years ago. You'll feel bad now but in time you'll know that YOU had a lucky escape and not her. If she's so unwilling to help her partner when ill, how good a wife would she be in later years when you'd both be old and supposed to be caring for each other. You had a lucky escape and pity the poor man that has her next, especially if he gets ill.

At the ripe old age of 34 I met someone else who gave me a wonderful daughter who's now 8 yrs old. Coming out of an unworthy relationship is hard but it's necessary if you want to be in a worthwhile relationship.
Life is full of necessary pit stops.

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Sunil Gururaj on Jul 11^th, 2005, 8:46am

Eric,

Pray you feel better and the cycle finishes soon...

Sunil

Title: Re: going thru way too much
Post by Sandy_C on Jul 11^th, 2005, 12:47pm

Eric

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Just know that the people on this board are here for YOU. We'll help you all we possibly can. Never look back, always look forward. Life is worth living, no matter what, and we need to live it to the fullest.

Stay with us Eric, and we will help you.

Sandy